Matthew

That night passed hastily, the only thing consoling me from boring impulsivity was the chiming of the clock and the Netflix show I had recently begun binging.

As the dawn of a new day rose and the aroma of a chilling tension brewed, I caught short glances at the blonde boy. Whether I was brushing my teeth or styling my hair to be perfectly messy, longing glimpses directed toward him.

" Boys breakfast is ready, " a shout was heard from the kitchen from Arnou (James' father).

We walked there, James having barely managed his clothes on seconds prior as an audiobook managed his attention. Myself, oh I was I mess on the inside, clothes consisting of a vintage Nike hoodie, and some sweatpants.

"You two look good, " a smile came from my father as he set plates of food on the table.

The wooden chair with a plain velvet top comforted me as my left hand intertwined with James the other with his father. Soon my father began uttering a prayer with his eyes tightly shut.

"God I pray that you bless the food that Arnou has made and that you lead us into a fulfilling and enjoyable day. In Jesus name, we've prayed, Amen."

And amen was soon followed by myself and those around me, whether I hated the feeling of his grasp soon coming out of my own didn't bother me. Or at least I told myself such as one bite after another filled my face with food.

"I hope you two are ready for what we're going to do today," my father smiled as though he saw his son attend his first soccer game or rather graduate.

Looks of confusion were thrown at him, leaving a slight chuckle to escape his lips and then, " Well boys we're going canoeing in the lake nearby."

We both smiled a false excitement before allowing them to drop and open for another bite of bacon.

Snickers and childish giggles crept their way out of the pieholes of the two grown men, one with a balding patch that he didn't acknowledge the other with whitening hair. It used to baffle me how even when we turn grey and our body withers away, we can still find solace in the companionship of one another.

Back then all I knew was being 16, my knowledge of how fast that would leave the grasp of my mud-soaked palms was meagre.

"Are you excited ?" his eyes lifted to mine then back down to his eggs and bacon.

"What?"

James lifted his head once more, " I said are you excited, for later."

I sniffed and then shrugged before turning my head back down to my plate that was nearly finished. An abrupt scoot and then the footsteps of a teenaged boy soon being heard by my absent mind. My eyes drifted to the silhouette of him as his footsteps became distant, then they stopped as the creek of a bathroom door was heard.

My fork drifted between my index finger and my thumb, circling and circling until it managed to fall through.

" I need to get something, " I smiled as I left the table, even though my words went on deaf ears.

The bed was comfortable, I suppose, though the discomforting tension made it feel like I was sat of shards of glass. He looked down at me with hands still damp and a face of confusion.

My brain racked for words to say as I had decided that I had to talk to him, to level things out.

"So umm ... do you wanna go on the kayak together ?" I spat out.

He looked as though a smile was laying at the back of the tongue, " I thought that you knew already."

"Knew what ?"

He smiled as though I were an amusing puppy," the answer."

"So that's a yes," his smile widened then a slight nod was directed at me. I whispered 'cool' under my breath as a smile rose upon my lips.

"You're stupid you know that." my back was facing him as his words echoed through the room.

"How wouldn't I, that's the only semi-endearing that you call me."

I turned to see his smile had changed, it was pity mixed with futile apologies " I hope you don't take it to heart."

I opened my mouth to tell him it was fine, that any word he uttered filled me with glee. One that I yet to truly acknowledge let alone embrace. So as you work out my mouth hastily shut.

"I don't know if you need to hear this or not but I think you're really kind. Also, your stupidity is the good kind the type that will," his breath hitched " it will attract all the girls. I doubt they'll want to leave you alone."

I played with a loose piece of fabric from my hoodie, the rugged track toward the lake. The silence almost deafening as deep breaths and taps were all that existed, my eyes naturally drifted toward my side.

A hand grasping at his light blue jeans which had his navy, collard button-up tucked into. The other was grasping at a necklace in which he had worn for years but never explained why it seemed so paramount to him. He rarely took it off, so much so that a few areas had lost their tint.

He seemed mesmerised, as though a wash of nostalgic euphoria had washed over his childish gaze. If I there is one thing that I could say I knew about him was that he could feel someone's gaze as though it were lemon to his paper cut, or rather rubbing alcohol do his open wound.

His gaze, though unwillingly, turned toward my direction. A smile of weary discomfort plastered across his face, his eyes moved from my own to the ground as a breath was taken. His hands now fidgeting more so, cracking every knuckle until they were a sore red.

"Remember that time when we were 7 and we were on that Easter Sunday walk with the church. Faye was too bothered with my sister to care about the likes of us so we were a little duo."

His smile shone, as blonde locks eased onto the headrest.

" So we decided with our 7-year-old brains that we should wander to the lake nearby, " he snickered slightly " we stripped until all that was left was my Superman underwear and your what was it Batman underwear. And we swam in what was most likely a poo infested lake, it was so cold but we didn't care because we were having way too much fun." u

He began giggling to himself as though it were only yesterday this happened. The harmony of joy and fondness toward the likes of yesterday forcing a foreign smile upon my face and a new symphony into my heart.

"Glad to see you two having fun, but I hope you remember how worried we were, " his father looked back at us through the mirror.

"Yeah we thought you two had gotten lost of worse we're abducted by a maniac," my father began " well, of course, I knew you two better than that so I wasn't all that worried."

