《The Girl Down Dandelion Lane》Chapter One - Born To Be Me

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I don't love easy, and I'm not easy to love. That is something that has taken me decades to admit. It's not that I'm unfeeling or that I don't care....it's just that something inside of me had been extinguished a very, very long time ago.

You see, I was born into a difficult and tempestuous relationship, so really, is it any wonder that I too, would go on to find that my own relationships would be just as difficult and just as tempestuous?

My mum was a wild and unpredictable eighteen year old when she first met my ten years older, motorbike-riding father. He was married, had two kids already, yet they both still recklessly went headlong into an affair that would be off and on more times than I even care to remember now.

Their affair was passionate and exciting at its best.

Volatile and insecure at its worst.

By the time that I had come along, dad's wife knew about the affair and of the child that had been created on account of that affair. His wife was a straightforward lady, who thought that if she were to adopt me, that would keep the 'other woman' permanently away from her husband. There was just one problem with her idea—my mum didn't want to stay away from her husband.

She also didn't want to end their affair. She would use me, to make sure that she would always be in my father's life, that she would always be tied to him in some manipulative way.

Once my mother's decision was final, that rooted the resentment that my father's wife would carry for both me and my mother.

Again, it would take me many years to understand her constant loathing and her endless hatred. But being born into a world that was full of misguided passion and unforgiving disdain, kind of sealed my fate of who I would later become.

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I grew up with a mum, who wasn't emotionally equipped to consistently ever be a good mum. For reasons of her own, mum would eternally be damaged. Then there was my gutless dad; sometimes there and very often not there.

I had two people, who for me, were never going to be good parents.

They themselves, were selfish.

Together, they were damn right stupid.

Their relationship was never on steady ground, so to bring a child into that relationship, was never going to end well for any of us.

Those two selfish fools, had me.

I think even the things that we don't remember, will somehow shape the people that we'll eventually become.

And I, was sadly born to be me.

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