《The Bartender at the End of the Universe》Ch 301: He Fell Off
Advertisement
"I never thought of it that way." Ted said.
"That...that's actually brilliant," Narissa agreed.
Lucius's mask smiled at them. He had returned to his smaller size, and said,
Your accolades for my wisdom are noted,
Let's hope it doesn't make my ego bloated
"For a while there, I thought you were going to attack us," Azrail admitted. "I must say you're a lot calmer and more level headed than I expected."
Logic cares not for emotion.
Love. Hate. All irrelevant.
Foolishness is what I shun,
While I embrace true development.
The shape-shifting creature explained.
"Hey, so do you want to come with us? We're all sort of trapped here. So we may as well make the best of it, right?" Ted suggested. "I mean, it's not perfect, but things could be worse."
"Yeah, worse huh?" Narissa scoffed. "At least he seems like less trouble than some of the people already out and about."
Lucius's mask twisted into a frown.
I am no he,
Nor am I a she.
For your tired terms of gender
Are meaningless to me.
Azrail raised an eyebrow. "Aren't genderless creatures like angels generally referred to by masculine pronouns? And Lucius feels like a male name to me."
Lucius turned towards Azrail and slithered up towards him. They held out their mask towards his face and the face twisted into a scowl as they said,
Your mind is small, fragile, and limited.
You see patterns in far different subjects.
I may be genderless as you have said.
But your tired traditions are just my rejects.
I can not mate, breed, or reproduce.
For I am perfection and incarnate truth.
Respect my intelligence, my lack of weaknesses,
And the power my lack of distractions boosts.
Uh, yeah whatever you say dude. Death shrugged before he leaned towards Ted and lifted his hand to whisper into his ear. They got a little testy there, huh?
Advertisement
Ted sighed and shook his head. "Death, seriously. How do you forget every single time that whispering doesn't really work for you?"
Huh? What are you talking about bro? Death asked.
"Were you trying to whisper to Ted?" Azrail asked. "Your voice just sounded the same as it always does."
Narissa sighed. "After all that trouble you caused me down there, I should be a lot more upset with you. But, that's like being angry at a puppy. They just don't know any better...yet..."
Lucius took a step back from Azrail and looked slowly from one person to the next as they proclaimed in their myriad of voices,
Your antics amuse,
They distract from my losses.
So I shall join you.
"Huh? You didn't rhyme that time." Ted pointed out.
It's rhythm, not rhyme I tell you.
My words so sublime to your crew.
The rhythm you feel,
Your ears know the deal.
My speech truly is a virtue.
Lucius explained in their interesting way of speaking.
"A haiku and then a limerick," Azrail remarked. "Though, with some of your eccentricities I am a bit surprised you aren't exclusively speaking in iambic pentameter."
"Well, I'm glad at least you seem to understand it." Ted added. "Although, I have to say half the words you said sound familiar, but I honestly have no idea what they mean."
"They are types of poetry," Sid explained. "However, the limerick is less obscene than is normally expected of that style."
"Obscene? Poetry?" Ted scoffed.
Yeah, isn't poetry all frilly and lovey dovey or whatever? Death added.
Azrail smiled. "Hah! Obscenity has been with humanity for as long as thought has. Modern people do not hold a stranglehold on dirty thoughts." Azrail expounded. "Why, I remember on an expedition to these ancient ruins we found some old tablets. Our translator took weeks going through each of them."
Advertisement
Azrail smiled and shook his head as he continued his rant, "Well, when she finished, she just stormed out of her tent, and reused to speak to anyone. The other guard and I were suspicious. As, unearthing ancient ruins always runs the risk of letting loose some sort of trap, or madness among those who go knee deep in it."
"So, of course we had to go after her, and sneak into her tent and see if we could piece together what happened. We split up. He went after her, and I made my way into the tent. I had lost rock, paper, scissors to him you see." He continued.
Dude, is this going anywhere? Death interrupted.
"Of course, of course." Azrail said dismissively. "Now, where was I? Oh yes. She had extensive notes, and they were in Cyrillic, which I can read. Within no time, I knew why she was upset."
"Well, are you going to tell us?" Narissa asked. "Or do you plan to keep rambling?"
Azrail shook his head. "Why, they weren't ancient knowledge hidden away from mankind. They were, how should I put it...AH! They were essentially dirty letters sent between two lovers. All manner of promiscuous things filled those tablets, the acts they spoke of! Hah! It'd make a prostitute blush."