"Weren't you crying," Arnou snickered. James and I joining to hear the cries of my father telling us how it was my mother not him.

We came to a halt, I could breathe in a sensation of warmth and tranquillity. A smile crept upon my face and a chip removed off of my bruised shoulder, a chip in which I dared ignore so I could forget.

Our father's footsteps led us downward further and further until a lake was within our vision. It was stunning.

The droplets of pristine serenity glimmered in try callow light of the late morning. I couldn't describe it as anything but the finest of mirrors, never showing what dawdled above, rather converting it to an image so magnificently pulverized.

Atop it was a span of Tuscany-blue sky, though it were so mercilessly enamoured it still appeared like mother nature's amphitheatre. The hollowness of the valley multiplied all sound tenfold, from the bumble of need to the burbling of steams aeons away. A visage that lake bore was veneer-clear and placid, flanked by an avenue of cedar trees. To the west a distant phalanx of butterflies grassed my stupefied gaze, they were patrolling the water's edge, called into service one by one being called into a heaven-filtering light.

My father handed me a PFD, a paddle, wetsuits and my swimming short.

"Do you wanna get changed into this in a bit further into the woods with James, " he bit his lip as he realised there wasn't a good place to get change into " umm you two meet us here when you've finished."

We nodded and took brief steps into the woods, just far enough for our fathers to not see us but we could see the spot where our canoes and paddles laid.

I felt as though his eyes were piercing every standing hair on my chest, his empty glances and quick recall filling me with ... with an emotion in which combined almost all so as to be nothing at all.

Soon I realised I had one more unfortunate layer to remove to put on my swimsuit and wetsuit. My underwear.

The way in which I went about this was critical, or at least in the mind of a child. I rather not take it off abruptly so I don't seem like I'm attempting to brag or grab his attention in an "impure" way, however, if I removed it slowly or with my back to him it would seem as though I no longer found him a close enough companion to be childishly naked with. We'd known each other before we could speak, so why would I be uncomfortable now.

Well of course if be uncomfortable, how many times had I tongue kissed him by now. How many times did the thought of his lips against mine, his body warmth filling the air with a lustful humidity crossed my mind? Far too many.

On the other hand, maybe he was yet to know, maybe his brain was made of mashed peas and pure ignorant bliss. Maybe he hadn't yet distinguished my looks of fervour with those looks of grinning friendship in which I tossed at the ripe age of 7.

Maybe I should stop wasting time because he was nearly ready and his underwear was coming off. His eyes to the floor and his prayers to the sky, a blind man could sense his anguish.

A deep breath escaped my lips though it was silent he could feel it, just as he did my looks of lewdness. His eyes drifted momentarily but soon back to the ground with his redbone ears taking in the chirps of birds.

I took it off swiftly feeling his eyes on me lingering longer than they had prior. Before, I could look at him with my swimsuit on his body was turned. His black wetsuit hanging just below his shoulders, as he fidgeted once then twice with the zipper.

"Do you want help"

I felt his body tense at the words that managed out my mouth, he nodded though his back still facing me. The crunch of sticks under my feet was deafening, lingering in the now humid air.

I touched his warm skin as his flinched at the feeling of my touch, whispers of "sorry" leaving my mouth like an ancient hymn. After pulling it over his shoulder I strode to his front seeing his discomfort being written like Egyptian hieroglyphs across his blushed cheeks, his scarlet almost bleeding blessings from the goddess Hathor herself being invaded by fearful teeth.

I felt myself become consumed by his aura, driving me an inch closer to insanity. My body said 'fuck it', my mind 'be caution'. My body began leaning without my permission, it just felt the urge to feel him.

My lips were against his, his eyes closed. One loose hand in my hair the other at the nape of my neck, those tinted roses were interlocked with mine. It felt warm, it was inviting.

My arms pulled him closer, his breaths now heavier and sultry. Whispers of "Matthew" being pressed against my lips, I felt dizzy. His small whispers and moans became confronting pants until I felt a pair of hands against my cheeks.

"Were you daydreaming or something we need to go, " the realisation that it was all in my head. The last moment of passion in which he laid gingerly against my slightly chapped lips, was a mere dream in which left my body still and my eyes directed to a random target.

"yeah, I zoned can I just put on my wetsuit then I'll be fine, " smiled back at me, well it was more of a tight-lipped awkwardness.

By now my feet were crinkled with the incoming water from the lake, of course, my worn shoes had been filled by water in which countless kids had played and pissed in.

We were rowing a little way from our fathers, they were smiling and laughing whilst a silence that could fill the void of a thousand men cut through the clear air. His smile reflected into the lake, I smirked.

"I wish I remembered to bring my camera."

His eyes turned to me, "Why?"

"The view is great, I would've gotten an A just because of how beautiful it is."

A stupid thought crossed his head, his grin was one in which he wore at just before he did something stupidly impulsive. He was just as much a fool as me, however, he managed to hide it. Well, that's until this smirk comes upon his face.

"Why are you smiling like, you only do that when you're going to do something stupid." I looked at him with fearful eyes.

He let out an exasperated chuckle before smiling, "Do you wanna do something dumb."

Without thinking I responded.

"okay"