《Idiosyncrasies of a Shadow // (ManxMan)》~Chapter 6~
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[Skylar]
*~*~*
Dreams;
Are they prophetic? Are they reminiscent?
Dreams;
Are they realistic? Are they achievable?
Dreams;
Are none of those,
It is a mere reflection of the mind.
Something it craves, something it has experienced.
But what is the point of dreams;
If you sit impassively;
Waiting for each passing day
Without a smile or a care.
*~*~*
Age 16
"How are your exams coming along Ryland?" Mom asks as she lays a fresh pancake on his plate, they smell great! "Here you go sweetie." A bowl of salad is presented before me. That's right, I should be eating healthy, or else I won't grow tall and strong like Ryland! Silly me.
"Thank you, mom!" I kick my legs under the table, excited to announce that I have this charity event that I have volunteered for, I get to help puppies and kittens, that's great right? "Daddy –"
"It's been alright so far. I got placed in the cabinet for student council." My parents take turns hugging Ryland, he looks so happy, he's such a cool guy.
I lean forward to hug Ryland but I don't get a chance, he starts eating again. Oh well, guess I'll have to give him hugs on the way to school.
Maybe I really need to work harder. I bet my news would be nice for them "I volunteered for a charity –"
"Hey you two better get going, you woke late today, alright? See you tonight." Mom kisses Ryland on the forehead and ruffles my hair.
They don't care about you. No, no, they're just too busy, we all have busy lives.
I rush to get changed and grab my backpack before running down to meet Ryland. He wasn't there. "Where's Rylie?"
"His friends came to pick him up." Daddy said, "Have a good day."
"Okay!" I cheer.
You're not important enough. Well that's true, I'm not smart like Ryland, but I make yummy cookies. Maybe I should make some for him? Congratulatory gift. Sounds like a genius plan Skylar!
I hop down the streets, giggling at my own thoughts.
"Fairy! Watch yourself, might trip over and die!" I look down and around, noticing my laces were undone.
"Thanks Robert!" I wave with a smile.
That wasn't a helping gesture. I might have fallen over though, so I should still thank them. Can't have myself bruised now can I?
I do up my laces, trying to remember the steps with the little jingle. I'm slower than other kids in my grade, but that's fine, I just have to work harder. Just when I finish I hear yelling from a house.
"Get out! I don't need a criminal in my house! Get the fuck out!" The door flings open and a tall crying guy comes out. He had scars all over his arms and his cheek was bleeding. The guy rushes past and runs to a hidden alley where he sits and coughs.
Oh no he's really hurt...
I scramble to get up but fall over. Whoops, guess Robert was right after all. My steps become light as I approach the man. He has a schoolbag but he has a light stubble and looks way older than me. Maybe he's in grade 12?
"Hello! I like your sweater." I compliment, it was a simple cotton one with storm troopers all over the front. I took note of his appearance, he was built wide and strong, a light stubble covering his very noticeable clef chin. I like his hair though, it's styled to the side and very fashionable.
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The man didn't answer, so I took out a bandage and small bottle of antiseptic cream. He looked at me weird, but never raising his head, even when he's sitting against the wall his head is still at my shoulder when I'm kneeling. "Don't worry, I've done this many times for myself! It stings a little though."
I lifted my shorts to show him the scars there. Not everyone likes me unfortunately, but that's fine, as long as they aren't hurting someone who couldn't handle it.
I'm plenty strong.
[x]
The guy's eyes widen a little, finally lifting his face. Skylar placed his left hand on the uninjured cheek and tilted his head slightly. "So, my name is Skylar, Skylar Cook. I have a brother and he's super awesome and smart, his name is Ryland. I know right? I'm the sky and he's the land, pretty awesome. Um... I have a job at the grocery store just over there! And guess what? I'm going to be helping little kittens and puppies this weekend! You're the first to know though, my family is a busy bunch..."
Skylar kept listing facts about himself, complimenting the injured man's hair and outfit once in a while. He's a gentle soul. The man thought.
"So... what about you? Mr. Storm Trooper? What's your name?"
When he went to speak, he felt Skylar put on a strip of bandage across his wound. "Felix." His voice came out choked up and choppy from unshed tears. He was quite frankly touched that someone had gone out of their way to care for his wounds. Especially after being thrown out of his own home.
