Amelia actually managed to fall asleep after that, thankfully. I didn't want to get in trouble the first day working here because she wouldn't sleep. But I sang to her – badly, may I say, but she liked it and she fell asleep on me.

Alexander still didn't turn the music down, that selfish prick, and it only irritated me further.

I go finish unpacking my stuff while Alexander's horrific music continues blasting through the house. It soon doesn't bother me anymore and I just decide to ignore it and him altogether.

When I'm done with unpacking, Amelia is up again and Alexander finally turned his music down. The house became quiet then, except for Amelia's laughter ringing through the walls. And her laughter was contagious.

When Mrs Holt came home from work, Amelia and I were on the floor, me having a kid's book in my lap and Amelia guessing the animals she saw on the pictures.

"A pig!" Amelia squeals as I applaud her just as Mrs Holt comes into Amelia's room.

"Hello," she greets us warmly with a big smile.

Amelia immediately shifts her focus on her mum and runs into her outstretched arms. "Mummy!" she exclaims excitedly.

"Hey, baby. Did you have a good day today?" Mrs Holt asks her daughter, stroking her hair in a motherly way.

"Yes," Amelia says. "I play with Gabby."

Mrs Holt turns her eyes on me, sitting on the floor with crossed legs, still having a kid's book in my hands. "That's really nice of her," Mrs Holt says, her eyes never leaving mine.

It seems like she's studying me and it's a bit unnerving. "Are you two hungry yet?" she asks us when she seems content enough of what she saw.

"Is daddy coming to dinner with us?" Amelia asks her mother, looking up at her.

"I'm afraid not, baby. He has to work longer today."

Amelia hangs her head in disappointment. "He works a lot," she comments quietly.

My heart breaks at her words and her sad expression. It's funny how much I came to care about her in only a day spending with her. Mrs Holt wraps an arm around Amelia's small body and puts her closer to her. "I know, sweetheart. But that's his job and he likes doing it."

Amelia is quiet for a second. And then she breaks my heart once again, "He likes the job more than us?"

My eyes widen at that and I quickly look away so Mrs Holt doesn't see my expression. Mrs Holt is silent for a few seconds, probably wondering what to say to her daughter. "Of course not, sweetheart," she decides on saying. "He would never love anything more than his family," Mrs Holt reassures her.

"Let's go eat something. Gabrielle, come," she says and I finally let myself lift my head up, only to find Mrs Holt already walking out of the room, her hand clasped around Amelia's while she's bouncing up and down, telling her mum what she did today.

We sit down in, what I call, a great dining room. It's so huge, the table alone could probably hold at least 30 people. It's enormous. I'd say it's perfect for when a couple fights. If each one of them sits on each end of the table, I doubt they'd even see each other.

Not even joking much here, the room itself is really huge.

But Mrs Holt insists on sitting close together. When we three sit down, Alexander isn't there yet. I hold a trace of hope he won't even present himself at the dinner.

The house lady serves us dinner. I think it's a bit too extravagant for my taste and I offer myself to help to serve the dinner, but Mrs Holt only dismisses me with a flip of her hand, saying, "Nonsense. You're not paid to do that."

So, I sit there, all uncomfortable, while I let another person serve me a deliciously looking dinner.

Halfway through the meal, Alexander strolls in the dining room with a grim expression, his messy hair slightly damp.

"Where have you been?" Mrs Holt asks, staring right at him.

Alexander doesn't look at her as he takes his seat. "Out," he clips, barely even moving his lips to form the word.

I hear Mrs Holt's sigh on my left. I stare down at my plate, not having it in me to look anywhere. I don't even want to make any movement and remind anyone that I'm at the table. Basically, I don't want Alexander to notice me.

"How was school today?" Mrs Holt tries to make a conversation with him.

Alexander doesn't have it in him to be nice, apparently, not even to his mother. "What's the point of these questions?" he says rudely.

I roll my lips into my mouth, barely containing my wince at the raise and coldness of his voice. "If I ask a nice question, I expect to get a nice answer, Alex."

I hear something drop on the table with a loud noise, assuming it must be Alex dropping the spoon, but I don't look.

I keep my eyes trained on the plate before me. "Stop asking me damn questions, then, mother," he spits out.

I literally shudder.

I see Mrs Holt's finger twitch on her right hand she placed on the table. "Stop using curse words in this house, will you?" Mrs Holt says calmly. And then she grabs her spoon and continues eating. Just like that. "Oh, by the way, I'd really appreciate it if you showed Gabrielle around the town a bit."

I almost choke on my food. Please. No. Don't include me in the conversation.

