I felt cold.

Despite the heat from the fire and Jared's thick sweater, I felt a coldness that hadn't been there while he was close. I was alone again. It was me against the whole world, and I was lost. So lost...

"You didn't even say goodbye," I whispered to no one, still searching the darkness for any living sign. And after staring so long that my eyes got sore, I sunk down on my knees in front of the fire with my hands in my lap. It was first then I realized how tired I was. Almost to the point of the extreme. I didn't sleep last night, and we'd been walking all day, so it felt like I was at the verge of collapsing. However, I didn't know if I dared to even close my eyes. What if I got attacked by a wild animal? What if Buck suddenly appeared out of nowhere just like last time? No, I couldn't think like that. I had to rest eventually and the bonfire was all the safety that I had. And after a while I involuntarily surrendered into a world of restlessness and bothersome dreams. Or was it memories?

I don't like him. There's something about him that seems off.

(...)

Come here, sweetheart. You should do as I say. If not, I'm gonna get really disappointed in you. And you don't want me to get disappointed, do you?

(...)

I'm your dad, Skylar! I only want what's best for you, and he's not it. Please, listen to me!

(...)

Just open your legs, sweetheart. It's not much I'm asking for. You don't want me to get rough on your first time, do you? Or maybe you do?

(...)

I'm sorry, Skylar! I didn't mean to...

(...)

No... No... No, please! Please stop!

I tried to get away, but something pinned me down. It was hard to breathe, and my voice refused to carry out what my brain told it to, and I tried my hardest to get away. From what, I didn't know. My mind was frenzied in panic, like I was stuck neck deep in quicksand and watched myself slipping away in slow motion without being able to do anything to stop it. I'd lost.

"No!"

I tried to fight, but it was like a black mass had invaded my body and made it limp. I couldn't get away.

"NO! PLEASE!"

The grip around me changed, and it was like I got enveloped like a pearl in an oyster. I screamed.

"SOMEBODY! PLEASE HELP ME!"

"Shh..."

I felt warm. Boiling warm, and my body was drenched in sweat.

"NOOOO!"

I woke up and stared into a world of darkness, and every cell in my body was vibrating in terror. I could breathe again, but my throat was like a thin straw which made me wheeze for each time I inhaled. Then I suddenly realized that I wasn't alone. What I'd dreamed wasn't fantasy at all. It was real. So I filled my lungs with as much air as I could and screamed until I choked and coughed. And it was then I heard it again.

"Shh..."

The calm voice filled my ear. I even felt the warm breath on the skin on my neck.

"It's okay, Skylar. You're safe."

I was pulled closer to a body that felt strangely familiar, and the grip around my wrists disappeared.

"Sorry," I heard. "I had to hold your hands to make you stop hitting me."

I knew that voice. It was Jared. He was back. And he had cradled me in his arms with my back against his chest, and his closeness made me stop breathing for a moment. I heard my heartbeats thundering in my ears, and my lungs were screaming for oxygen. But it wasn't until I felt him stroke my arm that I managed to inhale, followed by a sore sob. And it was like that single sob released something inside me that made all my emotions erupt at once, and I cried until I couldn't anymore. But even after I'd calmed down, my body kept twitching from the aftermath of my breakdown.

"What happened to you?" he asked quietly, but it took a while before I trusted my voice enough to speak.

"I don't know."

It was true. Even though I had all these bits and pieces of memories and emotions, I had no idea what to do with them or how to puzzle them together. It was like the more I remembered, the less I understood, and I almost started to wish I wouldn't regain my memory at all. That it was best not to know, so I could focus on here and now.

I took a deep sigh and slowly turned around to face him, painfully aware that I probably looked horrible with swollen eyes and a snotty nose. But he didn't seem to be bothered. He just tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and gave me a vague smile that I barely spotted in the darkness. I returned it and felt his calmness spread into my soul. He was there. He didn't leave after all. Not yet at least.

