I tossed and turned all night thinking about how to tell my child's father he's going to be a dad. I made up my mind last night, I'm calling him today. That talk with my mom is getting sort of old, I need to step up and take some responsibility as a mother. Yesterday was the last straw after seeing my dad walk out. I knew I needed to not only prove to myself but to him that I can do this.

I was at my condo sitting at my island eating pancakes and eggs I prepared. I started feeling this wave of morning sickness. Which was a little odd because lately I haven't had any, and it was rare for me. I can honestly say my first trimester has been better than expected.

I decided to give my best friend Charlotte a call, she lives in the condo across the hall. We've been friends since undergrad freshman year. She's a feisty little something, with a butt that will break necks if you walked passed her. Especially with her being so petite.

Charlotte's so pretty with her smooth medium brown skin. She loves the nineties and the early two thousand eras. She's always switching up her hairstyles.

I'm quite the opposite; tall and more athletically toned considering my high school and college basketball career. All of my siblings played basketball, my brother plays professionally overseas. Due to his recent injury, he's currently out for the season and back home recovering.

I'm more of a comfort over anything type, but I have been doing some light makeup and putting on more than the usual basketball shorts and t-shirt. Something I'm known to wear during my off time. I'm an adult now so I've stepped it up a bit. Although I must admit I still feel funny in fancy dresses.

She picked up on the third ring.

"Hi love, morning." She sang, she's such a morning person. Me not so much, at least not these days. I'm sure she already went to the gym and started her day by now and it's only eight o' clock.

"Hey can you come over, I made breakfast. I need your support real quick. I'm over here about to freak out."

"Say no more, I'm putting my pots back in the cabinet as we speak." She giggled.

"Alright." I laughed ending the call. About ten minutes later Charlotte was at my door. I let her in and we immediately embraced each other.

"What's going on?— Wait let me fix my plate first." She went over to the sink to wash her hands.

"How's my God baby doing?" She peered over her shoulder.

"The baby is fine. Giving me a little morning sickness today, but everything's good."

"Well, what's up?" She questioned as she quickly made her plate. I went back to sit at the island to finish up my plate, I had been picking over. She joined me and poured herself a glass of apple juice.

"I'm about to call Nelson and tell him the news."

"Aw hell." Charlotte exhaled. She's aware of the ins and outs of the situation. She's been blaming herself because she hooked us up in the first place. She knew of him through some mutual friends and thought we would be perfect. She was like 'I got this nice guy I want you to meet he's tall, smooth brown skin with a nice smile. He look good and seem to be very chill.' Little did we know, that was far from who he was.

"Ima' real life cut that dude, I put that on everything." She added while aggressively forking her eggs.

"Dang Char you could've said your grace first."

"My bad, the Lord knows my heart. Forgive me." She looked up to the ceiling closing her eyes.

"I'm so damn nervous girl," I confessed.

"There is no need, I got your back. Baby Charlotte will be just fine." She sheepishly smirked looking down at my stomach.

"Baby Charlotte? Uh, not." We shared a giggle. "I'm just a little nervous about his reaction. The way he flips out sometimes, I figured I'd just tell him over the phone that way he'll have time to process it."

"Whatever you think is best, as long as he doesn't go batshit crazy again. I won't let him get to you anyway. —I can't believe his bum ass put his hands on you." She started getting pissed off all over again.

"Yeah, and the crazy thing is the argument wasn't even anything serious. —Anyway, I'm about to make the call maybe he'll answer. So I can get this over with."

"He says something slick, I got his addy' I don't have any problems with tracking him down."

"It ain't that deep girl, and I'm not some weak girl. I hit his ass back remember. I don't play that."

"You should've called me to finish him." She mumbled.

I got up and went over to the living room, Charlotte remained seated finishing up her food. She was in earshot but still gave me some privacy.

I scrolled through my contacts and touched his name. The phone rung once, he picked up immediately. My heart was pounding.

"Adira?" He greeted.

"Hey." I hesitated, contemplating on if I should just hang up or continue.

