《A Silent Lover》14. TaekWoon

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Friday morning came and it marked the fifth day that Imani and I had officially been married. As we drove further into Seoul together in my car, I couldn't stop the small trembling feelings of excitement bursting through me like champagne bubbles.

I was a married man now and thinking of the implications the title engendered almost made me dizzy with expectations of what was to come. Married life was something that I had always looked forward to and I was more than ready to get started. Our first act as a couple would be adopting JaeHyun and confidence poured out of me as Imani and I discussed how we would appeal to the committee in our meeting today.

The Social Welfare Society located in Gangnam was a large red brick office building, and the fifth floor was where the adoption committee resided. Like most official buildings, it was all stark walls and wooden floors, but the offices of the adoption agency were almost childlike in comparison. Bright colors and fun pictures decorated the walls, and there was a large section of the waiting area dedicated solely to toys.

Children played there as we waited, and other couples watched them with all the anxiety and love on their faces that Imani had when she looked at JaeHyun. I realized suddenly that these couples were like us, waiting hopefully for the children that they longed to have. It was only about ten minutes before we were called for our appointment and I walked into the large conference room filled with self-assurance, sure that right was on our side.

The committee rested in seats around a large table, with maybe eight people in attendance, the head sitting at the very end of the table. The men and women around the table smiled at us as Imani and I took our seats, but the head's intense gaze never wavered and he never cracked a smile. The questions began easily enough, simple questions that were the same as those in the massive amounts of paperwork that Imani had helped me to fill out.

We were doing well and all our answers matched one another's perfectly. It was almost friendly, the way each member of the committee asked us about our feelings for JaeHyun and how we would handle child care. But when the head of the board looks down his long nose at the both of us, his eyes seeking to assess whether or not we'd be good parents, I felt the first stirrings of uneasiness hit my stomach. He takes a second glance at the marriage license in front of him and lets out a sigh.

"I was under the impression Imani-ssi, that you had no intentions of marrying only a few months ago. In fact, I remember you heatedly declaring that you didn't need a husband." The man's words are piercing and loud in the conference room, making it feel smaller.

I feel Imani stiffen beside me, her carefully placed smile faltering at the true words. I can see she's flustered so I speak up instead.

"That's right administrator and before Imani did insist on not getting married. But I convinced her in the end that I was the right man for her. It wasn't easy," I said with a small laugh and a smile. I squeezed Imani's hand and let everyone in the room see me do it. Imani seemed to melt as I spoke and the confidence was back in her eyes. I let out an internal sigh of relief at the sight.

"It may have been a quick marriage, but TaekWoon is a good person, someone whom I can trust. I think that JaeHyun would benefit from having a such a good and strong father figure in his life. I trust my husband."

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The head admin took a long look at the both of us again and I feel beads of sweat break out across my forehead. I couldn't even imagine how Imani had gone through this so many times. The scrutiny was intense and now the questions came fast and furious about anything and everything. From our incomes to our hobbies, it seemed as though they wanted us to fail, the attention given to each answer as important as the one before it.

My hand was still holding Imani's when she began to shake slightly. Her body was vibrating with nerves, the impact of the unceasing questions beginning to get to her. I started talking more to ease the pressure off of her and finally after a stressful two hours, the interview was ended.

"You can wait outside while we deliberate," the head dismissed us in his commanding voice. Imani and I rose as one and gave everyone a half bow.

"Kamsahapnida," I told them, walking out into the hallway of the building. I let out a breath of relief that it was over.

"Well, that wasn't so bad!" Imani said cheerfully, plopping down in one of the wooden benches that lined the hallway.

"Were we in the same room? It was horrible! I feel like they know everything about me now, things my own family wouldn't know."

"That's the nature of the beast; they want to know everything in order to make sure that when they give you something precious you'll take care of it. No matter how invasive, I'm kind of glad they do it." I stood next to Imani, her smiling face looking up into mine, the sight leeching the recent stress from my body.

"I guess, but it was a shock-."

In the middle of my sentence, a petite woman comes up behind me and grins widely, in her hands she holds a sheet of paper and a pen. She bows to both me and Imani, although her gaze never wavers from me.

"Excuse me! I'm so sorry to interrupt your conversation, but I had to know for sure." The woman took a long look at me and suddenly her eyes lit up.

"I knew it was you! This is so unbelievable!" At her words, my heart begins to sink and I watched Imani's face scrunch up in confusion.

"Do you know him?"

"Of course, everyone does! Or at least people who pay any attention to the award shows on TV. Congratulations on winning the Bongsang by the way!"

"Kamsahapnida, we'll keep working hard," I said to her, my head bowed lower than usual. I was going to die here, I knew it.

"My daughter loves Vixx so much! She has tons of your posters around her room. I can't believe I'm seeing you in person." The woman was almost dancing with delight and I felt myself drowning slowly.

"Ah, nomu kamsahapnida," I said to her again, all the while praying for her to stop talking.

"That girl! She's always saying how boring my job is, just wait until I tell her I met you. Oh! Would you please sign something for her? She would love it so much if you did."

