I stared at the small plate of food in front of me. I had stopped hallucinating an hour ago and Amber had helped me have a bath. She had been so nice and gentle as if she were afraid I would break. Her eyes were sympathetic and I wanted to ask her why. The kindness in her eyes she had before had been replaced by sympathy and I wanted to know if I had said something during my hallucinations because I couldn't remember anything. It was a blur in my mind, nothing concrete and everything hazy.

After the bath she had helped me into some clean clothes. Some flannel pants that were too big and had to be tied at the waist and a button up shirt that had the sleeves rolled all the way up to my elbows. They were warm and felt nice against my skin. I couldn't remember the last time I wore pants. It was a strange feeling but the warmth they provided made me push it all away. I had relished in the feelings but then the hunger set in. My stomach was gnawing at my spine uncomfortably. I hadn't felt hungry in a long while and it was a strange experience to have it once again clawing at my insides.

I looked at the food in front of me with a stark expression. For lunch I always had bread and a glass of milk, just like all the Omegas. Breakfast was porridge, lunch was bread and milk, and supper was a tiny bit of meat and four small potatoes. I didn't even know what they had placed in front of me. I knew it was a type of noodle but I never spent any time in the kitchen besides eating my meals. I never paid attention. It wasn't my place too.

"Are you going to eat?" Davin sat down beside me and I glanced at him, swallowing against the lump in my throat. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye and swallowed again. I didn't want to ask because I knew it would upset him but I needed to know.

"What is it?" I looked at the plate and at the red sauce covered noodles. It smelled wonderful and my stomach ached to have something in it but I was worried. I didn't want to be punished for eating pack food.

An Omega cannot eat pack food.

"What do you mean? It's spaghetti and meat sauce, Maricella." He chuckled slightly and I felt ashamed at not knowing what it was or what he had told me.

"Oh." I looked at my hands in my lap and tried to blink back tears. I hadn't meant to appear that way but the memories I had in my head were painful and I wasn't supposed to know them.

He seemed to suddenly realize what I had meant with the question. "Have you... have you never had spaghetti before?" His voice sounded slightly horrified and I shook my head slowly.

"For lunch I am only allowed one slice of bread and one cup of milk." I ached for the familiarity but I knew they wouldn't give it to me. I felt my breathing increase slightly as I stared at the unfamiliar food. Amber had called them anxiety and panic attacks when I started to feel like this. The knowledge didn't stop the fact that I wasn't supposed to eat what they had given me.

An Omega cannot eat pack food.

"Why?" He sounded stricken at my words and I didn't like it. I knew I felt more at ease with everyone when I was so exhausted I could barely hold my eyes open. I didn't have to worry about punishment, despite how that voice screamed at me like it was doing now. I wanted to push the plate away. I didn't want to look at it. It made my head hurt.

"Because Omegas are not allowed to eat pack food." Uncle Jace's voice rumbled slightly and I glanced up at him, my shoulders hunching forward. He knew the rules, he would take it away like he was supposed to. "It's part of the Omega's Mantra. The brainwashing they did on her." I wasn't brainwashed. I was an Omega, there was a difference. I watched as Uncle Jace picked up the plate. I sighed in relief and I looked at the table expectantly. I needed the bread and the milk.

"Collin and Jay have something they would like to show you, Maricella. Davin, could you bring her to the living room?" Uncle Jace looked at me with a slight sadness and I tried to hide my wince as my stomach growled loudly.

"She needs to eat something." Davin sounded like he wanted to argue but Uncle Jace leveled him with a bone chilling, stern look and I was picked up off the chair. I bit back the urge to tell him to not touch me. I wasn't supposed to be touched but I wasn't allowed to talk back.

An Omega must never speak unless an answer is required.

"I'll get you some food, Maricella." He whispered it in my ear as we followed Uncle Jace down the hallway and into the large living room. I glanced around and my gaze landed on Collin before darting to the handsome man who had pulled my hood up in the forest.