But the emotions were mostly debris of a broken heart, shards of a tale told by none but Felix himself. In front of Skylar, he felt ashamed for once, ashamed of all the fist fights and violence he had gone through. Ashamed that this kid in front of him share scars of the same calibre, only he wasn't the one to start the fight. He merely took the hits. Ashamed that no one has protected the kid in front of him from the grasp of wretched humanity.
"There you go. All good." Skylar jumped up, stretching a hand out for Felix so he can stand as well. He knew the man didn't need help standing, he understood that the man might not even want to stand up. But still he offered his help.
Because what's the point of patching up wounds –
If you're just going to sit still and take it?
"You should call your friends; they must be worried sick!" Skylar proposes with his own dose of worry. The concern shown was foreign to Felix, he had only ever been left alone because of his violent habits.
"Don't have friends." Came his simple answer, there wasn't a single hint of sulking. It was merely a fact to Felix. He had no friends.
"Oh... Well actually, I don't have friends either." Skylar scratched the back of his head while walking casually, circling Felix as the two unlikely duo made their way down the main drive. Ironic to have Skylar orbiting around Felix, after all, Skylar is brighter than the sun. "But sometimes people talk to me. Mostly... they hurt me. But that's fine."
With tears in his eyes, Skylar looked up at Felix instead of the ground. A simple gesture that had Felix perplexed.
Maybe he's blinking them back?
Or maybe he's just really, really strong.
"No one is perfect right?" Skylar smiles, in consequence his eyes squint and tears fall down his cheek. Crying or fighting. He did it all with a smile.
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Felix was very confused. But one thing he knew was, he liked his person. On any stretch of the imagination, Skylar was a responsibility to him now. He had made that promise to himself when Skylar had offered help.
"Oh how about this?" The short kid suggested, "How about I make you cookies? And you become my friend?"
I think the help you offered exceeds cookies. But Skylar didn't need to know that. Because this was a new opportunity to turn over a brand new leaf for both of them, he had a fighting chance against the dark.
After all,
The brightest light he can find is walking right next to him.
~
There would have been more to say between the two of them, but as they made their way across the roads, through the gates and entered the hallways. It was a one sided conversation, purely because Felix wasn't used to vocalizing his thoughts, the prospect of speaking his mind terrified him to no end. Skylar on the other hand, wouldn't have stopped even if his new friend walked away with the angriest expression on his face.
Anger was just a conduit to blame the world. There was no such thing as "anger" in Skylar's head.
The day of school went by as per usual, one thing that bugged Skylar was that he couldn't find his new friend anywhere during school time. Little did he know, Felix had been watching a particular group of bullies like a hawk in the sky, orbiting the faintest restraint he had for one particular bully to man up and give Felix a reason to sock him in the jaw, perhaps dislocate it if he got the angle correct.
"Boo!" Skylar jumps out from behind a tree, a very solitary tree in the middle of an empty field. The field was populated by people walking their dogs; a dog park. Felix didn't know how he ended up here though. He didn't have a home anymore, so he just walked and walked until he found something just as lonely as he was. This particular tree. "I found you." Skylar sings, his school bag was still on his shoulders, a very heavy school bag for such a tiny person.
Felix took it that he was a smart kid.
He was wrong.
"I brought cookies, just like I promised." Skylar sat down next to Felix. Taking containers out from his bag, and then more equipment from a rucksack. It was a full picnic. "I made salad too, I don't know if you are allergic to anything and I'm not great with anything else, so I just made up a little bit of spaghetti. I made more for you though, you look like you eat a lot."
Felix was still just sitting, doing nothing interesting but stare at the food presented. Was there a particular reason why this kid felt the need to care? The man's hand gripped Skylar's upon seeing a new Toy Story bandaid. "Who?" Eloquence was the least of his concerns, he only felt a sting in his heart when Skylar flinched at the contact with the wound.
"Myself." Skylar pushed his voice low, imitating Felix. "I cut myself when I made the salad. Nothing too bad, don't worry. I'm dumb, I know." Skylar's voice sounding the slightest bit sour from his words. "I'm not a smart person..."
