・❥・

・❥・

I was at an disadvantage, I didn't like sex, I didn't want anything to do with sex. It wasn't my treat, it didn't sugar my tooth, and it probably never will. I'm scared of it, with all passions. And, I hoped and hoped that this day would never come about...because I didn't want to hurt him, the way it hurt me. And, if I were to hurt him, I would just hurt myself. If I'm hurt and not healed, how am I supposed to heal him?

The reasons for all my reasons, has a reason. I promise, Vegas. They really, really, really do. They always have.

*

"Come here."

I point at where I stand, with no emotion casted in my eyes anymore.

"We are going to finish what we started."

When those words spilled from out of my mouth, Pete's face and world darkened.

"Because, I am the king....right?"

I wasn't going to hurt him,

I was just hurt myself.

"Y-yes, you are the king."

"Then come and show me how much of a king, I really am."

Pete stood there still but shivering.

"How?"

"By doing what I did to you." I stick my tongue out, running my fingers in and out of my throat, slowly. Eyeing Pete, deadly.

"Y-you want me to-"

"Get on your 10 toes and suck my dick...all of it, till your eyes hit the back of your skull decapitating you whole."

"Oh." Pete's eyes began to water thirsty.

"Oh?"

"My king, I'm sorry..but I won't be able to do that, I can't."

"Ha." I laugh throwing my head back. "Pete, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you as king, as an order...to fuck me."

"To- to...fuck you?" Yes, Pete. To fuck me.

He gasps.

"My king, how could you say such impulsive language to me, with such confidence."

"Because I am confident, unlike you." I wanted to hit a spot, that hurt.

"Good, you need that confidence as a king." His words play perfectly along with mines. I smirk.

"You're right, and as 'King', using that confidence I'm asking to get sucked and fucked."

"N-no."

"No?"

"I'm not doing that!"

He raised his voice...he's never raised his voice, ever. Who really is Pete?

"Pete...are you raising your voice right now?" He steps back as I step forward, I'm hunting him.

"Stay back!"

"Now, now Pete this isn't a good look on you."

"Who cares, I'm not going to sexually arouse you!"

"Yes, you will!"

"No, I will not!" Pete slashes his teeth, spiting roughly into the water.

"Says who?"

"Says me, I am NOT YOUR CONCUBINE!"

"I NEVER SAID YOU WERE!" My blood pressure is increasingly getting higher than usual, why is Pete working me like this?

"Then stop! Stop all of this!"

The more he steps back, the more I get closer. We were fighting with our eyes and feet, this war was ours.

"WHY?! Why should I STOP!?"

"Because...this isn't like you, you are a good person Vegas...a good person."

Am I really?

"...Pete, you're making me like this..." Pete's entirety was a drug to me, I feed off his energy, I live off him, I need him, I hunger after him.

"Me?"

"Yes"

"Me?"

"Yes, you, Pete Phongsakorn, it's all you." I say whilst pointing at him, gradually getting closer to his embrace.

"No, no don't try and flip this on me."

"...There is no flipping cards here, my love."

"...what."

"It's just telling the truth, something you CANNOT DO!"

"WELL OKAY, OKAY!" Maybe this was truly Pete's breaking point, but I did not care...I was hurt. Hurt so badly, I could hardly think.

"No, 'OKAY', don't you dare say okay, nothing right here, right now is OKAY!"

"....DOES IT MATTER?!"

"Yes! It matters PETE, god!"

When I looked into Pete's eye, it looked like they were trying to tell me something, but they couldn't, they wouldn't...those little pearls were imprisoned to themselves.

"....Pete, I'm ...Pete...I'm..." The process was drastic, trying to let my emotions out hurt more than keeping than keeping them in, at least for me.

"I'm hurt....so deeply, extraordinarily hurt."

"....okay."

Was I not transparent enough for you?

Do I have to spill all my organs,

for you to finally see inside me?

Did I?

I guess I do.

"My love...says okay." I smile faintly, stopping within my tracks. "So, it surely means it's okay..." I could only look up at the stars, and wish upon them in that moment, because what I was about to do...I needed guidance.

"...Pete."

"....y-yes my king?"

"Let's leave shall we...?"

"Yes, my king."

"Okay."

