DYLAN ||

I told Raiden that I would earn his trust and that's what I plan on doing.

After what my family told me and their lack of concern when it came to our bond, it finally hit me that this may not be the disaster that I thought it would be.

I knew what I've done this past month was totally unacceptable. I mean I would fucking hate Raiden and never give him another chance, not even at a friendship, if he would have done the things I did to him.

Friendship is nothing without trust and that's what I want to build between us. I'm not ready to fully accept our bond yet because I can't bring myself to do anything with another man, but like I said before, I owed him this.

I owed him a friendship at the least.

Getting up from Raiden's bed, I decided to give him some space before speaking to my family.

"Can everyone give us a minute, I will call the pack meeting as soon as Raiden is discharged, but for now can you all give us some time to work through this?" I ask and without hesitation, my family quickly agrees. Passing out hugs before they all pile out of the room.

I turned to look at Raiden as he tore his gaze from mine. I didn't want to argue with him, but I really wanted to try to lighten the mood, so the first thing that came to my mind was,

"Did you really mean that you don't like being crowded?"

Yeah good going Dylan.. what kind of question was that?

How exactly would that question lighten the mood you idiot?

I literally rolled my eyes at myself and my idiot ways, I'm so bad at this shit.

There was silence in the room and I was about to apologize for my insensitive ass question, but then I heard Raiden chuckle and I looked at him to see he was smirking.

"Yes that's true Dylan. I don't like being crowded. Was that not obvious? Did my solitary lifestyle not give that away? Or maybe the fact that I'm a Leopard? How many Leopards do you know that live in packs?" He laughed a little, causing my own smile to creep up on my face.

I didn't expect his laugh to sound so amazing, but it really did. So I did the only logical thing I knew how to do, make idiot jokes.

"Wait you're a Leopard?!" I gasp and hold my chest, mocking the shock and now the annoyance that rolled across Raiden's face.

His smile grew wider by the second as he rolled his eyes at me. "You're an idiot." He laughed.

"Sorry, I guess I don't know much about felines. Maybe it's now time to learn since my mate is one huh?" I ask, holding my smile as Raiden gasps and clutches his chest.

"Wait your mate is a feline?!"

Oooookaaaayyyyy....

So he's just as childish as I am!

Well that makes me happy on a very stupid, stupid level.

We shared a laugh before slowly coming down from our childish high.

"I apologize about my outburst Dylan... I let my emotions get the best of me, I realize now that you were just scared of losing your mate."

I nod.

"And I apologize about my insensitive comment. You're right, I don't have the right to freak out, not when I've done so much shit to you." I said and Raiden nods, never tearing his eyes from mine.

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Yes."I answer back.

"What's the end goal for us? Like with this whole friendship thing.. what do you think is going to happen with our bond?"

I let his words simmer through my brain for awhile before actually answering because to be honest, I didn't know the answer. I don't what the end goal for us is, I don't know what I want from this, I'm not thrilled about having a relationship with a man, even if the bond is pushing me towards him.

"I don't know Raiden.. I feel like I owe you at least a friendship because I'm not exactly ready to be fully mated to a man, but I also know I don't want to reject you.... This is all really hard for me and I'm trying my hardest to accept it, but for me a friendship is the way to go until I'm more comfortable with moving forward, if I ever get there." I explain honestly as I watch the smile on Raiden's face slowly fall and he looks away from me.

"Your whole reasoning sounds selfish Dylan." He said and I frown.

"How?" I ask.

"Everything you just said was about you and your feelings and how this friendship is what you want and how it's helping you, but what about me? Have you thought about what I want?"

Shit..

I haven't thought about Raiden's feelings in all of this..

I just assumed he would be ok with whatever I wanted, but how fucking selfish is that?

After everything I've done, everything he's been through.. I'm still only thinking about myself..

What the fuck is wrong with me man??

"I'm sorry Raiden, I haven't thought about your feelings at all." I admit more to myself than him. "What is it that you want out of this?"

"My mate." He answered simply, as if that were the only logical answer.

I just stared at him, not really knowing what to say and he took that as his cue to continue.

"I want my mate Dylan. I'm hoping in time, by giving you what you want and allowing our friendship to grow, that soon you'll see as more than a friend, as more than a man, more than a Leopard.... I'm hoping you'll see me as your mate, just as I see you Pups."

Oh fuck..

That damn nickname of his, it's usually only a term of endearment for our younger wolves, but when he called me "Pups," it made my heart flutter.

I laugh at myself, knowing how I reacted to the first time he called me that. I was so hostile about it, but right now, I would give anything to hear him call me that again.

"Ok Raid." I rolled my eyes at the sudden urge to want to go over to him and hug him, with his stupid, stupid sweetness. I hadn't even realized I'd given him a nickname of my own.

"I like that nickname." He smiled so wide, I notice the slight appearance of his dimples and I swear my blush grew. How did I not notice he had dimples before?

Shit.. he's so fucking HOT!

"That sounds very gay for a man that says he's not gay." Maddox laughed and my eyes grew wide.

"Where the hell have you been jerk?"

"Talking to Onyx." Maddox all but purred while wagging his tail at the mention of his mates name.

"What did you two talk about?"

"Everything we could... He's going to give me another chance. So please don't ruin this for me Dylan. Don't be your usual asshole self."

"Never, I have no idea what you're talking about." I replied sarcastically.

"Come on Dylan, I'm serious. Please don't fuck this up for me. I love him."

"You've only spoken to him twice right? How the hell could you love him already?"

"I spoke to Onyx all the time for those first two days Dylan. You're an idiot and then I lost him because of you and our idiot pack members. Now I have him back after a damn month and I want to keep him, so don't fuck this up for me!"

I didn't know Maddox and Onyx spoke that much to be honest. I just assumed that his silence for those first two days was because he was scared of our mate, but he actually was building a relationship with him?

"Duh you idiot.. I gave my mate a chance, he's my kitty and I love him, so please don't mess this up. Please give Raiden a chance or he will leave and take Onyx with him."

I nod internally at my wolf, not really in the mood to argue that fact that I'm not ready for what he's got with Onyx.

Turning my attention back to my mate, he was watching me with curiosity.

"Raiden, I want a relationship with my mate too, but I'm just not ready to be intimate that way with another man."

He nods before chewing his bottom lip.

"Can we compromise?" Raiden asks and I nod for him to continue. "If I give you what you're asking and take things slow, give you the friendship you're looking for, could you give me what I'm looking for?"

"What are you looking for?" I ask.

"A chance..." He breaths out. "A chance at a bond with my mate, a chance at loving you. Showing you I can be everything you deserve Pups.... I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do and we can take things as slow as you need, but if I'm willing to fight our bond to give you a friendship, can you be willing to give me a chance to show you I can be the best mate for you?"

I stared into his eyes then and the conflicting thoughts of racing mind were such a burden. My body and soul wanted nothing more than to go to him and wrap myself in his arms, in his love, inhaling his scent and drowning in his embrace.

My mind on the other hand was screaming for me to reject the idea of being so intimate with another man. The mate bond crisis was at an all time high. I wanted my mate, but I didn't. I wanted to touch him, to kiss him, to love on him, but I didn't.

Everything about this was so conflicting.

Why couldn't the Moon Goddess just give me a woman? I wouldn't be so confused.

Eventually, I sigh and nod my head.

"I can try Raiden... I can try."

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