It's not stalking! I just came here for coffee and she happened to be here. if I look over at her sometimes, I'm not hurting anyone, right? I told myself for the fifth time in as many minutes. I groaned internally at my thoughts, knowing that they sounded weak even to my ears. What I was doing had to be as close to stalking as a person could get, but I didn't want to stop. It had been almost two months since I'd come into my favorite coffee shop and found her here. Since then, I hadn't been the same.

Back when I'd first seen her, it had still been cold outside even though spring had officially begun. I had been coming to the same café for almost a year since it was so close to our dorm. But that day was different; when I'd walked inside I had automatically noticed a new face. She was sitting next to the the cafe's large windows, watching something on her phone with headphones on. Her shoulders had been shaking as she'd laughed and something about that laugh had made me take a second look. At first, I'd just ignored her like I usually did everyone else. She wasn't being loud enough to annoy me and plus she was a foreigner. It would draw too much attention to me if I spoke to her and unwanted attention was my ultimate allergy.

I had gotten my favorite latte and sat down at a table farther back into the room. Popping in my own set of earbuds, I was ready to get lost in the music on my phone when I had unconsciously taken a second glance at her. She had looked up at the same time to take a drink from whatever was in the mug on her table and our eyes had met. From then on I had been lost, but she'd only smiled at me politely and gone back to her show. And even though I had tried, I couldn't get her out of my mind.

Over the next few days I couldn't help going to the coffee shop at all hours, hoping that I'd see her again. I was lucky because she had a set routine and like clockwork usually came in during the evening after regular working hours. She even ordered the same raspberry tea each time. I found myself staring at her while she sat there, sometimes filling out paperwork, sometimes on the phone, and sometimes just sitting quietly with a book.

Her tinkling laugh was usually on replay, stuck in my head all day during dance and vocal practices. I hadn't been able to sing anything but love songs since I'd seen her. But I knew nothing would come from my infatuation. I was too shy to speak to her and she was too beautiful to even notice me. And so, I sat there day after day and just watched her.

It was the middle of my third week of stalker-like behavior when I first saw her up close. I had just left the Jellyfish entertainment studio. Vocal practice had gone well and recording was getting done faster than ever before. I had been happy that day and I hadn't been paying attention to where I was going. It surprised me when I bumped into someone and they fell against me.

"Joseonghaeyo," I had said quietly, grabbing the arm of the girl I'd almost knocked over.

"Aniyo, gwenchana," a voice said back and they looked up at me with a smile. I froze when I took a good look at her. It was the girl I'd been watching and secretly calling Bitna, but only in my head. I was too shocked in that moment and slowly I felt my face moving into a scowl. I tried to avoid my usual fierce expression but I could tell by her face that I hadn't succeeded.

I'd felt embarrassed and shy; it had been too late to take back the look that comes automatically when I get like that. She didn't say anything else after seeing the look on my face and quickly walked away from me.

Back then, I had almost want to yell out in frustration, but I'd held it back and felt the pinpricks of tears instead. I didn't want to be like this, especially not with her, the one person I wanted to know the most. I was worried that I would never be able to face her again after what had happened. That day I had turned back around, forgetting about the latte I had wanted and heading back to the dorm. I prayed that the noise of the members would help me to forget the look she had on her face as she pulled away from me.

Although I was afraid to see Bitna again after that, she didn't notice me when I walked in the café the next day. So I continued going as if the incident never happened. And just like that the month passed and moved into the next. Now I come to the cafe almost every day so that I can see her, memorize her, and secretly want her, a person that I can't even talk to. I glimpse so many small things about her from seeing her every day, things that help me put together the mystery that is her. I noticed her smile first; from the shy, half-smile she gives to the barista who always flirts with her, to the full laugh she gives those TV shows she watches.

Her hair changes from long to short and then to super long even though it never has the shine of fake hair. I have no idea how she does it, but I find it fascinating. I play a game with myself, guessing what it will look like each day and at night I dream of touching it. Her skin is like the brown color of milk chocolate and looks just as smooth. She never wears a lot of makeup, but her lip gloss changes often and I see it on the edge of her coffee cup. I know it's wrong to watch her but I can't help it. How do I stop looking at perfection?