"I don't..." Ted started to speak, and then just gave a defeated sigh. "That's where you were going with all of that? They wrote dirty letters? You basically already said that as the preface to your story."
Yeah man, feels like you're kind of just wasting time? Death shrugged. Like if your friend was trying to set a trap for us back home, and you were trying to make sure they had enough time to finish.
Your example I must say, is oddly specific
Perhaps your vision sees a future, horrific?
Lucius mused as they started to walk away.
"Hey, wait." Ted said as he reached out towards Lucius. "Where are you going?"
Lucius turned around and their empty mask stared blanky at Ted.
Is this not how you came?
So to return we must go the same.
Advertisement
- In Serial62 Chapters
Dungeon Scholar
Girl meets dungeon. What could go right? A story of a good-hearted Scholar driven by her compassion and curiosity. She might be a little combat averse, but um, isn't that only logical? Love me a good grimdark, but sometimes I want to read feel-good fiction that isn't pure action, romance, or comedy. The plot and characters of Dungeon Scholar won't be all happy and fluffy, and the world will be more dungeons and monsters than rainbows and puppies, but overall the sweet moments should overshadow the bitter. Let's say three dollops of sugar for every pinch of salt, with lemon slices left on the saucers? Enjoy. Note: This is NOT a typical dungeon story. If you are here for the dungeon aspect, then fair warning this will seem incredibly slow-burn to you. The dungeon will eventually become the most important 'character,' arguably, or the second-most important narratively, but you might jump out the window in frustration long before that happens. At its heart, the story's core remains 'girl meets dungeon,' not 'dungeon meets world.' (To be clear, this does or will have a plot! It's just the more conventional story-like elements contribute to Rowena Loress's greater story, not the other way around; no conflict takes center stage until it becomes personally significant to her. Meanwhile, have some Slice of Life.) Updates every Friday Cover made using Waifulabs Written using 4thewords (referral code: UZJRY55368)
8 105 - In Serial69 Chapters
Heartstone
Book 1 is complete. Book 2 is currently updating. For centuries, the portal to another dimension remained closed. Now, it is mysteriously open again, and the link between Earth and Heartstone allows us to journey once more to this magical realm. Book 1 - Arwin arrives in Heartstone and meets some lovely damsels who are unfortunately in distress. He faces off against blue blood nobles to help the people of the Blue Region. Book 2 - Arwin befriends Yaz, a talking skeleton and sets off for adventure. But before they get going, they stumble across a tribe of gorgeous nymphs. All seems fun and games until the goblins arrive. This series is a portal fantasy (isekai) that features wordplay and puns and plenty of cultural references. Reminiscient of Piers Anthony's Xanth series and Terry Pratchett's Discworld, but for a more adult audience. Book 1 is also available on Amazon and other online stores. You can also download from Patreon.
8 67 - In Serial51 Chapters
Catch You
Moving back home was the plan. Starting fresh was the plan.Fascinating the most stunning guy ever was not.Amelia's life turned upside down when he started pursuing her. He was stubborn, rugged and used to getting what he wanted. From the moment Theo saw the mystery in her eyes, there was something that pulled him in. And he had never been afraid to fight.With her baggage and walls built high, she was adamant on not letting him get what he most wanted, her.But maybe, just maybe, he was the salvation she'd always needed.Catch YouCover: happypappymeALL RIGHTS RESERVED© 2020 happypappyme
8 389 - In Serial25 Chapters
No Effort Power Fantasy
The world has ended. Everyone on earth is dead. Except for one boy named ‘Heaven’. A terrible name his parents gave him since he was born. Only Heaven had survived the apocalypse. He now has newfound godly powers that will let him do whatever he wants on this hell torn earth.
8 157 - In Serial12 Chapters
The Famed Expert
A family famed for producing some of the finest Warriors and Magus in the continent created an Abomination.Josh, shunned by his family his entire life because of his weak prowess to both Warrior and Magic.Until one day he suddenly gained unimaginable power.
8 158 - In Serial7 Chapters
Me and him | Jordan Phillips sandlot {DISCONTINUED}
JUST TO TELL YALL IDK WHAT IM DOING OR HOW TO EVEN WRITE OR COME UP WITH IDEAS🤷♀️Started: Thursday June 9 2022Ended: Sunday September 11 2022
8 202

