Nate

Burden

Burden

You know how he gets. Why do you have to be a burden?

"Dude." Seth was suddenly by my side and tried to get a hold of my bottle. "I think you've drunk enough."

"Hey," I pushed his hand away, protectively pulling the bottle closer to my chest and almost tilting it with my new found clumsiness. "Get your own."

"Nate," he sighed tiredly but I wasn't having that. He noticed and gave me a frustrated groan. "Whatever. But you're not driving."

I rolled my eyes, not in the mood of a lecture and tilted my head back nursing the beer. The bitter flavour it left in my mouth was like a balsam, a promise of the relief I craved for the pounding in my side. Even the bruises from the game didn't do anything to muffle that dull throb.

Harold' really had a bad day. It was one of these kinda days that I feared the most, where something triggered him -even the smallest thing, and he'd turn Hulk mood in no time. He was fat, lame and a lazy piece of shit; but he was over six feet tall and his outline was twice mine, so if he wants he can do damage.

You know how he gets.

At first I'd fight back, but it would only lead him to get more mad. My mother had accepted it by now and it made me so angry. Not only she was allowing him to do this to us, but also shrug at it. She'd given up long ago and as much as it hurt, I couldn't force her to fight for us. So I learned to take a blow and just prayed for my eighteen birthday to come as fast as possible.

Why do you have to be such a burden?

I clenched the beer and tilted my head drinking faster.

The game was a good way to get rid of some of this caged adrenaline and frustration, and now I knew I could turn this into my escape if I get a scholarship. The coach had told me he'd be glad to write me a recommendation letter and help with the beaters if I improved my marks. It looked like an impossible task at first, since I was more like the kinda guy that struggled to barely pass, but last week's English essay I got a B+, so I guess the tutoring was working.

"Hi there." a soft voice chimed and the bench by my side bent some more as Trish appeared and took a seat there. Seth rolled his eyes, leaning away and mumbling something under his breath and left with one last warning look. He really didn't like Trish. Never really had. I nodded at her, but turned back to my bottle and drown it. Not enough. "Wow, you're really on, uh?"

I shrugged gesturing Kurt to pass me another from the other end of the table. We were in the viewpoint on the top of the nearby hill, from here we could see the town spreading at its folds, but we were far enough not to bother anyone with our partying... and after the victory of a few hours ago we were in the mood of partying.

Well, not me, but you get it, right?

Trish giggled and said something else, her sweet voice barely reaching me, but I supposed where this was going. It was always the same with her. Looks like we were having more action after our break up than during the relationship. It was a massive headache, a constant on an off that drove me crazy; but I'd been smitten enough not to care at its time.

It was always the same. Just like my mother was with Harold, just like whenever the labels and feelings come out. I'd been blind enough to be with her and endure the constant pain of her toying with the obvious effect she had on me. And I didn't care because I thought I was in love with her. Just like my mother didn't care how much of a shitty person Harold was. For some freaking reason she loves him and that was enough, uh?

Well, fuck the feelings.

I learned it the hard way.

What's even the point, uh? As I said, we were better now than when we were together, so why tie my emotions on it as well? What a useless torture. And since we weren't together anymore, I didn't have to worry if she was with that intermittent boyfriend she got, nor she if I get with Nadia. But true is that lately I hadn't seen any of them.

Startled, I realized since Halloween I'd been too busy with Hailey to...

Hailey.

Yeah, that was something unexpected. A month ago it would have seemed surreal that I would go after someone like her, or that she would ever agree to it, considering how goody-two-soes she was. But here we were.

I almost smiled at how shy she looked this afternoon in my room, but the memory was tainted by Harold's arrival and I drowned the rest of the beer. Was it my third? My fourth? I couldn't remember. What I knew was that I was in urgent need of a bathroom.

"Nate!" I blinked, confused at Trish's frustrated tone and saw her scowling at me. "Are you even listening to me?"

I nodded awkwardly. "Mhm."

