《A Silent Lover》8. TaekWoon

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I was nervously taking long pulls from my latte, sucking up the sweet drink before Imani had even taken a sip of her tea. I felt my hands tremble just a little as we stared at each other, neither one of us saying anything. I had been afraid of this, this silence coming over us.

When we had been talking, this had been the best date that I'd ever gone on. Our conversation had flowed nicely after some initial embarrassing moments. And even though I had sort of glossed over the fact that I was an idol, Imani hadn't pushed me to do anything or say anything that might have revealed who I was. But now conversation had slowed and I was stuck.

I looked down at my phone, trying my hardest to look inconspicuous. I never knew how to act on dates and this one was probably the most important I would ever go on. What it was between myself and Imani was more than just a passing attraction; I was drawn to Imani like a plant to light.

I wanted her to shine on me, I wanted her in my life. But I didn't know how to talk to a girl about... Well, anything really. So, I had looked up some conversation starters, things that I could say that would help me get to know her. Now I just had to read my phone's screen without her noticing.

"What do you like to do for fun?" I asked her, crossing my legs to hide my phone beneath them.

"I think you already know," she said with a wink.

My ears grew hot and I guess I'd walked into that one. "Well, besides reading and watching TV."

"I mostly do those two though I like to draw sometimes when my hands feel the need to be busy and puzzles too. Having a problem to work on that becomes something pretty afterwards is fun. Otherwise, I just hang out with JaeHyun."

"You don't go out, play with your friends?"

"Not too much anymore," she said with a shake of her head. "A lot of my friends are still into clubbing and going out on group dates. I'm not really into those things anymore. A quiet night at home with takeout and a book sounds like much more fun."

I had to admit that I was surprised; Imani seemed so much more of an adult than I had previously thought. And I could relate on some level to her feelings. Even when I was active with my members, I would usually have my headphones on, listening to music or reading. I liked to have fun like everyone else, but my pleasure was something I could obtain on my own.

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"For some reason I'm curious about you, TaekWoon," Imani said, breaking into my reverie.

"There's nothing special about me," I manage to tell the small lie with barely a flinch.

"Then let me ask you some questions," she says.

I shake my head in a nod to go ahead and she wastes no time.

"You seem to like coffee a lot," she says pointing to my almost empty cup. "What is coffee to Jung TaekWoon?"

"Coffee is like life to me," I say seriously. "I need it to live."

"Really? How much coffee do you drink a day?"

"Mm... maybe eight or nine cups on a regular day. More if I'm busy," I say casually.

"Oh my God TaekWoon, that can't be healthy. You should try to cut back some... It'll stunt your growth," she said jokingly.

A smile flickered on my face before it became normal again; I was a little over six feet, Imani was definitely amusing.

"Ok, next question. Where's your favorite place to go?"

"I like parks," I told her without thinking.

"A park? How come?"

"It was the one place I always wanted to go as a kid. When I was younger the park wasn't as close to our home, there was just one open field. So, whenever we went to a park, I got really excited. I guess parks for me are good memories."

Even though the answer was an honest one, I couldn't help but get somewhat embarrassed. I had never really analyzed why I liked to do certain things and going to parks even though I was closer to thirty than twenty was one of those things.

"That's adorable TaekWoon."

As I watched her face form yet another smile, I realized that it was likely going to kill me one day. My heart seemed to beat unreasonably fast when she smiled and she did it often. As we continued to talk, her smiles became more frequent and I began to see that Imani was unlike anyone I had ever met before. As she talked about her numerous plans and goals for the future, I was sure that there were very few people in the world as determined as she was.

For me, becoming an idol had been a dream that I had worked towards with an unceasing passion. But there were plenty of people like me in Korea, all trying to make it into companies and get signed by labels. All along the streets people performed in order to be noticed. But the things Imani wanted were simple in the extreme. A fulfilling and successful business, a nice home, and JaeHyun. Although these things weren't necessarily easy to obtain, she had done almost all of them and had told me that she was only 25, just a year younger than me. She had accomplished more than most people twice her age had and I respected her immensely for it.

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She was beautiful, funny, and smart. She had her own thriving business and apartment, but the question of why she was still single was burning a hole in my mind and finally I asked her, unable to resist anymore.

"I guess that in the beginning, I just didn't care very much whether or not I was with someone. I liked being on my own, and I'm still comfortable being by myself. I think you might be able to understand that you can be happy even though technically you're alone."

I nodded my head, understanding completely. There had been many times in my life when I'd found that the presence of other people wasn't exactly necessary. If not for playing soccer which I had loved, or joining an entertainment group, I might have continued to enjoy my solitude. Now though, I had tasted what being around others meant. And even though it sometimes came with irritation and discomfort, it was nice to have someone to talk to when you felt like it.

"So, you'd know," she continued, "that I wasn't really looking to get into a relationship. And by the time I wanted one, I had already found JaeHyun. When guys weren't running away because of me wanting to adopt a kid, others saw my ambition and thought that I had no time for them. And I can't lie, for a long time my goals were all I thought about-."

She caught herself suddenly, seeming to stop in the middle of her thoughts. Imani gave me a quick smile to cover up her slip and continued on after a sip of her tea.

"I guess the short answer is that there was never the right time with the right guy."

Once again, I felt that Imani and I had more in common than I had ever guessed. The few relationships I had been in had been infatuations at most, young love that had influenced me but not enough to make any changes to my character. But now I had gotten older and my wishes had changed. Vixx was more successful than ever before and I had expanded my career into the musical scene. It was more than I'd ever hoped for and I hadn't wanted anything more than to continue to grow as an entertainer. But then I had seen Imani in that coffee shop and my needs had changed. Now I wanted Imani and getting her would be a challenge unlike any I'd faced before. Even knowing that, I also knew that I'd have to take the first step toward her.

"Imani-ssi, I know that you haven't known me for long, but I think I should let you know that I like you..." I felt my voice trail off, and even though my face and neck burned, I continued to stare determinedly at Imani as her eyes widened in surprise at my confession. She was quiet for a while and I watched her face change, her emotions written plainly on it as she seemed to struggle to think of what to say.

"TaekWoon, I get that you like me and honestly I'm flattered. But I'm not someone who casually dates; I don't want shallow relationships or one-night stands. I know this is probably weird and this is only the third time we're meeting; but because it's the third time, I think you should know that I'm the type of person who needs dedication and commitment."

"I can do that," I agreed eagerly, pouncing on her admission.

"You didn't even think about it," she grumbled in an exasperated tone. "I'm being serious TaekWoon."

"I don't need to think, and I'm just as serious," I told her firmly. "I wouldn't have spoken to you if I wasn't interested in something more with you. I'm not the type to do casual either; for however long you want me, I'll be here."

I could only hope that Imani heard the sincerity in my voice and not too much of the pleading tone that I wanted to keep hidden. I liked her too much and my chest hurt when I thought about her turning me down. It had been years since I'd felt this way about a girl and her silence was killing me slowly, making me regret having blurted out my feelings so tactlessly.

"Well then," she said breaking into my thoughts with another of her heart-melting smiles, "I guess I have a new boyfriend."

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