In the past, while I'm still living in the Claintery Empire. Daughter of a Count, they expect the eldest to be a good role model from their sibling. However, I failed to do a simple task that resulted to my father being humiliated.

Like what I always stated, my current self was a sheep hiding under the wolf's fur among the crowd. Dare not to overcome the fear but instead, I remain a doll that wasn't trying her best enough to succeed.

When I open my eyes, the massive shelves greeted me and old books with their dusted covers and vintage pages have made a coffee scent that filled the ancient library. I can hear the creepy ticking sound of the wall clock with the hour hand striking the five afternoons, as if my time had stopped.

I couldn't feel the veins of my fingers that was loosely gripping the book which I was reading, numbness crept inside of my body. The chair was cozy that put me into a nap without making me realize. As I look around, the notice of the chosen books had piled on the table where I left untouched.

Knowledge, is all I have. If I can provide His Excellency with more innovations then, perhaps they won't be able to dispose me. I could prove myself that I'm worth it to the position of being the Grand Duchess hence, everyone might treat me with respect and to never insult me again.

Rather going in the kitchen to find nutritious to fill the empty belly just like how spacious my heart, I found the words coming inside of my mind as I flip the pages eagerly. With my hand supporting my head, the lamp that struggle to burned against the dark and cold wind blow the curtains.

Why?

I am trying so hard?

Is the reason perhaps the feeling of knowing how people that surround, see you as a worthless being? A lady should not hold a sword nor act daring. She must be firm and proper, be able to socialize and entertain the honorable guests.

Because I couldn't do those things. What if they'll find me vain and kick me out? If my own father could despise me and stake me for their welfare. Does it mean that the Grand Duke is not an exception? Then, where should I go?

Where should my soul reside in peace? A place that will occupy the vacancy of the heart through doing things with freedom. The so-called home that I've been longing under the vast sky with unending road. Is there a possibility that I will be able to find it?

At last, the noise of the grumbling stomach has stop as I ignore it. I already skipped breakfast and lunch for the exchange of reading and I've been here since early in the morning. Would it be bad if I stay here for a bit longer?

I was busy understanding the context of the paragraph. I was trying my best to forget, erasing the images of him giving a ring to her that he couldn't even provide to her first wife despite with all of those presents I received. Why do I care if the Grand Duke has found a concubine?

Shall I also look for a lover?

My eyes went wide as a ridiculous idea came up. I shook my head to shun the nonsense brought only by a spur moment. In the first place, I was already anticipating for this day to happen. Yet, my heart keeps wavering and troubling my head that it causes me confusion with jungle emotions.

I knitted my thick eyebrows when the letters suddenly became doubled. I draw my face closer to the sentence for me to make sure that I haven't gone insane. Then, I decided to rub my eyes and blink a few times before gazing down again. I need information as much as I can be able to gather.

However, the words became blurred this time and incapable to read. Suddenly, I started to panic as my vision that I terrified to lose was slowly slipping away in my grasp. I flinch when I heard the voice of Jackson, appeared mysteriously beside me and my sight instantly returned.

"Madam, please don't skip supper this time," he said.

I stared at him without saying anything that will make him wipe his forming sweat on his head with the handkerchief he carries around. "You're making me anxious, Madam."

Surely, I wasn't hallucinating that his presence was here. I place the book on the table and tried to get up from the comfortable position. "Right, I will eat now."

The legs that have been sitting for hours turned wobbling pasta, losing all its strength to support myself. Without a doubt, I fell down as my buttocks hit the iced tiled floor with my free hand holding the arm rest of the chair to assist my body.

I hissed in pain. I was fluster where to focus my attention, my knees that ache when it hit the edge of the table, my butt that smack the ground or my head that felt like cracking. Why in the world that I always ran out of luck?

"Madam! Are you not feeling well?" Jackson kneeled down to match my gaze. He placed his warm palm on my forehead as I started to breath heavily. Then it happened again, all I can see was darkness and I'm fully aware that my conscious is taking over me.

Perhaps, I'm going to passed out anytime soon in front of the panic butler. True to my words, I was not wrong. My body feels so weak and hot, setting on a fire. Dreams are pulling me in a deep slumber, like a seaweed that twine around my ankle.

"Madam! Call His Excellency quickly!" The last thing I heard was Jackson crying for help.

The Grand Duke was staring at me blankly with his cross arm. I wince as I could recognize his piercing cold gaze upon me. What could be the thoughts running inside of his mind?

"How are you?"

