True P.O.V

I woke to the sound of birds chirping and cellos.

I'm lying. I woke to a kick in the side by none other than my beloved brother Chris. I really love our relationship...I'm lying again, Lucky for me the sides my brother kicked wasn't the side the wound was on. Sadly it still hurt like hell.

I truly hate my life.

"Get up you waste of space!" He yelled at me, and if my other siblings weren't awake yet, they were now.

I pulled my arms towards my head to protect it. I could easily hide the bruises on my arms and legs, and back but on my face, no.

I got a couple more kicks before my brother got a call and left the room. I was grateful for whoever called my brother, another couple kicks would have done me in. Why am I so weak?

I couldn't answer that question myself. Genetics? No, my other male family members were tall and strong, and the younger ones would be one day.

I couldn't cut, though the thought often pressed on me. It would be noticed and my family, whether they care or not, would have to deal with it. They'd probably ship me off to a suicide watch place and tell them to keep me, forever. Fuck that.

I pulled myself off the bed, groaning as I did my hand instantly going to my side. It was burning against the wrap and I knew I'd have to clean it but I'd do it later, my family could easily walk in and I didn't need that. They'd think I cut myself. Those pricks.

I picked up my phone, it was a shitty one, I had bought it at Walmart for 50 bucks but it was a phone, I wasn't going to complain.

Kyle had texted me asking if I was alright. I snorted at the text. When would I ever be alright? Not today and definitely not tomorrow.

I doubt I'll survive high school. One can only hope.

I put my phone in my pocket. Looks like I now got plans. Wonderful.

I like that Kyle is trying to make Luke jealous but me and him, it would never happen. I would rather vomit than have a relationship with Kyle. I mean a sexual relationship, I'm comfortable being BFFs.

I opened my door and walked out, purposely avoiding all my family member, including Bryan. I love Bryan but he needs to butt out. What's going on in my life is my business. He needs to stick to his life, cause I doubt I'll be in it much longer.

It sucks. Knowing you're eventually going to die. Some people just die, car crash, instantly killed. In your sleep, you don't feel it.

Some people die a painful death. Stabbed. Shot. Abused and left to die. A lot of messed up shit can happen in 3 seconds. A life can be lost in 1.

I have a special journal. It's hidden in the library. I have it there for a special reason. It's my death journal. Not to be like 13 reasons why that book's messed up, by the way, I explained my life. I don't necessarily blame anyone but more as telling. How I've been bullied and no one cared. How I go home to a family that doesn't give a flying fuck about me or my issues.

I left it there, in the library, it's hidden for now but If I ever feel like today's the day, I move it and put it on the shelf. Then people won't ask why. They'll know. They'll know that my life is fucked up. They'll know how beaten down I feel every time I get slammed into a locker. They'll understand what it feels like to be left in the bathrooms covered in your own blood, no one caring enough to help you.

Because no one ever cares. No one ever will.

I rushed out the front door. I felt like I could scream and cry at the same time.

The words I've been called.

I remember every single word.

Faggot.

Fag.

Bastard.

Puff.

Emo.

Homeless.

Loveless.

Gaymon.

Loser.

Loner.

I remember every line.

"Just go and fuckin kill yourself!"

"The world would be a better place if you weren't in it!!"

"Faggot! Go get yourself raped!"

"Hey my brothers got some friends that would love to fuck you up!"

"Just DIE!!"

No one likes you! End yourself."

"Suicide's the best option! Do us a favor and try it!"

Every day when I go to school, I hear the same shit. The same words. The same lines. After a while who wouldn't believe what the people say?

"I, True Night, am a worthless excuse for a human being and don't deserve to be alive. I shouldn't be alive and one day I'm going to pick up a gun or bottle of pills and just end it all."

I shake my head as walk over to the side of the house where my bike was.

I remember going to school and one kid walked up to me and said his brother had a rope I could use. The kid laughed with his friends. They think its cool to joke about that but I was seriously going to take him up on his offer.

All I needed was a rope or a knife. A gun or some pills. I could end it all. I'd be free. I grinned at that. Free from my bullies, from my family, my life. I wouldn't be missed, not once or twice. If I had a funeral no one would come. No would care. And that's fine. Who needs to be remembered? Not me.

I start my bike up not really caring about if my family heard. These day's I hardly gave a fuck.

I pull out onto the road and head towards a place my brother was to chicken to ever go, a place my father would kill me if he found out I went there. The manor of Alister Clenevence. I wasn't scared of him, unlike most people who knew who he was, I didn't walk on eggshells. Why would I? When you openly except death why fear a guy who can give it to you?

I drove there lost in thought until I pulled up to the large manor. My home was big enough, the Clenevence estate was 2x's bigger.

I didn't need to stop at the gate, they simply let me pass, after seeing I was a teenage child. A teenage child that could have killed them, but they didn't need to know that.

It isn't like I'm coming here to kill the mafia boss, that would be crazy.

Crazy isn't something I need my classmates calling me. Nope, I don't want or need that.

I slide to a stop, and after not seeing Kyle, went up to the door and did something most people are to chicken to do. I knocked loudly. I really didn't care.

I continued to knock until someone opened the door, and anyone else would have died on the spot but I simply glared at him. Alister didn't look like he cared.

"Can I help-" I cut him off with my own voice, overlapping his.

"I'm here for Kyle, can you bring him out or direct me to where he is so I can drag his emo ass out here," I say looking directly at Alister. He was staring at me shocked, baffled even. I would have giggled but I'm a man... rephrase that, I'm a teenage boy.

Alister stepped to the side and let me in. I strolled past him, seeing stairs stopped and did something unimaginable.

"Kyle Wally Emerson! GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN HERE! NOW!!!!" I shout loudly making Alister jump. I smirk. The big guy was scared of a little noise. Pityful.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP CALLING ME WALLY!" Kyle yelled from up the stairs. "Give me like 5 minutes!" He yelled down making me sigh.

Then I smirk.

"He was probably naked after having sex, that bastard. I fuckin texted him 20 minutes ago, bet they fucked again during that time." I say making Alister look at me before bursting into laughter. I look at him confused before chuckling under my breath.

Alister suddenly looks serious. His stressful and controlling demeanor v.s. my calm and collective one.

"You better not be trying to steal Kyle from Luke, I'll have you killed." He seemed to think that would intimidate me.

I look over to him unimpressed, lifting my shirt slightly to reveal a gun. "Try me Mr. Clenevence. I'm just here to pick up my best friend, would be fun to mess with Luke though." I say dropping my shirt again while Alister seemed to be assessing me more closely.

"Relax," My voice made him jump slightly. "I'm not going to shoot anyone, just didn't want to walk into a mafia leader's home without my trusted pistol." I grin at him. "It makes me feel safer."

And at that Kyle skipped down the stairs, halting when he saw me and Alister talking, his gaze going to me, fear in his gaze. I roll my eyes at him and jerk my head motioning for us to leave.

Before we do, I stick my tongue out at Alister and flip him off. Kyle's eyes must have popped out of there sockets because he began to push me out of the manor.

"You have a death wish!" Kyle said wide-eyed like he saw death himself. I rolled my eyes walked over to my bike and carefully put my gun back. Kyle didn't seem to notice climbed on after me. We're going to Luckies.