"You got that right." Felix scoffed, releasing the Canadian's hand now and went back to leaning aimlessly. "No smart person would run to a man with cut up limbs and a bleeding cheek and offer them a full meal."
"You speaked 26 words!" Skylar jumps and falls into a cross-legged pose, he was ecstatic that his new friend was speaking to him. Grammar slipped from his mind. "You have an as- ac- cent."
Felix frowned at the mistakes, he didn't expect him to mess up such easy words. Speech impediment? He thought to himself, and clearly the slight mistake made Skylar very self conscious. He had always been condemned for his disorder. "I'm Australian."
"That's so cool!" Skylar leans forward, looming over the food he prepared. "I want so see the kan- kan..."
"Kangaroos."
"Yeah, yeah. Those!" The tiny man takes a bite of a cookie, but inside he's feeling self conscious yet again. "I'm sorry, I have a speech imp- problem... So I guess, I am stupid."
Felix felt guilty for insulting him, he knew how self consciousness felt. He didn't like it either, all the scars on his body, visible for anyone to see no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He didn't like them. Not a single bit. The worst part is that, even if no one would know where he got those scars. He would know himself, there was no denying all of them came from foolish mistakes with the wrong group of people.
People he should never have met.
People that made him a criminal.
Maybe that's why Skylar was trying so hard, he's just a charity case.
"Eat first. Then you can have sweet stuff." Felix snatched the cookie out of Skylar's hand, placing it back in the air tight box, then opened the spaghetti and handed him a fork.
"You are just like my brother." He rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. Skylar didn't know how to defy his parents, there just wasn't 'no' in his books. "Don't listen to music while you are doing homework Skylar. Don't write your last name before your first name Skylar. Don't drink milk and then drink orange juice Skylar."
"He sounds like a fucking dick." Felix mumbled. There wasn't much discussion as to why he was so salty about that, Felix didn't have a family. Not anymore, and perhaps he never did.
"Swearing isn't nice." Skylar says, "People say it's cooler to swear, I say they are just rude. You can be super cool without swearing." He shrugged, placing his fork in his mouth and chewed on his spaghetti, it was a tiny bit too bland but Skylar wasn't supposed to eat too much salt. That's what his mom said.
Felix noticed the lack of fat or muscle on Skylar's arms, he didn't like the way he looked. "You're too skinny. If you want those people to back off you have to at least look intimidating."
"No!" Skylar exclaimed, "What if they hurt Jerry? Jerry can't take it!" Skylar pouted, having flash backs to the 'conversation' he had with Robert about picking on little Jerry.
"I'll fuck them up next Monday." Felix said, his angry tick coming back. It was bothering him to the ends of the ocean.
Skylar just sat silently, the two of them enjoying the dinner. It was quite refreshing to have company that listened, both of them thought so. Under the setting sun, there wasn't much to do but speak, they didn't have much light Skylar only brought along a small torch. He didn't want to go home, he had people he loved at home, sure, but there was always a feeling of solitude there.
However, under the lone sky, with a single tree and a new friend. He felt more cared for than he had been his whole life. Skylar knew, very well, what this meant all along. His family didn't love him. But did that stop him from loving them back? No, of course not. He is Skylar.
"Do you want to look at the stars some more? Or sleep? I'm kind of tired." Skylar said, packing up all the containers into his backpack.
"The fuck?" Felix asked, "I'm taking you home." He yanked on Skylar's hand, the younger man cried out, Felix was clutching his wound. "Fuck, sorry... I'm not letting you sleep in the open."
"Oh..." Skylar looked defeated, under low light, his eyes shinned the most mesmerizing purple. "So we aren't friends?"
Felix didn't know the answer to that. Was friendship something he would like? Was it even viable with Skylar? Was it something he wanted? He knew he needed a friend, but a friend that is 3 years younger won't do him much good. But regardless, his answer came before thought was put into it. "I do..."
"Then we can camp out here tonight. I have work every Saturday so I have to leave at 9 am... but we can sleepover tonight!" Skylar runs to take out the tent he had brought over. Felix just wanted to cry, fall over and scream why? There wasn't an answer to why this little boy wanted so badly to be his friend, or why he wanted so badly to sleep outside with him. There were so many questions that he couldn't be bothered to ask.
