How do you break up with someone you're not even in a relationship with? Especially when the reason is because you're afraid that person will fall in love with you?

Lucia was just someone I hung out with a couple of times and shared one lukewarm kiss with. I didn't think a formal talk was in order, so I just started acting more and more distant so she wouldn't get any wrong ideas. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I had only managed to earn myself a bad name.

"So what are you, a heartbreaker now?" Janet asked. "You got tired of Lucia even quicker than with Flora."

"It's not like that." Janet was convinced that I was the bad guy in my previous relationship and I couldn't be bothered to defend myself. I briefly explained what Leslie told me, but she was skeptical.

"I think Leslie should mind her own business. She barely even knows you. As long as you and Lucia are both happy, I don't think it's so wrong to have a casual relationship."

I agreed with Leslie, however. I thought what I did was unethical, and I was glad she had the guts to point it out to me. As time passed I still talked to her occasionally. I realized that what I was trying to do with Lucia could be achieved better by talking to Leslie.

In a way I was still using her to get over my ex, but it was more socially acceptable with conversations, and it wasn't entirely one-sided. When I wasn't pouring my heart out over Flora, she was telling me fragments about herself.

She told me she missed her dad in Austria and she didn't talk much with her mom. She never had sleepovers because it would interfere with her violin practice, which was her top priority. She and Lucia were twins but they were never close, and she didn't hang out with her sister's friends. Jake and Dylan intimidated her. I assured her that even though they weren't boy scouts, they were nice enough guys. Leslie was unconvinced.

She thought it was ridiculous when people talked about their dreams, tossing out ambitions wildly like "I want to open a chain restaurant" or "I want to be an actress" without doing anything to push that goal. They didn't work like she did and she understood about sacrifices. Playing at Carnegie Hall wasn't just something to brag about. It was blood, sweat and tears, literally, and no one knew how much she had to give up to get there.

After the friendship was established, we moved on to other things such as studying for the SAT together. It was Leslie's suggestion. It struck me as strange that she was worrying about it so early, but it was nice to meet a fellow nerd. All I wanted to do in the spring of junior year was to ace the SAT and I didn't mind a partner.

Most of the time we studied quietly. I didn't feel the need to chat and I appreciated the silent company.

We were in the middle of solving math problems one day. Leslie was moving a little too much, flipping her pages too fast, and when I glanced up, I saw her face was flushed.

"You have a hard time concentrating today," I said.

"It's because I'm going to have a violin recital next week. At the city concert hall."

I knew how much Leslie loved a public performance and I was excited for her. I said my heartfelt congratulations.

"I'm really looking forward to it. Playing in my bedroom is fun, especially on a stormy, rainy night, but the reason I practice so hard is so I can be heard." She blushed. "Does that sound narcissistic?"

I liked how Leslie was opinionated but self-conscious at the same time. She tried to speak her mind but still she worried about what people thought of her. "You're the least narcissistic person I know of, plus you really should be proud of yourself. When are you playing?"

She turned to rummage through her bag and pulled out a flyer. When she handed it to me, her blush deepened.

A photo of her was printed on top. Her arms were thin and pale in the sleeveless black dress she wore, which made her appear like a fragile china doll. Her red hair was eye-catching, a blaze of wildfire heating up the glossy flyer.

I told her it was a nice photo and her head bowed deeper. "With a lot of Photoshop and soft focus, I actually look sort of presentable," she muttered.

Leslie was insecure about the way she looked. She and Lucia were not identical twins, and while Lucia loved her red hair, Leslie was more hesitant. She thought it was unbecoming and the color resembled an orangutan.

"Don't put yourself down. You look great," I said honestly. "I'd like to hear you on stage."

Her head jerked and her eyes flicked to my face. "Really? You would come?"

"Of course."

Leslie smiled. "It's next Wednesday."

"Okay."

"Wednesday at seven pm," she reminded me again even though I already had the flyer.

"I won't forget it," I assured her.

"Actually, I was thinking..." Leslie fidgeted. "I know this is out of line to ask, and you can totally say no if you want to, but...I'd really like it if you can present a bouquet for me, you know, on stage, after the concert." The rest of the sentence was barely above a whisper.

