Janet was my second closest friend, and I actually got to know her because of Sean. At first I was under the impression that she only talked to boys, but then I found out Sean was one of those boys. Along with this knowledge was the discovery that he was not in a single one of the classes I took in freshman year.

Like that's gonna stop me. Janet sat right by me in math class and I thought why not. There was no harm in being friendly, right? Not that I was deliberately trying to use her.

We talked about math at first, which was a depressing enough topic itself, let alone when taken into account of how she clearly sucked as bad as I did. After a bit of prodding, I managed to fish out that she had a band! Rock bands were definitely one of the cool things to have in high school (as well as college boyfriends and a MacBook Air), and I was genuinely impressed with people who could sing. I took a closer look at Janet and realized that she had the potential to be attractive if only someone could donate her a makeover.

"I think you can totally go for the Avril Lavigne look, now that I've given some thought to it," I said.

Janet frowned skeptically. She was really thin, washboard thin, with straight listless platinum blonde hair that screamed lack of conditioning. I refrained from telling her that. She looked like she randomly threw on some rock band T shirt and called it an effort. At least the shirt looked ok.

"I can do your makeup for you," I said. "Surely you need to look...dynamic on stage?"

"Well, you really don't have to."

She wasn't overjoyed at the offer, to say the least. I'd probably be alarmed too if someone out of nowhere suggested giving me a makeover, but Janet didn't know what a pro I was.

"I know I don't have to." I rolled my eyes. "And that's what makes me such a great person! I mean, you really have nice features and I bet you're dying to learn about makeups and stuff. It can't hurt right? Who knows? Maybe you'll gain more popularity at your next gig."

"Our band is more about the lyrics and tunes, rather than me looking pretty." She smiled, probably amused at my enthusiasm.

"I'm sure your band is awesome, but these days everything is about marketing, my friend."

Janet agreed on the condition that I didn't make her into Marilyn Manson, and I was in her bedroom that very afternoon under my insistence. We talked for hours, and not once did the subject of Sean come up. Janet was funny with good-natured sarcasm, and she had the best collection of CDs imaginable. I even stayed for dinner (her brother was nice to talk to but not so flirt-worthy, so I kindly left him alone).

I checked her band out, of course. I dragged Sandra with me to one of her gigs, and we both agreed Janet was amazingly radiant on stage. When she sang her scores on the hot-o-meter went right up, brutally outshining everyone else. The drummer Andrew asked me out afterwards and at the time I considered it the bonus of the day. He turned out to be a lousy date but my friendship with Janet stayed.

I confessed to Janet a few weeks later about my initial intentions, after I felt that the friendship was secure.

"Jan, you do know that I love you and I sincerely value your friendship, right?" We were in her bedroom listening to some new band she just discovered. "You're a great person to know and I say this from the bottom of my heart."

"Flora, are you breaking up with me?"

"I just want you to know what we have is real."

"Okay...where is all this drama going?"

"It's just that at first when I started talking to you, I really was just trying to get through to your friend Sean." Before she could answer I rushed on. "But that was just in the very, very beginning because I honestly thought you were cool once I got to know you, and I started being your friend for real. And Sandy adores you too." I threw in Sandra just to make this friendship more appetizing, although Sandra would never say she adored anyone in a million years.

Janet was only silent for a few seconds. "Flora, that's completely fine. I know our friendship is real and you don't need to worry about it."

"Seriously? You're not mad?"

"No. I just wanted a free makeup tutorial too in the beginning; isn't that how friendships work?" She shrugged easily.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad you understand, or else I'm fully prepared to give you a little speech of all the things I like about you."

She laughed. "You can still give me that speech if you want. But come to think of it, you never asked me anything about Sean."

"Yes, well, I kind of got distracted," I admitted sheepishly, thinking of how I had dated Andrew, then this guy called Ethan.

"Why don't you talk to him yourself? You hardly seem like you need my help in meeting guys."

"Yes, usually that's the case, but Sean seems like he keeps to himself. I really have no idea what to say to him, and when I try to initiate some small talk he quickly ends the conversation."

"Yeah, he tends to be a little quiet and serious at first and it takes some time for him to warm up," Janet agreed. "What do you like about him anyway?"

"You mean other than the fact that he's incredibly hot?" I didn't really see why any other reason was necessary. "I'm easily attracted to the dark and mysterious type of guys."

Janet laughed as if I said something genius. "Well, Sean's not mysterious and definitely not dark. He's a very simple guy who spends way too much time studying."

