"What? That little piece of shit was your best friend?"

Oliver nodded, not finding my astonishment all that funny so, being polite, I tried to be less of an asshole.

His head was thrown back as he shut his eyes, recalling a memory and I found myself tracing the bandaging on his knuckles and drawing my name on the back of his hand with my thumb.

It was a habit and I tried not to react when he squeezed my hand, me clutching on and trying to give him the support. His hands were trembling as he tried to grip mine.

My thumb lightly scratched his palm as he spoke before squeezing his hand again, powering him through this tough time he was having,"His family was going through a tough time, mine was too but never as severe as his."

I watched as he sighed, dying out his cigarette after a few pulls and tossing it out the window. If Kat were there she'd yell at him about the environment.

But Kat wasn't there and we were talking about matters, so important to him that littering was the least of our problems, "We met in therapy and instantly we were close until... Um."

I wanted to ask why he was in therapy but knowing Oliver, it was probably for anger issues. When he got taken away, he'd stopped playing football and football was probably his outlet. Without football, he had no outlet.

I was going to ask him about therapy but if didn't seem like the right time nor place, with him behind the wheel.

Oliver didn't want to cry but from the glossy look in his eyes and the way he bit his lip, he was a second from it.

I gave him time to calm down, not looking at him as he wiped his face and sat up. I was playing with the cuts on the passenger seat when he let go of my hand and started the car, lacing our fingers afterwards, "Can we just go somewhere? I don't wanna deal with this right here."

And I didn't answer as he took us back to our complex later that night, stopping for gas on the way and picking up some gummy bears, a Mountain Dew and a Coke along with a spare bag.

I still hadn't paid him back for the first time yet here we were, him paying because I only had a dollar in my pocket.

"I'll pay you back," I reasoned, trying desperately to relieve some guilt of using all his money. He shook his head, opening my bag and my mouth before putting a couple gummy bears in and shutting it, my jaw tingling.

"No, you're gonna eat because you've been such a great friend to me lately and I really appreciate you."

I held up my index finger, telling him to wait as I chewed the blob of candy in my mouth, "Oliver, you can't keep spending money on me." I'd said afterwards, drinking some of my soda to get the remains out of my teeth.

"I want to."

Fuck, I think he was flirting and I was over here getting little colorful bears out of my teeth. If it were any other person, I wouldn't be fazed and I don't know what it was about Oliver but I was kind of embarrassed.

That didn't stop me from talking, he needed to let go and if it brought me a little embarrassment, so be it, "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know."

I thought about it. Ma don't play the whole bringing-boys-home thing, she didn't really like it when Jan used to come over so I doubted she'd be okay with Oliver, "The park?"

He shrugged.

"The park it is."

⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄

There was this black blanket in the backseat of Oliver's truck, oddly still in its packaging and when I'd asked him about it, he was as confused as I was.

Assuming it was his mother's from when she used his car, he'd simply shrugged before smiling slightly and grabbing it, walking over to an empty patch of grass -one that wasn't covered in wood-chips- and laid it flat.

We were laid out on the blanket, looking up at the sky and eating gummy bears in the silence, waiting for each other to say something. That bag he'd had was filled to the brim with different candy that we were pigging out on, him putting some Reese's to the side, saying that was Elliot's favorite.

And we stayed in comfortable silence.

That was until Oliver had scooted closer, laying his head on my stomach, laying sideways. And he spoke bluntly yet emotionlessly.

"He tried to kill himself."

My breath had hitched at the slightly crack at the end, 'himself' being more of a whisper as the candy was long forgotten.

I brought a hand to his dark hair, running my fingers through it lightly and holding my other hand out for him to hold, "I was scared because who wouldn't be scared if their best friend tried to commit suicide?"

His fingers laced through mine as Oliver let out a shaky breath, the fog from the cold visible and I'd shivered in his flannel that I'd had in my backpack but never found the time to give back, "It's weird, you know? I mean, that's your best friend. The person who you laugh with and have seen way more of their problems than you can handle and one day, they're just not there," he shook his head, rubbing his face with his hands.

"And you go to therapy, hoping to see them that day so your life is at least a little less sucky... But they're in the hospital getting their stomach pumped and you have to sit there in the waiting room, hoping that the big man upstairs will pity you."

"O-Oliver-"

"They convinced me that it was best to stay away and let him 'get better', what a load of shit that was. But I listened because I didn't want my best friend to feel like this world wasn't enough for him," and that was when he let go of his tears, calming down as he wiped at his face frantically. And when there was no trace of him losing control, he spoke again, "he used to try and contact me a lot but I always ignored him."

I just wanted to hug him but from the way he was clutching my hand, he wasn't up for that.

"Eventually, he stopped trying until he caught me getting my ass handed to me in some parking lot. He tried to stop the fight... Jeremy was injured pretty badly and I told him to stay out of my shit because he didn't get it."

Shrugging, he sat up to face me, his eyes looking into mine with an intensity so harsh, it could burn, "And even now, I'm a psycho who almost kills a guy and I don't feel an ounce of regret."