I look up and roamed around my eyes. We were in our room and I was lying on the bed. Is my health that fragile for me to always end up being in a situation like this? My throat that was dry and sore, it didn't take a single word for him to pour the water from the pitcher on the side table.

Not only that he served me but he also unknowingly assisted me in getting up and drinking the water. He placed a soft pillow behind my back after I satisfy my thirst. My heart was beating fast all along and I couldn't meet his intimidating eyes.

"What about your work?" I asked him.

He groaned. "Is that important right now?"

I pressed my lips and stayed silent as I hinted his furious voice. The sheets were the color of the clouds and I glimpse my nails that were back from being pinkish. I also notice that I was not wearing the dress yesterday, perhaps the maids change me into my nightgown.

"What might cross into your mind? Skipping meals and spending your whole time in a secluded place?"

"I was reading."

He clenched his jaw. "Then, you're prohibited from the library from now on."

My eyes went wide and abruptly shook my head as if I was hearing unbelievable things from him. "Pardon?"

"You heard me."

I tightly grip his coat; I was trying to hold the little bit of hope he'll change his mind. My hands started to tremble and my voice was shaken. "No, please..."

"Madelaine," he coldly mentioned my name without honorifics, he caressed my fingers and remove it from pulling his clothes. He gently pushed me down to make me lie down. "Don't be stubborn. You don't know how worried I was."

Really? Was I capable of doing that to him? I watch him cover my body with the blanket with him sitting on the bed just beside me. His gaze turned deep for a mere split second and went back to his original serious look.

"Your Excellency, please finish all the papers on your desk," Jackson reminded him. He was on his duty, guarding me and helping my needs. However, the other butlers must need his help and so, he also left the scene.

"Alright." He stood up and turned to me. "For the last time, behave. Until your complexion doesn't look fine to me, you're not able to enter your heavenly place."

My lips parted to what he stated and once again I tried to get up halfway but he hissed at me with sharp sight that will kill me for sure. It was enough to make me gulp my saliva and to return in lying down on the mattress.

He never forgets to kissed my forehead before we part ways. I even heard from the outside his authority tone at the knights, strictly commanding them to prohibited someone in disturbing my rest. And that only result to my heart becoming wild which is a strange phenomenon.

Perhaps, I have a disease? Why does my heart always thumping whenever I am near to His Excellency or our gazes will meet? I don't understand, should I consult a medical expert?

I was about to shut my eyes and leave all of my worries for later when I heard a squealing sound of the door opening. I sigh as the sound of her, entering the room became heavy. Why the knights let her in? Are they slacking? Surely, the Grand Duke will punish them.

"So, this is where you sleep together. Oh my, I'm jealous."

I rolled my eyes unconsciously. "Yes. Why are you here and what do you need?"

"Is it not alright for me to visit the other wife?" She toured herself in the room, walking closer to the paintings. Inspecting the furniture and stroking the vases with her finger. If she likes, she could be hired as the Head Maid and criticize the place for a dust which is where she's good at it.

The flowery perfume she sprayed on her body, lingers in my nose. I wanted to sneeze yet; I pinch my nose to stop me from doing it. Her ring shines even in the noon, when the sun is mostly awake.

"Hmm, its nice right?" she chuckled as if she came here to boast. "I think the Grand Duke wants me to be with him."

I didn't show some reaction and try to act that she was just a toxic air passing by. Soon, she will leave me alone if I continue to ignore her. First, I must obey what His Excellency had told me for me to be able to access the library again.

Nonetheless, I will not make this a huge fuss when she entered our room without permission. This disrespectful woman is really getting into my nerves. I cover my head with the pillow for me not to glance at her face anymore.

"Please lock the door when your done."

"What might do you mean?"

The sound of the wood reaches my ears despite my position. Perhaps she pulled a drawer. "Oh my, what a beautiful jewel!"

I couldn't help but to get up and peek at her that immediately regretted. For a moment, I panic. I thought that she was pertaining to the ornaments that the Grand Duke gifted to me. But then, I remember that I ordered a maid to put it inside a secluded wardrobe.

She was just standing with her amusing grin at the edge of the sweet foam. She was jesting and screwing with me that made me irritated. She covered her mouth, restraining the laugh that wants to escape.

It was only her ridiculous ring that she specifies as the jewel earlier and was quite proud of it. "I apologize if I dismay you. But I want to know more about His Excellency that didn't even give you a symbol of your marriage."

"That's not necessary," I scoffed.