"What the fuck?" My entire body jerked into a standstill and I felt my heart skip a beat. Crap! Crap! Crap!

I turned around so quickly the same second I saw him enter the kitchen with an expression that held so many emotions I felt like I could explode under his gaze. "What were you guys talking about?"

His eyes burned into mine as he waited for me to answer and my breathing got caught in my throat for a second. I really wasn't ready for this. "Nothing."

Why the hell did I say that?

"That didn't sound like fucking nothing. Who was harassing you?"

I turned my head towards Cole's direction for a second and caught him giving me an assuring look as my blood started pumping quickly. Blake was angry, really really angry. "We don't know yet," Cole answered the question for me.

Blake scrunched his eyebrows and got closer to us, "What?"

Cole sighed, "It was online, the harassment and shit. Peter and I took the account that was posting shit about her down but we're still trying to figure out who's behind it."

Blake looked confused, "Posting shit about her?" He asked, his tone still indicating he was raging. "What fucking shit?"

Now that Blake was closer, I just noticed that his eyes were a bit watery and red at the rims. I almost narrowed my eyes. Was he crying earlier?

"It's a bit of a long story Blake, fucking calm down first, will you?" Cole stepped closer to him but Blake's eyes never left mine.

He clenched his jaw and spoke in a low voice, "Explain. Now." I'm not sure who he was talking to but Cole started telling him everything he knew from the start and managed to catch Blake's attention before I even parted my lips to attempt to explain anything to him.

I could feel the anger radiating off of him as he listened to everything Cole was telling him, briefly mentioning how they edited photos of me but not going into specific details since I was in the room with them, I'm assuming.

Blake's eyes averted to me every time Cole mentioned a different disgusting post or thing the person behind the account would pull on me but I wasn't quite able to tell what he was thinking as his eyes stayed for only a second or two then went back to burning into Cole.

I looked down at the table and fiddled with my fingers as I listened intently to what Cole was saying, also hearing Blake's almost heavy breathing and shutting my eyes close.

My heart couldn't stop pounding in my chest as I thought about all the things that could be going on inside of Blake's head and what he thinks of me now that he found out I'd been hiding something like this from him.

I gulped and squeezed on the tips of my middle and ring fingers until the rosy skin started turning whiter than ever.

I'm such a freaking idiot.

I can't even remember why I hid all of it from the two of them.

What'll Blake do after Cole's done talking?

Will he break up with me?

Would he stop trusting me?

I knew he would be angry- of course, he would be. If Cole flipped out in the hospital room of course Blake would be raging.

My thoughts came to a halt when I realized that Cole had stopped talking and I just knew Blake was clenching his jaw even harder right now. I hesitantly opened my eyes and looked up at them, my heart almost stopping when my eyes locked with Blake's.

My breathing hitched and I saw him unclench his jaw just before he whispered calmly, "How long, Olivia?"

"J-just a bit over a month," I answered honestly, my voice barely over a whisper. My stomach started turning almost painfully when I witnessed a certain emotion cross over his features- one that didn't hold just anger.

He was hurt. I'm not a hundred percent sure why, but I still felt my stomach clench harder at that.

His eyes were still a bit teary from when he entered the kitchen and it just added more pressure to the pain I was feeling deep in my chest.

He parted his lips for a moment but then closed them, and looked away, clearly trying to manage the storm of thoughts taking place in his head. Cole placed a hand over his shoulder and leaned a bit forward, whispering something in his ear and making him lock eyes with me again.

Cole held up one finger to me as he led Blake out of the kitchen, silently telling me he would be back in a minute. I nodded my head and he gave me a warm smile.

I watched them leave the kitchen and ran my fingers through my hair, my heart still beating hard and fast against my chest. I stared at nothing as I thought back to the look he had plastered on his face after Cole had finished talking.

Panic slowly started rising in my chest and I thought about how Blake probably hated me right now and was disgusted with me for lying to him about it. My breathing stopped when my mind couldn't stop reminding me how hurt and angry he looked a minute ago.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I opened my mouth to take in some air but ended up choking on it. The panic grew bigger and I clutched my chest as the all too familiar feeling hit me.

