《Perish • Ben Parish》06

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I crossed my arms and turned my back on Zombie before he had the chance to say anything.

In the few minutes I'd been away from the windows, the sky had turned black and the snow had stopped. There was nothing to distract me anymore.

"Canary-"

"I'm not doing this," I interrupted. "Just leave me alone."

Just because I was forced into a room with him didn't mean I'd suddenly be open to pouring out my feelings. 

"Canary, please. Just look at me."

I was about to retort something haughty back to him, but I felt a tickle in my nose and tears threatened my eyes.

I shook my head fervorously. I refused to look at him and get sucked into his charm.

There was a moment of silence before Zombie realized I wasn't going to be looking at him.

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

He's sorry? He's sorry?

"How many times are you going to say that?" I asked angrily, able to hold back the tears long enough to lash out at him.

"I know-"

"If you know, then why you do keep doing things that end up with you apologizing?" I asked, frustrated.

I kept my eyes staring forward, taking in every detail of the windows. The hard angles where the glass met the ceiling. The streaks of dirt and grime. The small cracks at the edges. 

"I'm tired of it all," I said angrily, a single tear escaping. "I knew I should've just listened. But I didn't. And now this is happening," I said quietly, letting out a sharp breath.

"Listened? Listened to who? What are you talking about?" Zombie asked. 

He shifted so that he was leaning against the windows, undoubtedly in an effort to keep weight off of his bad leg. Through everything I'd almost forgotten that he'd been shot. 

"Lizbeth," I said. "She told me not to talk to you or-or..." I trailed off, realizing how stupid I made the whole situation sound.

Immediately I wanted to take it back. Saying it out loud only made me realize how pathetic it was of me to hold onto something like that. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake Lizbeth's warning words. 

"In high school? Why would she say that?" Zombie asked, a bite to his voice. He was starting to get upset. But I didn't understand how he could possibly be the one frustrated. He had been the one to walk away from me.

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"Yes," I said. "In high school." I kept my eyes straight, focused on the blackness in front of me.

"Why?" Zombie asked again, his voice slightly softer.

"Because Cassie liked you...likes you...I don't know. But Lizbeth told me not to talk to you and I listened because I didn't want to give her any reason to hate me. And now...now? She's dead and I still feel guilty for-"

"Guilty for kissing me?" he asked. 

I bit my lip, hoping the shadows were concealing my face. "Yes that."

So here I was, pouring out my feelings... exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do. I suppose I could only hope that our conversation now would turn out better than our conversation a week ago. 

"Hey," Zombie said softly. "Would you please look at me?"

I took the sleeve of my sweater to the brim of my eyes and wiped the tears away before slowly turning to face him.

He reached his hands out to rest them on my shoulders, crouching down slightly so we could see eye to eye.

"I don't like Cassie," he said. "I don't like her now and I didn't like her back in high school. You don't need to be feeling guilty for anything."

He brought a hand up to my face and carefully brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face with his thumb. He lingered there before dropping his hand back to my shoulder.

"But-"

Zombie shook his head softly, cutting me off.

"No," he said. "I don't like her and that's that. Nothing else matters."

"Ok," I said quietly, diverting my eyes down and to the ground. 

But that still didn't explain why he had walked away from me. My head was spinning with all sorts of explanations as to why he did what he did, but nothing seemed to make sense.

I pursed my lips, thinking. He was so hard to decode. Every time I thought I knew what was going on inside his head, he does something completely different. Like I don't know...walking away after kissing me. 

"Why'd you walk away?" I asked, my tone slightly harder. 

His hands fell from my shoulders and he let out a small sigh.

I brought my eyes up to look at him. 

He ran his hand through his hair, a distressed and almost pained look displayed on his face. 

I tried to think nothing but horrible thoughts of him when his hair flopped back into place and his jaw tightened in an effortlessly attractive way. I also tried to push away the memory of my lips on his and the way he had pulled me closer to him so that I could hear his heart pounding against his chest.

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I needed to be angry with him. He couldn't just walk away and think I was ok with it.

"I don't know," he said.

I took a small step back, my gaze narrowing. "What do you mean you don't know ?" I asked. "I kissed you. And you kissed me back, mind you," I continued, "and then you just walked away."

I crossed my arms and straightened my back, attempting to look confident and proud even though I was feeling the complete opposite. Every second he waited to respond was another punch to my heart. 

When he finally did answer, he began to pace back and forth slowly, moving a few steps towards the window and then turning around to take a few steps towards the door. He limped through it all, making the pacing seem more like a feeble hobble.

"Damn it, Canary. I know I kissed you back. I wanted to kiss you back. I just...I just was surprised. Hell I thought y'know we were just friends. And then you kiss me. And I don't know...I was surprised. Ok?"

Zombie dragged a hand through his hair again, exasperated. 

"I don't see you in...I don't know how many weeks...and then you kiss me? I thought you were dead, damnit-"

I followed him, trying to catch every word. 

He was surprised? He thought we were just friends? He wanted to kiss me? 

"God I like you Canary, ok? I like you a lot. You, not Cassie, were the girl I liked in high school. I was going to tell you and then the waves happened. Then you showed up at Wright Patterson and I didn't want to get close to you because I'd lost everyone I'd cared about and I didn't want to lose you too-"

A small smile took place on my lips and the tears I'd been trying so hard to hold back came rushing out.

Zombie stopped abruptly in his tracks.

"Hey, what'd I say? I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, moving over to take my face in his hands.

I looked up at him through my eyelashes. "No, I-I just can't believe...I just...this whole time I thought you-you didn't care for me...and you have no idea how happy this makes me...how happy you make me," I said quietly. 

"I know, I should've told you sooner," Zombie said gently. "I never want you to think I don't care for you ever again," he continued, searching my eyes.

I tried to tell the tears to stop, but they refused to listen. All the emotions I felt came flowing out at once. Among them were relief and astonishment. But even more than those, there was happiness. There was peace. And as if by some miracle, my worries and problems seemed to disintegrate; they didn't matter anymore.

My smile widened. "I know now," I said quietly. 

He shifted one hand to my waist, pulling me gingerly towards him. My mouth went dry and I suddenly realized how hard it had become to breathe. 

"Good," Zombie breathed, wiping another tear away. 

I smiled freely, just as Zombie lowered his face to mine, one of his perfect smiles dancing on his lips. 

Then he caught my lips with his and my eyes closed. I melted into him, allowing myself to kiss him back. 

So long, too long had I waited for this. By the way Zombie's strong arms held me to him and the way his lips sought every corner of mine, I knew he felt the same way. 

His hand on my waist grazed my bare skin, sending a shiver down my spine. At first I thought he was going to travel upwards, but his fingers remained where they were. Everything about his actions was slow and careful and pure. 

He depended the kiss, pressing his lips against mine again. My heartbeat quickened just as I could feel his heart thudding against his chest, mirroring mine. 

Zombie pulled back just enough so his our lips were barely touching. "I-"

"Zombie! Canary! Are you guys friends again?!" 

Zombie stopped mid sentence and smiled softly. I let out a small laugh. 

"Yes, Nugget," I said, trying to sound dull and tired. "We're friends again." 

"Good. I'll unlock the door then!" Nugget called. 

Zombie kissed the top of my head quickly before giving me one of the smiles I so loved. 

Yeah. We were friends again. And a little more. 

<><><>

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you all had a great day! And if you didn't, I hope you're feeling a bit better after this chapter :) 

Let me know how you liked it! And vote/comment if you love Ben Parish!

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