003. memoir of her euthymia.

SOME OF THE THINGSSTATED IN EVERY TEXTBOOK

that she had read about the history of everything were not entirely true, and some didn't even happened at all... she had seen it all, everything was offered in front of her eyes, even if she wanted to look away she couldn't bring herself to do so, having to be lured by the destruction in front of her and to be etched on her brain permanently, no matter how she wanted to forget all but the good things that happened...

...yet those were a little less than the worse things she had witnessed, a little less than what she had wanted, and the world is a lot more cruel than kind to those living in it.

And if she were to tell the tales and the history of it, it would've been graphic, the abomination of war written in dark black ink and it can never be erased, thick pages taking forever to finish, every word written in despair, even if wars should have been long forgotten, it will be etched in everyone's brain, making everyone wake up in the middle of the night with sweat glistening and guilt on the tip of their trembling lips; the cries of those whose lives were taken away from them by guns and cruel commands.

It was something too difficult to forget, she was able to sympathize with the humans around her, she had grown attached to the organisms in this planet, and when evolution continues, things will move on, and grow into something else, people she had cared for in the past will be gone because their lives weren't meant to be lived forever, leaving her all alone, yearning for them to stay, and no matter how she resisted the urge to not be lonely, it was a wound in salt, and it only irked her to cry herself in exhaustion.

She remembered the time where the waves kissed her feet and the sun blessed her somnolent figure, the pain seeps in every move she had made...

it hasn't been a month since she had parted ways from the people she had called a family, and the only person who ever really loved her, the only person who treated her kindly. Every single day felt as long as the life age of Earth... she wished she never left her family, but then she wished she never came in this world in the first place.

Children would ran up to the shore to try and find the Eternal walking along the plain beach, running up to her with smiles adorning their faces, offering her seashells of every kind, shape and colour in awe and wonder, having to meet the myth herself face to face, she took them gladly... she used to bless the place with many things and continues to do so.

There were tales and stories spread around about her, myths of her 'prominence' and 'guidance', the tranquility of water and wind when she passes by, how the light that was emitting from her outshone the sun, and the moon, and everything with light coming out of them.

As the sun takes it place to the sky, so will she; it had been said that if you see a woman glowing like the thousand starlights walking down the path of the long white sand, give her something and she will bless you in return, that is her, that is Anitun, no matter what they give, a blessing is a blessing, a blessing from such nobility, an entity scorching in glorious light and people would've been lucky to meet her face to face and flesh to flesh.

It used to feel nice, having people think fondly of her without doing too much for them, they had worshipped her like a Goddess ─ There was a certain tree that she used to rest on, the edges of the big narra tree was then filled with all sorts of things because one child had seen her resting on it...

...and like how a child would usually act, they had told about the encounter to the people of the village and it was said that she lives on it now... every now and then the people would give offerings to the tree as if it was her shrine and they would wish for the best, whether to help make their crops grow faster or have the oceans be filled with lots of fish for them to catch, eat or sell.

But as expected, the people become a lot more greedy, they wanted more than what they have, they were humans after all... they can never have enough

It was still 1521, and the pain never got away after what he just said to her, after what they did and after how she had treated them so cruelly... Anitun basked in the ancient moonlight as she watched the big tree being struck by the lightning she had caused, she had basked in modesty just the same, it would be better off if they think that she is dead and she doesn't have to hold such a responsibility no longer.

It hasn't been a month. It seemed as if the Spaniards were following her from Tenochtitlan to the shores of Mactan, they were haunting her every now and then, there was a reason why she'd have to glance at her back every now and then when the darkness would consume her figure, because maybe it will consume her altogether if she was not careful.

They only came here for one thing... they wanted to pursue the loyalty to one of the Datus in this place and convert him to Christianity in which the Datu opposed to.

His loyalty lies were the skin is touching the sharp end of his sword; Anitun wished for the best when the war broke in the shores of Cebu... humans have something that Anitun can't find in herself.

And even with the Cebuano's being victorious, the Spaniards did not stopped there, after the death of the defeated Spaniard forty four years ago... they came back and successfully colonized the land Anitun had loved.

Even after her disappearance, the people deemed her as a terrible god, having to make stories and tales of Anitun having her rank lower than she'd wanted because she was arrogant, almost banished from the heavens if they may, throw her out of their castle made from colossal clouds and crying angels, seraphims tearing up with their hundred eyes... people often blamed her for the occurrence of rains and thunderstorms, and they weren't entirely wrong, because when she cries, so does the now noisy heavens, turning the white into grey and drowning everything.

The world will know pain in the guise of her wrath.