I can't breathe.

He was angry.

He hates me now.

He's gonn-

I can't breathe.

No, no, no. no.

I clutched the table in front of me and closed my eyes, trying my best to focus on my breathing. I tried deeply inhaling it again but just ended up choking all over again.

I quickly opened my eyes and clutched my neck, still feeling like I was suffocating- no, no... I was suffocating.

I wheezed and my eyes widened when I remembered the pills in my room.

I forced myself to step back and let my feet carry me to my room, barely focusing on the boys' voices coming from the other side of Cole's door as I sprinted past it and breathlessly searched for the pills in my room.

My eyes stung, a few tears escaping them as I tried my best to remember where the hell I had placed the bottle of pills the last time I had taken them. I clutched my chest.

I'm gonna die.

My knees abruptly gave out and I fell to the ground, letting out a sob and moving my hand back to my neck, trying my best to take a deep breath in.

My body suddenly jerked when I heard the sound of a crash come from Cole's room and I froze, the panic almost swallowing me whole.

He was angry.

I can't breathe.

I felt the muscles of my heart tighten with incredible force and my body shook uncontrollably, a gallon of tears escaped my eyes and traveled down my face and I just wanted it all to go away. I wanted it to stop. I couldn't breathe.

I quickly and shakily brought my knees to my chest and gasped for air, my eyes searching around the room for my pills, barely able to spot anything through the tears.

I cried harder, which made it even more difficult for me to breathe. I can't take it anymore.

I don't want to die.

I thought I heard the sound of a door opening and I drowned deeper in my panic and fear, I didn't exactly know why though, I just couldn't focus on anything but my failed attempts at breathing properly.

My eyes stung from all the of tears that were pouring out of them and I froze when I suddenly heard more than one deep voice say something from the hallway and my body trembled even more.

I couldn't comprehend what my ears were picking up and I paid almost no mind to it as I shut my eyes close and held my breath for a moment so I could try and take a deep breath after that but I stopped when I heard my name being called out from far away.

I couldn't tell if it was Cole or Blake who was calling me but my ears almost perked when my mind finally started catching the voices around me.

"Olivia!" The voices grew louder and closer and I managed to open my eyes when I thought they were only a few feet away.

"Livi?" My head shot up and I blinked through my tears, spotting two figures standing in the doorway of my room. I gasped out for air and my vision went back to being blurred when more tears came out of my eyes but I could still see them rush towards me.

Blake knelt in front of me and I released a sudden sigh, tried opening my mouth to speak. But no words flowed out. I gasped again. Then with a little more strength, I said it, but it came out hoarse, barely audible. "I can't breathe,"

"She's having a panic attack- look for her pills!" I choked on my breath and clutched my chest, sobbing harshly "Shh, Livi look at me, baby," Blake held my face.

I looked at him and he quickly wiped at my tears so I was able to see him, I noticed Cole frantically looking around the room for something in the back but I disregarded it as my body couldn't stop shaking.

Blake seemed to notice that because he picked me up and set me down on his lap, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me to his chest slowly so he doesn't add more to the panic. He pressed my ear against his heart and my ears immediately started picking up the sound of its beating.

"That's it, I need you to only focus on my heartbeat and breathing, Olivia, can you do that for me, darling?" He whispered in my ear and I barely nodded my head. "Cole search for it in my room," I heard him say in a louder voice.

My mind became less foggy and I slowly parted my lips, clutching onto Blake's shirt and listening to both Blake's breathing and heartbeat, trying my best to make my breaths come out at the same time his ones did.

My eyes went back to pooling when it didn't work. I couldn't inhale properly. I sobbed and shook more. "I'm gonna die."

I'm gonna die.

I can't breathe.

I'm gonna die.

"Shh, shh, no you're not. This isn't real Livi, concentrate on you're breathing a bit harder, I'm here with you." He kissed my head, "In... until I say out, okay?"

