Allie

I've been staring at the ceiling way too long. How long has it been? How long can I do it before I turn into a crappy parent that neglects their kid?

It's okay to have a day like this, right? Something just feels weird.

Between going off with Ted and being in Lucas' house with his girlfriend (where they act like real adults and do adult things) I was looking forward to skipping out on that particular meeting.

What was it Ted said last night? Oh, right.

"That's the guy you fucked without even knowing him? You won't have sex with me, but you'll sleep with the quarterback for the rival team?"

Lots of those kinds of questions. He made it sound bad or dirty, and kind of made me feel like the bad guy. I mean, sure, it wasn't ideal, but I wouldn't quite say that about the event that brought Jadon here.

That's the hard part. Also, it's getting extremely difficult to hate Lucas anymore. It almost feels like friends, which makes this easier. Ted should be happy, right? Not leaving teeth marks on my neck like some barbarian or vampire.

But also, Lucas is an issue for me. I can't be friends with someone that's stupid pretty like him. There has to be distance or I could mistake his nice gestures for something they're very much not.

I'm afraid to check my phone at this point. Ted was mad at me last night. He said I was choosing Lucas over him. I'm not. I'm choosing Jadon, and there is no difference here from any other time other than Lucas suddenly being in the picture.

Ted does not need to start getting jealous. It's not a good look for him. Besides, he's the one that had all kinds of girls in high school, so he's not being fair, exactly.

I'm not so stupid as to have missed the subtleties from Lucas last night. I could sense tension coming from him, too, I'm just not sure why. Jadon was happy about having a dad, so Lucas has nothing to worry about.

Sigh...

What is Ted doing right now? I called last night when I woke up alone in the living room and he didn't answer.

I can't avoid this. I need to know if he's called me back or not.

Nothing from Ted, but a string of messages from Lucas. He told his family. His parents are excited for him. Katrina is not so much excited.

I figured as much. His lack of emphasis on her part tells me it was a very big deal to her. I guess it's a good thing I'm going then. If she's going to act like a spoiled brat, Jadon will need me to feel safe.

What does Lucas see in her? I mean, apart from all that beauty and whatnot...

Oh, right, that's it. Trophy wife or whatever. I guess that's what he's looking for in a life partner. One that looks like her, in perfect condition. Experienced and all that, too.

My phone rings and I see Charity come up. I know why she's calling. It's time for her annual birthday check-in for me. She's seeing what I'll want for mine next Saturday.

I can't deal with her right now. Dad's been watching Jadon so far this morning, and I need to get myself up and ready. I have no clue what to wear around Katrina.

It takes time, and a few reassuring texts from Lucas telling me to dress casually before I'm ready. I'm still wearing a nice strapless sundress with the one pair of wedge heels I have for summertime. I want his parents to like me, even if I'm not up to the standards Katrina sets.

"Allie, Lucas is here," dad calls. He's heading out to watch a game with some friends. "See you guys later." Guess he's off without a goodbye to me. Must be in a hurry to get a good spot on someone's couch.

Jadon is downstairs and dressed talking to Lucas about whatever is interesting at the moment when Lucas looks up and smiles at me. "You look beautiful, Allie."

"Oh." Cheeks, don't you dare blush. Don't embarrass me now. "Thanks." Yes, I did just pat down my hair involuntarily, but I'm pretty sure that's a natural response and not because I care what Lucas thinks. Though I did go between this red and white dress and another for an hour.

"Listen, about last night. I was thinking and I just want to say I'm really sorry about ruining your night. I'd love to make it up to you."

"It's fine, Lucas. I told you it would be." At this point, Ted should apologize for acting like a caveman about the whole thing, especially in my room. I don't even want to revisit that. "Let's just go."

Lucas doesn't say anything about it and takes Jadon in his hand while I lock the door. "You excited, buddy?"

He straps Jadon in while I check my phone. Seriously? Nothing? I send off my thousandth message to Ted. I'm getting kind of annoyed at this point. Also worried. What if he got in an accident?

Shoot, maybe I should go—

Lucas slams his door shut. "I've got the rest of the afternoon free today and was hoping we could talk."

Again? I mean, I didn't mind talking yesterday. Lucas listens when I speak. Offers helpful information and somehow knows how to thoughtfully engage in conversation.

Sometimes Ted is occupied with his phone.

Ugh, I'm just mad at Ted. I don't need to project or compare these two. It's not healthy for me and that kind of thing probably leads to premature aging.

"Sure."

Lucas taps my leg at some point in the drive and I almost think his finger grazes my knee, but I'm mistaken. "You're quiet. You don't have any insults for me today?"

"Do you want me to insult you?"

He smiles from behind sunglasses. I like the way his hand grips the steering wheel while the other rests on the center between us.

I pull up my phone and take a picture of him.

"What's that for?"

"You look good," I show him. "I'll send it to you."

Since the accident, I've believed all memories matter, and the way the sun is hitting his hair was captured perfectly. He'll thank me someday.

"Do you really think that Ted is the one, Allie?"

My stress instantly goes up. Did he see something? I covered up that hickey as best as I could. Also, Ted doesn't usually talk the way he did last night. Shit, did he hear? "Of course I do."

He doesn't say anything about my too-hyper response but keeps driving. "How do you know?"

"That's kind of personal, don't you think? I don't ask you why you think Katrina is the one." Because I'm pretty sure it's based solely on her appearance and has nothing to do with her not-cute toddler personality.

"I'm with her because I know her. But..." he chews on his lip.

Even if he got chapped lips, he'd still make it look attractive. I hate that I know it on the spot. "But what?"

"I think I've outgrown some things."

"Is she still mad at you?" That's probably his issue. Doesn't want a woman with actual feelings.

"Yeah," he shrugs. "She's always mad at me. That's nothing new."

Interesting. I probably would be too if he were mine.

"She's just not what I expected, you know? We want different things and I don't think we're in the same place."

Well, that one is obvious. She's a spoiled brat and he's a semi-responsible new parent. She wants someone to foot the bill for whatever she does. He doesn't make enough money to afford her lifestyle. That much is apparent.

"Can I ask you a hypothetical question?"

I detest hypotheticals. "What?"

"If I weren't with her and you weren't—"

"Mommy look! A deer!"

I jerk my head to the side for a damn plastic deer in a front yard that is oddly close to a pink flamingo. "Yeah, Jadon, good job."

"That was so cool! We should get one."

"You like deer, buddy?"

"Yeah."

Jadon likes everything. Lucas needs to learn that. He gets excited when he sees a squirrel in a tree. I mean, who doesn't, though?

Lucas looks at Jadon over his shoulder. "My friend has a cabin by the lake. There's lots of deer there. Maybe you and mommy will want to come with me for the fireworks next Sunday."

He did not just do that. Not that we had plans for the Fourth of July yet.

"It's just a barbecue and we go out on his boat. But only if you didn't have plans or anything."

"I'll think about it." Few hours on a boat around Katrina? I don't have enough fashion speak or nailbed information in my brain to carry on a conversation with her.

Wow, I'm kind of a judgmental person today.

"Your dad can come, too; it's a pretty good time."

"Oh, okay." That might help.

He shoots me a half-smile. "Here we are. Home sweet home."