Watching Ben come home was bittersweet for you. After all, he had abandon you. How were you supposed to feel?

You remembered it like it was yesterday, even though it was an entire decade ago. He was nineteen and you were seventeen, young, dumb, and helplessly in love.

He had gone to train with Luke much earlier before that, but you managed to make your relationship work after that for a few more years. You would visit him on Yavin, he could come see you on Naboo. And it worked.

And then one day he stopped seeing you. And the last you heard of him was the news of his betrayal and turn to the Dark Side.

And he had been your enemy ever since.

But now, after the war, could you possibly fall back in love with him? You were heartbroken when he left you without any explanation whatsoever, but after a few years you forced yourself to get over it.

But now he was back. Your Ben was back and the party to celebrate his homecoming was in just a few minutes, or whenever his father's ship landed.

Could he even love you?

He had the taste of ultimate power. He was the most feared man in the galaxy. Why would a great Jedi want some human like you anyway? He would be a much better fit with a young Jedi like Rey, you decided.

So now you waited; his old leather jacket wrapped around your shoulders and your hands folded before you, rocking back and forth to anticipate his arrival.

And then, the infamous Falcon erupted into the atmosphere and landed before you.

///

You knew for a fact that your heart hadn't beat this fast in years.

Seeing Ben again made your skin tingle. The way he jumped from the port as if he were a teenager, and the way he greeted every body like a gentleman with a handshake. You lurked towards the sides of the event, hoping to discreetly watch hin for a little and then sneak away to ditch the entire event. You had no business with him, and you didn't want to aee him.

But the he smiled. And you found youraelf staring much longer than you antixipated.

He was smiling at Kina, one of the remaining survivors of the Resistance after the battle of Crait. They had known each other many years, so it was no surprise that he granted her such a heartwarming greeting.

Staring at him, he must have felt your eyes. His head turned in your direction and caught your gaze, and his lips parted as he began to completely ignore whoever he was talking to.

Now he turned his body, taking a deep breath and knitting his eyebrows as if he was trying to see if you were real or not. When he saw that you were not just a figmant of his imagination, a smile grew on his cheeks as he licked his luscious pink kips. Tears welled up in your eyes, and you knew you had to leave.

Just as he took his step towards you, towards his true home, you turned and ran as fast as you could away from him.

///

The Party had been going on for almost an entire hour now, but you secluded yourself in your bedroom at the top of the Base's walls, sobbing your eyes out beside your bed.

Why was this fair? Why did he get to leave you heartbroken abd then return like nothing happened? He didn't care about your feelings. He threw you away like garbage. That's what you forced yourself to believe.

You thought you were over it by now. It had, after all, been almost a decade since you last saw him. Ten years and you still felt the same raw emotions that you did. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

You found yourself cringing and silently crying. No whimpers or stuffy noses, just the tear streams down your cheeks; holding the necklace he had given to you.

You remembered how confused you were when you recieved it in the post a few days after the last time you saw him. His blue kyber crystal, wrapped in durable thin black rope. You wore it for a few months, parading it as a sign of love from the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy, but after his abandonment, all it meant was pure anguish and depression. You hated that necklace, and how it reminded you of Ben. But for some reason you kept it.

And there was a knock on the door.

You didn't have to investigate further to know exactly who it was. You didn't want to speak with him. It was the last thing you wanted, in fact. You stayed silent, hoping he would go away.

But of course, Ben Solo never took other people's wishes into account. He let himself in.

You could feel his presence. His aroma wasn't how it used to be. There were fragments of the old aura, but this one was different. You supoosed that was because he was no longer Ben Solo. He was Kylo Ren now.

With a sharp breath, you placed your pendant back in the wooden box you kept it in and pushed it back under your bed.

"I remember when I sent that necklace" said Ben- no, Kylo.

You shook your head. "Shouldn't you be out there. Its your party"

"It's the celebration of the end of the war. It's not for me"

"It might as well be!" You snapped, throwing your hands down on your desk with a loud thump. "The great Ben Solo! Redeemed and restored!" You taunted.

"That's not true--"

"Oh it isn't? Because last time I checked, you only go where the power is!" You screeched "and when you saw the Resistance winning, you decided to mosey on over, didn't you?"

"No," he said in a calm voice, but you cut him off again, now turning around to face him.