Collin's smile looked like it would break his face in half. "Look what we built!" He pointed to a rather large box sitting in the corner of the room. It was painted a dark colour and on the side that was facing me a very elaborate and delicate 'Sugar's Safe Place' spiraled in swirling letters on it. It was a sweet gesture and there was a faintly familiar warmth that filled my chest as I looked at it. The aching emptiness wasn't swallowing it whole. I could barely feel it because of the drugs I had been given. I was grateful for it.

"Okay, to those of you in this room. This is Maricella's box. When she goes into the box, everyone is to ignore her and leave her alone" Uncle Jace was frowning as he looked around before his gaze landed on me. "Maricella, this is your safe place, nothing can hurt you or harm you while you are in it. If you feel overwhelmed or panicky or scared, you use the box just like Amber said, okay?" He looked at me with expectant green eyes and I nodded slowly. He walked over and handed me the plate of spaghetti. I looked at it in horror. I needed the bread and milk.

"You are going to eat this. No more bread and milk for lunch. You will eat what the pack eats." His voice was firm as he left the plate of food in my hands. I stared at it with wide eyes. I couldn't eat it. I wasn't allowed to eat pack food. I wasn't allowed but he told me to. I felt the screaming tear at the inside of my skull and the painful throbbing was instant. "Are you panicking, Maricella?" His voice was calm and I nodded quickly, my breathing was growing quicker and it felt like my chest was being squeezed as my head throbbed. "Where do you go when you panic?" He asked the question gently and I tried to focus. The box, I had to go to the box if I was panicking. He told me the box was where to go if I was panicking.

"The box." I gasped the words out as I held the plate with white knuckles. The box was safe. Nothing could hurt me in the box. Nothing could harm me in the box. "I need to go to my box." With my words Davin tentatively walked over and set me inside it. I sank into the soft cushions that had been placed into it and I leaned against the back, noticing Collin and Jay had put cushions on all of the sides as well. I let my body sink into them. The box was safe, I was safe in the box. I stared at the plate in my hands and the food in it. The screaming lessened as a faint feeling of peace filled me.

Nothing could harm me in the box.

I looked around tentatively and Davin was looking over the books on the book shelf and I could hear Collin muttering about something on the couch with Uncle Jace and the man I figured was Jay. Without their eyes on me I felt what was left of the attack slip away. I stared at the plate of spaghetti with a scowl. Ingrid could not reach me here. I was safe in the box. I could hear the tv in the background and I looked around again. Davin pulled a book off the shelf and flipped it open. Uncle Jace reached across the back of the couch and slapped Collin upside the head for something he said.I flinched at the action before the plate of spaghetti once again had my attention.

My head felt silent for the first time in a long time. As an Omega, I wasn't supposed to eat pack food but also as an Omega I was supposed to do was I was told. Uncle Jace told me I had to eat what the pack ate. No more bread and milk for lunch. No more porridge for breakfast or tiny bits of meat and four small potatoes for supper. Davin had told me that there were no Omegas in this pack and so I wasn't sure what I was to do.

"Ingrid cannot punish me here. I am safe here." I mouthed the words, trying to bolster myself. I took a deep breath before lifting my knees to my chest and resting the plate on it. I liked how it smelled and with the way my stomach was trying to eat my insides, I could tell it did as well. With a shaking hand I picked up the fork. "I am safe here. Ingrid cannot punish me for improper behaviour." I took a small scoop of the spaghetti and with my heart in my throat, I quickly shoved it into my mouth before I could second guess myself. I scrunched up my face and chewed quickly but no slap came, no angry screeching followed the action.

What did happen was the taste slammed into my mouth just as quickly as a slap would have landed on my cheek if Ingrid had seen me but it would have been well worth it. I swallowed and looked at the plate with tears in my eyes before I started crying. Small sobs shook me and I wasn't sure why, it tasted delicious, it tasted wonderful and divine. Without warning a memory I had never seen before slammed into me.

"Daddy, can I have some mo?" I held up an empty plate from my high chair, the taste of the spaghetti was still in my mouth and Alpha Lawrence walked over with a big smile.