"Oh, really?" her eyes narrowed. "And what was I saying?"

"Relax, Trish." Jody Benderhoose laughed from her other side of the bench. "Here, take a shot."

"Fuck." Fred tensed on the other side of the table, tensing as he glanced something pass our shoulders. "Don't look now, but Ryan is over there."

"What?"

Of course, all of us turned at once and yes, the prick was getting out his car with his goons glued to his ass. They all wore the team's jackets of Crossroads, as if proudly showing they were from the losing team. Idiots. Our eyes met through the distance and a grimace tugged his lips before they headed the opposite end of the crowd.

I groaned and slammed the bottle on the wooden table and unsteadily stood. "That's my cue to leave."

One asshole per day was my limit. Two if you count Bear as well, but today he hadn't said anything too dumb.

I had to grip on the edge of the table not to stumble. Great. Finally, I couldn't feel the throbbing anymore. Mission accomplished.

The pain was replaced by slurred thoughts and it came as a balsam. I didn't need to endure this anymore. And certainly not if Ryan Scott was near by. After the beat up from before in the field, he was up to no good if we came across.

Waving the people at that table goodbye, somehow I made it to Letty without actually falling and fell on the driver seat with a sigh, the world spinning around me. I couldn't focus on my own thoughts. Good.

I strolled through my contacts, looking for Seth'snumber to let him know I need a ride, but halfway another name caught my attention. Hailey. Her hurt look when I kicked her out was still printed in my mind, churning my chest, but what else could I do?

"Hey, wait" Just as I closed the door, the passenger's was opened and in slid Trish. She smiled sweetly at me, softly clicking it shut. "Hi."

"Hey," I groaned and leaned my head back against the headrest. My thumb hovering over the call button. Should I call her? "What do you want?"

"Don't be so picky. As I was saying back there, you did a great game. I was thinking maybe we can celebrate."

"Trish-"

"What about now?" she pulled down my arm and climbed over the gear stick and settled in my lap.

Whoa. "And Ashton?"

"We're on a break."

"Trish," I groaned, when I felt her body shifting closer, molding to mine and my dizziness grew. "I'm too tired for this."

"I can help with that." I felt her lips tantalizing on my neck and a grumble escaped me making her smiled. "You like it here, don't you?"

Yes, I did. But I also meant that I was too wasted for this. I wasn't even in the mood of letting her take my mind off.

A slight vibration attracted my attention to the phone in my hand as Trish slid her hips closer to my groin and arched her back for a better angle.

"Hold on, hold on." I pushed her to create some distance and clumsily rose the phone to my ear.

A muffled noise became a voice. "-there? Hellooo."

"Hi?"

Trish pouted fisting my shirt. "Are you really gonna take that-" I shushed her waving one hand before placing it over my free ear.

"Nate?"

I recognized the voice immediately and frowned, fazed. "Hailey?" I asked back and Trish scoffed, climbed off me and folding her arms. "Why did you call me?" Was she a mind reader or something?

"You called me." Hailey sighed and I could hear the slurred tone indicating whether she'd been sleeping or about to. There was some shuffling on the other end of the line before she asked carefully: "Is everything alright?"

"Alright?" I snorted. The irony. "Everything is pe-erh-fect. Why wouldn't it? Such a lovely night and a lovely place and a more than lovely company-"

"Really now?" hissed Trish and I suddenly remembered she was there.

"H-hold on, you're with Trish Palmer now?" Hailey rang on the other side of the line as I gave an apologetic side glance at the fuming blond.

"So? And don't say her name like that."

"Like what?" both of them asked at the same time, and whether I couldn't see Hailey's probably confused expression, Trish narrowed eyes pierced through me and I knew it was a lose-lose situation. Yet, I was too reckless to notice at the moment.

I just want to get knocked out, not more drama! Can we get over with this already?

"Like, name and last name, like she's some celebrity or whatever. She's just Trish."