The heavens has no room for people that are too full of themselves, no room for sinners, for shameless evil beings, for things that were only made to destroy; It feels as if the myths were almost true, but the Eternals were not the one who banished her but herself because she knows she's too much of a ruination to group herself with noble beings who wanted good for the world, he who is too good for her, she should have been in exile even before he could fall for such disastrous being, and after all those years she wished she could apologize for her mistakes.

And after all... legends of the past were never true, there was no heaven or hell or no place for the noble beings of the heavens above, with their thrones... Anitun was the one who remained, eyes casted to newer generations, all seeing of greater good and bad; there is no heavenly kingdom to be sent after death but another resurrection and it will last forever.

How long is forever; As long as I suffer.

Anitun had yearned for nirvana but all there is was a state of eternal loneliness because she is no human with velvet flesh, and milk white bones with joints so bendable and blood so much... she is something else, ichor flowing with supernovas and liquid equinox and glittered core of pure starlight and she had never even seen what's inside of her, if she ever had any bones to begin with or just a void of hooks for sturdy rods and strings as her creator controls all her movements like a willing puppet.

Three hundred thirty three years had passed... the colours of blue and red danced with the triumphant air, the blue echoed with the yelling crowd, the red echoed with the ones mourning, but one thing seems to be true they were free from the grasps of the colonizers, hands up in the air in glee, crying out loud from relief, the colourful flag continued to dance in the air,

But a few more wars broke, it was inevitable, Anitun sensed it even before humans could ever think of slicing each others throats; Manila was in shambles, buildings were barely standing, and some are already collapsing, bodies buried in the depths of concretes because of war, the air made Anitun cough and choke, she can't do anything to purify such sinful air, planes flew in the sky to attack the people around her. Children were deprived of love from their families, people deprived from the safety and warmth of their home.

Anitun wished she could help, she wished she could ease the pain in every people around her, she looked everywhere in confusion, marionette mind telling her not to do anything but to stare and stand there like a useless idiot, strings tangled from her cerebrum to her muscles, she felt totally lost because of the words inside her head... repeating again and again like a broken record... even if the things in the past was far, too far from her, she can never forget all the things that happened

Anitun don't do this

Anitun don't do that

She cries out silently, running her hands through her hair. The voices needs to shut up for once, and it wasn't Ajak who was saying those, it was no longer the Prime Eternal... but herself, or someone else, or someone who she can put her blame to because she is a coward.

The last time she had seen the Prime Eternal was when she was in conflict, she doesn't know why, but it seemed as if she heard her calling for her name desperately one night, and like a mother to her child she embraced the distressed Eternal, a gentle kiss was placed on top of her head and that was all she needed; Ajak said to explore and dive down deep regarding her feelings, because she was so much more than just an Eternal, and maybe she truly is more than just an alien living in Earth

It was all about forgiving who she was and being forgiven, Ajak had told her numerous times that she had forgiven her for things that she had done wrong and it was the same for the others, and all she had to do was trust her, and Anitun kind of did... she almost trusted her, but not quite fully because all she knows that one of them won't and will never forgive her for what she had done; But a gentle hand was placed on hers, and she was able to breathe properly.

Ajak stayed with her for a bit longer until she finally left, a last solemn kiss on her cheek as if she was bidding a good bye for good... leaving Anitun to figure out things herself like she used to, but she was thankful, because for once she finally knew what to actually live for, and perhaps realising that living alone wasn't the most blissful thing there is... in the end she'll be needing someone; Anitun cannot shoulder the world alone.

Anitun is with them no longer, she will no longer be docile, no longer pure or oblivious... she was no longer innocent... maybe she was never innocent, she is no longer an Eternal with gold for blood and a diamond for a perfect heart so perfect and pure... Anitun will never take orders from anyone, ever again, even from her creator who was probably peering down her rebellious figure... puppet strings are to be cut... I am no longer yours to take a hold of.

She never felt as if she was one of the Eternals... she was never really one of them but the people now, affected, with wounds cutting deep, surrounding her, hands clutching their baro't sayas and other attires amidst war. Anitun was actually tired for once, she could feel herself catching her breath.

A gun found itself on her hands, she fires.

THE GUNS BLARING AND THE SCREAMS

were still fresh and it is still there, floating on her mind and it irritates her whenever it washes her all up, like an apple that is too irresistible not to devour, every little sound that her surroundings made would only cause her to remember the feeling of danger and the fear of dying, even if a being like her was indestructible, it completely deteriorated her mind, and is is quite too much to handle at this point.