As I walked to the entrance of the pond grey and empty minded surpassing Pete, his spicy sweet pheromones sent messages to my mind causing me to look back at him in an instant, with a slight sniff. He seemed to glow, he seemed light, he seemed unreal....I envied him, so I decided to break him.

"Come." I say while holding out my hand freely, with a sweet smile. I could tell Pete was hesitant, he was afraid. "It's okay, I won't hurt you." And, I wouldn't.

And, just like that...with a few simple words of comfort, Pete Phongsakorn took my hand, and we left that pond. In one piece.

-

I took his hand. Not, because I was comforted by those simple words but, because I was afraid of what he might do if I haven't had. So, I took that hand that reached out to me...like a helpless child with no food, and ate. As I took that hand, and looked into those eyes...they creeped my skin. There was nothing in them, he seemed soulless. I let out an audible gasp, I was swimming in deep disbelief. It wasn't him in his body, it was someone else. Someone that I would keep the lights on for. I shook.

We left that pond, holding hand and hand, but not mind in mind. We were separated ghouls underneath the moonlight.

We walked and walked forever, a walk that I could never forget. The more we walked, we approached a familiar gate. It was the secret passage that his father passed down to him. The passage was hidden sacredly in the very back of the kingdom, in a place that not even the servants have seen yet. We usually used to come back here as kids, to escape reality and to float in our imagination outside of these kingdom walls. Out there, through here, was our freedom. The only freedom we knew of at the time.

I watched Vegas attentively as he struggled to open the passage door, with every push and pull he would grunt so ever loudly. Push Pull, grunt. This lunatic was so loud, but he would never ask for any help. "...here let me help you." I say with a clouded smile, reaching for the door.

He stops everything, pushing my hands away and looks up at me, still drowned in emptiness eyes.

"...no." He wasn't serious, always so stingy and afraid to receive help, that was Vegas.

"...but.."

"...no, I can do it." Sure you could.

His eyes left my eyes returning back to the heavily sealed door. Still pushing and pulling with thunderous grunts, they were so loud that I was afraid he might awaken the whole kingdom. I rolled my eyes at his horrible strength that was being displayed on this ancient door...and then I remembered there was a key. I mean how could there possibly not be one? I remember Vegas telling me the key was hidden underneath the ground by a big rock. That one. With not much looking around, I have already found the rock and the ground by it, that held the key. I tapped onto Vegas's shoulder...

"Vegas, there is a key." For him to forget that there was one, was a bit scary. I could tell he was lost in thoughts, one's that I didn't want to re-spark. I giggle softly, at his sudden remembrance.

"...oh...you're right, there is a key."

"Yes and, it's right by that rock, underground." I point to the rock.

We would have to dig the key from out of the ground, and so we did. Dig, dig. Finally what didn't last forever, we captured the key, and filled the ground up with the same dirt. Layering it perfectly.

The key was polished in the finest gold, not having one scratch nor losing it's perfect yellow overtone. On the sides of the key, imprinted inside was rich rubies, gemstones of every nature. "...wow." I quickly brought my hands to my mouth, hovering them. Looking at Vegas who was bewitched by the keys capacity, his eyes that glowed of pure gold and lights, ringed in my mind.

Like a flip of page in a book, Vegas dropped his eyes from the key rather quickly, directing them into the hole that was designed for it. Opening it, in what felt like a second. Open. The gracious melody of that door being cracked open, was like hearing the sound of a hummingbird sing to you on a misty day. It was heavenly. The that rained from outside that door, multiples to the euphoric thoughts that jumped and skipped inside my medulla. I felt like I was swimming in thin air, levitating with the light that bathed me throughout. Evolutional mushroom high, was what it was...

"Come on.." Whose beautiful voice has spoken upon me, what-

"...Come on, Pete." It was Vegas.

He automatically broke my meditation, like he almost broke that door. I smiled faintly. As I looked up at Vegas, holding the door open tightly, I wondered why he held it with such nasty attitude. As I solemnly pass by to get through the door, a hand lands on my shoulder...

"..hey, is something the matter?" Vegas asks me.

"No, why do you ask my king?"

"It's just seems like you always have something on your mind, so I was curious what it was this time."

I softly smile, "No. Just walking, no thoughts."

"..okay."

"okay."

