I saved every letter you wrote me

From the moment I read them

I knew you were mine

You said you were mine

I thought you were mine

A tear threatens to release from your eyes . No , Alex would not make you cry . We will not let him have the satisfaction of making you like this , definitely not . Nonetheless a tear falls upon your cheek , the warmth from it burns your cold skin . Your eyes sting and your vision blurs forcing the oranges and yellows of the fire to blend together making a beautiful mosaic like piece .

~~~

Eliza I think this might be of interest to you , a man said handing you a layer of pages titled . Alexander Hamilton is scribbled across the front , the ink smudged . You thanked him cautiously and began to read the first few phrases .

The charge against me is a connection with one James Reynolds for purposes of improper pecuniary speculation. My real crime is an amorous connection with his wife, for a considerable time with his privity and connivance, if not originally brought on by a combination between the husband and wife with the design to extort money from me.

No , how could he ...?

~~~

" Eliza ? "

Wiping away the single streak the tear had left , you throw the rest off his letters into the fire , watching the rest of the words burn along with whatever you had with Alexander .

I'm erasing myself from the narrative

Let future historians wonder how Eliza

Reacted when you broke her heart.

Trying your best to sound calm you managed to croak out a soft yes ?

Quickly you shuffle into bed and close your eyes just as Alexander walks into the room. Alexander was not dim , he knew what ink smelled like and especially when it filled the rooms atmosphere .

" Dear , have you been writing ? " You nod .

Strange , last time Alexander had checked you hated writing in ink .

" Alex I'm very tired , I will rest now . " Understandably , Alex makes his way towards his office in hope of writing some more on Frances issue but just as he's about to exit the door something catches his eye .

Paper

He quietly makes his way towards it and could see other scraps in the fireplace , then ashes .

love your

im grateful

dearest el

hope

Alex could only make out some of the remaining faint letters but he knew they were from letters he had sent you . You didn't- who was he kidding of course you had seen , it was everywhere . It was a mistake a bad one , he had to release it himself before anyone else could .

In clearing your name, you have ruined our lives .

Tightening his lips together , he walks out the room slowly shutting the door behind him . That night Alexander slept in his office , shamed of his actions .

You were not asleep . You could not sleep after reading what you have , Alex a man whom was always your hope and light for gods sake . Alexander was always popular with the ladies but you trusted his judgement and him himself , so you thought nothing of it .

You had loved him .

had

What you felt for him now was somewhat love , it just did not resonate deep inside you anymore . The man that had sent you letters from war telling you things that made your heart pound , oh the way you had with words was amazing , incredible , though you knew that man was no more .

You and your words flooded my senses

Your sentences left me defenseless

You built me palaces out of paragraphs

You built cathedrals .

The sun had risen already ? Time flew by quick and the next thing you know , you're sitting and staring at Alexander across the table having breakfast .

" Eliza ? "

Embarrassed , you nod and force a smile . He knew you knew , you didn't know that he knows that you know , how confusing .

" I'm going to out late again dear , Washington has me writing nonstop , he's very worried on our position in France -dear ? "

" Sorry , I'm a little out of it . "

"Oh no , looks like I'm a bit late . Goodbye Eliza dearest ! "

And with that Alex had left .

You couldn't take it anymore , this rash decision was definitely ill advised but in this moment it felt right .

Walking into Alex's office you tidied it up , taking out the empty mugs that at some time contained coffee , straightening things and what not . Then you tidied the rest of your home .

Now that everything was neat and in order you began to write , only now do you understand how Alex felt when he knew what he wanted to say but just didn't know the words to express it . During writing you had shed many tears ; sobbing you signed the letter .

love , eliza

Now you would come clean to Eliza , she already knew so you might as well let her hear it from you as well . You walked inside your home and much to your amazement everything was spotless .

" Eliza ! Darling ! Have you cleaned ? "

no reply

You call her name out a few more times until you just assume that she's out doing something , now you decide to continue writing so that when Eliza did come home , you would have time for her . Walking into your office , you admired how neat everything was , oh how you loved Eliza .

A thud is heard from inside your closet . Directing your attention towards the closed door a thud was heard again . Its just a rat in the walls , and you walk up to the closet door . Opening it , you saw something you wish you hadn't .

The opening of the door released a river of papers , all from your pamphlet . Now Alex focused on you . Your skin pale with tints of blue , evident tear stains striped your face . A noose hung around your neck bruising it , a tipped over stool laid beneath your feet along with a letter .

~~~

Dear my Alexander ,

I would like to commend you for being so amazing . I loved you dearly and as I write this I realize that I still do , my Alex . I love you so very much , my heart ached as I read that you had an affair in our own home . Was I not enough Alex ? I do not want to place any blame upon your shoulders , I would dislike myself as well . She was younger , thinner , prettier . I understand completely Alex . I know I was not fulfilling everything you needed , therefor you had to obtain it from someone else .

Dearest please don't overwork yourself , get some sleep at times and feed yourself . Maintain good health for me please , do not think of me too much , tell Angelica that it was not your fault that I have decided to end my life . I love you both so much , and Peggy too of course. Alexander keep yourself in good health and I will be satisfied I promise . I love you .

love , eliza

Alexander broke down , in the passing week he had submerged himself in his work , dark circles covered his sunken eyes . He looked like a mess , having not showered , eaten or anything really since he read your letter . He missed you so much .

the end

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