I don't know why, but I snuggled closer to him and smiled even wider now that he couldn't see my face, as it was hidden in the crook of his neck. I had gotten used to it now; his distinct smell that was so different from anything I'd smelled before. But he wasn't like anyone else I knew. Far from it. And no one had ever made me feel the way he did right now. I felt his cheek pull up into a smile against the top of my head that showed that he probably felt the same way. Then the embarrassment washed over me.

"I'm sorry for being so silly," I mumbled against his neck before I tilted my head up to look at him. I still struggled to see him properly but right now the moon peeked out between two clouds. His beard stubbles had grown quite long, but his lips were full and soft, and I knew exactly how they felt against mine. And his eyebrows were just as wild and untamed as the rest of him, and framed eyes as dark as oceans of mysteries I didn't understand, nor dared to ask for answers to. I didn't know him, yet his eyes told me everything I needed to know. Then my smile faded.

"It was just a stupid nightmare."

I knew that was a lie, but did it really matter? After tonight I would probably never see Jared again. I didn't know if I ever got to see my family again either, and something told me that I didn't want to meet my so-called boyfriend. Would I even survive long enough to get out of this place?

I forced the thoughts away when I heard a low sound, like something in between humming and really deep growling, and it came from Jared's chest. That made me look back into his eyes and I could see a short flash of something different that I couldn't quite decipher. It scared me at the same time as it ignited something within me, and I got this strong urge to get under his skin. I felt spellbound.

"I..." I started, but I was too stunned to speak. So I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, my hand got a life of its own. Slowly, it went up to his face and made a rush of goosebumps cover almost my entire body, even though I was still warm and sweaty after the nightmare. I brushed my thumb over his cheekbone, while my fingertips grazed his hairline above his ear. I almost felt like I did something wrong, like if I stole something really valuable, until he closed his eyes and leaned against my hand.

His large hand came up and covered mine. Gently he guided it to his lips so he could kiss it. Then I shut my eyes, too. I didn't need to see to know that he placed my hand on his chest and leaned in. I didn't need to see his lips hovering above mine as he carefully rolled me over on my back. I didn't need to see, because I felt his warm breath against my skin and his rhythmic heartbeat against my palm. I didn't need to see because I saw it all with my soul.

When our lips finally connected it was with so much longing that it sucked the air out of me. I moaned. Then I moaned again when his hand went on a mindless journey down my body. First my arms, then my waist and stomach, until he cupped my butt cheek and pulled me against his growing bulge. Then suddenly I was sitting on top of him.

It felt strange to be in control over a situation like this. I didn't know what to do or how to act. I only did what my body compelled me to, which seemed to be enough for him. I wasn't scared anymore. Quite the opposite, actually. I felt powerful and admired, and I loved the way he caressed me even though we still had our clothes on. But not for long.

After pulling off my sweater and cardigan, Jared placed his hands on my hips and rolled his pelvis a few times. That caused a well of electrical impulses to surge through my nervous system and pool up between my legs, exactly where his member rubbed against my area. I needed more of that. And when his hands found their way to my breasts, I needed more of that too.

Suddenly we got in a hurry to get rid of the rest of our clothes. This time Jared stripped down completely, and it was like he revealed a gift that was just for me, which in many ways it was. At least for now. And when he gently laid me down on the blanket, he took his time admiring my naked glory before he sat down between my legs. Then he did something that was totally unexpected. But just as I was about to protest, his lips wrapped around my most sensitive part and sucked my pearl in between his lips.

I gasped. I even closed my legs around his head when I felt his tongue twirl in circles. Then I opened them again and pulled his hair instead. It was long and tousled, and perfect to dig my fingers into as I grinded against his mouth without being able to think about anything other than what he did to me. I'd never felt such bliss before. Somehow, I knew that. Just like yesterday, he brought me to heaven with such skills that I struggled to breathe without a sound. And the closer I got to the edge, the louder I moaned, and eventually I outsourced Jared's usual growling.