I knew Vegas wanted to get inside my brain, know my thoughts, but I can't let that happen, not just yet. It wasn't that I wasn't ready, but I just do not want to hurt him, I'm trying not to. I really am, trying. And, although it isn't working like how I wish it would, but it is preventing so much worse hurt. Back there, when I stopped our intimacy that was raining like coins, it was for a reason. A reason that I only know of, a reason that could save his heart. I know it sounds selfish, but I really can't see him go through worse. I would kill myself first.

As that passage door shut behind us, our imaginary world open itself like a mouth. The beauty that leaked out was revolutionary, history to never be forgotten. We were old, but our minds were so young and free. Leaving my side like a bird was Vegas, I watched as he spread his arms out like wings into the air, absorbing all that Mother Nature gave him to take. He was absolutely spellbinding in this air. I watched him like an intruder, reminiscing his steps, leaps, and soft laughter all by himself. He swirled and twirled into the abyss, not a negative energy leaving his bones, he was in an infinite bliss. And, I was in yonder just watching him. The world that seemed so fast, became so slow with him. This old fashioned paradise, will forever be the best and youngest in our eyes.

"Uh..I can feel everything." Vegas muttered.

"Everything...everything...everything, it's like it's in my bones, in my mind, underneath my feet, all around me, all in me."

"I love it!"

Seeing him like this brought tears to my eyes, seeing him like this made me think of his father and mother. How they created such an angel, an angel that wasn't afraid to be one. Seeing him like this made me want to worship ever the last. Seeing him like this, made me remember the moment he stood in that crack in the door, with teary eyes and a banana. Crying with me, all with me when my mother passed, and he never knew the woman, his heart was just filled with such beauty. I hurt Vegas unintentionally all the time, and he never ever... I don't know.

"Pete, come out here! Enjoy Nature!" His smile was grand.

"Okay! Here I come!!"

We played in that wind for what felt like centuries on centuries. A night that was better, than in that pond. A night that I actually enjoyed. A night that didn't have to hurt anyone. Picking weeds, picking flowers, and most importantly picking stars.

After some playtime, our breaths became the end of us...

"Hey, hey okay let's stop." Vegas snorts.

"Okay..but I wasn't done telling you my story." I say with a pout.

"Aww, that's really unfortunate, but I don't remember any storyteller trying to kill someone while telling a story, especially one like yours." He pinches my nose, with a 'awe' face.

"You're really unfortunate, and I wasn't trying to kill you, it's called becoming your character." I say with a high chin and sudden confidence.

"Oh." Vegas tilts his head to the side, like he was analyzing me.

"Oh, is right! As a performer you want your audience to say something like 'oh!', or 'wow' or even 'boo!!'."

"Really?" Vegas says with a unimpressed look on his face.

"Yes, really! I've been acting since the ripe age of 5, and I know you will always want a reaction whether it's good or bad, you just need the attention..it's what keeps you going, because you know at least someone is watching."

"right, I'm that someone and I am watching."

"Great...shall I continue?"

"Yes, your majesty." Vegas shouts out laughing.

"Oh, please stop. You're making me blush."

"Your majesty! Your majesty! Your majesty! Oh! YOUR MAJESTY!" He says while repeatedly bowing his hands and head up and down.

Ha.

I curtsy. "Thank you, thank you now please take your seat, madman."

"Yes, your majesty." That madman smirks.

He takes a seat on the ground with all eyes on me.

Being a performer has always been my dream, and when I joined the theatrical house at the ripe age of 5 , I was disciplined the laws and the true craftsmanship of theatre. How could I forget what I was taught over and over, ever single day.

Performing the popular play "ลาก่อนนางสนมของฉัน", " farewell my concubine" for Vegas Theerapanyakul.

-

Later that night, our minds and tongues were filled with nothing, but pure fun. We walked into the town, with hitched laughs and wobbly walks, everything seemed perfect. The townsfolk looks and stares didn't move us, we were in our little own universe. Soaked of pond water, smelling, sizzling of precum from earlier, it was a daze.

"Pete."

"Yes."

"I'm in the mood..for.. can you guess?"

"A board game!"

"No."

"You want to buy something?"

"Really? Really Pete?" Vegas waves his hands all over his slight wet body, showing there was no money on him.

I giggle at my own response.

"Okay..okay I'm exhausted, what are you in the mood for?" I ask, leaning into his atmosphere.

"Hmmm...For some wine.."

Great.