An early update because I really couldn't control myself ;)

Inline comments, please! Zach would love to know what y'all are thinking.

My heart warms at Ella's gesture. I lay on the bed and wait for her. Sneezing every once in a while, I find myself smelling Ella's pillow.

I feel like a creep.

But she smells like heaven. Her fruity smell was impossible to forget, even after all those years. I was addicted to her smell, scratch that. I was addicted to her. If she were a drug, there wouldn't be a sober vein on my body.

But she broke me. And, I was determined to do the same.

But how could I? Everything about her was angelic, her face, her voice, her eyes, her heart. I just... can't.

I can't.

The concern in her eyes, that was something that can never be faked.

Then, why?

My eyes fall on the blue velvet-covered diary on the nightstand. I remember buying it for her but I don't remember when I gave it. I just hope I hadn't said something stupid. I tend to do that when I'm drunk.

My hands itch to grab it and read. I want to know what goes on that pretty little head of hers. She's so reserved and guarded, I can never assume what she is thinking.

I fight against my self. I wouldn't do that, it's unethical. I know I should respect her personal space. I shouldn't be invading her privacy.

But that little voice on my mind, it doesn't seem to stop. I'll just look thoroughly, it wouldn't hurt, right? I'll just see what she thinks about me, that is if she has written about me.

I want to know why she left me. And I know she won't ever say it herself.

The diary might have some of the answers to all my unanswered questions.

More importantly, I want to know about all those scars. I want to know who did that to her. I couldn't stop thinking about all the painful ways of murdering the person who would do that to her.

So battling against my conscience, I grab it and turn it open. My eyes widen when I see my name on the very first page. I'm not able to stop myself after that.

Page after page, the rage inside me only increases. I grit my teeth, my jaws are clenched and I fist the diary so tightly that my knuckles turn white and the little thing crumples under my fingers.

And on cue, the door opens.

I don't look at her, I am way too enraged to face her. I might harm her instead, or scare her. So, I throw the crumpled diary, push Ella away from the door and walk outside my room to clear my mind.

I find myself walking to the gym room. Blinded by rage, I don't bother with the hand wraps. I rush to the punching bag and throw punches. Imagining it to be Robert's face, I hit it with my bare knuckles. After a couple of hours, my rage evaporates a little.

I look at the shredded punching bag and my bloody fist. Wiping it with the towel, my mind goes back to Ella.

Fuck, how was I going to face her?

I take a fresh towel and wipe the sweat and find myself walking to my room. The door to my room is left ajar and once I enter, the sight before me breaks my heart.

Crying in a fetal position, Ella's sobs resonate through the room. She is shaking while her cries are muffled by the covers.

My eyes burn. I walk towards the bed and try to control the fire burning inside me. Her cries only fuel my thirst to have Robert's head in a tray.

But my Ella needs me first.

Once I am at the foot of the bed, I see the diary clutched to her chest tightly. She doesn't realize I am here, I suppose. Her sobs only increase.

I walk to her side of the bed and kneel, unknowingly clenching my jaws to the point where it hurt. I lift my hand to touch Ella.

She becomes aware of my presence. Just as I touch her arm, she flinches.

"Ella," I rasp.

The need to comfort Ella overpowers the rage and the need to murder Robert. Hesitating a little, I stand up and take a deep breath before trying again.

"My sweet angel, it's Zach. I would never hurt you, baby." Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I've fucking tried and guess I did succeed. I'm a fucking asshole.

I try to keep my voice as soft as possible but it comes out gruff. And hoarse.

Ella continues to sob but this time, she doesn't flinch. Desperately hoping she'd let me, I dare to scoop her trembling form in my arms.

I freeze for a few seconds, waiting for her to protest. Instead, she curls into me and buries her head into my chest.

I sit on the bed and lean my back against the headboard while I pull her into my chest. I run my hand up and down her back in an attempt to make her stop crying. I cradle her body close to my heart.

"It's okay sweetheart. I'm here now. Please, Ella," I whisper in her ears, not knowing what I am saying anymore. I continue to whisper things in her ear.

Each passing minute, the guilt in me magnifies. I hate myself for reading what wasn't meant for me to read. If I had known this was going to happen, I'd never even think about it.

The other part of me is joyous. I finally know the person behind my broken Ella. Finally, know the reason why she wouldn't fucking speak. She was scared to speak, how sick was this guy?

I finally know why my sweet angel left me.

He was so going to pay.

I remain to hold Ella and run my hand over her back. Beneath her clothes lay a deep scar. I shut my eyes in an attempt to wipe the image away.

Ella stops eventually. She hiccups silently and remains to bury her head on my chest.

"H-how could y-you?"

Her broken voice cuts me deep.

"I am so sorry," I whisper softly. She sniffs on my lap and doesn't reply. The diary is still clutched to her chest.

"Talk to me, please," I beg. I need to hear her voice. I need to, it's killing me. I need to know what's going on her mind. Fuck.

"Please."

Ella lifts her head and I look at the beautiful pools of grey in her eyes. Her eyes are bloodshot, swollen and puffy.

"Please, baby."

"Why did you leave?"

Her voice comes as a whisper.

"I-" she doesn't let me complete. A lone tear rolls down her eyes and I wipe it instantly.

"I thought you left, Zach." A few more tear rolls down her cheeks and I wipe them with my palm.

Her eyes fall on the diary.

"You're disgusted," she whispers to herself. "Robert told me that- he told me you'd be like that if you knew. After everything he did- you're disgusted."

I feel my heart clench. Fuck, what had Robert turned her into?

And what had I done?

unedited.