My head felt like it was about to explode. All the crying has really hurt my head. I got undressed and got into bed. I checked the time. 05:00. It was getting light outside. I smiled. I always try to go to sleep when it's already light outside. The dark freaked me out. I was a pretty fearless girl, but once it got dark i turned into a scared little girl.

i don't sleep at night.

it's not that i'm not tired,

i'm just afraid of the dark.

because when the lights are turned off,

is when my thoughts take shape,

it's when my darkest secrets appear.

when i close my eyes,

and leave my body to rest,

they make their way inside what's supposed to be my happy, fantasy place, where i can dream with not a care in the world.

but it's not fantasy when it turns into the face of the man i fear most,

making it more realistic than any dream should ever be.

i can't escape.

so i wait.

i wait until the first ray of sunshine hits my room

so i can watch the darkness leave

so i can watch the man turn back into my pile of clothes.

now i can close my eyes and greet my fantasy.

where the man is just a man,

and my thoughts hold no meaning.

where i can finally be as carefree as i always wish to be.

but sometimes the darkness takes me sooner than i allow,

forcing me to face the man i fear most,

not allowing me to escape reality,

reminding me of why i need the sun.

I felt my eyes close. I was ready to enter my dreamworld.

I woke up feeling much happier than i had been all week. I had worked up courage the whole week to talk to James. This was the day i was gonna break up with him. I was no longer gonna put up with the abuse.

Even though I never told David and Sam about the way James treated me i still decided to text them about my decision. I talked him up to my friends as this perfect guy so i'm sure they're not gonna understand where this is coming from. I grabbed my phone and sent a text in the groupchat.

R: Hi babes, i've got some news

S: Juicy, do tell

D: Sup buttercup

R: *drum rolls* i'm gonna break up with James

D: Whaaaat?!?! Why? I thought you liked him so much

S: No way? What did we miss

R: He really isn't the guy i let him out to be. Wanna get together tomorrow? I've got a lot to tell.

S: Oh shit, i'm down for tomorrow!

D: Should we be worried? I'm all yours tomorrow

R: No worries, i'll fill you guys in! xx

S: Are you sure it's not just because you wanna fuck Ms. Lopez?

D: Hahahaha, naughty naughty Rachel.

R: I hate you guys so much

I laughed at my phone. I loved them both with my whole heart.

After i got ready i drove off to meet James. I felt confident. I was ready to finally choose for my own happiness and well-being. Enough is enough.

As i walked up to his apartment i could feel myself get nervous again. I tried to shake it off. I rang the bell and James almost immediately opened.

I could hear loud music coming from the living room. As he gave me a hug i peeped over his shoulder to get a better look at what was happening inside. I saw at least 5 of his friends sitting down on the couch. Fuck, i thought to myself. This is gonna make it so much harder.

I gave James a kiss and walked in. He pulled me to the side. "Look Rachel, i'm sorry for last week. I really wasn't myself. It will never happen again." I quickly nodded, still facing the living room. "It's fine don"t worry about it."

I walked in the living room and greeted his friends. "There we have my favorite brunette!" Max yelled at me. I laughed, bowing down to give him a hug. I actually really liked his friends. They were always nice to me and they honestly were fun to be around.

I sat down in between Jordan and Max. "What are you guys doing?" I asked. Jordan held up his cocaine. I laughed. "You guys are unbelievable." Jordan grinned. "We're just getting started, join us!" He said in a cheerful tone. "Oh no, i just came to.."

I couldn't finish my sentence. "Oh come on Rach, it'll be fun." James said. He stared at me with his intense blue eyes. All the courage i had before i left suddenly disappeared. I gave in.

Just a few minutes later and i already snorted my first line. Even though i was extremely disappointed in myself i had a good time. His friends never failed to make me laugh. I tried my best to ignore James, not wanting my mood to be ruined by him. We played a bunch of games, did karaoke and overall just talked a lot.

