Excuse any errors.

Milo's outfit in the mm. 😍

———-

Milo

"I'm scared Brianna.. Like really scared." I said rubbing my hands together. I was in another session this week because I just wanted to get this off my chest.

"Why though? Do you think you aren't going to be a good father?" She asked me as I nodded my head.

"Mentally, I don't think I can do it... What if I have a breakdown while the baby is crying and I lose it or something. I'm scared shitless.."

Brianna nodded her head as if she actually understood the headspace I was in, I doubt she even understood.

"Milo, would you like me to be honest with you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows at her not sure where she was going with this. "I guess. I mean I wouldn't want you to lie to me." I chuckled as she smiled a little before fixing her glasses.

"I think you carry a lot of self doubt..regardless of your mental state I think you'll be a good father and so will Anya."

"I don't think it's a matter of self doubt. I'm just scared of passing these illnesses now to my son or daughter and I don't think I could live with myself it that happened."

"You can't really be upset with yourself about that Milo, it's genetics..."

"I don't think you understand-"

"Well explain it to me Milo, I'm here to listen and understand.."

I looked down at the floor before I shifted in my seat before looking up at her. "I got this shit from my mother, all of my mental illnesses came from her side of the family besides DID I developed that of course due to the trauma."

"Wow, what mental illnesses did your mother struggle with before her and your fathers passing?"

"PTSD and Bipolar Disorder.. the PTSD came from a lot of stuff...She was also diagnosed with Paranoia at some point." I said scratching the back of my neck. "Now that I think about it some of the trauma I suffered from was by her hands and my grandparents...my nana specifically." I said becoming automatically angry thinking of her.

"If you're ok with talking about it we can discuss it.." She said as I played with the strings of my hoodie, my body felt fuzzy and Jax was trying to front but I told him not right now because I needed to vent.

"My nana would abuse my mom when she was little, I learned that when she'd act out she'd lock her in the attic some shit like that I don't really know all the specifics to that however.. I found this out from my aunt Leslie at the funeral.." I ran my hand down my face and bit down on the skin of my knuckle so hard that it broke the skin and when I noticed what I did I kept picking at it. "I'm mentally fucked up.... too fucked up to take care of my girl and our child."

"You went through trauma but that doesn't stop you from being a parent Milo..It didn't stop your mother am I right?"

I nodded my head and sighed. Feeling my phone vibrate I took it out of my pocket, it was Anya and the text made me chuckle a little.

Love of my life 💍 : Can you bring home some pickles and vanilla ice cream? Craving pickles bad. 🥺.

I locked my phone and smiled.

"What is it?" She asked, I know she wasn't trying to be nosy or anything. If she was it didn't really bother me I knew what and what not to tell her.

"Anya's text, she's craving pickles and ice cream. I'll probably go pick some up after I leave here." I chuckled before staring at the table. I don't know how long I was staring at it until Brianna called my name but by that time I had snapped out of the trance I was in.

"Congrats again, I think you guys will be alright, classes are good now ? and how many switches have you had recently?" She asked as I scratched my itching shoulder.

"Thank you. It's down to about two or three times a day. I haven't switched but I know it's coming soon." I yawned, I think I was feeling Anya's exhaustion because I was suddenly sleepy.

"That's good! Now if you're up to it maybe we can bring Anya to the next session? I'd love to talk to her-"

"No!.. I mean no it's cool.." I said now slouching in the chair.

Why does she want Anya here? Isn't this just for us?

"Jax wants to talk." I said putting my head in my hands and rubbing my eyes, I'm not sure where all this irritation was coming from but I let him front anyway.

———-

Jaxon

"Wassup doc?" I said twisting my lip to the side, I was feeling irritated all of a sudden.

"So Milo and I were talking about possibly bringing Anya into one of our sessions.. how would you feel about that?"

"Why? I mean it's our session for a reason I mean you're getting paid to talk to us.. Not her." I said as her eyebrows raised a little. "Besides... bringing her that one time to assist in our breakdown was enough. It's not that we don't want her here but you're helping us..."

"Ok, Ok I apologize forget I mentioned that." She said raising her hands which caused me to chuckle a little.

"A nigga ain't mean to be rude I just don't like people trying to get the people we care about in our business." I said twisting my lips to the side. " I mean unless we're planning on hurting ourselves.. which I highly doubt we'll do that shit again. so there's really no need to involve her.. not right now anyway." I shrugged.

"Understandable." She nodded as I shook my leg in sudden irritation.

"Fuck this shit honestly..." I glared up at her as she furrowed her eyebrows.

"Jaxon.. Is there something you want to discuss? Anything that's suddenly bothering you?"

"I do actually.." I grimaced as my hands were balling up into fists. "I wanna talk about Seven... He's been taunting Milo and it's pissing me off... but he can't die... Unless we kill ourselves. Can we up the dosage or some shit?! I'm tired of his taunting all the time. Anya can't handle it now because she's pregnant and we don't want to stress her out... that's why Milo doesn't let him front anymore."

"Hmm. Do you know why Seven is so mean?.. To her or anyone specifically?"

I shrugged my shoulders and un balled my fists. "I guess he's seen a lot.. What exactly I don't know. Milo doesn't even know so I guess it's hidden away. Resentment? Frustration? I have no clue."

"I think you're at the dosage that's recommended but I'll check on that for you... maybe allow Seven front while you guys are alone and then you can come here and we can figure out why he is they way that he is." She smiled a little before jotting some notes down.