I nodded and parted my lips again, "You can do this," He whispered and I took a breath in.

"Good job, see? Inhale deeper next time though, okay?" He whispered.

"Y-yeah," I answered.

"In..." He started again.

I took a deep breath in and he rubbed circles over my back, slightly reducing the panic by doing that, "Out..."

I let it out. "Good job, you're doing so good, sweetheart. Take another deep breath for me," He cooed, his gentle voice also taking part in taking the edge off the panic in my chest.

I took another deep breath the same moment I heard Cole's voice, "Found it!"

Blake let out a relieved breath over my head and he kissed my temple, "In..." He repeated for me before telling Cole to pass the bottle to him.

I didn't stop inhaling deeply and clutching his shirt in a death grip as he took the bottle from Cole and something else, which I'm guessing was a glass of water.

"Out..." He whispered, opening the bottle and pulling out a pill for me. He waited for me to let my long breath out before lifting my chin with his finger and brushing his thumb over my bottom lip, gesturing for me to open my mouth.

I looked at him through watery eyes and clutched his shirt tighter, opening my mouth and letting him give me the pill along with helping me gulp down half of the cool glass of water.

He pulled my head back to his chest once I was done and continued whispering to me in a gentle voice, "In, again..."

I obliged and he didn't stop cooing and praising me as Cole walked over to us and sat down beside us. Blake wiped my tears with his fingers while I continue taking deep breaths and whispered, "Can you rub circles on her back for a minute?"

I felt a hand graze my back gently and trace shapes over it, doing a huge job at making me relax better.

Blake continued wiping my tears before brushing his fingers through my damp front locks and moving them away from my face, gathering my hair lowly behind my neck and tying it with one of the colorful hair ties that were wrapped around his wrist.

I took one more deep breath, let it out, and let my eyes close. I wasn't really sleepy, but I felt drained after the massive panic attack and I still felt like I was on the verge of crying, remembering what caused the panic attack in the first place.

I sighed and stuffed my cheek further into Blake's chest, letting his manly scent wash over me and savoring the moment, knowing it wouldn't be like this an hour later or after that when it's time for us to talk.

When he'd probably break things off with me or call me a fat lying coward.

I held back the whimper and I'm guessing the boys thought I had fallen asleep minutes later because Cole stopped rubbing my back and I heard the sound of their barely audible hushed whispers and the shuffling of something beside me as Cole stood up and left the room, closing the door behind him.

I heard Blake sigh above me, pressing his chin over my head and holding me tighter in his arms, making me hold back tears and squeeze my eyes shut even more.

A minute passed before he held me even tighter and I felt him rise from beneath me and carry me to the bed. I went back to clutching his shirt hard when I felt him lower me onto the bed, almost opening my eyes when I thought he was gonna leave me but keeping them shut when I felt the bed dip beneath me.

He pulled the warm comforter over us and I felt him shift closer to me, but he didn't wrap his arms around me or pull me to his chest. My heart painfully squeezed at that.

He's mad at me.

He doesn't want me anymore.

I held back the urge to clutch my chest and I just concentrated on listening to his breathing, trying to tell what he was doing.

I could feel his eyes on me, and his breathing was calm... but not as calm as usual. Not as calm as it was a few minutes ago. Something was wrong.

I felt his head shift over the pillow and the sound of his breathing was no longer as close as before, telling me he had moved his head away from me.

My chest almost shook at that and all I wanted to do was cry. But I couldn't. I bit my tongue and pressed my cheek harder against the pillow. I went back to listening to the sound of his breathing but then suddenly froze.

Something was wrong.

I couldn't stop my eyes from opening this time and I almost sucked in a breath when my eyes met his. I was right something was wrong.

His eyes were wet, no tears were escaping them, but they were still wet. I could tell that they were close to turning red at the rims. His fist, which was resting beside his head, was white from how hard he was clenching it, and his lips were parted.

"Why?" He whispered, his voice soft yet sounding like it was so close to breaking.

I slightly opened my mouth, my eyes also growing teary, but no words escaped my lips. I didn't exactly know to respond to that.

