One of my favorite songs from The Phantom of the Opera was playing on my phone, while I was observing Brooklyn's night. Sitting on Tia's balcony while finishing my beer my mind ruminates over the call I have just ended with my professor. The air was freezing, but the sensation on my skin made me feel alive. I was so confused, finding it impossible to trust my own self since I had believed we were sharing moments. However, at the end, it was all mirages created by confused eyes.

Her words were as cruel as the winter, killing in me any assurance in myself. First, I was lost in a world of competition and over achievement. Second, I discovered a new side of me that I never knew existed. Third, everyone else seemed to be okay with both scenarios, while I was struggling to understand, or even accept, any of them.

As the song continues, a warm tear falls on my cheek, making me smile. The sensation wakes me from my daydream, inviting me to stay in reality, accepting it as it was. I took a deep breath, taking one last look at the city lights. 'Everything will be just alright' I said to myself, getting up from the chair and joining the others in the living room. For them the night was endless, full of laughs and hugs, mediocre jokes and honest smiles. I envied their freedom, their detachment to situations or people, while I was struggling: missing a past and dreaming a future.

"Girl, you are finally back. Here, drink this" One of the girls, whose name I did not remember, reached out with a beer can.

"Actually, I need to leave. I have a meeting tomorrow morning and I should go to bed now."

A choir of protests began, some asking me to stay a little longer, while others made fun of my "conservative" behavior. If only they knew what I hid in my chest, the pain of pretending. But for whom? Maybe even myself. I knew what they thought about me, a lucky girl from a small town, privileged, studying music in a great college, full of chances, while they fought everyday to keep their dream. Maybe it was not what they thought, but my inside voice was spitting my insecurities while I blamed others. Sometimes it is so easy to hate, it does not take any effort from us. I could hate them for not needing a college acceptance to move to a big city, or I could hate Tia for letting me kiss her, I could even hate my professor for confusing my feelings without taking any responsibility. It is, indeed, an easy road to take, but deep down I know the only one responsible for my life is me.

"Sorry guys. I wish I could stay, but I need to be up by 8 am tomorrow and it is already 1 am." I laughed nervously, thinking that I still need to take the subway and walk 3 blocks until I can finally sleep.

Saying my last goodbyes, Tia followed me until her door.

"I am so happy that you came tonight. Everyone loved you -" She stopped, avoiding my gaze while she played with her own hair. "Which is not a surprise". Her low melodic voice made my heart jump in disbelief that everything about her was so cute. A warm sensation on my face revealed to her my thoughts, which I tried to hide by forcing my gaze into my feet.

"Olivia, you made everything really hard for me".

I wasn't sure if she was being ironic or honest, maybe both.

"Thank you for inviting me. I had a great time.. Your friends are . . . what should be the appropriate word?"

"Crazy?" Tia's body was resting on the door, while I got a step closer leaning on the wall close to her. Our eyes were focusing on everything besides each other.

"I would say unique."

"Is that a fancy way to call all of us weirdos?" She poked me on my waist, making my body bend while laughing.

"Stop it Tia". I tried to stop her, holding both her hands on mine.

Suddenly, no more avoidance. No more laughs or small talks. It was just us in silence, quietly staring at each other in a dark hallway. I could hear her heart racing while her eyes laid on my lips, making her bite her own bottom lip. I couldn't deny the adrenaline in my blood, rushing an enthusiasm through my body by the memory of our last kiss. I could remember how soft her lips were, how passionate her tongue made her way towards mine, in a compelling kiss. I knew she could make me feel good tonight, make me forget about my insecurities, or how insignificant I felt by my professor's rejection.

"Tia" I whispered, our faces so closed that our noses were touching. She took a deep, slow breath, taking in my smell while her left hand moved toward my neck, resting it firmly against my collarbone.

"If I kiss you, can you promise not to run?" With her eyes closed she waited for my answer, scared to make any movements that could scare me. 'I am attracted to her, and she wants me' I thought while staring at her face, still, with closed eyes, giving me a full pass. 'Would it be wrong to kiss her while my heart is hurt by another person?' My body wanted that proximity, but at the same time I liked Tia too much to think about the possibility of hurting her.

"I want to, Tia" - I said, biting the inside of my cheek. - "but . . ."

Not letting me finish, Tia's hands grab me by my waist, pulling me closer. Her lips closed any gap left between us, fierily moving her tongue against mine. I followed her lead, deepening our kiss, pulling her bottom lip in desire, holding her neck against me to avoid any chance of distance, for which she answered with a quiet moan.

Hugging me by my waist, her right hand started caressing my back and easily found the skin below my shirt. Our bodies pressed together heatedly against the door, as if it was possible to be even closer. I could feel her smile while kissing me, which I found even cuter, filling my stomach with butterflies. Neither of us wanted to end that kiss, but we knew we needed to breathe.

"Do you really need to leave?" She said resting her head on my shoulder, while crossing her hands across my neck.

"I really need to, Tia. But hey . . ." I lifted her face by touching her chin with my fingers. "I didn't run". I slowly rested my lips on hers, in a sweet peck.

