"We have to go find a tree," I say impatiently while waiting for Ryder to get home. We are on the phone and he is taking his sweet time getting here. We live only twenty minutes from the firehouse and sometimes it feels like a different state while how long it takes.

It always feels even longer when he's been gone for a couple nights.

"I'll be home in a little bit, chill," he says, "get Lily and Sammy ready and I'll just beep and you guys can all come out."

I roll my eyes and sigh, "if you beep then Oliver and Boomer are going to flip. That isn't fair."

I can hear his annoyance in his tone, "then wait by the window and when you see me just come outside."

"Good idea."

Now it's time to fight with the twins to put on their shoes. It's a daily struggle. It's like the second they turned two they decided wearing shoes and clothing was optional.

"Lily, Sammy, we're going to go get a Christmas tree!" I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. I didn't want a real tree because they sometimes light on fire. When I brought that point up to Ryder he shrugged and said that he knows how to put out fires.

Then I said they make a huge mess and I don't want the dogs eating the falling pine needles. He didn't seem to care much about that either. His family never had a real tree so he is determined to make this a tradition.

Last year was an epic fail when we went too early in the season and ended up with a dead tree by Christmas. Ryder has asked coworkers and researched the best time to get the tree. So here we are on a freezing cold Saturday in December waiting to go cut down a tree.

Well, I don't think we're cutting down the tree.

"No shoe," Lily demands.

"No shoe," Sammy repeats and smirks. These two kids are going to be the death of me.

"If you don't put your shoes on you're going in a stroller like a baby," I threaten.

Each set of blue eyes get wide at the mention of a baby stroller. And like tornado they are off trying to find shoes. Maybe threatening toddlers isn't the best parenting method, but it works. It works really fucking well.

"Mommy," they say each holding out different shoes. I swap out the shoes so they at least match. I'll let my kids go out in princess crowns and crazy stripped socks, but I draw the line at mismatched shoes.

"Daddy?" Lily asks.

"Almost home," I tell her and we stand by the window and wait.

A few minutes later Ryder pulls into the driveway and we are heading out the door. I try to balance my purse as well as my crazy toddlers, while trying to open the door without the dogs getting loose, and then locking the door.

Ryder comes to my rescue scooping up our two giggling girlsand placing them in their carseats while I get in the driver's seat.

"Hey! get up," Ryder says standing by the door dangling the keys from his fingers with a smirk.

I look at him then back to the keys in his hand. He thinks he has me so I let him smirk and laugh for a couple seconds longer. Then I dangle the spare set up for him to see and wink, "passenger seat, babe."

"I hate when you drive," he says.

"Lies. I drove on our first date."

He laughs, "now we have two kids instead of one giant dog in the car."

I laugh and glance back at the kids who are both looking out their window minding their own business. It's a rare moment of quietness and I can't help but enjoy. I think Ryder feels it too because he also quiets down and grabs my hand that's resting on the console between us.

Sometimes I still can't believe that this is my life. I get to wake up every morning and see Ryder's beautiful blue eyes and see them again in my daughters. I get to kiss my girls goodnight and read them stories and watch them grow and learn to be more independent.

"We're here!" Ryder says as I pull into a dirt lot that is full of other cars in various positions of hoisting up trees.

"Trees!" Sammy says and claps her hands. Lily joins in the clapping and soon they are both laughing and pointing.

We get them out of their carseats and head into the forest of already cut down trees held up by wooden beams with shining Christmas lights on them.

"I want this one," Lily says pointing to a tree that has seen better days. It's leaves are thinning and branches are visible. It's more brown than green.

"No, no, Lil," Sammy says and shows her sister a tree that is basically the size of our house. My eyes widen as I look at it.

"Fuck no," Ryder says then looks down to make sure that the girls didn't hear. I don't understand his reaction to the tree.

"Let's keep looking," I say but Ryder is frozen in place. It takes me a minute to realize he wasn't talking about the tree but instead talking about the person looking at the tree next to it.

"Fuck," I say mostly under my breath but look down to see Lily staring at me. Fuck, she heard. And now my two toddlers will probably go into preschool cursing out a kid for stealing their snacks.

Sadly, it's happened a couple times before.

Then before I even have to time to run away from the trees and hide in the car, Graham and Leah are staring at us. He looks the same, smug and douchey. And she looks perfect. Groan.

Here I am in my leggings and giant winter coat that goes down to my knees, my hair is in a messy bun and I'm not sure if I brushed my teeth today.

At least the girls are put together and Ryder too. So I'll just look like a mess as I stare at my asshole ex and his asshole wife. Well, I don't really know if she's an asshole but I'm going to assume.

"Hi. Greg, right?" Ryder says sticking his hand out towards Graham.

"Graham," he says looking towards the girls.

Graham then looks towards me and I don't know what he expects. I'm not going to give him a fucking hug, he's more likely to get a punch in the nuts than that. He must sense that I am not in the mood so he casually steps back and grabs Leah's hand.

"Your girls are adorable!" Leah gushes bending down to their level, "are you guys picking out a tree so Santa can come?"

"Yes," Sammy says sweetly and Lily nods along. I roll my eyes and Graham catches me.

"Boomer is fine too, if you were wondering," I say to Graham.

"I'm glad to hear it," he says awkwardly. He shoves his hands in his pockets, "I heard you had twins but I had to see it to believe it."

Ryder tenses up besides me so I grab his hand with my free one. I am not letting go of Lily's hand and he better not let go of Sammy's. Leah has kidnapper written all over her.

"I never thought you'd replace kids with dogs," he says again. He's taunting Ryder, trying to get a rise out of him just like he used to do when we would fight.

"Ollie and Boomie," Lily says looking at Graham.

"You have two dogs?" he asks.

Both girls nod and wait for him to say more or ask more. But Graham is too awkward to interact with people let alone toddlers.

We hear a tree fall down with a loud boom and we all look towards the noise.

Sammy sighs, "fuck."

"Sammy, you can't say that word," I scold getting on her level. Her eyes widen like she is about to cry so Ryder picks her up and tries to soothe her.

"Don't you dare say anything," I say holding my hand up towards Graham and finally make my escape. Ryder following closely behind me.

He is mumbling under his breath some not nice words about Graham and I can't blame him because I can still feel him watching us as we walk away.

Finally we are calmed down and continuing to look for our first real tree and dodging Graham and Leah at every aisle.

"This one," both girls say and point towards a medium sized tree with big full branches and smells just like Christmas.

"Yes," I say and Ryder agrees heading to flag down someone to help us tie it up and get it situated on top of our car.

And little while later we are back home, setting up the tree, and keeping the dogs away. Finally we are finished decorating and all of us are sitting on the couch, the girls cuddled between us and the dogs on either side watching Christmas movies.

The girls fall asleep, Sammy with her stuffed duck and Lily with her pig, Ryder looks over and me and smiles.

"I want to have another baby," I say suddenly, catching him off guard.

"I was thinking the same thing," he says and his eyes light up like it's Christmas morning, "should we start tonight?"

"Yes."