incorrect quotes brought to you by me

maryland: i want to wake up with you everyday for the rest of my life

delaware: i wake up at 4:30 everyday.

maryland:

maryland: i would like to see you some at point everyday for the rest of our lives

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california: y'know, not every problem can be solved with a single gun

texas: that's why i carry two guns

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oregon: stop buying those plastic skeletons for halloween it's terrible for the environment!

idaho: you're right. locally sourced all- natural skeletons are much better for the environment

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florida: oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside

texas: i swear to god if i step outside and all the mugs are on the lawn-

louisiana: *sipping coffee from a bowl*

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massachusetts: whaddya call a fish with no eyes?

connecticut, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons.

massachusetts:

massachusetts: fsh

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kentucky: is this a bottle of whiskey or perfume?

kentucky: *chugs bottle*

kentucky: it's perfume.

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hawai'i: i think i'm having a midlife crisis!

alaska: you're like, 15.

hawai'i: i might die at age 30.

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south dakota: i'm 10x better and funnier than you

north dakota: 10 times 0 is still 0 dumbass

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ohio: here's a fun idea for the christmas party; we hang mistletoe but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

north carolina: no.

michigan: mistlefoe

north carolina: do not encourage him.

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arizona: in your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?

california: *turns to texas*

california: hey texas, how tall are you?

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new jersey: york, apologize to massachusetts.

new york: fine.

new york: 'unfuck you' or whateva'

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washington, in a high pitched voice holding a barbie doll: hey ken! i was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

connecticut, in a deep voice holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you're going to stay home and have my kids

mississippi: the fuck are y'all doin

washington: playing systematic oppression

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florida, holding a python: guys i bought a snake what should i name him

georgia: you did what

louisiana: william snakespeare

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texas: hey, alaska?

alaska: yes?

texas: d'ya think someone could breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

alaska:

alaska: where's rhode island

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virginia: why is north carolina so sad?

tennessee: he took one of those 'let us guess which state you're from' buzzfeed quizzes

virginia: and..?

tennessee: he got south carolina.

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connecticut: you know those things can kill you, right?

texas, pouring another glass of whiskey: that's the point.

north carolina, smoking a cigarette: we're trying to speed up the process

florida: *nods while eating raw cookie dough*

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michigan: truth or dare

minnesota: dare.

michigan: i dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

minnesota: hey, wisconsin?

wisconsin, blushing: yeah?

minnesota: could you move? i'm trying to get to north dakota

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illinois: i was born for politics. i have great hair and i love lying

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oklahoma: i died and came back as a cowboy, i call that reintarnation

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america: i've done a lot of dumb stuff.

new york: i witnessed the dumb stuff

alaska: i recorded the dumb stuff

texas, florida, michigan, and ohio: i joined in on the dumb stuff

delaware: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF

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sorry if your state wasn't included!

i'll definitely be doing a part 2 so if you guys wanna leave me some suggestions (bc my uncreative ass over here-) feel free!

it could be states you wanna see, scenarios, or more suggestions for this book in general!!

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