"You sit. I'll get this shit up." Felix pointed to the bottom of the tree. Skylar just smiled and sat down, he knew if he pushed any further and asked for help he might regret it. He knew how to weight the risks. So he just complied and watched his tall companion make up their bedroom for the night. He even snuck out Ryland's sleeping bag so the two of them can bunk together without getting cold. Even though it's not freezing outside, he just wanted to sleep cozily. Maybe even set up some traditions for sleepovers.
The naïve side of Skylar hoping that there would be many years to come where they sleep under the same roof. As friends. And perhaps, there was some truth somewhere in there.
~
"Stop moving around." The tent was spacious, but the environment was far too quiet. A pin drop would be clearly audible, but then again, dropping a pin on grass would be counter intuitive. They were after all, in a neighborhood park.
"S-sorry..." Skylar whispered, he was scared. Felix did seem to notice as well, so he contemplated to ask. What good would knowing Skylar's worries do to him. Nothing.
But yet again, the question came before the thoughts settled. "You scared?"
"I don't like being in the dark..." he really is just a child... The fear alone made everything so real all of a sudden. Felix can feel the tangible youth of his 'roommate'. There was a clear discrepancy between the two. And the silence only made it clearer. "T-the shadows... they scare me."
Shadows. Something so trivial, it's merely the lack of light. There was nothing to be afraid of, but Felix couldn't bring himself to discredit Skylar's fears. For he, also feared the shadows. Shadows in a different sense... a more philosophical one.
"Come here." Felix wiggled out of his sleeping bag, and yanked Skylar against him. "Why the fuck are you scared of shadows when you aren't scared of me?"
Skylar was confused, was there a reason for him to be scared of Felix? "You're not scary..." Skylar found it natural to snuggle into the warmth of another man. Or maybe it's just because this was Felix, not some random person. There was a clear sense of care even though it wasn't spoken.
"I have scars to prove how terrifying I can be."
"Hmmm... You aren't scary Felix. You're a great friend." Skylar giggles, clutching onto Felix's shirt. The violent tick in Felix's head seem to dissipate at the simple, trusting gesture Skylar made. "I like your scars. They look cool on you! Like... a super awesome warrior who's fought many wars."
The thought of that warmed Felix's heart. For every insecurity, there was a remedy to it. And Skylar was his remedy, he supposed. "Thanks for doing this." Felix said, his arms tightening around Skylar without noticing, speaking his feelings is truly a taxing task on Felix's part. "I'll... fuck those bullies up. I promise."
I'm already a criminal, a couple more punches won't land me in jail. Felix thought, it's the least he could do after this selfless gesture Skylar had made that evening.
"So... like my personal warrior?" Skylar pressed his forehead to Felix's collarbone, he liked the feeling of it. Perhaps this was one of the traditions to be set up? Skylar had faith that this friendship would extend past eternity. He would make it last that long.
"Some shit like that."
"Okay. Just don't hit anyone." Felix frowned, how can he 'fuck them up' if he didn't punch anyone. "I don't want anyone hurt. Especially my personal warrior."
Felix didn't know what to say to that, and there isn't much to say to that. He had a good reason, pain isn't something pleasant and the fact that Skylar wouldn't wish it upon anyone is yet another black and white difference between the two. The kid had a true heart of gold.
"Now that you have your personal warrior, don't be scared of those shadows." Felix said firmly, trying his hardest to fit in with Skylar's playful attitude. It was a valiant effort but not the greatest outcome. "Anything or anyone that touches you. I will fuck them up."
"We have to work on this violence thing..." Skylar sighed exaggeratedly.
"I don't give a shit." Felix whispered, "I will deal with anything and anyone that hurts us. I promise." He looked down, only to be greeted with Skylar's hushed breathing on his chest, his pearl white teeth biting on Felix's shirt. Felix made a big promise, one that made him puzzled, he didn't know he had it in him to take responsibility for a living being. He wasn't good with pets, let alone a human.
But without anyone telling him, he knew damn well that Skylar's tears won't be of pain from then on. He wasn't going to allow it.
[Skylar]
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