"Alright. Alright." She took a step away from me, crossing her arms on her chest. "I will call you tomorrow?"

"Sounds really good. Bye"

That day had so many turns that I literally felt my head spinning. I walked away hoping to not regret that kiss the next morning, not because of me, but for caring more and more for Tia. After that kiss I could not deny my attraction for her, our connection was real and the kiss so good. However, part of me kept dreaming how it would feel if instead of Tia, I was kissing Bianca. Would her lips also be so warm and delicate? Would her tongue touch mine with such passion? Would her moan throw me out to the moon?

"Fuck me" I said out load, hating myself for not being able to stop thinking about a woman that didn't want me, while having such a great person like Tia on my life, that also make me feel good and loved.

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"Good morning little miss dozy". Sandy's sarcasm woke me even further, which I hated.

"What are you doing awake so early on a Sunday?" I asked while serving myself a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I don't know. I just decided to start my day earlier, I think. What about you?"

"I have to go to my professor's house at 11 am."

Sandy almost spilled her coffee all over me, making me realize what I had just said.

"WAIT. That professor? From that night at the bar? What the hell Olivia. Are you guys dating?"

Her curiosity was so evident, that she didn't need to make it even clear by sitting on the couch next to me, ferociously gazing at my eyes. Her question made me sigh, making me realize how much I wanted it to be even just a possibility. 'I hate myself'.

"Of course not. She just invited me to this private studying group she holds at her house for special, talented, students."

"What the hell. Are you joining a cult or something?" She smiled, still not completely believing in me.

"Believe me Sandy. She does not see me like that. For her, I am just a student. Which is not bad. I mean, I am her student, right?" That was my time to do a sarcastic joke, while trying to hide my nervousness.

"And . . . do you want to be more than just her student?"

We stayed in silence while I thought about Sandy's question. A side of me couldn't stop thinking about our almost kiss in the classroom, our bodies so close that I could feel her warmth against my skin. On the other hand, I needed to accept she was my professor and it was extremely wrong to think about her like that, especially without being reciprocated.

"Olivia." Sandy held my hand. "It was pretty clear you guys were flirting that night. I mean, the way she looked at you . . . Jeez.... There was a fire blazing in her eyes, I thought I would need to call a firefighter for that woman."

I laughed, wishing Sandy could be right.

"Ah Sandy. I don't know. I mean, I do feel attracted to her. But at the same time, she has this power over me that makes me hate her, admire her, desire her . . . It's a fucking rollecoster in my heart. I thought she felt attracted to me, but then she woke me from my illusion by rejecting me."

"She rejected you? So that means you told her how you feel? Wow, that's bold. I wasn't expecting it. Olivia, you can trust me. I see you as a friend, if you need to talk, please, come to me."

"I didn't tell her . . . exactly."

"No? So how did she reject you?"

I took another sip of my, now, cold coffee. Avoiding Sandy's eyes, a smirk on my face raised.

"Oh God, what did you do Olivia?" Sandy's hands were all over me, curiously staring as if she were watching a soap opera.

"I may have almost kissed her in the classroom. Pulling her against the wall while putting my lips really close to hers and saying 'Don't play with fire' . . . or something like that."

Sandy's jaw almost fell completely. Her surprise was funny to me, as if I felt good about myself. An adventurous small-town girl taking risks in a big city. A good logline from a cliche romcom.

"I don't even know what to say. But wait, so she rejected you after you tried to kiss her?"

A deep sigh. "Basically. She called me to clarify she didn't see me like that, telling me it was a mistake and she thinks I am a talented student that she would like to mentor. Basically: RE-JE-C-TION"

"I am so sorry Olivia. I really thought she liked you. Maybe she does like you but she is scared? I mean, you are her student. I know it is not illegal, since you are both adults, but the college could fire her, or discipline her. And you could also end up with a bad reputation and it could even affect your professional opportunities. I am sure she is aware of all that. I saw the way she looked at you, and I think it was pretty clear she feels something for you."

Now I was even more confused. I hadn't thought about any of that, which was really immature of me. Of course she would not put her career and reputation on line for a stupid attraction towards her student. If she ever felt something for me, I knew it was not worth years of hard work and dedication to become one of the most famous pianists in the world. Even I, just starting my career, don't want to jeopardize my future in the name of a stupid attraction, imagine her: a well-renowned woman.

Even walking in her neighborhood, it was clear that we are from separate worlds. My eyes have never seen such majestic houses, with huge gates and statues in the front yards. Some houses were more modern, with big windows and doors, while others reminded me of European medieval castles. In one way or another, their rich scene was like a cold bath, bringing me back to my reality and insignificance. A gorgeous woman, successful pianist, rich, could have anyone she wanted, why choose someone like me?