Warm lips and a playful tongue were exactly what I needed to get a break from all the awful things that had happened to me. All the churning thoughts that made me feel like I was losing my mind. And when I thought I couldn't take anymore, he straddled me and placed his manhood at my wet entrance and pushed inside.

I screamed. But not because it hurt. Being filled like this, exactly when my body let go of every inhibition that was left in me, was too intense to hold in. And I wasn't even aware of what I was doing before I realized that I was digging my nails into his shoulders. However, the way he started thrusting into me made me unable to form anything coherent, much less an apology. So I just hugged him.

There was something incredibly erotic about being claimed like this. I trusted him and I let him do whatever he desired, because I'd learned that being connected to him like this, felt more powerful than anything in the whole universe. The way he groaned into my neck and rocked my body with firm thrusts, was about to bring me to another peak even before I'd come down from the previous one. But then he slowed down and thrusted slower and deeper than before, while he watched me come undone for him a second time. Then he stopped completely.

"I won't hurt you, Skylar. Not... Not intentionally."

I barely registered his words because I was so lost in euphoria from everything he did to me. But eventually, I opened my eyes and found this incredibly tall, wild man so vulnerable in my arms. He almost looked sad, and for a moment I wondered if I'd done something wrong.

"Why couldn't we have met under different circumstances?" he whispered sadly, but before I could tell him to come with me, he kissed me with such passion that I moaned. Then he started moving again, and I felt every inch of his thick shaft expanding my walls in rhythmical strokes. And this time he didn't stop.

My toes curled and my muscles were shaking, and I was so warm I was almost sure I could cause a wildfire. And so was he. My hands trailed along his sweaty spine and down to his ass, and followed the movements that increased in speed the closer he got to his climax. I think he was closer than me, but quite frankly I didn't care. He'd given me so much already. So when his breath hitched and he tensed up, I simply admired how beautiful he was when he exposed his soul to me. Then his eyes widened, and he pulled out just in time to unload on the ground.

"Oh, my God," he panted, and fell down next to me, partially on the blanket. I instantly pulled him closer so that he didn't have to lay on the ground, even though he didn't seem to care much. But there was something inside me that needed to be in his arms just a little while longer. If this was the last time, then I would make the most of it so I could remember it forever. The sensation of his chest rising and falling while his breathing calmed down. His skin against mine. His aura. Everything. For a moment I even allowed myself to believe that his heart was beating just for me, but I knew that was just silly. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but to notice that our hearts seem to beat in sync now and then.

"I knew it from the second I smelled you," he suddenly said, and I frowned.

Smelled me? Did I really smell that bad? I mean, yes, I'd been wandering around in the forest for God knows how long. And I'd slept on the ground and almost gotten eaten by a bear. Bloody, dirty... Okay. I got it. But I was wrong.

"Your smell awoke something in me that has been dead for centuries. I wanted you and I needed to protect you. I just wish that..."

But he didn't say anything more, and for some reason it felt wrong to ask. It was clear that something was bothering him. So to remove himself from the conversation, he reached for my tank top and my bra, then his boxers and t-shirt, and we started getting dressed before we got cold. Then he stirred in the glowing masses of coal and threw the last pieces of wood into the weak flames. And together we sat in silence and watched the fire lick its greedy tongue over the bark, transforming it into a black crust that eroded into nothingness and flew away with the smoke.

I don't know how many minutes passed, but the comfortable silence between us had changed. Left was an unexpressed sadness that neither of us dared to address. But eventually we laid back down on the blanket together, and Jared pulled me to his chest and kissed the top of my hair, and for a long time we stared at the night sky and tried to see the stars through the clouds. Until he spoke up with emotions clearly evident in his voice.

"I want to protect you from everything. But I can't protect you from..."

He turned to face me, and his eyes told me something I refused to accept. It simply couldn't be true. Yet when he said it, I had to believe him anyway.

"From myself."