Allie

I am zen.

I am calm.

Ted sent me one, singular text.

Will talk in person.

What are we, spies? Why the ominous message? What's wrong with a phone call or video chat?

I'm not naturally a violent person. Not really. Once, I almost got into a fight in high school with a cheerleader in the locker room. She had something nasty to say about Charity getting green highlights.

I tried to slap her and missed then just hit a locker really loud. Violence is not the answer for all of us.

But darn it if I want to kick Ted in the shin myself.

It's not as though I haven't had an ongoing conversation with Lucas, however.

I'd say we're officially friends for real. We proved that today.

I'm going to initiate him into my "baby daddy friendship circle." I get the feeling it's something he will appreciate.

Dad thought he was coming over tonight but Lucas says he has things to take care of at home. In other words, I'm guessing he's spending time with Kat.

They're definitely not breaking up. I won't let myself get torn up about it. It wasn't a likely scenario, anyway.

I'm, again, indecisive about what to wear. I'm half-tempted to wear an old t-shirt with a hole in the armpit I got from going to some races a few years ago. Maybe that pair of jeans I wore senior year that I just started fitting into again.

Ah, positivity.

They have some quotes in Sharpie on them. Also, Charity drew boobs just over one of the knee holes.

My phone dings and I know who it is.

We spent the entire day together. My new friend, Lucas, who claimed to have feelings for me. My cheeks hurt from smiling today. He's pretty funny and caring. I almost would have believed it was something more, but I think it's just his personality. The real Lucas Kennedy.

He didn't have to do what he did today. He changed the spare tire and had someone replace it for me while we were gone.

And then the spa.

I feel good tonight, and Ted is kind of bringing me down with his behavior. I have to be honest with him, though. I kissed Lucas. Well, more than that, and it isn't fair.

My phone rings again and I jump. Right.

Lucas: He cancel yet?

Jerk.

Allie: No.

Lucas: That's a shame. Someone just had fifteen pizzas delivered to my house and I figured you were hungry and there was trouble in paradise.

He got them.

Lucas: It's by pure luck that I happen to be hungry and needed something to bring tomorrow for the fireworks.

Right... forgot about that.

Allie: Katrina coming?

Gosh, I hope not. I couldn't possibly look her in her murderous eyes after everything.

Lucas: She has other plans.

Thank goodness. I have to put my phone down and finish deciding what to wear. In all seriousness, I have a date to finish getting ready for with a guy who isn't in a relationship with someone he is sort of engaged to that isn't me.

Dad calls me downstairs when Ted gets here.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Jadon is in his arms, happy as ever to see him. I'm reminded of why he's important to me. He's always been there for me and for Jadon. He's not a bad guy.

He deserves the kind of forgiveness I would hope for in return.

After one hell of an explanation.

His mouth is in a flat line. "Allie," he exercises a throat-clearing while Jadon is wrapped around his neck. "You look incredible."

Of course I do.

I look less tired-young-mother and more like a relaxed and enjoyable young person. "Thank you."

He kisses Jadon on the head and sets him on the floor. Jadon and I have a secret handshake. Rather, he makes them up randomly but insists we do them when he remembers. They're always different.

After I fumble through his latest one, dad takes him and kisses me goodnight. They'll be asleep before I get home.

The walk to his car is hot, a bit humid after the random downpour today, and just uncomfortable.

When do I tell him what I did?

"And happy birthday," he just stops midway to the car.

"Um..."

He looks nice. His hair was what always pulled me in. Blonde and light and fun. He is fun. He's a fun guy that dresses well in blue pants and a white shirt.

"I just..." he takes my hand between us. "I want to say that I'm sorry. I've been mad all week and I shouldn't have been. You didn't deserve it. I mean, I get why you lied about not knowing him. He's one of those kinds of guys and it all just sort of caught me off guard. I was being an ass because my plans were ruined, and I'm sorry."

My crappy tribute to women irritated with men everywhere goes like this: "We'll see how tonight goes, then."

And then my failure to women in committed relationships everywhere happens when I let him lean in and kiss me and I don't mention the fact I nearly had sex with Lucas.

But it's not wrong. He and I are official. We are a thing.

But why does it feel weird?

"Come on, I've got plans for us tonight."

Oh, he has plans, alright. An hour away from home.

I feel underdressed for the restaurant. There are wines on this list I can't pronounce nor can I afford. If I were paying, I'd survive on the complimentary bread and ice water.

"Ted, this is too much."

"Allie, it's your birthday. We're celebrating you right now. Don't worry about the cost."

Okay, but... you know what? Fine.

Not that the plant-based meals are the most expensive. It's just that it costs more than my usual grocery bill.