"Really? He's not the moody, intense, brooding type that runs hot and cold? Who pushes you away but secretly beats up everyone for you?" I wasn't really serious about the last line.

"In that case you might be disappointed. But seriously you're into that? I thought that kind of mentally disturbed guys only work on TV, plus they all have a drunken mother and abusive father."

"Alright then. Just incredibly hot would suffice."

"Sean is a great guy," Janet stated firmly like it was the Gospel. "I hope you get to know him better. You're welcomed to join us if we hang out, but I'll just make it clear now that I don't want to play matchmaker, and if you want to say something to him, you say it yourself."

"That sounds fair." I mused about the idea. "Wait, you're not interested in him, are you? If you are I'll bury this idea and never mention it again. After all, you've known him for so much longer, I think it's only fair you take the first bite."

"The first bite? Ewww." Janet shook her head. "No, help yourself. Actually he's going to tutor me on math this Saturday. You want to join? As I recall you didn't do so well on your last test either."

Janet's brilliant idea didn't exactly bring me and Sean closer, and even though my never-ending crush on him went on like the numbers behind pi, it remained largely one-sided. The tutorial session happened in freshman year, and I'll fast forward two years because pretty much nothing that happened between Sean and I was worth mentioning in this span of time. I pretty much got shot down every time I talked to him.

Normally I'd have given up by now, but he was so cute I decided that he was entitled to be difficult. I mean, I may get distracted sometimes, but I always saved a special place at the back of my mind for Sean, like the Presidential Suite at the Ritz Carlton. Throughout the first two years of high school, I let him stay there in peace, undisturbed by my meaningless flings which came and went in the hotel lobby.

When junior year began, I landed on the cheerleading squad, just when Sean graduated from JV and made varsity basketball team. It was becoming harder to ignore the fact that I only had eyes for him, and I loved screaming out his name during cheers, pretending it was all a show of school spirit. It used to be nice when a group of us got together after a game and he brightened it by his existence, but gradually this crush had turned sour, and it felt pointless going to events that he didn't go.

The sad thing was he missed out on lots of events. Sean was a straight-A student and took eight billion AP classes. From what I heard he was really dedicated to his studies, and somehow he made being smart and getting good grades seem like a cool thing, which in turn made me feel very uncool and stupid at times.

I had already gotten myself nicely tanned in the Bahamas during summer break, and Max had gone off to college and disappeared from my life, continuing on his journey to make this world a more twisted place. I decided the ideal time had come to give it another shot and asked to join Janet and Sean for a movie. Speaking of which, a short while ago Janet met her boyfriend during one of her performances. Brian was a premed student who seemed very busy and extremely secure. Whenever he couldn't make it, Janet would hang out with Sean.

That afternoon, when I finally got to spend some time with him after school, the day turned out to be horribly disappointing.

No, it wasn't because Sean himself was disappointing. He was polite, charming, very much a gentleman and had his unique sense of wry humor, yet at the same time he was very cool and aloof (which only added to his charm).

I was rarely self-conscious but around him I felt ridiculously nervous the whole time. I didn't even dare flirt with him, afraid of making a fool of myself. Sean was like the clock striking midnight; he made all my magic power wear off.

Despite Janet's previous statement of not wanting to get involved, she was a pal and made several attempts of giving us some time together. I had to admit I was dismayed in finding out that he didn't seem interested at all.

Here's the evidence:

a. Janet let me sit between them during the movie, and I tried making some comments during the trailers, and he only nodded. Not even a chuckle. Maybe he thought the things I said were brainless, which they kind of were.

b. After the movie Janet asked to be dropped off at school so that he could give me a ride home, alone, but he insisted on dropping me off first since they were neighbors. Okay, I admit that was logical, but if he was at least partially interested he would have grabbed that opportunity.

c. He didn't even have the decency to drop me off at my doorstep and chose instead to do it at the vicinity of my house, saying he couldn't make a U-turn, which showed he did not even care where I lived.

I got into the elevator in my building, defeated, and checked my reflection in the mirror. Hair: Vidal Sassoon ad campaign worthy. Make-up: CoverGirl immaculate. Outfit: over-the-knee socks, Oxford shoes and plaid skirt, showing off the dangerously provocative three inches of bare skin on my thighs.

What more could he want? Why was it so hard to get the only guy I really liked?

***

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Dedicated with love to queen for being a wonderful friend, for making me the gorgeous cover in the media, and everything else