"How have you been, it's good to hear from you. I tried calling you then after a while, I figured I would stop. —To give you your space, again I'm so sorry for everything. I really am, I don't know why I got so angry like that."

I remained quiet, a lump formed in my throat. I didn't call him for an apology. I just wanted him to know he has a baby on the way. I can't keep hiding, I'll be showing soon and he deserves to know. His family deserves to know too.

"Adira, I've been getting some help, a therapist. I'm going to fix this and make it right just give me some time baby."

"Dira?" He called for me.

"I didn't call for any of that. That's good you're getting help but do it for you, not for me. You and I both know we don't work. Not together, we are way too different. At one point we did get along, when we were friends. That's all I look forward to, and if we can't handle that then so be it. I'm trying to be straight with you."

"I am doing this for me. I also know I caused you a lot of pain. The guilt from it all weighs heavy. Never in my life, I would've imagined hitting you or any woman. I still can't get that look of fear you had in your eye out of my head, as tough as you are." He sighed out of frustration and waited a moment before speaking again. "I do feel like it wasn't all bad, but if that's how you feel—"

"The bad was always much greater. —Anyway, that's not why I called." I reminded him.

"What is it?"

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out, not trying to prolong it anymore.

I heard no shifting around or background noises from him, complete silence. "Hello?"

"Is this some type of sick joke to get back at me?"

I sucked my teeth then stared at my phone for a moment. I finally put it back to my ear. "Why would I make a joke of something like this?"

"I haven't seen you in months, the last time was for sex, remember? How do you know it's mine?" Nelson doubtfully questioned.

"Nelson I haven't been with anyone else. It was only you. I'm three months pregnant. Our last slip up was when I got pregnant."

"We've been officially broken up for about a year and now you're pregnant. We slept together a couple times after, but I felt like I was careful. What the hell are we going to do with a baby right now? You don't even want to get back with me."

"Apparently we weren't too careful, —you think I would just make all of this up? My family didn't even know about everything with our relationship until I had no choice. They didn't know we weren't together anymore. They didn't know how bad things had gotten between us until I told them. They thought we were together all that time. You actually think I would fake or lie about this?" I raised my voice.

"What the hell am I supposed to think, I'm sure you didn't just find out you're pregnant? Why are you just calling me? When did you find out?"

I exhaled roughly. "I needed time Nelson, to process this. Also to find some courage to tell you, considering our history."

Truth is I took multiple home pregnancy test maybe two and half weeks after we were intimate and they were all positive. My body felt different, I'm a nurse and soon to be a doctor. I pay close attention to everything with my body. I immediately thought I was pregnant.

"Now I need time." He muttered slightly above a whisper.

"Ok, I'm trying to stand up and do my part. We have a little one coming." I tried reasoning with him, not wanting confrontation.

"I'll call you back sometime next week."

I sighed. "Ok."

He ended the call instantly after the word left my mouth. Charlotte came over and joined me on the couch. She grabbed my phone placing it on the end table. I rested my head on her lap and stayed in this position until I fell asleep. I wasn't crying, just a little overwhelmed.

Both of us had a shift tonight, she's a RN as well. That was always her dream with goals to someday be a traveling nurse.

I got myself ready and dressed for work. My dad was dropping my mom off and picking her up for my appointment. Meaning I could head straight to work from there.

I grabbed my baby binder, including all of my history and baby's progression. I note everything and jot down questions for the next visit.

* * *

"Ms. Thompson lay back for me. I'm checking babies heart beat. Everything came back great with your urine and blood work, that was all good. The Pap test was normal and your blood pressures normal as well."

"Ok." I nodded laying back, and lifting my shirt. My mom was seated on one side and Dr. Jansen stood on the other. This was my official second prenatal appointment.

As soon as he placed the Doppler on my lower stomach I heard the racing heartbeat. I got a little choke up. It wasn't just a heartbeat, that was the sound of motivation. That was the sound of new life. The sound of my child depending on me to make a way.

I looked over to my mom smiling at me.

"Everything is fantastic, strong heart beat. We're smooth sailing Ms. Thompson —Did you want to get the AFP test done?"