"Why didn't you tell me, Livi?"

I closed my eyes for a second before opening them and answering, "I didn't think it mattered."

He stared at me, his hazel-green eyes searching mine for a moment, making me feel a bit nervous, "How does it not matter, baby?" His voice was still so gentle. "How does the idea of someone harassing you and cyberbullying you online, with hundreds of random people viewing their posts and leaving shit comments there for you to read, not matter?" He reached his hand out towards my face and brushed an escaped lock away from my eyes, "Hmm?"

"Tell me, Livi, how many panic attacks did that account trigger behind my back? Was it the reason you tried to skip breakfast all those times in the past few weeks? How many tears did you shed in your room while Cole and I were just across the hallway?" He gently played with my hair.

"Do you really think none of all those things mattered?" He caressed my cheek. His eyes were still watery.

"I'm sorry," My eyes grew just a bit tearier. "I swear I didn't mean to make both of you guys angr-"

Blake placed his thumb over my lips, stopping me from continuing to talk. He eyed my lips for a second, "I wasn't angry at you Olivia. Yes, I was mad that you kept it from me, I was fucking pissed at that, but I was even more pissed about the fact that the whole thing happened without us finding out and it just went on like it was nothing, and finding out that it's been happening to you for over a month was just icing on the fucking cake. It wasn't something that should've worried you the way it did, though- you had a major panic attack for God's sake," He sighed.

I breathed beneath his thumb and he shifted a bit closer to me, moving his fingers back to my cheek and stroking it. "Please don't hide stuff like this from me anymore, baby." His voice came closer to breaking.

I quickly nodded my head against his palm, "I won't anymore, I promise."

He stared at me with a heartbreaking look through his eyes and I really wanted to slap myself for being the cause of it. He slowly leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, not making a move to lean back and keeping his lips there as he spoke, "Was this the thing that was bothering you the other day in the hospital?"

I nodded my head against his soft lips and he buried his fingers in my hair, right behind my low ponytail, letting his thumb brush my left cheek. He kissed my forehead again then trailed his lips a little lower, to my temple. He sighed against it and kissed me there too, letting his lips linger for a few seconds longer than usual.

He pulled my body closer and kissed my cheek right beside where his thumb was stroking. I heard him breathe in a bit shakily before letting his breath out and I swear I thought I felt his chest tremble beneath me for only a split second.

I lifted my head so I could eye his face and he looked down at me, brushing his nose against mine, "I'm sorry for making you panic."

I shook my head, causing our noses to bump into each other, "It's alright. I was just being stu-"

"My fucking god, Olivia," He cut me off, "Why the fuck do you think this lowly of yourself?" His tone wasn't sharp, it was still gentle, but a hint of anger was still expressed through his words, "You were just being stupid? The only thing even slightly close to stupid about you is how quick you are to undervalue yourself. You were having a panic attack, baby, you were barely able to breathe, how the fuck is that you being stupid?"

I didn't open my mouth to answer and I felt like crying when I saw him sit up. Was he gonna leave?

I breathed when he helped me sit up too and picked me up, placing me down on his lap to straddle him and cupping my face. "You're so much worthier than you let yourself believe, Olivia. You're way more beautiful than you also let yourself believe. You deserve so fucking more than what you receive and It's time you actually make an effort at believing that."

He caressed my cheeks, "We're gonna work on that. Every single day of this goddamn quarantine, together, till you turn into an arrogant little shit who knows she's better than every-fucking-one around her, you hear me?" He gave me a smile.

I couldn't help but smile back, "So you're turning me into a female version of you?"

He hummed and ran his fingers through my hair, "Maybe." He leaned forward and captured my lips with his own, still smiling.

♛

I stirred a bit in bed before opening my eyes and breathing out, rubbing my eyes and looking around the dark room, sighing when my eyes landed on my alarm clock and read 2:37 am. Blake and I had fallen asleep way too early cuddling, and I'm guessing my body was just not used to sleeping that early without taking my sleeping pills.