"Ya'aburnee is Arabic for you bury me. It is the hope that you will die before your one true love because you cannot bear to live without them." -Devious Lies

Alessandra,

I'm writing this as I feel the life leave my body. I know, it sounds bad but there is so much peace in my soul knowing that you will get to breathe the Tahoe air you've appreciated so much. You will get to make more memories with your family and heal your relationship with your sister. You will get to watch the sunsets by the lake and know that I am always with you.

The only bitterness comes from knowing that I did not get to see you smile one last time. It's hard to look at your pale, lifeless body without flying into a fit of rage so I've been scrolling through the pictures of you on my phone. There is happiness in seeing some of my favorite moments with you but I cannot help but yearn for the real thing.

You know I never wanted this. All of it. I never wanted a mate, I never wanted to fall in love with you, and I never wanted to lose you.

When I first saw you, you must have been one or two years old and I demanded that my parents let me take you home. The next time I saw you I was a heartbroken child who had watched his mother be ripped apart. You were a tiny thing, a newly shifted wolf but you resembled a puppy. There was a white rose in your mouth that you placed in front of me before trotting away.

I never said thank you. I never told you how much it meant to me for someone to understand what I needed. I did not want the mountains of home-cooked food or anyone's condolences I just wanted my mom, so when you left me her favorite flower I knew she must have been looking out for me. It meant more to me than I can ever put into words. For a second, when I looked into your eyes I felt as if I was whole again. I've cherished all our moments, even when you hated me and we watched movies in silence at your parents' house.

What I'm trying to say is that I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. You are my sun. You are my stars. You are my whole damn universe. You've given me something I never knew I was missing and I know I will never be able to live without it.

I've never been particularly religious. The last time I went to the goddess' temple simply to pray was when my mom was alive. Other than that, I only went when there was some sort of pack event going on. As I stood before the goddess and begged her to give you life in exchange for mine, I knew in my heart it was going to work. I will forever be thankful to my creator not because she made me but because she created you. Then, she chose to save you.

If you're wondering why I did this, the answer is quite simple. A world without you is one without light, without color, without music or love. It's a drab existence that I have no intention of living in. I know it is unfair, but perhaps this is how it was always supposed to be. I know we did not receive the happy ending our wolves deserved but I've realized that a bit more time with the people you love is priceless. Rafael is grateful for his extra time with you and Leya. Most wolves do not get a second chance and I will always be thankful for getting to know you in this life.

You can survive without me, amore, but I cannot survive without you. I'm doing this to rectify the past and the present. It was my fault last time, I could not save you. I could not save you this time either but I will not let you die because of my mistakes.

Take care of the pack, they will need you.

Make sure to drink water, you cannot survive on Shirley Temples and coffee.

Do not drown in my memory. I cannot bear the thought of you turning into a shell just because I'm dead. Find love again, dream big, and be happy. All I've ever wanted for you is to be happy. I know I did not handle it in the best way in the beginning but I thought I was protecting you.

You, mio amore, are a gem, never forget that.

I do not know what is in the afterlife but I assure you I'll always watch over you. Live a long life for the both of us, little wolf.

Forever yours,

Zane