I can't pronounce the word of the meal, but I like eggplants. They did something to this one I would never think that I would like.

Ted asks about my day and how things were. He is fully engaged in this conversation and ignores the constant buzzing of his phone on the table.

"I got a flat tire on the highway and had to wait forever. No one was answering," not even Ted.

"You got a flat?"

"I called you several times and never heard back."

He chooses now to pick up his phone to inspect. "Oh..."

Yeah, oh... I was soaking wet because I tried to do something myself. "I was lucky Lucas showed up when he did."

Ted's eyes snap so fast from his phone up to me. "Lucas?"

"Yeah. He got there and changed it for me. The tow truck got there after and towed it back to his house."

"He fixed the tire but you still had it towed?"

"Lucas did."

He puts his phone back down and the waiter comes by to see how things are and Ted thanks him.

I fold my hands in my lap. I may have to come clean now.

"Why didn't you just go in your own car?"

I don't really know other than Lucas telling me what we were going to do. "We..."

I am saved. One of the waitstaff brings a dessert I didn't order.

It's a chocolate ice cream with mint leaves on it.

"Uh, is this vegan?" I know it's not.

The waiter's eyes bug out of his head. "Sorry, no, we were just told—"

"It's fine," Ted waves them off. The man stands upright and marches away. "I wasn't thinking when I ordered it." He folds his hands together under his chin. "You should just dig in.

His phone starts buzzing on the table.

I won't eat it. "You can have it."

It buzzes again. Gosh, that's annoying. It's almost every ten seconds at this point.

"No, Allie, just," he picks up the spoon and smashes part of the side of the ice cream with it. "Just deconstruct it a little so they know you at least touched it."

"I'm not comfortable with that. Here, why don't we get it in a container and you can have it?"

Ted frowns while I wave down a bus person and request a box.

"Allie, just dig into it. It's fine."

"I'm not going to waste ice cream, Ted. It was probably expensive and you should get your money's worth." Not really, it's just ice cream, and the kind I make is far superior if I may say so myself.

His phone keeps buzzing.

"Is there some sort of emergency going on somewhere with work? Do you need to get that?"

He holds a sharp scowl from the dessert plate while I'm scooping it into the little ice cream container and checks his phone. "Yeah, something's come up. I have to be somewhere."

"Sorry. What?"

"Yeah."

That's all I get. It was nice until now.

What is his problem?

I'll wait to ask. I won't cause a scene in front of people.

I follow him out to his car and we get in. "What the hell is your problem? I thought we were having a nice time?" Is this about the dessert?

"What the hell did you do with Lucas?"

This? Really?

"He took me to a spa because I missed the appointment Charity made for me. We ate, we went to the movies—"

"You had a date."

"No. We hung out."

"Sounds like a date to me, Allie."

"That would imply feelings and stuff."

That's the thing, though. There are feelings.

"You're saying that the guy you gave it up to and had a kid with doesn't have any feelings? And you don't have feelings for him? I'd make the exact opposite argument at that, Allie, especially after the way he coached Jadon to manipulate you into staying home last weekend."

"Okay, hold on."

His. Phone. Rings. Again.

"Hold on," he answers the message.

"Who are you talking to?"

"Work."

I am not this kind of person. I believe in privacy.

But I grab for it.

"The fuck are you doing, Allie?" He shoves my hand back. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me?! You're accusing me of feelings and—and—and Lucas using Jadon, and then you have to answer a text? We're trying to have a conversation here!"

"There's something going on between you two, Allie, and I won't be wasting my time if you're not going to see things as they should be."

"As they should–what? We hung out!"

"Have you two done anything else since he waltzed back into your life?"

"N–" I can't lie about that. That's not fair to him.

"Thought so."

"Well maybe if you were answering your phone this week–"

"This has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the fact that he holds some kind of power over you the way he does everyone else. He uses people, Allie. He sleeps around and gets whatever the fuck he wants. He treated you like shit and then dumped you, leaving you with a fucking kid. Now you're telling me something happened and trying to say it's my fault."

He shakes his head and starts his car. "It's unbelievable, Allie. You're a lot smarter than this. I never would have imagined you were the type, but I guess I was wrong."

Am I seeing the same person right now? Is this a joke? "Are you serious? You're going to say those things about him when you slept around throughout high school and college when you could have been with me all that time? Yes, I kissed him. We did a little more than that, and almost had sex and then I stopped it. It was a weird moment that we haven't had again, and I'm sorry. Okay? I'm sorry."

Clearly, this wasn't the right time to say that.

"Get out of my car."

"What?!"

"Get. Out." He leans over me and pulls on the handle. "Now."