Alexander actually snorts, looking at me with pure disgust. "No, thanks. I'm not going to babysit."

"She's a year younger than you, Alex. You wouldn't have to babysit her. Just maybe show her around," Mrs Holt argues.

I'm going to slip under the table if they don't stop talking about me. "No, Mrs Holt, it's alright. Honestly, don't pressure him if he doesn't want to," I say with a dry throat, just trying to help them and save all of us from the ticking bomb across the table.

Mrs Holt tightens her lips and then nods.

"Gabrielle, did Amelia sleep okay today?" Mrs Holt directs her question at me after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, laced with tension.

Oh, no. Don't switch the attention on me, please. I look at her. Out of the corner of my eyes, I see Alexander ignoring us both completely, eating silently and staring down at his plate.

"Yes. She woke up once, but I managed to make her fall asleep again," I answer quickly.

"Loud music wake me up, mum," Amelia decides to butter in then.

I freeze in my seat.

"Loud music? From where?" Mrs Holt wants to know.

When Alexander sharply looks at me from under his lashes, narrowing his eyes at me in silent threat, I break out in a cold sweat.

"Alex," Amelia says and shrugs as if that explains it all. She takes a full spoon in her mouth, not knowing this is going to all blow up soon if I predicted it correctly.

Mrs Holt turns her stern gaze at her son. "Alex shouldn't be home yet when you were taking a nap."

"It might be Gabrielle, then, no?" Alexander says, looking at me and cocking his head on the side as if he's expecting me to confirm his words.

My lips feel like they're glued together.

"Gabby tell me it was Alex," Amelia says and nods her head as if agreeing with herself. She beams happily at me then, and my lips part in cold tremor.

Oh, no. Oh, my God. I look down at my plate quickly, but I feel Alexander's burning gaze on me, probably wondering which way is the fastest to murder me.

"Is this true, Alex?" Mrs Holt, ever the calmest one, asks.

"Like you even give a shit about what I have to say."

Amelia giggles. "Mum, he say bad word!"

Mrs Holt ignores her and I look to see her glaring at Alexander.

"I actually do, Alex. That's the thing. I care about you, but you keep pushing me away – all of us."

There's a silence on Alexander's part. Until he abruptly stands up, roughly pushing the chair away from the table, creating a screeching sound when it scrapes the floor. "Fucking bullshit," he says. He turns around, thrusting his hands in his hair and walks out.

We all wait to hear the front door open and then slam close. I exhale out a deep breath I haven't even noticed I've been holding this whole time.

"Is he gonna be punished for saying bad words?" Amelia asks, not sensing the tension in the room is so thick, I could cut it with a knife.

Mrs Holt puts the cutlery down, wiping her mouth. I notice her plate is still almost full. "Yes. Now eat up, darling." She forces a smile for her daughter.

•••

I insist on helping the house lady clean the table and do the dishes. I find out her name is Rosanna and that she's been working for this family for 18 years, which is pretty impressive. I tell her so.

Rosanna smiles and nods. "They're nice people. I started working here when Alex was just one. I watched that boy grow up, and now I get the privilege to watch Amelia turn into a girl I always expected her to be. Too bad I couldn't see –" Rosanna quickly shuts her mouth and places two fingers on her mouth.

I look at her and wait patiently for her to continue, but she doesn't. Instead, she swiftly turns around and laughs. "Oh, dear. You shouldn't be in here helping me. Go do what you kids do nowadays"

A change of subject, then. She's totally hiding something, but I don't think it's my business to know what it is, so I don't pry.

She's actually pretty nice. I'd say she's in her early fifties maybe, with slight gray hair on the sides, but the rest is still dark black. I admire how she barely has any wrinkles, too. I'll probably look like she does right now when I'm thirty.

"No, I ... I don't have anything to do," I say. What could I even do? I'm still new.

Rosanna raises her eyebrows at me. "Is this your first time being in London?"

I nod and lean my hip against the counter, crossing my arms in front of me as Rosanna runs the water for the dishes. "Yep," I reply.

She looks at me again, her eyes soft on me. "Gabrielle, you should go and explore. London is a big city. It'd be a shame to spend it in your room. For how long are you staying here?"

Her words sink in. Yes, indeed, London is a beautiful, big city I've dreamed of seeing. And now that I'm here and have the chance to do it, I suddenly feel ... uninterested in doing so. I'm so used to spending my time hiding in the house, it makes me shake in fear to go out and be around people.

I'm so afraid they're going to see right through me. That they'll judge me. I can't take the judgmental stares and whispers anymore. There comes a point in your life that you just break. You need a change before the life you live will ruin you completely. And I refused to give in to my misery. I refused to be the girl people hated and whispered about, even sending me threats. And they were usually the people I never heard of before in my life. They were also the people who heard about something and thought they knew everything about my life and they had a room to judge. It was a struggle.

