I knew something was changing. I felt it. After Shawn started going back to the studio, it's like he hasn't had time for us, our relationship, our family. I'm glad that he's getting back into the thing he loves to do but I feel like I'm being neglected because of it.

After getting up from the closet floor, I tossed the hoodie into the laundry bin and brought Jasmine from our bed to the crib in her room. I freshened up in the bathroom to get ready for bed.

I went under the blankets and put on an episode of the Office while I waited for Shawn to get home. Time seemed to tick by quickly, later and later, and he still hasn't gone home. There were multiple instances where I reached for my phone to call him but constrained myself.

Finally, at two o'clock in the morning, I heard the front door open and Shawn's heavy steps go up the stairs. He opened the bedroom door, a surprised but tired look on his face.

"You're still awake?"

"Of course. I can't go to sleep without me knowing you aren't home"

"Oh" He nodded then went to the bathroom.

He came back a few minutes later with just some sweatpants on and laid next to me on the bed, his back turned towards me.

"How was work today?" I said aloud.

No answer. "Shawn?"

I assumed he was asleep so I just sighed and closed my eyes.

The baby monitor woke me up to the sounds of Jasmine crying in her crib. I quickly ran to the nursery and picked her up. I bounced her in soft motions until she was calm. "Hi baby!" I said in a soft voice.

"Da da!"

I gasped. "What did you say?"

"Da daa!"

"Aww. Can you say 'mama'?" I cooed at her.

"Da daaaa" She exclaimed.

I furrowed my brows. "Are you even supposed to be saying your first words yet? I think it's a little early"

I brought Jasmine with me to Shawn and I's bedroom. "Honey. You will not believe what Sweets just said" I opened the door and my heart sunk. He wasn't there.

"Shawn!" I yelled.

Silence.

I sighed. He probably left earlier for the studio. I looked at Jasmine. "Do you want to go see grandma?"

"Da da!"

I chuckled and shook my head. "You wanna go see daddy?"

"Da daa!" She clapped her hands.

I pulled out my phone and called him. It rung at least ten times but he didn't answer. "I guess we can surprise him, eh?"

I got Jasmine and I ready and by noon, we got in the car to go to the studio to bring him lunch. I put her in one of those baby carriers that attached to your stomach and grabbed the food from the front seat.

I walked into the building and entered the room where Shawn recorded his songs. He was sitting by himself on the couch, a pen in his hand, writing away.

Jasmine's babbling broke the silence. "Daaaa daaa"

Shawn quickly turned around. "Was that her?"

"Hi to you too" I walked over to the couch and set down the food on the coffee table. I took out Jasmine from the carrier and handed her to Shawn.

"Da da da da" She exclaimed in his arms.

"When did this happen?" He asked, softly bouncing her.

"This morning" I smiled. "How's the album going?"

"There's still a lot of work to do. Thanks for the food" He handed me back the baby.

"Oh. Did you want us to leave?"

"Well yeah. I wasn't expecting you guys to be here"

I was taken aback. I nodded my head. "Alright we'll go" I put Jasmine back in the carrier. Before leaving the room, I looked back at Shawn to see that he was back to writing.

I decided to take Jasmine to my mom's house so I could do some errands. I ended up not doing the errands.

I walked up the steps of our home and went into the bedroom. I sat on the bed, turned on the television, and played Shawn and I's wedding video from my phone.

Ten minutes in, I broke. I cried for what seemed like hours. The empty feeling in my chest seemed to be expanding more and more by the second.

At some point, there were no tears left to cry. I watched the video over and over and over. We were so happy. What happened? When did it change?

The door opened and I got separated from my thoughts. "Hey" I said as Shawn came into the room.

"Where's Jasmine?"

"At my mom's"

He nodded then left the room. I turned off the tv and left to pick up the baby.

Once I got back, I put Jasmine in her crib and found Shawn in the office on the computer. I walked in and sat down on the couch. He stayed silent as if I didn't even walk in.

"Shawn?" I softly spoke.

"Yeah?" He said, his back faced towards me, eyes on the computer.

I stayed silent, not sure about what I was going to say. He turned around. "Do you need anything?"

"No. I just wanted to talk"

He turned back around. "Can we talk later? I'm busy"

"That's it" I whispered under my breath. I took one of the throw pillows from the couch I was sitting on and threw it at Shawn's head.

"What the hell was that for?" He turned in his chair.

"What the hell was that for?!" I said in astonishment. "Why the hell have you been such a dick lately?!" I raised my voice.