"We'll try that." I said before the timer on her phone went off signaling that our session was over.

"Thanks for not just walking out today Jaxon. I appreciate that. "

"Yeah no problem.. now I gotta get home to my baby girl." I chuckled before taking my appointment card and leaving the office, pulling up to the grocery store I went inside and grabbed the pickles and vanilla ice cream like she asked when she and Milo were texting back and forth.

Standing in line at the register I felt someone tap my shoulder I raised an eyebrow at the random chick. "Wassup ma?"

"I just wanted to tell you that you're handsome." She smiled a little as I licked my lips, she was cute but I already had someone in my life.

"Is that so?"

"Mhm." She smiled before taking her phone out of her bag. "Can I get your number?"

"Oh nah.. I'm cool on that ma. I'm taken."

"Aw pooh, you cant have friends-"

"Honestly if my girl saw me talking to you she'd probably beat your ass and mine. my lil mama crazy but thanks for the compliment though."

"She doesn't have to know."

I chuckled and shook my head. "You're persistent but I'm cool.. You have a nice day." I said putting my items on the counter as she mumbled something about me being ugly or some shit, I just brushed it off because I don't wanna cause a scene I was stirred and ready to go home.

Opening the front door Anya looked up from her phone and smiled before standing up, she walked up to me as I locked the door and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I missed you baby daddy."

"Baby daddy? You ain't tryna let me be your husband now huh?" I laughed raising an eyebrow before pecking her lips a few times. "I missed you too baby mama." She punched me in the shoulder playfully before sitting back on the couch.

"That damn lip gloss..I got your pickles and ice cream like you asked." I said as she made her way back into the kitchen, grabbing the jar of pickles from my hand she popped it open and started to eat them before sitting down at the island.

"Sorry I forgot you hate that lip gloss." She chuckled reaching over to grab a spoon she already had sitting out. She opened the ice cream and dug right in, pregnancy cravings are weird as hell man.

"It's cool ma.. So how was your day?"

"It's was ok I guess. Makayla and I went to Target for a little bit then went to the mall and walked around until I got sleepy and came back here." She said biting into another pickle.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself..Therapy was straight.." I shrugged as she wiped a drip of ice cream off of her lip.

"I really did. Let me ask you something though." She said as I sat beside her, I twiddled my thumbs waiting for her to ask whatever she wanted to ask.

"Are we going to get a bigger place before the baby comes?"

"Of course, we have a good little while until then.. you're only a few weeks along but don't worry I got it taken care of."

When mom and pops passed... moms left us a decent about of money.. we couldn't get it until we were twenty one but we ended up splitting the amount of about sixty thousand dollars in half on top of some money we made from working at a music store before enrolling into college, to say we were set was an understatement... Mom was really looking out.

"Jax?"

"Yeah?" I said looking over at her.

"I want Five Guys."

"What you want from Five Guys ma?" I chuckled at how fast her cravings came and left.

"A cheese burger and a strawberry milk shake and maybe some fries?" She said batting her eyelashes which made me laugh harder than usual.

Damn if she wasn't pregnant already she would have gotten pregnant tonight. "Shut up Lo." I laughed leaning my head down.

"Who said something smart?" She chuckled rubbing her eye.

"Milo talking about some "Damn if she wasn't pregnant already she would have gotten pregnant tonight." I laughed again as she shook her head.

"A mess, all of y'all." She said before our laughter died down.

"I'll order it for delivery. I don't feel like driving up there honestly." I said pulling out my phone to order our food, once it was ordered I hopped in the shower while she was watching some random tv show on Netflix.

A nigga was horny honestly so I handled that in the shower before washing my body and getting out. I didn't wanna bother Anya with the shit.. I mean can you even have sex while pregnant?

After throwing on a grey v-neck and some black sweat pants on I heard the bell ring I guess the food was here sooner than I thought. After tipping the delivery guy about five dollars since he was kissing ass for a tip I locked the door behind me and sat the bags on the coffee table.

"What are you watching?" I chuckled at how focused she was at this show.

"Criminal Minds babe. It's so good." She said grabbing her fries from off of the table.

We sat on the couch and ate while we watched the show, about 45 minutes later Anya had fallen asleep so I carefully picked her up bridal style and put her in bed. Covering her up with a blanket I kissed her cheek and ended up on the balcony smoking a blunt just to relax a bit before I took my night pill.

You know all good things come to an end Jax. Right?"

"Please don't start this shit tonight Seven." I mumbled smoking down the blunt before knocking the ash off and throwing the roach down and stepping on it, once it was out I went inside and tossed it into the trash before going to the bathroom.

I cut on the light and opened the medicine cabinet. You'll see.. you're going to hurt her and she'll never comeback.

"Shut up.." I mumbled taking the medicine before staring into the mirror, I couldn't recognize the person in the mirror it wasn't me and it damn sure wasn't Milo.

It's all coming to a end.. Don't you realize it? Crashing and burning in front of you and I can't wait until it does. Seven's voice boomed loudly in my head. I leaned over the sink and took deep breaths there's no way I was having a break down tonight.

"Please stop. Please, please." I said standing up straight as I started to breathe heavy. I needed to calm down, closing my eyes I kneeled down and took a deep breath.

"I'm not gonna let you ruin this."

You'll see... It's coming.

———

🤯