"That's what you did last time!" You pushed, tears in your eyes again "as soon as somebody offered you more, you left! Just like that!" You screamed, stomping your foot and letting hot, frustrated tears fall down your face.

His expression was close to unreadable. His eyes were glossy and pink, his lips licked and nervous, and his body language cautious.

"No, I--"

"Yes, you did! Don't try and deny it! You're a goddamn fraud" you pushed, taking a step closer to him as he shook his head. "You broke my fucking heart and didn't even bother with a letter. I--" you squeezed your eyes shut. You knew what you needed to say, but you decided it was too harsh.

Out of nowhere, as of he thought he were some Prince Charming, his lips tell onto yours as his hands grabbed around your neck. At first, you remembered the feeling of his unique lips and the taste of his mouth, but quickly your instincts kicked in and you pushed him off-- practcally screaming bloody murder.

"What are you doing?!" You screamed, two tears slipping into your mouth "I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!" another tear-- or maybe it was his. You couldn't tell "YOU'RE BARELY EVEN HUMAN! I--" you tried to get yourself to bite your tongue but you didn't "AND I HATE YOU! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

A jolt in your heart caused a hiccup, and you knew it was the feeling of Kylo's heart breaking. When you looked at him again, his eyes were dripping. Soaked with tears and his cheeks followed soon after, being completely taken over by his pain from your denial.

You placed your wrist against your eyes and sobbed into them, forcing yourself to turn away from him. You couldn't decide if you had said the right thing or not.

There was a long hull of silence. At least ten minutes of nothing but you staggering your Way to a seat and Kylo watching you clumped over, crying over him as if he were attending his own funeral.

"Y/N, I love you" he finally said, voice shaky and pitch cracking.

You shook your head again and felt tears combine at your chest and continue to sub. "No. You have to leave. I-- I don't want to see you"

"If you'll just give me one more chance," he began, falling onto both knees in front of you and holding your hands, forcing you to look at him "I promise, I will make it all right." Another gleam in his eyes as he continued to sob; a dry tear leaking and him reacting as if it didn't exist. "Because all I want is you"

"Why didn't you tell me this ten years ago?" You cried, pulling your hands away from him.

"No, No please don't say that" he bit his lip and scrambled for your hands. "I need you! I came back for you! Please don't do this! Please!" His voice cracked again.

"Why did you leave?" Your voice softened but was still shaky. "I don't understand it" shaking your head and leaning it on your fingertips, eager for something to rid yourself of your burning headache

"I left because I was confused" he pleaded, still on his knees "And--and all I wanted was to make a life for you and I. I thought I could do that with Snoke"

"You could have told me. You could have written to me! You're a Jedi, for God's sake! You're lying!"

"I'm Not lying. I just want you back" Ben pushed, his voice nearly breaking completely "give me once chance. Just one more"

"No" you said, averting your eyes so that you didn't deal with the look of hurt in his "you don't deserve another chance. I don't deserve to be hurt again"

"I won't hurt you!" He pleaded more, staying persistant, eyes still watery "But I can't keep living like this. Not in this pain. Not knowing you dont love me anymore"

You shook your head again, still looking to the side. It gave him all the answer he needed.

"At least come dance with me. Just one more time. To say Goodbye"

///

In walking out to the main hall, side by side with Ben, you could feel the stares. It was quite the sight, after all. The once ruthless Jedi Killer, escorting the little lady to the ballroom like a gentleman. You weren't hand in hand, mainly because Ben had just barely convinced you to dance with him.

"I thought you meant private" you mumbled as the crowd split; creating a walkway for you and Ben as if you were the King and Queen.

"Of course not. This is the last time you ever want to see me. I want it to be special"

He looked down at you as you took a deep breath, and then he held out his hand-- gloved with black, palm facing up. You returned his look, but this one full of confusion.

"Take my hand. We're going to dance like we did at the Celebration of Leave"

The Celebration of Leave was actually a massive party to say goodbye to Ben and the other few Jedi when they went off to train with Master Luke Skywalker. Food, Happiness, Love, everything. Everything and everybody was there, Yet Ben chose to stay close to you the entire night.

Suppose it is no surprise that you made love to each other for the first time that same night.