"Did you eat all of that already? My, you certainly do like spaghetti, don't you, Mary Mary?" His face was soft as he looked at me as he took the plate away. "But there is no more because we have to save room for the chocolate cake we made." At his words I started clapping my hands and he laughed, a rich sound I loved. He set the plate on the big table before grabbing a cloth and cleaning my face. I wiggled in my seat, trying to escape the unwanted cleaning.

"Mary, Mary, you are quite contrary. How do we make your face glow? With bubbles a lot and heaps of wet cloths and soon clean cheeks can glow." He said the made up rhyme and I sat still, a large smile on my face before he kissed my forehead. "All done." He picked me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"I love you, daddy." I snuggled into his neck, breathing in his comforting scent.

"I love you too, my Mary Mary." The words were whispered in my ear as a large hand held the back of my head gently in a soft embrace.

I was pulled back from the memory with a small gasp before my tears renewed and I was crying again. I had eaten this before. It had been my favourite food. I could remember Alpha Lawrence's laughter as I demanded it for my breakfast. I stared at the plate of spaghetti.

How many different types of food would bring memories back to me if I tasted them? I felt cold at the thought that Ingrid and the classroom had been allowed to force me to forget my childhood. To forget what it was like not to be an Omega.

With blurry, tear filled eyes I ate the rest of the spaghetti, My stomach hurt slightly at the fullness it now had but I knew nothing would come back up. I set the plate on the corner of the box and wrapped my arms around my knees. How many other memories did that classroom steal from me? Looking at that photo album I knew it was me in the pictures but I did not have the memories that the images held. So many lost memories among the words of Omega's Mantra in my head and the sharp pain of the tools that had been used to beat them into me.

An Omega has no memories.

The thoughts and words swirled around my head. So much was going on and I didn't want to leave the box but the dirty plate was bothering me. I was still weak but the food and the needle Amber had given me had helped me a fair bit. I had scrubbed floors in this condition. I could walk in it easily. I gritted my teeth together as I managed to get myself to my feet. I wobbled slightly and braced myself on the edge of the box before stepping out of it. I hated how my muscles trembled, how they didn't wish to listen but I needed to force them.

"Do you need help, Maricella?" At Davin's voice I gave a small jump and ended up falling backwards onto the floor. The world was now looking at me again and I wanted to shrink under its gaze. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." He grasped my hands and pulled me to standing before he bent down to lift me.

"No." I shocked myself as I said it and I instantly flinched away from him, expecting a slap to come for my outburst.

An Omega must never speak unless an answer is required.

He took a step back in surprise and his face fell slightly, his eyebrows pulled low over his eyes. "Maricella, I would never, ever hurt you." His voice was low and I hunched under it. They were kind people and had shown me nothing but kindness but the voice was back inside my head. It was making things difficult for me, hissing the mantras at me, screaming about punishment.

"Can I please walk? I can't get stronger if you keep carrying me." I whispered it out and I glanced up at him. His green eyes were sad but he nodded.

"Okay." He sounded dejected. I hadn't meant to flinch from him. It wasn't his fault and I wanted him to know that.

"I'm sorry for flinching. It's just I am used to being slapped or strapped when I speak out of turn." I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and glanced up at him once more.

There was a pained expression on his face as he looked at me. "I know I'm not going to like the answer you are going to give me but strapped?" His expression became even more pained and I didn't want to answer because just like he said, he would not like it. I didn't like to hurt him with what I said or make him angry but he had asked me. An answer was required.

"Ingrid has a long leather strap, if you did something she did not like or that went against the Mantra, she would hit you with it. It would leave welts and bruises but it did not break skin. First time I ever spoke back to her after Alpha Lawrence returned, she slapped me across the face with it. It left a bruise. Alpha Lawrence questioned it and I had to lie. She didn't hit me across the face with it after that. It was better than being caned so I never complained." I looked up at him again and his face turned hard and severe before he nodded.