The way he'd said it, as if it were common knowledge, as if there were no room for disagreements, it made my heart nearly stop beating.

He was way too hard on himself.

I disagreed, "They're wrong about you, Oliver," and I would keep disagreeing because Oliver wasn't a bad person. He was an angry boy that had made bad choices but he was not a bad person.

"The thing is, I don't think they are," he smiled sadly at me, "Because I don't regret it. The only thing I regret about any of that is pushing my best friend away," it seems like he was trying to make himself feel something he couldn't feel, "I don't regret almost killing Phoenix and I don't think that's healthy."

We were silent as I digested this information. Phoenix Meyer was my best friend's boyfriend, the guy she lost her virginity to, and the guy everyone loved- well except Oliver and Sidney.

"Why'd you do it?"

He shrugged again, "Meyer had it coming."

"Phoenix is a nice guy."

That seemed to tick him off and knowing him, that wasn't a good thing, "Then that must make me the bad guy."

I quickly dismissed that, grabbing his chin and making him face me as I talked to him, sternly, "You are not a bad guy, Oliver. You have problems, yeah and you've made bad decisions, I'll give you that but you are not a bad guy. You just can't really control your anger."

He rolled his eyes at that, taking my hand off of him before holding it and planting a kiss on his thumb that enveloped mine, smiling through his speech, "And Chucky just wanted to play."

"I mean it, Oliver."

He shook his head with a bitter chuckle, our hands resting in his lap and his lips close to mine, "I have a hard time believing that, Emerson," he'd whispered.

And he pressed his hand lightly into the back of my neck, bringing my closer.

And he kissed the corner of my mouth, sending a shiver through me and a need for his lips on mine. But he simply smiled, drawing circles with his thumb on the back of my neck before standing and grabbing the Reece's and making his way across the street to his house, leaving me with confusion and a text message.

'you look nice in my shirt.'

⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄

"Jan's facetiming me!" Kat had yelled the next day at lunch, her yell still not being loud enough to trump the cafeteria noise. She flipped her newly dyed dark hair over her shoulder as she smiled.

"Answer it!" Sid had yelled at Kat as the ringing continued and she manually moved Kat's finger to press the green button.

"Okay, okay."

"Hola my hispanic hottie!" Jan's face popped up, newly blonde hair and wide smile shocking all of us into silence- all of us except Kat.

"My baby boy."

"You dyed your hair?"

"Didn't you know? Blondes have more fun." He winked, biting his lip as I let out a laugh, "I hear my mixed mother but I don't see her."

Pushing Sid's head to the side, I smiled at January.

"Mommy!" He'd yelled, eyes wide as he blew kissy faces at the camera. It was one of those days where I missed January more than usual. I needed him and his boy crazy advice.

"Janny, baby, how are you even...?"

He was outside as you could tell, the background looking very bright and colorful and I could see his cousin Rodney in the background, his signature brown hair and button up being proof, "Facetiming? Well for some reason, the school decided to let us have today off, staff meeting or whatever and I wanted to tell Jackson Happy Halloween. Where is he?"

Kat rolled her eyes, "He's actually at his table, I'd bring you over there but..."

Phoenix was over there and Phoenix and Kat hadn't talked for a few days. Apparently, he was avoiding her and all I could think about was the fact they had sex a little while ago.

And to take her mind of of the asshole, I spoke up, "It's Halloween?"

"Yes," Kat responded with humor written on her face, "we talked about this two days ago. Seriously Em, where'd you go?"

Yeah, I hadn't been talking to her lately not had I been thinking straight, Oliver invading my mind and I wasn't the only one who'd noticed.

Sid chuckled, "You didn't know? Emerson has a boyfriend now."

"A boyfriend?" Jan interjected, his voice sounding alarmed and I wouldn't blame him, my last boyfriend was Ceaser Finnegan and that didn't really go well.

"A boyfriend who happens to go by the name of Oliver Remmer."

"What?" Kat nearly dropped her phone.

Jan laughed, "You're dating Oliver Remmer?"

Rodney looked confused, "Who's Oliver Remmer?"

"Hold on."

And we were paused for a second, Kat shooting me a puzzled look as I pretended to be invested in the bracelet on my wrist.

And then we heard a sharp intake of breath from the other side of the phone, Rodney muttering out a 'fuck, he's hot.'

Thoughts of a raging bisexual...

"I'm not dating Oliver Remmer," I stated when Jan's face was back on the screen.

"Whatever you say, babe," Rod rolled his eyes, getting distracted by something on their end.

But Jan was still stuck on us and raised his eyebrows, "I'm not letting this go, Emerson Beatrice Riley..." And then he pouted, giving us puppy dog eyes, "Can someone please take me to see my future husband? I haven't seen him in forever."

"Dude, quit being so gay," Rodney teased, shoving Jan slightly as they both held back their laughter at something they'd seen on their end.

To say I felt out of the loop would be an understatement.

"Dude, I'm gay as fuck, it's not an option."

