I have never been more dire and fearsome than ever after the engagement with my WTF abuser.

As everything unravels,

my mom went for a drink of the wine that was poured earlier to celebrate the vibrant win of Thráin but he knock it off by an accident by dragging up the table cloth. I knew its not some coincidence rather, it was staged.

Everything with him is flawless.

He stands for immaculate evil.

" The wine is poisoned", he whispered at me under his breath.

If I said no, he will either kill my mom with a sniper or by poison, and that alone sends another numbing distress to me. This is the dance me to end his shitty addiction.

My mom.

my oblivious Mom.

It so happened that after their triumphant proposal of his, an emergency phone call ensued that gave a spectacular distraction needed to us to break down the walls.

It's pretty serious because I hear him shouting in rage at the other end of the line in another language again but I can be precise that it is Slavic tongue so I decided to come home with mom to which he approves by kissing my forehead and a warning never to do something stupid like running away, crying like a banshee, calling the cops or even try to alert my mom as I we have Angel escorts us home.

I have a lot of things to catch up on with her. I mean everything to discuss with her.

Hows are the farm, how is she doing, hows are the neighbors, so many hows, whys and wheres that I don't know to begin with.

A lot of things to tell but should I risk her life or just pretend to be this stoic masquerade?

On the way home, I keep holding her hand like it gonna I'm not gonna have them rip me apart from her.

"how's life mom? " I started.

She just smiled and pat my hands, " let's talk when we get to the house, Kalen".

That's all she said like this something she knew but wouldn't tell. Does she notice the tension and evil lurking?

Is there something she does want to share when we're all alone or just some catching up to do whatever it is, I just wish to spend all the time available to be with her and her alone.

20 years

Every day is a Painful minute

Even if I can't say it, my obsession has been deadly with her.

I am 50, shes is 45

I am 55, shes is 45

I miss her every day.

15 years of Blissful marriage was all we had together.

Sure there were ups and downs in our marriage. Perse, that she knows every position I want her to like our sex is something drilled in her mind and she the only one who can sate my lustful desire and there was, The Downs, to which I have to smack her to the ground just to kill that fire in her eyes.

The same fire that I tried ever so dearly to get rid of but can't be obliterated.

Everything was healthy and she became my peace.

every day with her is my Vitality then one day something happened that for the first time I have no control over her.

One day she was healthy as a bull then she became deathly ill of Cancer.

Liver cancer to be exact.

I eventually knew that it was somehow passed on from her mom.

I wanted to crush her mother to death but fortunately, she died 10 years ago from the same disease that has to Fucking have.

after all the strict diet I have her done, I cannot beat the shit of illness.

I did all in my wealth to have her treated by the best doctors, best medicines available, and promising hospitals to which she spent most of the days and months just for her to be better.

I even had her on secret pills that are not available on the market but held some fucking promise but all were the same shit.

She become well again, her body steadily gain weight and her hair came back even not like before but at least she has. I refuse to have her wear a wig despite her objections.

She is and always will be my beautiful Kalen.

Did I love her?

I can't say but the strongest Emotional aspect would be Belongingness.

shes was perfect for me.

She's the only one for me.

Did she Love me in the process?

That's a Secret she buried with her in the grave 5 years ago.

Every day was difficult without her, I started to dwindle in the time she was with me and hated everything that reminded me that she wasn't anymore.

Maybe it's time.

Time was all we had and time was stolen from me.

I take a look at the gun I have besides our wedding portrait that always taunts me.

Taunts me about the past, present, and future about her.

My beloved, my wife, my Love!

Kalen

Kalen, all my Life!

My is Gone!

I have been stuck in the moment of my life with her and can't get out.

No amount of coke, meth, diazepam, melatonin, and vilazodone mixed in Goslings Auld Trophy Rum or The Macallan 1926 whiskey can make me fucking forget her. Fuck!

Angel had always been right I should have never emotionally invested in her, and now I'm a wreck, Living devastation.

I have relinquished my place at the table and live in seclusion for a few years now. Refusing to be consoled or be bothered by any news good or bad.

My estate and all my businesses have been handled by my legal team with Angel supervising.

I want to come after her,

to follow her.

But maybe where I'm heading is not the place for a pure soul like her.

All of a sudden my weight crashes down as I lean forward to take another damn drink like my body gave up on me and my mind went point blank as I envision my beloved's face gleaming on me.

I think I had too much of that damn Whiskey.

"My love, I'm coming for you".

" stupor: where a person can’t move, can’t speak, and appears to be staring off into space, posturing: where a person stays in the same position for an extended period and echolalia: where a person responds to the only conversation by only repeating what they’ve heard are all the symptoms the patient displays. I'm sorry but Mr.Cresens has Catatonia".

The doctor concluded that this will be his situation for time being or maybe his time being.

I cannot accept that this has what has been made to my friend and boss. The will have been specific if ever something happens to him: I will be the legal guardian of his only heir.

The kid that spends more time playing Rubik's cube outside the door waiting for her dad to sober up.