His green eyes were cold but he wasn't looking at me, he appeared to be looking somewhere else in the room. "Collin or Jay, can you help Maricella for a moment." His voice was controlled and I could see him shaking slightly. Collin was by my side instantly and just as quickly Davin was gone. I looked at his retreating back and watched as Uncle Jace followed without a word. I wondered what was going on for a brief moment before scolding myself. It wasn't my concern.

"Hey, sugar. Look at you, standing on your own two feet. Do you like it?" He gestured to the box, a wide, proud smile on his face. I looked at it and nodded. The cushions were soft and if I had a blanket in there I knew it would be a place I could fall asleep quite easily. I liked it when my brain was quiet.

"It is very wonderful, thank you very much." I glanced up at him to see a faint pink blush on his face. He absolutely glowed with pleasure at the compliment.

"I painted it and put the cushions in there." The voice came from the couch and I looked at the back of the man's head. "My name is Jay, in case you didn't figure that out from the names flying around." He looked over the back of the couch and I stared at his ear, avoiding his gaze.

"My name is Maricella." I hated how timid my voice sounded and he just chuckled.

"Is it Maricella or Sugar? I couldn't tell. Collin was quite adamant it was Sugar." He turned back to the tv and I bit my lip slightly. He was new and I had to get used to new. I looked at the box with longing but the dirty plate pulled all of my attention. I needed to clean it up before Collin tried. The thought made my breath hitch and my chest squeeze tightly.

"It's Maricella but Collin likes to call me sugar. Alpha Lawrence used to call me Mary Mary." I swallowed as I carefully picked up the empty plate and took several small steps forwards, testing my legs. They shook but they held my weight much to my relief.

"That's cute. After the nursery rhyme?" Jay wasn't looking at me and I took several more small steps. I had to take it slow. I couldn't rush after everything. Amber said my body needed time to heal.

"Yes." I nodded as I said it and glanced as Collin who was walking beside me with his hands out slightly, ready to catch me if I fell. He looked overly concerned and it unsettled me greatly.

"That's adorable, just like you." Jay turned his head and I could see the smile on his face. I felt my face heat up. I wasn't used to that type of attention. Omegas weren't allowed to be touched like that, we were considered tainted.

"Thank you." I whispered it but I knew he could hear. All shifters could hear very well, it was just something that came natural to us.

"No problem, Dolly." He turned back to the tv that had the same type of game that had been on the last time I had sat on the couch.

I moved closer to the door and looked up at Collin in confusion. "Dolly? Is that another name?" I was starting to get confused almost. People kept calling me different things and it was so strange I was having a hard time following it all.

He frowned, his eyebrows drawn low over his eyes. "Yes, it's a nickname but he should know better than to flirt with you." He said it slowly and I frowned, he flirted with me all the time despite Davin telling him not to. Or at least I believed it was flirting. I wasn't sure what that exactly entailed because I had never been subjected to it before.

"Yes because we all know that you are Collin's territory and we cannot even look at you wrong." The tone in Jay's voice was familiar and I frowned, trying to remember what it was called. I lifted my eyebrows slightly as it came to me. Sarcasm. He was being sarcastic.

"You people are so strange." The words slipped out before I could stop them and even though I flinched slightly waiting for the retaliation to my outburst, Jay laughed loudly so I found myself relaxing. He hadn't been offended so I wouldn't be punished. I tried to shake the thought off but that voice was still in my head, hissing at me.

"I take that as a compliment. Who wants to be normal?" He scoffed slightly and I felt suddenly embarrassed. I would give anything to be normal. Knowing that there was something that Ingrid had broken, had taken from me, made me wish for that more than anything.

"I do." I swallowed against the tightness in my through and Collin gently touched my lower back in comfort. I tensed against it, unable to help myself.

"Shit, sorry I didn't mean it like that." Jay looked at me from over the back of the couch, his brown eyes spelling out his apology and I shook my head slightly.

"Its okay, Jay. I know what you meant." It seemed strange but I did. Uncle Jace's pack wasn't like other packs. Jay meant he didn't want to be normal like them. He would rather be strange or weird than to be anything like them.

"You do?" Both he and Collin spoke at the same time and I bit back a small sigh before nodding.