I was often afraid to even get out of my bed in the morning, afraid of what's waiting on me that day. I never went out of the house unless it was absolutely necessary. I never went shopping until I got sick from hunger and starvation sometimes.

And what was the worst of it all ... I couldn't stop it. I had no one. I was no one. I could only sit back and let people tear me apart.

Or I could pack up and disappear. And never see them in my life again. Then take a start somewhere else, somewhere where I would be just another face in the crowd and nobody would point a finger at me.

So that's what I'm trying to achieve here and now. And look what a successful start I've already had. Making an enemy of a person who I have to live with for a year.

If he doesn't kill me before this year will be over.

To answer Rosanna and get back from the dark thoughts, I say, "I really don't know how anything here works. As I said, it's my first time being here and I don't know anyone yet. I'm afraid I'd get lost."

Rosanna turns fully around to face me. "Why don't you ask Alex?" she asks kindly, curiously.

I can't help the laugh that escapes me. Are people losing their minds? First Mrs Holt tries to persuade him to show me around, and now Rosanna is asking me why I don't ask him if he'd do it. "Uhm, I'd rather not."

Rosanna looks to be thinking about it for a moment. "You know, Gabrielle, he's not as bad as he portrays himself to be. At least he didn't use to be," she mutters that last part.

I dwell on her words and let them reassure me. See? He's totally more bark than bite. I nod and try to lift my lips up in a smile. "I don't think he likes me, so I'll just try to stay out of his sight."

Rosanna stares at me for a few seconds before her lips form a small smile and she turns back to the sink. "You might be wrong about that, girl," she says quietly.

I don't say anything in return, staring at her in shock, trying to read between the lines. But she runs the water and I have no choice but to help her clean the kitchen silently.

•••

It was eight o'clock when we were finished in the kitchen. She prepared us both a hot cocoa after we cleaned the kitchen and we chatted a bit. She was 54 years old, I found out. But she acted and looked like she was 35, which I told her and she just laughed.

I also found out that she has no kids. Her husband died young because of cancer. When I asked her why she didn't re-marry, she just looked me deeply in the eyes and said the words I'll forever remember, "Because, Gabrielle, we had that kind of love that I would never find somewhere else. Nothing would come even close to what we had. And he showed me I should never settle for anything less."

This made me think. I was normally a dreamer. I wanted to find someone like that, too. One day, perhaps.

As I'm heading up the stairs, as quietly as I can, because Mrs Holt is putting Amelia to bed, I head towards my room. I'm exhausted, so I hope I would sleep better tonight than yesterday.

Sleepless nights were something I got used to years ago. It's even worse when you can't use the sleep as an escape, because the sleep won't come, and when it does, my life haunts me even in my dreams.

I'm near my door when someone wraps a hand around my forearm, yanking me backwards, pressing my back against the wall.

Alexander is in front of me, his hands on either side of my head. He's staring at me with a hard look and cold eyes.

I put my hand against his chest, trying to push him away from me, but he doesn't budge. He steps even closer to me, intimidating me with his height. I drop my hand down in fright.

"Listen here, Little one. Pull a stunt like that again and you see what happens," he breathes on my face, his breath smelling of smoke. My eyes water, hating that smell.

"What stunt? I didn't do anything. It was all you." I try to push him off me again. "Please, get off. Your breath smells disgusting."

He leans his face closer to mine. "I'm telling you. Make your little brain remember this warning. The next time it won't be just a warning anymore."

With a final dark look in my eyes, he steps back and walks away. I stare at his back, frowning, yet breathing hard.

He might be weird, but he scares me. I don't know him. I don't know what he's capable of.

I'm still standing outside my room when Alexander comes out of his room, wearing all black. I'm sure the pure fear is written in my eyes as I stare up at him, wondering what he came out for now.

But he goes past me with one last dirty look that makes me feel like I'm just dirt beneath his feet. When he starts walking down the stairs, I pull myself up and rush into my room, making sure three times that the door is locked.

I lock myself in the bathroom and strip my clothes off my body, turning to look myself in the mirror. It's been years since I liked what I saw in there. Now, I'm just ... another stranger to myself, it seems.

I lost a lot of weight. I was never over-weight or anything, but now literally all my bones are visible and prominent. My cheeks are hollow and I have that unhealthy colour on them.

I stare at myself with a serious look.

I know I might've been a stupid and scared little girl back in France. But I don't have to be that here.

And I refuse to remain that girl.

*