When I finally found her house, it became even more clear. A sumptuous architecture with yellow and white colors, reminding me of the pictures and movies of Spain. Bianca did really create her own universe in Brooklyn's heart. With terracotta roof tiles, her 2 floors house was inspiring, as if it was always a sunny day there. I loved the small windows providing privacy, at the same time, it made me curious to know what secrets were hidden in those walls. In a world where privacy is becoming a myth, Bianca's house was like an oasis of mysteries. On the right side I could see huge palm trees giving shade to a large, almost Olympic-sized pool. It was one of the most beautiful houses I have ever seen, elegant but feeling like home, especially surrounded by all types of plants and flowers as her house was.

A butler greeted me at the gate, smiling and welcoming me. As I entered a large living room, I could hear loud voices mixed with piano music. Nervously, I took a deep breath, stopping half way through to mentally prepare myself for opening that door. I wasn't sure about what would be waiting for me on the other side, but it was intimidating to think about a room full of super talented, experienced, pianist students. Additionally, Bianca would also be there with her confident attitude.

As soon as I opened the door, every gaze moved in my direction, including Bianca's. Gently, she got up from a chair and moved in my direction, holding my hand while presenting me to a group of men and women, around a total of fifteen guests.

"Dear friends and students. I am so happy to introduce my new protégé, Olivia Harding. She is a junior in our program, but I can guarantee you all will be impressed by her talent."

Listening to her was as if the entire world disappeared. Since our first meeting at the airport, I was sure that she saw me as an unimportant student, which was confirmed by our subsequent interactions and her harsh words. It all started with me trying to prove to her my value, and now there she was, complimenting me to a group of seniors, talented pianists. It should feel like a victory, right? On some level, it did, but I couldn't also deny the pain in my chest as her warm hands kept holding mine. I could keep holding her the entire day, which made me dream how it would feel to be presented as her girlfriend and having everyone know she was mine.

'Wake up Olivia' I scream at myself, forcing my head to clear. Abruptly, I let her hands go, which nobody noticed, except Bianca, who looked at me briefly from over her shoulder.

"Welcome to Pianissimo" One of the well dressed, older men told me, shaking my hands while giving me a nice smile.

"Thank you." I replied a little nervously, still trying to take in all the gazes and whispers.

"Well, wouldn't she be one of the youngest pianists that ever joined our society?" A grave voice called my attention to a brown-haired woman, with ice blue eyes and white skin, staring at me with a defiant gaze and smirking lips. "Now I am curious to hear her play. Would you give us the pleasure?"

Deep down, I knew that was an invitation to failure. I was too nervous to play, especially knowing they all had high expectations for me, thanks to Bianca's presentation. My eyes immediately looked for Bianca's, who was as surprised as I was.

"No reason to rush. Olivia is probably overwhelmed by all our attention. Let's give her some time to adjust and I am sure she will be able to play something for us."

"Oh, no, nonsense, Bianca. If she is a really talented pianist, she can't be defeated by nervousness. C'mon sweetheart" The woman's hands were now conducting me to the bench in front of a magnificent piano. Play us something that moves you . . . something that speaks your truth."

Since yesterday, there was only one music that filled my heart, making sense of all my feelings and thoughts. Sitting on the bench, I adjusted my body while breathing deeply, preparing my body and soul for that moment. In front of all those strangers, there was only one person I wanted to reach with that song. There was only one woman I wished the message would be understood, independent of how well I played it. Those thoughts took away all the pressure, helping me to ignore the gazes and focus only on the piano keys and the feeling I desired to put on them.

A solo-harmonic sequence of notes filled the air with a romantic melody, inviting all to a scene of prohibited love between a man that lived as a ghost, and a talented girl dreaming of being seen. The Phantom of The Opera was one of my favorite Operas, but it was the first time I felt so related to it, as if the story was also about me. My grandpa always supported me to sing along with some plays, assuring me that I have a surprising voice. It was also confirmed by other teachers, but it was never something I got excited about. For me, playing the piano was the only thing I cared about. Sitting in that room, however, I felt for the first time the necessity of singing those words, sending them to the universe as a prayer from my heart. The piano was not enough for me, not when I knew I needed to open my heart fully to finally be ready to move on. Some girls would prefer to make a fire and burn any memories of past relationships, but I didn't even have that. All I had was shared gazes, unspoken words, uncertain gestures, and a heart full of emotions I didn't have a chance to name.

I let my voice free to run as it wished, happily becoming alive for the world contained in that living room.

My voice and the piano were moving together in harmony, moderately forte on some parts, sharing with all the deepest emotion of loving someone that was far away. The strong, repeated notes made clear how painful it was to beg someone to never be forgotten. The romantic harmony was restored right after by realizing that the memories will stay forever. It was a beautiful piece of art, aligning perfectly with my heart.

"BRAVO" The old man was yelling while clapping his hands. I turned to face a room full of surprised eyes, open jaws and jealous gazes. It was all insignificant, because the only face I was searching for was Bianca's.

Smiling, she tried to hide eyes full of tears. I could even notice different tones of red on her cheeks, which she also tried to hide with excited claps.;2

"Olivia! I didn't know you could sing." Her voice was genuinely surprised, to which I answered with a shy smile and gentle eyes.

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