"That was fifteen years ago" you whispered

"Just take my hand" said Ben, as the people began to glare.

You took a deep breath and placed your palm on top of his as he led you through the crowd and to the center of the grand hall. The celebration was in the Palace of Naboo, and many civilians and people were there.

But they made way for the new leader of the Galactic Republic, and his once lover.

Now he turned to face you, the room silent despite being full of hundreds of people and all eyes on you. Despite the stares, you could only focus on the pair of dark brown eyes before you, as he took your other hand and placed it on his shoulder, whole that same hand moved to your waist.

Another sharp breath, and then some comfort. The way your hand was positioned, you were able to feel the tips of his now shoulder length long black curls. They were soft, just as they had always been, and you wondered if they still smelled of brand new Sabacc cards and the waters of Naboo like it did when you we're younger.

"Don't be nervous, just relax. Follow my lead" he said quietly, and you nodded, as if the encounter you just had never happened.

"What the hell happened? Why is it so quiet?!" Leia Organa's rhetorical question rang throughout the entire room. You and Ben turned to see her, smiling at the sight of the party.

"The war is over! Its time to celebrate!" She laughed, and it seemed That almost immediately people began laughing and dancing again.

You looked up at Ben again, and he shrugged with a dumb grin plastered on his face. Then, he pulled you closer as the cantina band played a happier tune, and you began to dance.

You didn't know what you were doing, but neither did be. All you knew was the feeling of pure happiness as you swayed around, sometimes with Ben, and other times being tossed to dance with Leia, Finn, Rey, or anybody you happened to cross paths with.

The next few minutes were full of nothing but good times and laughter, and for a short period, you forgot that this would be the last time you would see Ben.

That was until he stole you from your groove with Poe Dameron, and you found yourself in his presence again, his hands on your waist and your hands on his shoulders and chest. Then you began to think.

The way he danced with you now was in a way that only Ben would dance. kylo ren wouldn't do this. Kylo Ren wouldn't accept emotions or happiness, he only wanted power and destruction. Ben Solo felt things. He felt love and compassion for people.

And you felt it too. The love that you had for the boy ten years ago was still alive and thriving.

"Ben--" you whispered, even though you knew he couldn't hear you above the sound of laughter and chatter. He pulled you closer, this time close enough that your chest was against his and you could faintly make out a heart beat

Your arm wrapped around the nape of his neck, not particularly wanting to kiss him, just wanting something to hold on to for support

Suddenly the music seemed to die down, at least it did in your head. All you could focus on was him. And all he wanted to do was stare at you

"I am sorry, Y/N" he said, looking guilty "I swear, I am so so sorry"

"I know," you said, almost instantaneously. "I know you are"

There was no reply after that. Only the feeling of warmth as his face enclosed on yours. His lips brushed against yours, and you pulled back, but he just took it as a part of the dance and swayed with you, still on the hunt for his kiss.

Deciding to toy with him, you continued to sway, forcing him to chase after you with pure desperation in his eyes.

He shook his head and chuckled, knowing your game. Ben held your hips tightly, securing them by his waist, and then dipped you just slightly; but enough to catch his kiss

His lips felt perfect, just the way they were a decade ago. And when he smiled against your mouth, a sign of pure happiness and contentness, it felt even better

"I love you" he whispered quickly, before reaching in for yet another kiss, not letting you reply. It felt good to hear him say it again

People were cheering, as if they knew half of how much that kiss really meant. It meant that you forgave Ben, and you wanted him back. But despite knowing nothing, they clapped and cheered at the mere sight of two lovebirds reuniting after a galaxy wide war split them apart.

Ben pulled away for a second to face the crowd of people, smiling as he held a fist in the air as a sign of triumph. When they cheered again, harder this time, he swooped back to you again, determined to kiss you many more times to make up for the ten years he missed.

Deciding to toy with him again, you turned your head so that he missed your lips, and ended up with his mouth on your jawline, just enough to ear a smile grom him. When he tried again, you shoved your hand in his face, forcing him to step back as you laughed.

But, being as persistent as Ben Solo always had been, he dove in again and again and again until he got the kiss he was looking for.

When your lips parted again, you were the one to smile.

"I missed you, Ben," you confessed

"I missed you too. And I'm here to stay this time" he held your hand tighter "I promise"