"Yes, definitely." I nodded knowing exactly what the test was and he was fully aware of that. I'm well versed with medical terminology. He was talking about the genetics testing which can test for Down syndrome, trisomy eighteen, neural tube defects and so forth.

"Ok Ms. Thompson that's it for me. Do you have any questions?"

I pulled out my binder and flipped it to my tab labeled twelve weeks.

"So far in the pregnancy everything with baby has been amazing, but I had morning sickness today. Should I be concerned about my HCG levels?"

"As you know your HCG is at an all time high in the beginning of the first trimester. At this point your body could be trying to level itself out. It'll go down to a certain level and more than likely stay there for the duration of the pregnancy. It was checked with the blood work, showing it's still a little high. —Over the course of the next few weeks we should see a change."

I nodded. "What about the birthing plan do I need start focusing in on that? I know it's pretty early but I'd like to have a plan in place, even if it doesn't workout."

"I'd definitely encourage you to go ahead start looking in to that, yes. It's never too early. We have assistance available if you need more info or have questions." He agreed.

"Ok one more question, I've recently cut out a lot of foods. I'm concerned about getting the proper amount of nutrients, —I'm talking balance. Also with my workout, sometime I feel sluggish, and not motivated. I usually have to make myself get up and workout. Sometimes I don't. Do you think it's because of the diet change? I stopped eating certain proteins and cut back on dairy. I do have cravings I give into and sometimes overindulged."

"I think it could possibly be a mixture of all those things. Don't over exert yourself, but don't stop working out. It'll benefit you during the delivery. Also with the diet change, be more aware of what you're consuming and how much at a time. Make sure daily your getting well balanced meals. No skips, even if you have to make a smoothie. Not too much sugar and drink plenty of water."

I flipped through to the nutrition section in my baby binder. I showed him some of my meals I tracked.

"This is impressive." He flipped through the section. "Looking at your routine here I'd say everything seems pretty good. You have good eating habits. I see you've listed your cravings over on the side; Lemon pepper wings, pancakes, pistachio dairy free ice cream.— I think those are safe in moderation." He smiled.

"Thank you." I laughed a little.

"Any further questions?''

"I think that covers everything for this visit." I looked over to my mom, she nodded.

"Ok Ms. Thompson here is a list of things to keep you informed of everything you're experiencing right now. You're now veering out of the high risk for miscarriage stage. Your next visit will be much similar to this one. Then your fourth appointment you'll be able to see baby and possibly the gender."

"About that, how many people can I have in the room if I notify you ahead of time. Perhaps to request a bigger room, I would love to have my siblings, parents and best friend in the room for the gender."

"Did you not want to do a gender reveal party?' My mother asked me.

"I don't think so, I'm not really interested in it. I get the humor and fun behind it. I just know if he or she is a he or a she, I will love him or her all the same. I'd love for everyone to be there for the ultrasound if possible. So we can all see the baby together."

"I'll make note of this and let you know during your next visit. We'll see, you know how tricky that can be sometimes."

"Right and I really appreciate you checking, thank you Dr. Jansen."

"No problem, if that's everything then you can go ahead up front and schedule your next appointment. I'll see you next month in your second trimester. Good seeing you both." Dr. Jansen stood up walking towards the door. We said goodby then gathered up our things to leave.

"He's such a nice young man." My mom made known, possibly trying to hint at something.

"Please don't start," I whined.

"He's not wearing a ring Adira and he's handsome."

"No thank you mom. He does seem nice but I am far from ready to see anybody." I pointed to my stomach. "Thank you for coming with me."

"You know I don't mind."

"Is dad on his way or you want me to take you back?"

"He's outside." She said rather curt. I understood, why. She didn't want to upset me about dad being standoff-ish.

"Ok, I'll see you later mom, I'll call and text you. Thanks again, I love you." I hugged her tight.

"I love you too."

I watched her walk out and I left shortly after making my next appointment. I stopped to grab a bite to eat before heading in for work. A long shift tonight but it will all be worth it when I finally graduate.

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