《Wrecked》The boy who understood
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"Jesse."
His broad silhouette came into my view, stopping my heart and my feet along with it.
My whole being paused, my mouth left hung open with wide eyes. I'd found him and he was live.
Shock, relief, anger, hope, pain. That's what I felt. The surge of so many powerful emotions overwhelming me and leaving me unable to gain control of myself again.
I watched his back to me as he kicked over a pile of supplies- swearing at him self in frustration. He ran his fingers threw his hand, which brought the side of his jacket up.
Peaking out from under was a puckered up wound, pus-ridden and blotchy. Before I could get a good look at it the view was gone.
I watched in silence as my mind screamed at me to do something- anything!
To see the boy alive did something to my heart that I couldn't explain, it wasn't love or like I'd suddenly realised I was crushing on him. It was more like knowing I still had a chance to get through all of this, like the one person I knew would push me to make better decisions wasn't gone.
He wasn't gone. He was standing right in front of me.
He was alive- Jesse was alive.
And I didn't have words for the flip my heart began when his shoulders began to turn in my direction.
"Jesse." I whispered, my words laced with question- like he'd answer all my unspoken questions with my one simple word.
When his eyes met mine my entire body jolted back into my control, allowing the surge to take me to him.
For once his eyes didn't betray what he was thinking, all I could read was confusion. There wasn't even a glimpse of relief to see that I had found him. He was just confused as to why I was running to him. Which I was.
I ran straight to the boy, my heart racing faster than my legs were moving. Panic grew within me and I felt like if I didn't get to him that very second he would disappear that second.
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I didn't just make it to him, stopping before him as I thought I would have. Instead I jumped straight into his chest- throwing my arms around his neck.
I was met with a hard chest, almost throwing me back but my strong grip around his neck held me to him. It happened in a blur, there was no chance to tell my arms to detach themselves, to put distance between the two of us. There was no reasoning with myself in that moment and I didn't have the ability to question myself.
I had lost control again. Lost control of my thoughts and emotions. And all I could do was hold onto Jesse like he could be ripped away from me at any moment.
My face tucked into the crook of his neck, I couldn't even help the smile on my lips that had formed and were pressing up against him rough skin.
He was in shock, and I didn't blame him, the extent of our physical contact only involving fighting and helping the other out. I felt his arms holding out from my body as he stumbled back slightly.
Just as I was about to pull out, embarrassed that I had lost all control, I felt his arms lock around me. With this action I was brought up against his chest properly, settling my face in comfortably.
His arms went all the way around to my opposite hip, reciprocating all the strength and emotion in his hold as I was. He hung to me just I hung to him, like we may never see each other again. Like there were no words that either of us possessed to convey what we were truly feeling.
I felt his own face in the crock on my neck, his hand rising to hold the back of my neck where he found my hair. He squeezed onto a handful of my hair as I felt a smile pressing onto my skin.
I felt all of what I had been feeling those days without him by my side flowing out, translating into all the strength I could muster. My fingers dug into his shoulders as his dug into my hips.
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I could also feel a knot in my stomach releasing itself, all the weight on my shoulders evaporating just by being in his presence. Just knowing that he was here put me at ease, told me that everything was going to work out. I needed him to get everyone through this alive- and now I had him back again.
I felt my self breathing a sigh of relief onto his neck, allowing my body to release from the tensed up state it had been in. I gave in against his chest, letting my body feel free for just a second.
I don't know who pulled away but even as we pulled out of each other's arms painfully slowly, out eyes certainly didn't disconnect.
Finally I could read him, his eyes poking out from just under the thick curls spread over his forehead. It was almost as If were looking into a mirror, glimmers of anger, pain and shock all hidden behind the glare of relief.
His eyes looked as if they had just taken their own sigh of relief, like everything they were looking at was enough to make them feel like there was hope. I knew that he was searching my eyes and finding the exact same flood of sensations.
The air was thick, dense and eerie. So much hung between us, we could both feel it but neither of us could put a finger on what it actually meant. For now all that mattered was that he was alive. I hadn't killed him.
His face was decorated with cuts that hadn't been there before, his nose supporting a giant open wound on the bridge. He was dirty, speckled with blood and mud- yet his eyes still shone through
Both of our mouths hung slightly open, the ends teasing as they began to turn up into smiles. The smile met our eyes, and we couldn't help but release a small chuckle. All that was building up inside me releasing itself with that laugh, finally breaking threw the air.
"You're alive." I breathed, finding my voice at the same time he spoke,
"It worked, he didn't find you." It was clear that the uncertainty of knowing if his choice had been worth it was weighing down on him- just as my decision had weighted me down.
"You saved us. Saved Mason. Thank you." I offered up a small smile, my eyes dropping to inspect the site behind him. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I just left you to die- I should have followed you." I could feel a lump in my throat rising but I swallowed it down as I took a step away from him. But he wouldn't drop the topic.
"It had to be done." He moved his shoulder aside as I brushed past him, his eyes searching for my avoiding ones. "I would have done the same thing."
Silence grew as he turned to inspect the campsite with me, I reached down for the pile that he had kicked over. There was a series of blades, which appeared to be dipped in something. I reached for my bag, wrapping them up in material before placing it in. Jesse was besides me, watching my every move- I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face.
He spoke softly, reaching out for my hand. The action jolted me, finally bring my eyes to his. I found nothing but understanding, not resentment or anger- he understood why I didn't come looking for him.
I knew when he spoke that with out a doubt he would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed, that the both of us had a responsibility to the others more so than we had to each other. We both understood that the other would make it out of any difficult situation, we trusted each other to make it back to each other's side. Because even though we were stronger together, we would fight to make sure that everyone was safe- no matter what.
"For the greater good, right?"
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