"Hey.. is it okay if I join you?"

I was lifeless. My weak body was around everywhere, but my mind was somewhere lost.

I wasn't sane at all, and I don't think I will ever be until my biggest problem so far is solved.

Three whole weeks.

It's been three whole weeks of torturous, sleepless nights. Hallucinations and screams every single day. Nightmares and tears every single night.

"Earth to Lia?"

I whipped my head towards Andrea before she pointed slowly towards my left. Ted was standing with a tray, his blonde hair sticking everywhere, with his weak body ejecting nothing but faintness.

And I thought my state could never be duplicated on anyone else.

"Of course," I smiled weakly, watching his worried frown turn into a relieved, little smile. "How have you been?"

"Okay, I guess," he shrugged lightly before diverting his lazy eyes from me. His orbs locked with Andrea, and I immediately stopped watching the pair of see through screens, about to erupt feelings.

I can never look too much into anybody's eyes.

"Hey."

Andrea smiled shyly as he shook her hand. "Hi. I'm Andrea."

"I'm Ted, it's nice to meet you."

And just like that, I drifted back into my place...one where I'd daydream about seeing Ross again, about talking to him.

I couldn't cope without him, but I only knew that the moment I lost him, and goddamn how stupid that was of me.

I got way too attached to let go, I got way too knotted to him to be cut off.

But it wasn't his fault. It can never be when a fuck up like me enters his life, or when a drunk soul like mine realizes my need towards him only after he lets me go.

He left my entire surroundings dull and lifeless, just like my soul. The atmosphere around me was to anonymous to care about...I was too oblivious about everyone's shock about Ted coming back, too absentminded about the eerie stares towards our union.

"There you are," I jumped in my seat at the sudden hand gesture.

"Jeez!"

"Sorry," Jackson chuckled lightly making me smile, a lot more relaxed now, "It wasn't intended."

His large hands left my shoulder to sit beside me, giving me a light kiss on the cheek.

The fact that I am currently surrounded by three people is mind blowing, but what's more shocking is the fact that I don't feel safe.

"It's good to see you again, Ted."

My body flinched in fear of Ted's reaction, but he nodded at him nonetheless, proceeding his conversation with Andrea.

"Are you free after school?"

"Yes," I smiled softly as he held my hand.

Despite my state, I try my best to spend most of my time with Jackson. After all, he doesn't deserve a sad, mentally ill girlfriend whom spends her entire day crying, reading books and listening to sad rock music.

"Cool. We could go out on a date. How about a movie?"

"I'd love that," I leant forward, kissing his cheek softly, my face burning in shyness.

God, please save me from my uncontrollable actions.

*********************

"The movie was awesome," I bit my lip, looking up at him as we walked out of the theater.

It really was, despite the fact that I was a nervous mess in response to his hand on mine.

Finding a way to decrease my shyness is going to take twice the effort since I'm currently alone with my thoughts.

I don't know if I'm going to make it happy out of this state.

"It was," he smiled back, intertwining Our held hands slowly. "I know it's probably way too late but you look flawless."

I chuckled along with him, looking down at my jean shorts and my off shoulder top.

"It's probably because you're the one who got to choose it."

As much as I never enjoyed wearing any piece of clothing that showed off a lot of skin, I wanted to make him proud to have me.

I don't want to have my insecure state on show to everyone.

"Could we quickly get to Next before leaving? I need to get something, I won't be long."

"Of course," his pearly white teeth were bared, as he led me into the shop. His thumb constantly rubbing my hand made me feel content, glad I was now perfectly fine with our hands held together.

We walked to the accessories section and my eyes scanned the isle for a familiar choker, landing on the silver, flower patterned one. I tiptoed to gab it, smiling to myself lightly.

"I remember you wearing that," he whispered, "it made your neck look pretty tempting."

I chuckled at his choice of words, watching his playful smirk slowly get on display. My cheeks were currently heating to him, my heart beating faster at the feeling of his breath.

"It's for Andrea. She liked it too so I thought i could buy her one," I smiled as we walked around the store, his eyes scanning the clothing models, put on show on mannequins.

"I really like this," he rubbed his chin slowly making me check it out too.

And goddamn....

I've never seen something way too similar to Tanya's clothing; slutty.

"I-I don't know. It's a little too revealing, don't you think?"

"It's cute and hot," his icy eyes scanned my body, which caused an instant shiver.

I don't have the guts to wear such things because 1. I'm not confident about showing off such dosage of skin 2. I'm not a slut and 3. I wouldn't want him to see me in that.

But I have to accept his suggestion because 1. I don't want him to find out that I don't like my body 2. He's a jock so apparently I have to be a slut and 3. I know he has the right to see me in whatever.

"Well, okay. Should I try it on?"

He nodded, making me grab my size to walk quickly to the dressing room.

This isn't going to go well.... this is going to drive down hill. I don't want to disappoint him, but I also can't cope being what he wants me to be for him.

But a bralet and hot shorts?!

I look like a stripper.

"Are you done yet?"

"Uhm, y-yeah, I just," I peeked out the curtain, my bottom lip doomed in between my teeth. "I don't really like it on me."

"Don't be shy, babe. It's okay," he tried to encourage me, his lips in a sincere smile. Even though he was pretty convincing, I still never bought it. I got out nonetheless, standing in front of his flirtatious eyes. "Damn..you look...Damn, Lia."

I chuckled, my cheeks burning in blood dripping red.

"So you like it?"

"Is that a question?!"

***********************

"And so you bought it?"

"He got it for me."

I ripped off the price tag of the so called clothing that had Jackson head over heels.

I appreciated his gesture of thinking he was making me feel comfortable enough to wear such things....but neither I nor Andrea liked the idea...

"I don't know about Jackson anymore," she clicked her tongue, resting her chin on her hands.

"Why not?"

"Don't get me wrong but it just feels like," she paused, playing with the choker on her neck. "Like he wants to change you..."

I can't deny I was feeling the exact same way...but I also had in mind that Jackson was now one of the most popular kids.

That means ego and reputation.

"It's my first relationship and I can't deny I might be naive about it, but I'm still testing the waters. We'll see how this goes."

"Good enough. Don't stress yourself...he's just a boy," she stood up, hugging me tightly. "Thanks for the choker again. I absolutely love it! I'll see you tomorrow?"

"No problem, and sure," I smiled walking behind her towards the stairs.

"Bye, Lia. Don't stress yourself. Everything bad is bound to be solved."

Maybe she is right, maybe I'm going to get over being insecure for no specific reason ..... or have whatever is between me and Ross solved.

Because I can't cope seeing the god forsaken bitch today again.

I was about to close the front door when a harsh pull owned it back, making me whip my head in confusion but mostly fear.

This is why I can't be left alone in a huge house.

I peeked my head outside, to have my eyes widen in complete shock at the flesh of the soul in front of me.The reason behind my sleepless nights caused by the disability to see him, the star of my good dreams.

"R-Ross?"

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