‘No, Finn, no you don’t’ she yelled ‘isn’t that was this postponing forever shit was all about’

‘I-I’ Finn's mouth fell open in shock; he had never seen Rachel so angry before.

Rachel's anger was quickly replaced by tears though ‘W-Why was I never enough for you?’ she cried before breaking down and sinking to the floor. Finally allowing three years of hurt seep out.

Snapping out of his stupor Finn crawled to Rachel and pulled her into his arms ‘oh baby you are my every dream come true’ he cried.

Rachel couldn’t respond her body was sobbing uncontrollably now and she allowed Finn to sooth her through it, clinging on to him as though it would be the last time she was in his arms because potentially it could be.

‘Y-You say that you love me but you never wanted to be with me’ she cried then.

‘Oh El’ he closed his eyes at the pain he heard in her voice. It would be so easy to tell her the awful truth about everything but then he would do the one thing he had tried to prevent over the past 4 years. He knew she would have to make a choice and that’s not what he wanted for her.

He wanted to tell her that everything she wanted he wanted just as badly. He wanted her face to be the first one he saw every morning, not because they ate breakfast together but because she woke in his arms. He wanted her to know that she was his; he was hers for the rest of their lives. He just wanted her to know the truth so badly. It had been hard the past three and half years watching her get ready and go out on dates knowing it wasn’t what she wanted to do but that she did it because he asked her for time. He knew she never expected him to need this much time and he had just hoped she could hold on till graduation and then he would make everything right regardless of what anyone else said.

He realised now that maybe that’s why he had been so weak with Serena. He wanted the things he couldn’t have with Rachel.

‘I do love you’ he told her ‘and I want to be with you so bad. I just didn’t think it would work though’ he told her.

Rachel pulled away from him then ‘you doubted us before we even started?’ she asked.

‘No, that’s not what I meant’ he replied cursing himself for not thinking before he opened his mouth because that had come out completely wrong.

‘You know what Finn I think your either a liar or a coward so which one is it. I mean even a guy like Michael with all his issues with family and relationships is able to have a healthy relationship with Maria. It seems commitment is right for everyone but you’ she bit back angrily.

‘Your right Rachel I am a coward but I’m not lying about my feelings for you. You’re the one’ he told her.

Rachel shook her head. She didn’t know what to believe anymore, she was angry and hurt over the whole Serena situation but the truth was she knew it was just the beginning of her anger and hurt over the entire situation.

‘Don’t you get it El we could never be like Michael and Maria or even Alex and Isabel’ he cried then.

‘What do you mean?’ a confused Rachel asked.

‘Sure El they love each other and they’re happy but you and I we don’t do things halfway. If we’d continued to be together after Prom it wouldn’t have ended at us coming to New York and living together. Eventually that wouldn’t have been enough for us and in the end I would have ruined your life’ he cried.

‘What?’ Rachel asked shocked ‘How could you think you would ever ruin my life?’

‘I would have because whether is was after Prom or even a year later eventually I would have asked you to be mine forever, I would have asked you to marry me because nothing else would do. Sure we would have kidded ourselves saying that we were going to wait until after graduation but I know we wouldn’t have and in the end we would have been married before we graduated. Then before we know it you would have been pregnant Rachel and then all your dreams about working as a microbiologist would go out the window and you’d accept a job close to where I worked instead of the one you really wanted. Then after the baby was born you wouldn’t go back to work and over the next 5 years or so we probably would have had a couple more kids. You would have decided to pursue your own career again until the kids went to school, only then you would probably find that your 10 year old degree means nothing because you have no lab experience and that’s when you start to regret Rachel. You start to regret me and our children and out life because you gave up all your dreams and I don’t even want you to regret anything we do.’ Finn began sobbing then finally relieved to get it off his shoulders after all this time. It wasn’t the complete truth but it was most of the truth.

Rachel sat watching the man she loved with her entire heart sobbing uncontrollably. Everything he had said had shocked her to the very core, had he really thought he would be ruining her life. Did he really want to marry her?

Rachel took him into her arms then and allowed him to cry, things certainly weren’t over.

By the time three o’clock came Finn had calmed down considerably. He sighed when he looked at the clock realizing he would have to leave now or risk missing Serena and he wasn’t prepared to let this thing with her slide any longer.

He walked into Rachel's bedroom and pushed the already open door open further.

‘Rach’ he called to her hesitantly.

Rachel lifted her head from the bed where she was studying.

‘I’ve gotta go meet Serena to talk to her’ he told her.

‘Oh’ Rachel frowned. ‘Are you going to her apartment?’ she asked.

‘No’ Finn shook his head ‘We’re meeting at the coffee shop around the corner’ he told her.

‘Do you want to come?’ he asked her then. He knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t have any intentions of telling Serena about Rachel he didn’t think it would serve any purpose except to make Rachel's life harder.

‘What are you going to tell her?’ she asked him.

‘The truth’ he told her.

Rachel raised an eyebrow in question at him ‘and what exactly is the truth, Finn?’ she found herself asking.

‘That I’m in love with the most wonderful women in the world and that being with her was a mistake and that I’m sorry for leading her on, but a relationship was impossible because I’ve already given my heart to someone else’ he told her.

Rachel allowed a small smile to grace her lips, Finn certainly had a way with words she thought.

‘No, I think it’s best that I don’t come considering’ she told him slipping back to her indifferent mode.

‘Yeah’ he smiled ‘I’ll be back in a half an hour or so’ he assured her.

Rachel saw the guilt flicker in his eyes then. ‘Okay’ she replied.

‘Did you want anything?’ he asked her then.

‘Yeah there is a lot I want but I’m not sure you’ll find it in a coffee shop’ she told him turning her eyes back to the books in front of her.

Finn frowned ‘okay well I’ll see you later then’ he said softly.

‘Bye’ she replied.

‘Love you El’ he whispered then, but Rachel heard him and lifted her head ‘ I love you too’ she said but Finn was already gone.

Finn was at the front door when Rachel's words reached him and he smiled. Maybe things would be okay after all.