Bellamy tip-toed around the figure sleeping on the couch. "Bellamy?" she whispered, and he gritted his teeth before turning to her.

"Hey, Clarke. You're awake." He told her, trying to ignore the way her blonde hair cascaded down her face in gentle waves.

"Yeah." She said with a yawn. Even though it was not quite morning and still dark, Bellamy saw her wince.

"Headache?" He guessed, and she nodded.

"You want some water?" He added, and she waved him off, which he took as a yes. He brought her some water, which she took gratefully.

He sat down next to her on the couch and watched as she sipped on the water. "I really shouldn't have gotten so drunk." she said.

Bellamy sighed. "Clarke, we need to talk."

She turned to him, fully attentive. "Mhm?"

"About, last night."

A flicker of guilt passed over her features. "Uh, Bell, I don't remember last night at all... all I remember is getting drunk and then you driving Murphy and I home."

It felt like a blow to the chest, which it probably shouldn't have. So she didn't remember the kiss, then. She wasn't his, he had no right to feel this. Bellamy swallowed thickly. "Oh." he whispered.

Clarke smiled softly and bit her lip. "Why, what did I do?"

"Oh, uh, you and Murphy got into a bit of a fight, that's all. But you made up, so it was fine, and I doubt he even remembers, and-"

"What was the fight about?" She asked.

"U- uh-" he stuttered, but Murphy entered the room and saved him from making something up.

Murphy looked fine, not as hangover as Bellamy thought he'd be. "Morning." Murphy said meekly.

"Morning." Bellamy and Clarke chorused simultaneously. Clarke flicked his back and he turned around to see her smiling.

"Jinx."

"What are you, 10?" Murphy asked with a smirk.

Clarke stuck out her tongue.

"What's for breakfast?" Murphy asked, stretching.

Clarke burrowed under her blanket and looked towards Bellamy with puppy dog eyes. "... Please?"

Bellamy sighed. He hadn't told Clarke why he'd stopped baking. She probably thought he'd just been busy or something, that's what he'd told her whenever she asked him to bake before. "Why doesn't Murphy?" He asked.

Murphy held up his hands. "I can't bake for the life of me." He informed them.

And 2 burnt batches of pancakes later, Bellamy finally believed him. "I'll do it." he offered and Murphy looked relieved. He walked over, the batter was already made, so all he had to do was put them on the stovetop and flip them occasionally. He could do this.

Bellamy rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands in the sink. Then he walked over to the pancake batter. Before he could do anything, his muscles tensed.

"When did you learn how to bake?" Octavia teased.

The sun made a halo on her hair and she looked like an angel. She smirked at him. "I'm serious. Mom never taught us."

Bellamy laughed. "I learned myself." He told her, reaching up to swat her on the head. She ducked at the last second.

"Nice try." She retorted.

"- Bellamy?"

He realized vaguely that he'd stumbled back from the stovetop and pressed himself onto the counter. All the air seemed to have left him. He couldn't do this. Oh, fuck, he couldn't do this. Suddenly she was everywhere, her smile, her laugh, her perfect self.

There she was, laughing, crying, yelling. "Octavia," he choked out, stumbling towards her. But she wasn't here, she was dead, she was dead.

Bellamy fought to keep the numbness over himself, he didn't want to feel this, he didn't want to feel anything. Small hands clasped around his wrist. He whipped around and the hands let go. Bellamy didn't realize he was running until he'd already stopped.

His vision swam and his knees buckled. He still wasn't crying, he still hadn't cried, but she was his sister and, fucking dammit, he was supposed to cry for her!

No, no, no.

He couldn't cry, because then he would break and then it would all be over. He had to ignore the pain and be numb, and pretend he was healing like everyone wanted when every day it was getting harder to hold on.

Some days he just wanted to-

No. No, he had to stay alive. He had to live because Octavia didn't, he had to live for her. He couldn't give up, he just had to struggle through blindly and hope that he didn't break. It would get better.

... It had to.

...

Bellamy didn't remember falling asleep. But he did remember the nightmare. There she was, there was Octavia, and then the car crashed and she was gone. Bellamy screamed but no sound came out. He tried to run to her but his legs wouldn't move.

And then came the worst part. He could feel someone behind him, he couldn't turn to see them, but he felt their breath on his ear.

"Traitor." Octavia whispered.

Bellamy snapped awake. He sat up, and realized that he was under a tree of some sort. Bellamy glanced up, and then checked his pocket for his phone. Once he unlocked it, a strand of messages filled his screen, mostly from Clarke but some from Murphy and Raven too.

Princess <3: 1:52 PM

Bell??? Where are you?

Princess <3: 1:56 PM

We're calling Raven to come help us search. Seriously Bell, respond.

Princess <3: 2:09 PM

I'm going back to the house, just in case you're there.

Princess <3: 2:14 PM

I'm home.

Princess <3: 2:14 PM

Bellamy, please come home.

Princess <3: 2:15 PM

Please, I swear I didn't know the baking thing would make you react like that. I'm so sorry. I forgot you and O used to bake together.

Princess <3: 2:16 PM

I'm sorry Bell. Please come home.

Princess <3: 2:24 PM

Bellamy...

Bellamy blinked at the screen.

You: 2:27 PM

Clarke?

You: 2:27 PM

I'm sorry for disappearing like that.

Princess <3: 2:28 PM

Where are you???

Bellamy peeked out from the tree and squinted his eyes to look at his surroundings.

You: 2:28 PM

Uh... the park, I think, the one by our house.

You: 2:28 PM

Yeah, I see the fountain to the left.

You: 2:29 PM

Clarke?

Princess <3: 2:30 PM

Sorry, I'm here.

Princess <3: 2:30 PM

Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you.

You: 2:30 PM

Okay.

Bellamy waited a few minutes for another text, but he didn't get one. He stood up on admittedly shaky legs and stumbled out into the daylight. He blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light.

Bellamy found a nearby bench and sat down, hunching his shoulders and kicking his legs awkwardly like a child until Clarke's car pulled up.

She launched herself out of the vehicle straight into his arms. Much to his surprise, her body was shaking. When she pulled back from the hug, she cupped his cheeks and whispered. "Don't you ever do that again."