More than 12 hours had past and it was already 4 am. I got cocky with the drugs and was now super high. I checked my phone to see David had texted me a few times.

12pm: rach, why are you gonna break up w him?

2 pm: did you do it already?

4 pm: I'm getting worried, are you okay?

10pm: Rach??

I was so high i could barely read what was on my screen. I quickly texted back.

R: sorry bvbe i ws busy doink wht god forbids. i'll tect you latwr.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out if the sentence looked normal but i sent it anyways.

"Who are you texting?" James asked me in a aggravated tone. I rolled my eyes. "Just David." James suddenly got angry. "Who the hell is David?" I looked up at him with a surprised look on my face. "You know David, he is my best friend, why are you getting mad?" I could see his friends laugh in the corner of my eye.

I hated when James got like this. He always get's more aggressive than usual. He grabbed me by my arm and dragged me to his bedroom.

"Let me go, now." I yelled in a demanding tone. He didn't let me go and just looked at me with so much anger in him. I never understood why he would get so mad. Especially when it comes to other guys. David was my best friend and he knew that. He was always so friendly with David and now he got pissed? I simply didn't understand.

"You need to block David, right now." I couldn't believe what he was saying. No way in hell i'm blocking David. I couldn't help but laugh, making him even more mad

I remember the speech i gave myself in the mirror yesterday. I need to break up with him right now. I don't deserve this.

I took a deep breath. "James, i can't do this anymore. We need to break up."

I was so proud of myself. I finally did it after months of putting up with his shit. "No the hell we don't." He calmly said. "You're not breaking up with me."

My heart sunk. Now is the time to push through. "Yes we are. I don't care what you say James, i'm leaving. I can't put up with your shit anymore, i'm tired. You treat me like the dirt under your shoe. You don't deserve me." I walked back to the living room to gather my stuff. I heard him yell from the bedroom. "RACHEL COME BACK NOW." I ignored it. "What's going on?" One of his friends, Jason asked me. "He'll explain, i really need to leave now." I quickly gave everyone a hug and said my goodbyes.

I walked to the door to leave. I jumped when i suddenly saw James stand right next to the door. "You're not leaving." He said. I bit my lip. I had to push through. I was still super high so i reacted a bit slowly. "I am James, goodbye." I opened the door to walk out when i felt a fist hit my face.

I screamed out of pain and shock. My whole face was throbbing. I slowly moved my hand to my face. It felt wet. I looked back at my hand. Blood. I looked at James in disbelief. I knew he was capable of doing it but for some reason i thought this was gonna be easier.

I just stood there for a while. High, in pain, confused, not sure what to do. I just decided to run for it. With the door still opened, i ran outside without looking back. I heard him scream my name a few times but I ignored it every single time. I just ran until i found a quite place.

Two streets down i saw an empty bench. I decided to sit down. I was out of breath. I quietly started sobbing. A bunch of emotions hit me all at once. I was hurt and scared but happy i finally did what i had to do. I stared at the sky for a while. Still high as a kite. I laughed at myself. This was definitely the drugs talking but i just suddenly thought the whole situation was very funny.

I must have looked like an absolute freak sitting here with a bleeding eye, laughing at myself because a car stopped right in front of me. I got scared. Maybe it was James, but then i remember he doesn't even have a drivers license.

A woman got out of her car, walking up to me. I had trouble figuring out who the woman was, but then i realized. I tried to hide my face as the woman came closer. I didn't know what to do. It would've been better if it were James getting out of that car, i thought to myself.

The woman now stood right in front of me. "Rachel?" I couldn't believe this was happening to me. There i was, high as shit facing her. I couldn't help but chuckle. "Fancy seeing you here, Ms. Lopez."

——————————————————————

sorry i'm so random with these updates. I get bored and just decide to write another chapter. i hope you like it! likes and comments are always greatly appreciated. as always thanks for reading and let me know what you think! <3