"No, Leslie," I said slowly. She looked so nervous asking me for such a small favor I couldn't resist teasing her. "That's not out of line to ask. If you ask me to sing on stage that'd be out of line, but this is just too easy. What kind of flowers do you like?"

Leslie looked up again and I could see her letting out a breath. "Thanks. I like roses." A grin spread across her face. "Roses would be great."

***

On Saturday morning, Janet dropped by the house to chat. She picked up an apple from the counter and chewed, crushing the fruit noisily between her teeth. "What are you doing this afternoon?"

"Take a wild guess."

"I don't need to guess. You're studying for the SAT. With Leslie."

"Don't ask me then if you already know."

"I feel like we haven't hung out in ages," she complained. "What's with you and Leslie anyway? Are you really studying or is it a code name for something dirty?"

I laughed. "What's with you and the jealous girlfriend act? We really are studying, and you should too. Isn't the test in two weeks?"

"Well, maybe your mind is on the test, but from a female's keen perspective, I'd say Leslie is definitely into you." She munched on the apple loudly, and I couldn't tell if she was being serious.

"We're just study partners, J."

"She's obviously using it as an excuse to get close to you, because studying is what you do." So she was serious. "If you said you were an environmentalist you guys would probably be picking trash all over town already."

"No, if I were an environmentalist I'd still be cramming crazy for the SAT."

"You know what I mean." She rolled her eyes. "Not that there's anything wrong with Leslie being interested in you."

"She isn't. We just get along. I feel like I can say anything to her."

Janet stopped chewing. She swallowed and faced me squarely. "You can say anything to me too! I know you only think of me as one of the guys, but it hurts my feelings when you don't confide in me anymore."

"Come on, J. You're still my best friend." Janet didn't care that I had girlfriends, but she hated it when her title of best friend was threatened. "It's just easier to talk to her because we're in different groups of friends."

"Why? What is it that you have to talk about outside our group of friends?"

I exhaled. "Well, for example, Flora."

She widened her eyes. "Wow. I don't know you still need to talk about Flora. I thought you never want to talk about it."

"Yes, not to you, because I thought you don't want to get involved in our drama?"

"Not if I know you need to talk about it so badly!" Her tone was indignant, like she just found out I secretly beat up old people. "So she's willing to hear you go on and on about Flora? Not even your guidance counselor wants to do that."

"I did not go on and on about Flora, it's only in the beginning," I corrected, annoyed. "Then we move on to other things." It was just like Janet to complain about me not telling her things when she had no patience to hear about it in the first place.

"So this is still purely platonic?"

"Yes, you of all people should understand. But I think it's pretty endearing of you to assume she's into me just because we're studying together."

"I think it's endearing that you're so clueless." She shook her head. For some reason Janet always thought she knew so much more about relationships than I did. She dated one doctor Brian and suddenly she was the expert.

"Speaking of Leslie, are you doing anything next Wednesday? If you're free and want to hang out with your best friend, we can go to her violin recital together," I said. "She's playing Dvořák. Not that it'd mean anything to you."

"I know Dvořák, okay? I happen to be a musician myself," she said, then she put on a straight face. "Perhaps I can give Leslie some pointers."

"Exactly. Besides, I need someone to wake me up and tell me when I can clap."

"Classical music?" she said with a skeptical frown and pretended to think it over. "Dead people's music weighs down my soul and dampens my free spirit. It hurts my ability to create."

"Come on. We can be bored together and congratulate ourselves on having accomplished something cultural."

"Okay. But only if we go get something nice to eat afterwards."

I didn't know anything about classical music, but on the night of the recital, Janet and I didn't fall asleep. Leslie's performance was brilliant, judging from the deafening applause at the end. Her hair glistened like ruby as she stood under the spotlight and bathed in her glory.

I handed her the bouquet of roses as promised. When she reached out her arms for the flowers, her emerald green eyes held my gaze. They were intense and staring straight at me, like she was talking to me.

I stood on stage a little longer than necessary because she didn't stop staring at me. For the first time ever, I discovered that Leslie had an edge.

I couldn't explain it, but as she disappeared behind the curtains, I had the fleeting paranoia that if I wasn't careful, she could cut me.

***