"Unbelievable." okay, if I had doubts before, now I was sure my ex wanted to skin me alive.

"That came out wrong. I mean it in a good way." but for the way she leaned back with a deep scowl and her arms folded, I could tell Trish wasn't having that.

"Are you drunk?" Hailey asked through the phone and at the accussation I felt my chest clenching all over again. It felt like a pang as images of Harold, aggressive and stumbling, clouded my mind. Drunk drunk drunk- "Nate?"

"No." and I hang up furiously.

"So, do I have your attention now?" mocked Trish but I didn't even look at her, too exhausted.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

My head fell back into the headrest. "I've told you, I'm tired."

"You... You're a jerk!" she opened the door and got out as I waved lazily, my hand felt like it weight a ton.

"Yes, yes... I didn't even invite you here."

"Fuck you!" and slammed the door at my face.

I sighed. The story of my life.

A new buzzing in my hand startled me and, confused, I glanced down to realize Hailey was calling me this time. I picked it up. "Have I called you again?" I wondered struggling to remember and frustrated at the lack of cooperation from my own brain.

"No, I have. What's going on?"

"Nothing." I scoffed. "I've told you. Everything is great."

"Nate..." she stopped herself and sighed. "Alright. Whatever."

I frowned at the way her frustrated tone slip in my chest like acid. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it. So, you called me first, right?" I could tell she was trying to hint at something but couldn't focus on what. "Is there a reason why?"

I shrugged. "I just pressed the button accidentally."

"You just p-" there was a second of tense silence, a long second, before Hailey gritted: "Indeed?" Was she mad? I heard her sigh and before I could point out her mood she cut me: "Okay, I leave you with Trish now. Have fun."

"Wait-" but the line was cut.

I hate this constricting feeling in my lungs. Like guilt, or regret, but why? I hadn't done anything. Anger flowed at this unwanted feeling and my grip on the phone tightened. She didn't have any right to get like this.

I snapped out the glaring contest with the item and called her again. A monotone robotic voice informed me this line was occupied.

"Fucking great." I smashed my palm against the wheel.

Ten seconds and she was already talking to somebody else. Justin, probably, since that loser was always calling her.

More of that unpleasant feeling twitched my guts and my jaw clenched. The fuck? With a groan I rested my pounding head over the steering wheel, the world spinning all around. I'm fucking ridiculous, man.

I didn't know how long it passed in that position, feeling everything come through me, unable to move without a pounding drum in my head, but, hey! my body was numb. I closed my eyes, the loud music around fading, my focus drifting away-

-and a couple knocks on the driver's window got me jumping.

"Easy there." I blinked, struggling to find the source of the voice and frowning at the guy standing by the door, grinning knowingly. Oliver Mathews. He gestured me to open the door and the moment I found the right button to unlock it he easily clicked it open. "You got some drinking, uh?"

"Isn't it the whole point of this?" I slurred, gesturing the party gathered around the viewpoint and he shrugged, amused.

"Look, I just got a concerned call... about a girl you might know." he gave me a pointed look, but when he saw I could barely manage to stay awake -much less think logically- he rolled his eyes and clarify. "Hailey."

Hailey? What a coincidence. So she call him? And now Oliver was standing there... Fuck no. I could feel my scowl before even giving the order.

"She sent you to babysit me?"

"Nop. She said you sounded distressed and I tell her I'll make sure you were okay." he gave me a pointed look. "You clearly aren't."

"Thank you so much." I rolled my eyes, but regretted it right away when the dizziness increased. "Please don't hold back."

"Wasn't going to." she opened the door wider and gestured to me. "Off the way."

"Excuse me?"

"Move." he pushed my shoulder and I frowned but did as he said and crawled into the passenger seat as he get in the driver's and shut the door.

I glowered at him and his casual mood as he adjusted the buckle. "The fuck you think you're doing?"

"I think it's time for you to go home."

Home. My guts churned and I masked it with another glare.

"Did she tell you to drive me as well?"