"Of course," I told her smoothly, and she hands me the pen and paper, all the while talking non-stop about the various concerts and events of ours that she had been to with her daughter.

Imani's face has gone from shock to disbelief and finally anger within minutes. The quick transformation has my stomach in knots. I made out the autograph to "Ji-yoo" and signed it with my usual Leo. As the woman smiled and gave her thanks, I kind of hoped she'd take me with her.

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I have no such luck, and the woman leaves almost as fast as she came. I'm left with a furious Imani, all traces of her earlier mood gone.

"What the hell was that!" Imani hisses at me when the woman is too far away to hear, already returned to her desk.

"I wanted to tell you; Anieyo, I was going to tell you but-. "

"Tell me what exactly? Who are you?"

"I am who I always was, I'm Jung TaekWoon... But I'm also Leo of Vixx."

"Vixx?", she asked me with confusion lining her face along with something else I couldn't name.

"It's the name of our boy group. I'm a K-pop idol," I told her quietly, embarrassment making my ears burn. As I said the words, recognition and disbelief lit up her face.

"Imani, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way. If you could just let me explain- "

"Explain what? That thought I could do this with you, but that you lied to me! Or explain the fact that you're famous and you made me believe that you were just some small-time singer doing the nightclub scene?"

"I didn't lie; I'd never lie to you. But you have so much going on. How could I tell you who I was without you running away?"

"No, you didn't lie but you damn sure didn't tell me the truth! And even with everything I was dealing with, this was something you should've told me anyway. Everyone knows who you are and the only reason I didn't is because I don't listen K-pop! Your songs are probably playing in the streets of Hongdae daily. How can you not understand what this means for me?"

I'm shaken by her words, by her vehemence, but I still try to make her understand, hoping she sees what I do.

"I'm still me, Leo is just the person I am on stage. The person I am with you, that's the real me. Anything else you see or hear isn't true." I step toward her, but I'm met with a hand blocking my way to her.

"This isn't about you and me TaekWoon. Hell, if it was just me and you then it really wouldn't be that big of a deal. But you have no idea how hard I've worked to keep Jae with me, you have no idea what he means to me. I could lose everything because of you."

"My being idol shouldn't matter-. "

"But it does, TaekWoon! Every little thing I do is criticized and placed under a microscope for the adoption board to judge. Any mistake I make means another year of living without my son. I'm already at a disadvantage just because of who I am and how I look. I couldn't handle it if something happened between us that kept me from getting Jae. I have to put him first. I will always put him first. "

"Wait Imani, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't know if this will work anymore. I'm saying that we might need to break up."

"But we got married..."

"This isn't a real marriage TaekWoon, and what if having an adoptive father in the entertainment industry isn't something that the board will want for JaeHyun? They know about you right?" At my nod, Imani face hardens even further, a light of resolve in her eyes.

"And besides the board, I'm not sure if I want JaeHyun in the spotlight. He can't deal with that right now."

"There is no spotlight, my company knows about us already and have taken steps to keep us under the radar."

"You say that now, but honestly how can I trust it? I know how these fans can get, I've read about how they stalk their idols. If you're living in my house, what do you think would happen if they found out you were there?"

"Imani, I can protect you. I've thought this through. Just trust me."

"I just... I need some time ok. I can't talk to you when I'm mad like this. I'll say things I don't mean. Just give me some space."

"But Imani," I began as I took another step toward her, my heart suddenly stuttering in pain as she put more distance between us.

She shook her head silently, her silky curls bouncing around her face as she held up her hand to stop me from coming any closer.

I sat down on the hard bench in defeat, but my eyes never left her as I watched her pace in front of me. She refused to look my way and silence was the only thing that either of us heard in that hallway. Some ten minutes later, we were still like that when a committee member poked their head out of the conference room and motioned for us to come inside.

The members of the committee are once again seated around the table, and all eyes are on us as we make our way into the room and sit down. After a tense minute, the head begins.

"This committee has seen you here, Imani-ssi, for almost as long as JaeHyun has been in the orphanage's care. We have documented your progress; we have heard your impassioned speeches. Some of us have questioned whether or not to just give you what you want, just to get you out of our hair."

Small titters and laughs went around the room, but Imani's face was frozen, and I reached for her hand, feeling my own anxiety taking a firm hold of me. Even though I knew she was angry, she squeezed my hand hard and I welcomed the pressure. No matter what the outcome, Imani wouldn't be beaten.

"Having said that, I am more than pleased that you have managed to meet all of our requirements and I am personally delighted that you have found someone that you are able to bear burdens with. Because raising a child is something of a burden, although a wonderful one. You must prepare yourselves." The head looks at us sternly, his eyes squinted in warning.

"As of today, Imani-ssi, TaekWoon-ssi, you now have a son. I would hope that you bring JaeHyun into your family and truly make it your own... Congratulations."

All around the room, the committee members begin to clap politely and the head administrator even smiles. Tears drip down Imani's cheeks as I pulled her into me for a hug, an incandescent joy blooming in my own heart. Today, I had become a father.

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