After a stage performance ends for our new title track, I leave the other members at the dorm and go to the coffee shop. Since it's late when I walk in, I'm not surprised to see Bitna sitting at her usual table in all her glory. She looks beautiful and her hair is in these huge loose waves that curl around her shoulders. My heart is pounding and I'm finding it hard to breathe. I'm so excited to see her again, but my face is as blank as usual. I try to focus as I receive my coffee and walk to a back table that faces in her direction. I can see her clearly from here and I put my headphones on so that it looks like I'm minding my own business.

She's busy filling out some forms and she starts rubbing her eyes slowly in irritation or tiredness after she realizes that each page is double-sided. I wonder what the paperwork is for and what she does for a living. Maybe she's a teacher since she's obviously American; that's usually why foreigners come here. I'm halfway through downing my second latte when there is a bustle at the door.

I reluctantly turn away to look and I suck in a sharp breath when I see Hakyeon and JaeHwan walk in the door. They wave to me when I look their way and I want to smack my head against the table. They know I come here to be alone but they've followed me and now it's too late to pretend I haven't seen them. Since they're laughing and being loud in a previously quiet cafe, they make heads turn their way and I can feel my ears burning in embarrassment.

Please for once, I pray, can they not be so loud? But my prayers go unanswered as HakYeon runs over to me and JaeHwan dramatically pulls two chairs over to my table so that they can sit down.

"Leo-yah! You've been here forever. Aren't you coming back to the dorm?", Hakyeon says while clapping me on the back. I shake off his hand in annoyance but that doesn't stop him from doing it again.

"N hyung and I wanted to check on you Leo hyung. Plus, we wanted to try the famous coffee here. It must be good since you never go anywhere else." JaeHwan smirks at me but I ignore his digging. As he continues to talk, his words irritate me even more and he raises the volume with each sentence.

JaeHwan's voice is too loud and I send him a glare to shut him up. He quickly quiets but that kind of thing doesn't work on Hakyeon, who continues to talk. I tune out their chatter so that I can watch Bitna, but she gets up for more tea. My eyes follow her by mistake and Hakyeon zeroes in on it.

"Leo-yah, what are you looking at?" He turns his head back and forth, trying to see what I do.

"Nothing," I say quietly and try to look anywhere else but it doesn't fool him.

"Were you looking at that girl?" he asks in shock. I raise up in my seat since now I feel like hitting him and a huge smile breaks out across his face.

"I was joking but you were looking at her. TaekWoonie, do you have a crush?!"

"Be quiet," I say back but my ears are burning along with my face and I can't lie.

"Hyung! Seriously? You have a crush? No way, she must be awesome. What's her name?" JaeHwan practically shouts while dancing around in his seat.

"Bitna," I whisper unthinkingly, but luckily, they don't hear it.

"What?!" JaeHwan says loudly and I shoot him another glare.

"I don't know," I say in a slightly louder voice. "I've never spoken to her."

"Then how can you have a crush on her?" Hakyeon spoke up.

"Just leave it alone," I tell him, not liking how he's straightened up all of a sudden.

"You have to say something to her TaekWoon-ah, you can't just sit and stare at her every day."

I turn away from him, upset that it's so easy for him to know what I've been doing. I want to tell them to leave but when I turn back to them Hakyeon has already walked away and is standing next to Bitna's table. I feel a punch to my gut as he says something in bad English to her. She looks confused and then responds to him in Hangul. HakYeon is smiling too hard at her and I feel jealousy wash over me. He is so at ease with others and I wish that would rub off on me. I want to be the one talking to her, the one walking her over to our table-

Wait, what?! She's coming over here with him! My brain is screaming and I'm about to have a full on panic attack. I try to school my features so I don't look like I'm terrified but the only thing that comes is a grimace in place of a smile. I'm not ready to meet her but she's smiling and I can't get up and walk away. If I make it through this, I'm going to kill Hakyeon!