Anitun would often flinch or twitch at the sound as if they were hands pulling her back to where everything had started, to the darkness of her heart, and she'll try to desperately get out of it's grasp until it would too strong not to give in... she had endured for long enough, and it can be handled easily, but it would still feel like something was crawling under her skin, in dire of tearing her sanity apart along with her non existent flesh and bones.

The Eternal was surprised that she still didn't have Mahd Wy'ry, but she was thankful, and Ajak told her not to worry... and so she didn't, pushing the worry aside with all the strength she has... after all those chaotic years and now she found herself sitting in a random café in New York...

She sighed softly as the tapping of fingers against the table... she watched her friend as he wrote down a few notes on his notebook that only him could know about, she tilts her head curiously, glancing from his focused face to his notebook that didn't actually looked one because of how unorganized it looked. "What are you writing?"

"I am writing about Midgardians... you... when we first met" he said, not looking up at her, proceeding to scribble down notes of who knows what it actually was. "Why did you asked?" he added.

"I am just making sure that you are not talking bad about me in... whatever language that is." Anitun said, taking a sup from her cup of coffee... letting the term Midgardian slip, it's not like she knows what that actually means but she is definitely not that.

He chuckles just slightly. Finally looking at her, "Do not fret, I am not, do you perhaps want to learn Asgardian?" Thor offers, smiling at her.

Anitun shook her head slowly, "No, thank you... I don't have the time" she looks away from him... what exquisite words is he going to continue throwing at her? She's getting confused with all the weird Asgardian terms and phrases, the cup was steady on her solid grip as her other hand fiddles with an empty pop-tart wrapper... or whatever it was called.

"Is this a way for them to differentiate the both of us after you finally join the team?" the Asgardian inquires, moving himself closer to observe her reaction excitingly. "If yes, that is clever,"

"I am still better than you though..." Thor immediately added. Anitun slowly looks back to him, smirking in the process "Yeah... sure..."

"And I won't be joining you..." She added, causing Thor to tilt his head confusedly. "I wouldn't want to take the spotlight made for the God of Thunder..." she said mockingly, but the man was a bit too oblivious to know about that. "And they were fighting... are they not?"

"Well... yes... but... they would've liked you" he sighed, looking down at his notebook. "Your ability is a good addition to the team, it felt a bit weird though..."

Anitun leans forward on her chair, squinting her eyes at him, "It was you who received it? I was aiming for your red haired friend..." she sighed. "I inhaled the exquisite wind substance and then..." he clapped his hands, impressed, "I felt powerful" he added. "Do you think I saved you in your car for nothing?" Thor replied.

"I was just sitting in my car until you decided to break the door down and pull me with no explanation" she squinted her eyes at him, sighing in disappointed in the process, leaning forward to meet his excited gaze before going back and sinking on her seat with her arms to her chest. "I didn't pulled you, you took my hand willingly, and a whole building was about to fall on you!"

He clapped his hands excitedly, grinning from ear to ear like a small child, excited to chant his input with much delight of how amazing he was to be able to save her, earning a few confused stares from the people near the table they were sitting on. "And when you touched me I felt it again! It felt really nice!"

"How does it feel exactly?" She furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"It felt like reliving the moments where I first ate pop-tarts"

Anitun gave him a look, sighing. "Be a little more descriptive..."

"I feel like I could tear New York apart with one..." he swung his hand in the air in a violent manner to put an action to his words and smiled, going back into writing. She faintly rolled her eyes at the statement.

If it were not for him, Anitun would have left New York a week ago. After the battle in the city and the wreckage of her car's door because of the Asgardian, Thor pretty much dragged her everywhere he went after knowing that she's a 'super hero' just like him with similar abilities... Thor would often call for her to take a vacation in America every now and then because he wanted to, and then again Anitun has nothing better to do but to rot in her lonely house.

The only difference between them was that Thor had a family to fight alongside with and Anitun has nothing... well... they both used to have people there for them... the situation with Thor is temporary, but it was uncertain for her ─ two lonely souls with no family to go home to found each other, and found comfort to one another by talking about things and hanging out in cafés...

And this was a good bye... even with her not interested with anything persona. Anitun is not sure how to let go of such a lovely friendship.

Anitun never needed help in the first place, she was stuck in a dead traffic when Thor's brother attacked the city a few years ago... she wasn't able to start the car nor was she able to make it move because the other vehicles were in her way and different cars were basically jammed together, abandoned by their owners who ran off in a safe place, she was petrified and was not able to get out of her car but instead sat there, watching the commotion unfold, when she suddenly heard a noise beside her and the Avenger was already there, sticking a hand out for her.