"Jan, you saw him two weeks ago," Sid called out as his attention was back on is, him sending a cheeky grin. It was nice to see him happy, especially since he'd been so sad there at the beginning.

"A lot can happen in two weeks."

"He's still fifteen, Jan." I made known, jokingly. I knew that Jackuary was a really low chance as did everyone else. It didn't stop the ship from sailing...

"My ass can wait, he's a cutie."

And that was when Sidney called Jackson over, my brother hobbling on his crutches and sending her a confused look.

"Jacky!"

And then his eyes brightened, goofy smile playing on his face, "Jan?"

"Take me outside, I don't wanna see these homo-haters."

And I could imagine him fanning himself.

"Katalina, babe..."

She rolled her eyes, picking up her headphones and only then I'd realized Sid had no food, "Come on, we'll go for a walk around the quad."

⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄⌃⌄

"Hey, can I... Can I sit here?"

Oliver was staring down at me, a hesitant look on his face as he held his tray. He'd never sat with me before nor had he ever moved from his little isolated table but I found him asking this question as he stood there, people discretely staring but soon getting bored.

"Sure."

He looked relieved as he sat but that relief didn't last long because my best friend had to open her big mouth, "So are you two like a thing?"

Fuck, I hate you, Sid. Why you always gotta complicate shit?

"Sid!"

She held her hands up, innocent look on her face, "damn, I mean, I'd like to know why the whole school thinks you're dating and you didn't even tell me."

"Because we're not. Can we move on from this?"

"Sure," she'd said but the look on her face said otherwise.

"Oliver, this is Sidney, the pain in my ass," she rolled her eyes at that, tossing a balled up napkin at me, "Sidney, this is Oliver, my uh..."

"Friend."

For some reason that didn't sound as good as it had sounded a week ago. Friends, we were friends and absolutely nothing more, "We're friends?"

My tone must've implied something because the way he looked at me, he seemed afraid he'd said something wrong, "Well, I thought so."

"Then we are."

"Great," Sid rolled her eyes sarcastically before looking down at Oliver's lunch in disgust. Throwing her head in her hands, she takes her hands through her hair before looking up at is with a pout, "Well, I decided to be a good citizen, saving on gas and shit. So my ass took a fucking ride to this hell hole with Kat so now I have no food and I can't get any."

The boy by my side didn't even look concerned about the amount of curse words that had been laced into her sentence, "We're in a cafeteria."

"Did you hear what was in that stuff?"

Grabbing the green apple off Oliver's tray, I shoved it in Sid's mouth.

"You have to eat..." Oliver had spoken up, looking down at the place the Apple had once been.

"I'm good, Oli."

And Sid raised her eyebrows, "You fucking bitch."

Oliver pushed his food around on his tray before standing.

And when he was gone, Sid slapped my arm, "You're definitely more than friends."

"We are not."

But that didn't change the way I stared when he walked over to the lunch lady who was working alongside his old friend and in minutes he was back with two apples.

He tossed me the green one.

And Sidney's mouth dropped at that.

'Not dating, kiss my perky little ass, you're not dating.'

Mouthing a 'you're dating' she took a bite out of her apple, winking at me before interrogating Oliver.

Q:

: Someone New by Hozier, Youth by Daughter,

Q:

: Nope. I hardly watch any TV.

Q:

: Hm... Will Smith? I feel like he can do ALL of Denzel Washington's roles tbh. OR Nya Rivera (she's perfect wtf?)

Q:

: Shrimp on pizza (seriously, try it)

Q:

: You mean Dylan O' Bae? Yes, I like him very much.

Q:

: I'm absolutely obsessed with TØP, MKTO, Fall Out Boy, and The Nbhd if that answers your question.

I'm TØP trash, okay?

Q:

: I liked him a lot at first but I think he's getting a bit overrated. He's cast in almost everything tbh.

Q:

: I hardly watch TV but I love The Fosters, Finding Carter, Dance Moms... I liked Red Band Society and Glee before they ended. DEGRASSI IS ENDING SOON AND I CRY. And I kinda like Catfish but I don't really watch it.

(I want to try Orange is the New Black though... Is it good?)

Q:

: The Breakfast Club, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, uh... DIVERGENT AND INSURGENT.

Q:

: Ooo, now it's getting good. I like grungy music and the grime of the 90s as well as Ed Sheeran, J. Cole, Frank Ocean, Eminem, and Kendrick Lamar (I can pretty much get into anything except country and old school hip hop) Rihanna is queen af though

Q:

: Hm... I don't know yet, I'm going with the flow I mean, we're just now learning about Oliver and I have this HUGE plot that's unraveling where characters are going to be used more so don't forget the insignificant ones like January, Jacky, and Phoenix...

YEAH, PONDER ON THAT AND I WANNA HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS

Q:

: Josh Dun, Tyler Joseph, Mikey Margott, and Zach Abels.

Tyler Abels... I like the sound of that.

Q:

: Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun (I feel like they're one), they inspire people daily and their music is pretty kickass.

Q:

: it comes naturally... Just kidding, you're perfect, babe.