"Stop being condescending, dude. Hails didn't tell me anything, but you're clearly wasted."

"Seth was going to drive me."

"Yeah." he laughed to my surprise, pointing over his shoulder with a thumb. "You mean this Seth?"

Confused, I glance at the back of Letty and saw Seth's huge figure laying over the blankets I had there, as comfy as he was taking a nap. Kurt was by his side.

Oliver chuckled, turning on the engine. "You were so out you didn't even hear me dropping them in. I was supposed to be Kurt's sober ride, I don't mind dropping you as well."

My insides felt like jelly as the mere thought of entering that damn apartment again. No, I wouldn't. "I don't want to go home."

"Chill, Nate. I'm sure your parents are already asleep and-"

"No. I'm not going there now."

He glanced me sideways, taking note of my white knuckled and his brows rose, but immediately returned his attention to the road. "Okay... we'll figure it out."

"Olly, I told you to check on him, not to do a sleepover."

"And what was I supposed to do?"

"Shhh. They'll hear you and I... I don't know."

Burden.

Burden.

Why do you have to be such a burden?

My door opened carefully to give me time to lean away from it so I didn't fall and an arm snaked around me to help me out. "We're here big guy. Hold on." My side pinched when those muscles stretched and I grimaced.

"What? What's wrong?" Hailey was there, opening the barn door to let us in, hushing us consciously in fear her family would hear.

I was still unsure about settling here after how things with her had gone today, but I for sure wasn't going home anytime soon and after Oliver dropped Kurt and Seth he was supposed to come here to spend the night. I guess I just tagged along since Seth couldn't offer me his place instead. Lately he wasn't as available as he used to. A shame since Harold was getting worse with time.

Oliver slowly let me sit on one of the couches there and again the bruises throbbed. Fuck, I need another drink.

"Nate." Hailey crouched carefully before me a cute frown knitting her brows together. "Is there something hurting you?"

"No."

"But-"

"I've said no!"

"Shh!" she glanced back worried as Oliver let out a muffled chuckled and walked backwards, pointing the mattresses at the very end of the barn.

"Okay, I'm literally exhausted, so if you're all good and stuff I'll go pass out with your permission. You're sure you're good, man?"

"Yes."

"Okay," he smiled knowingly at us and spun around to walk now determined. "I leave you in good hands then. You know where to find me."

"Nate," Hailey snapped my attention back at her and I noticed her eyes on my side, concern all over her face. "You won't stop touching it, can I have a look?"

"No."

"Come on, you're such a child..." she gently peeled my hand from there, creating a tingling sensation where our skins met and successfully distracting me enough for her to lift the hem of my shirt to see the first dark mark. "Oh my... are those bruises? Do they hurt?"

"A little..." I say before realizing I did and quickly covered it with a smirk, pushing down the fabric. "You can always kiss them better."

She blushed giving Oliver a side glance, but he was already snoring at the other end of the space.

Now that is a fast sleeper, I thought with envy.

"You didn't have them on you before." Hailey whispered flustered and I was almost tempted to smile at the little reminder of what we'd done in my room. Now, that had felt nice. Couldn't we just repeat? "Are them from the game?" I shrugged and she sighed. "Okay, I'll get you some ice. Do you want to sleep on the couch or you think you can reach one of the mattresses?"

Burden

Burden

"I-I don't want to be a burden." I didn't mean to say it out loud. Nor to sound this weak, but luckily she'd confused it with daze.

"You aren't." her head tilted, surprised. "I just wasn't expecting you, but it's fine I guess." she bit her lip. I wished she wouldn't, now my focus was there. Damn. "Bed or couch?"

That wasn't exactly helping. "Bed."

"Okay." she nodded and got up, hesitant before reaching out to help me up as well. Part of the alcohol was already drifting from my system so I could stand and walk more or less straight. Hailey only had to guide me a bit and tug my arm in case I unbalanced. Her touch sent shivers down my spine and left my skin on fire.