"I'm just tired, okay?" He raised his voice.

"How do you think I feel?" I put my hand on my chest. "You barely talk to me anymore. You don't hug me or kiss me or even notice when I walk into a room. And worst of all, you stood me up last night"

"What are you even talking about? We didn't have plans last night"

"Ohh. So now I have to make appointments to see my own husband. Are you even getting my calls? Because every single freaking time I call you never answer"

He pulled out his phone in disbelief, saw the voicemail, and put it in speaker. My voice filled up the room.

"Hey. I know you're probably still at the studio. I'm happy that you're getting your flow back. You probably forgot that we had dinner reservations tonight for our first wedding anniversary. I'm upset that you didn't show up but it's whatever. Don't worry about it. Call me when you get the chance"

"Alana. I-"

I stood up from the couch. "Save it. I don't want to hear it right now" I ran out and hid in the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I rested my back against the door and sat down with my head on my knees.

A knock at the door. "Alana. Can you open the door?"

I didn't say anything.

"I know you're in there. The light is on" I reached up the wall and flipped the switch.

I felt the door move a bit. Shawn probably sat down too. It was silent for a bit.

"I didn't realize that it was yesterday"

"What did you think it was?" I snapped. "We've been talking about it since last month"

Silence.

"And I didn't appreciate how the most you've said to me all week before today was, 'oh'. Not even a hello or anything"

In the middle of me talking, Jasmine could be heard crying from the baby monitor outside. "I'm going to get her" Shawn whispered. I heard him stand up and walk away.

I did the same, opening the bathroom door and walked upstairs to the nursery. Shawn was giving Jasmine her pacifier and she was getting right back to sleep.

Shawn gripped his hands on top of the crib and stared at the baby. "We need to talk"

"That's all I've been wanting to do"

He let go and walked out of the room. I followed behind him downstairs onto the couch. I sat across from him on opposite couches.

Shawn looked at the wall behind me, out the window, at the kitchen table, everywhere but at me.

"Do you think we got into this too quickly?" He finally spoke.

"I'm sorry? What are you talking about?" My heart began to pound.

"Getting married. I mean, we're still so young. Both of us are only 23. People are age are still out going to college parties and clubs"

"Well guess what? You have a daughter and a wife. You were the one who proposed. You were the one who got me pregnant" I was shocked and annoyed.

"Woah, woah, hold on. Don't go blaming this on me"

"I think I have the right to considering that you're putting this on me and your four month old daughter"

"I'm not putting anything on you"

"Yes you are!" I argued back. "You want the whole party experience? Then fine. I'm not stopping you. I never was. And why don't you go have a one night stand while you're at it"

"Do you really think that low of me?" He was hurt but I was irritated.

"At this point, I don't even know who you are" I stood up, I've had enough.

"So what? Do you want to get a divorce?"

I froze. My heart finally shattered. I blankly walked over to the couch he was sitting on, brought up the palm of my hand, and slapped him right in the face.

"I can't believe you would even consider that" And I walked away.

I was laying on my back, staring at endless nothingness when the door to the bedroom opened. I felt the bed shift as someone lied next to me.

"What happened to us?" I spoke.

"I don't know" Shawn whispered.

"Are you happy?"

He sighed. "I- I'm not sure"

"Were you serious about getting a divorce?"

It was silent for a moment then he sighed. "I truly don't know"

"Well, I'm going to bed" I turned on my side, away from Shawn and closed my eyes.

——————————-

A couple of weeks had passed and things started to get worse and worse. Shawn and I seemed to be getting more distant and arguing constantly.

I was in the middle of feeding Jasmine with her bottle when my phone started ringing and displayed that Teddy Geiger was calling. I moved the bottle from my right to left hand and answered the call with my other.

"Hey Alana!"

"Hi Teddy! What a surprise! What's going on?"

"Are you and Shawn doing okay?" She blatantly asked.

I contemplated before answering, I decided to be truthful. "No"

"That's what I thought. I went into the studio today and the things he was writing about suddenly shifted since the last time. Do you want to talk about what's going on?"

"I don't know" I sighed. "He spends all his time in the studio and when he is home, he's still working. He's distant and doesn't even pay attention to me"

"And the baby?"

"No. The baby's fine. It's just. Us"

"Alright. I'm sending him home so you two can talk"

"No no. Whenever we talk it just ends up in an argument"

"Fine. I'm sending hime home with a love therapist"

"Teddy, it's really fi-"

"Nope. I don't like the people I love being like this. Take care, Alana" She hung up.