What do you call an infestation of Nigel's?

A smashing!

Today I read "The Great Escape" by .

TLDR; Cinderalla meets murder and dark fantasy.

Characters: Smashing! - The main character is slightly hard to figure out. At times she comes across as used to her life, the story even says so, and at other times she seems like she is struggling to keep up with it. She lacks moments of personality to see the kind of person she is. She takes the abuse, sure. She has thoughts and opinions, sure. But she is also just going through the motions, being on the receiving end of events, and lacks moments where she takes control of the narrative and shows the kind of person she truly is, at least until chapter 5? 6? Not much there. But despite this, she is still a lovely character filled with mystery and potential. It is just the nature of an abused person that has gotten used to a slave mindset to lose their individuality. She has clear relationships with everyone around her, opinions of them, and after a few chapters look like she will be at the center of a very interesting plot that will give her room to grow and regain herself.

Side Characters: so many! - Kudos to the author. She managed to make a full castle or mansion FULL of side characters, give them all a hint of individuality and personality, and keep them straight and consistent. Then you add even more characters as people show up and holy crap its a mad house. There are so many, in fact, that it gets a bit hard to keep track at times, so emphasising their roles at times could be helpful. Like instead of "Lady whats-her-face" say "The lady of the manor". It helps when you have so many.

Grammar and word usage: 1st person - This seems to be a pattern that people love to combine thought and narrative. It is grammatically incorrect to do it this way, but I love it anyway. It shows personality easily and enriches the character. The word usage could use richer words rather than more common ones to fit the formal atmosphere.

World Building: Slightly needed - At first you dont need it. You have enough characters to learn that world building would make it too heavy to process, but over time world building would be good to have so we can understand their role in the world and to enrich the mystery. Especially as people from outside the mansion/castle come to visit.

Plot: Smashing! - The plot is 95% smooth. Unfortunately, it has scenes of horror that are more confusing than mysterious and then it turns around and reveals the mystery to some things before the mystery even starts. Like knowing the butler is a mass serial killer before anyone dies. Despite these easy-to-fix-flaws, the plot is thrilling, starts almost immediately, centers around the characters, and teases me with plenty of mystery, dark fantasy, and juicy stuff. Most of all I hope the plot centers around the main character as right now she is a shadow of who she can be who has hinted at more. And then you have the cliff hangers! GAH!!

Overall, at its current state, I would rate it 3 smashing out of 5 and it is only getting better chapter by chapter. If it keeps going at its current pace it will easily be 4/5.

I loved the story. A few scenes were confusing when I think she was aiming for dark and mysterious and dramatic, and if the main character doesn't develop out of a mental-slave, a reactive type, or a flat character with no impact, then she won't be able to carry the weight she needs to as a character. Flat characters are great. Reactive characters work. Mentally-slaved characters also work. But you need to figure out how to make them work in the long term, and especially someone who is all 3 at once.

I'm out with a smashing!

xxxxxxxxxxx Update 7/16/2020 xxxxxxxxxxx

I have in recent time been told the story underwent a rewrite, in addition to a bunch of chapters, and I have invested time to look at it again from start to finish. The story is still ongoing but at this stage has 11 chapters and an awards page. Since the idea here is to reflect on the update, I will be considering the past stage with the current.

Main Character: HUGE improvement - The main character before wasn't bad, but this is a level of personality and depth I am purely blown away by. Every scene has just that one more bit of information to learn, that one more bit of her eyes catching on something and a hint of plotting deep down while being subdued. She is neither good nor bad, morally, as she takes advantage of gullibility for her own purposes but also has moments of sympathy for the very people who hurt her, yet this doesn't come across as bad characterization.

Side Characters: HUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE improvement - Again, the side characters before were not bad. They fit their roles but there were a butt ton of them! There are still an absolute absurd number in a few chapters, and they still have distinct personality, but somehow she has refined them to be more distinguishable so I never got confused. I think she added titles more in along with the names to help. But she also has improved them drastically by offering a select few their own POVs to explore them indepth, without depriving the MC.

Word Usage and Grammar: Small improvement - The story is easier to read than before. Whether this is due to refined grammar or improved side characters, I am unsure. We can say both. There are moments of poor grammar and pargraphs that feel out of order, but these moments are few and far in between and didn't affect readability to me except once where she mispelled "young" as "you", and I had to read that a few times to know what she meant. :P

World Building: Both far better and far worse - Before, there was not much world building and a lot of mystery and potential for it. Now there is... I can't believe this, too much. I don't mind a huge amount of world building. I love it. It hasn't deprived the MC at any point because the 'bad-ish' world building is always from the SCs POV. However a huge flaw I find myself with is that after reading of the world building from the SCs POV I am left with the thought of "what has this given me?", "What does this matter?", "What are they DOING with this information?", "How does this explain what is happening?" ultimately it becomes a question of relevance. If the world building becomes important and directly plays a role in the scenes and actions and choices and characters and plot, then great, but I have found myself more confused, and not less, by the SCs world building. Specifically with all the political intrigue, as none of it feels relevant. Why spend so, so, so much time talking about political intrigue between nations and cultures and OMG SO MANY BEUROCRATS that bit by bit told you how a father started acting when said man is not a character ever once presented, nor do any of the SCs or MCs act, nor have their actions modified, based on the information?

I don't mind the level of world building, but now that there is becoming a lot of it, it could use refinement so that it makes sense what is relevant now, relevant later, pieces of a mystery to be digested slowly, and what is just interesting background information on a universe.

Plot: HUGE improvement - The plot has been refined and sharpened to a razor's edge. All of the scenes that had confusing imagry and left me in a state of "wtf?!" have been cleaned and made shiny and mouth-watering good. The world building from the "Lady's" POV is a bit messy, but she is a strong enough character to make up for it, and the MC... everything in her scenes left me on the edge of my seat and never knowing what she is going to do next.

Overall I would give it an improved rating of 4 smashing out of 5! I do not see potential of 5/5, as 99% of everything is really good and while it is more and more interesting as it goes on, it just doesn't seem to be aiming for the skies. The story knows what it wants and goes after it, and doesn't seem to really want to strive for more than it can chew. Which, you know what, not every story should. Aiming too high can kill it.

If you are interested in learning to write, mastering the craft, want some really good reads, or just to chat and hang out with a mature group of adults, feel free to hit me up for a smashing discord book club that has lasted years.