I'm so sorry.

someone, i believe to be a doctor, speaks. i try my best to listen, but luke isn't hesitant to start an argument.

luke argues. i mentally sigh.

the person talking to luke sighs. i try my hardest to say something, open my eyes; tell them i can hear them, that i'm okay. but i just fucking can't.

someone, i think calum, says. sounding so hurt, but also disappointed.

luke shouts.

luke shouts, "tired, luke sniffles, signalling me that he's crying. i almost want cry.

calum says, sounding very down; sad. but it angers me how he doesn't respond to the little speech luke just gave. they should be comforting him, but as far as i can tell, no one is. he finishes. then a door opens, and shuts. i think i'm alone untili feel someone's hand touch mine, and luke speaks, his voice barely a whisper, he asks, his voice seems to crack when he says my name. he sniffles. he starts to shout, but i hear him take a deep breath. as to calm himself down.

good job, baby.

he says. and even though my eyes aren't open, or i can't speak, my stomach still does flips.

my eyes shoot open, obviously more flustered and confused before i knew about these dreams. i look over to my left and i see luke. sound asleep. i poke his arm, softly, but he doesn't budge. so i just decide to tell him about what i just heard, in the morning. considering it's about 4am right now and the sun isn't even close to rising. so, i lay my head back on my pillow and shut my eyes. as i'm drifitng off to sleep i feel, what i think is water, trickle down the temple of my forehead. i'm quick to wipe it away but when i do, i come to realize it's sweat. a lot of sweat. like, so much sweat that even the black v-neck i'm wearing is a bit damp at the neck. i groan in frustration and pull off, throwing it somewhere across the room. i sigh, and lay back down, snuggling myself into my blanket.

"hey, ashton?"

my eyes shoot open and i look around the room to find the source of who was talking. then i realize it's just me and luke. i look over his shoulder, to see his eyes closed, but his mouth in a small smirk. i scoff, but smile. "what are you doing up, luke?"

he opens his eyes and turns towards me, snuggling his hands under his chin. "i dunno. someone woke me up." he pokes my arm. repeatedly. i laugh, pushing his arm away. i figure now is as good a time as any to tell him about my dream.

"i had a dream."

he sits up, using the palm of his hand as support. "you did?"

i nod. "yeah."

"well, tell me about it. how's everything going out there?" he pokes atop of my hair. "anything good on?"

i can't help but let a giggle slip. "no, you loser. it's not a t.v show, it's real life."

he rolls his eyes, "just tell me what happened, you dick."

i roll my eyes, but i tell him. everything. as soon as i'm done, i'm in a little fit of tears. mostly because i'm terrified of them pulling the plug on me. like, i'm awake. i'm here. i'm fucking alive, but they have no idea because i can't move anything. not even my god damn arms. do you know how annoying that is? well, very.

"ashton, jesus christ, we gotta wake you up." luke says, looking more worried than i've ever seen him before.

i sigh. "soon, please."

"we'll talk to michael in the morning, but for now, just go back to sleep."

i nod, laying my head back down onto my pillow. luke does the same. but i find myself staring at the ceiling. like, literally just staring at it. great, now i can't sleep.

"luke?"

"hm?"

"can you tell me about...about us?"

i hear him chuckle before he turns to face me. "we cuddled a lot, kissed a lot, we were a cheesy couple; but we also had a lot of sex. like, kinky sex."

i snort. "was it...good sex?"

"really good sex." he says, oh so casually.

my eyes widen, "you liar! i've never had anything up my ass."

he smirks and turns his back to me and just when i think he's not going to reply, he says, "exactly."

+

to:

come over. it's urgent.

from:

be over in 5. ✌

i set my phone down on the kitchen counter and go over what i'm going to say to michael. as far as i know, he doesn't know about luke telling me everything. -- well, charlie and luke telling me everything.

just tell him the truth, ashton. tell him the truth and he'll tell you how to wake up. everything is gonna be-

"what's up, bitches, michael's here!" michael basically screams as he walks right into my house.

"you didn't even knock, you dick." i say, but i can't help but let a few laughs spill.

"knocking is for the weak." he shrugs.

"yeah, okay, anway, close the door and sit down." i smile. he nods and closes the door before walking into the living room. i follow. kinda glad luke isn't in the room because, fuck, michael is gonna kill luke when i tell him.

"so," he sits down. "what was so important that i had to come over so early?"

"it's 9am." i argue.

he shrugs. "i don't wake up before noon."

i just stare at him for a while, laughing at how ridiculous that statement was. "you're so lame, michael."

"yeah, yeah, just tell me why you called me here." he chuckles, but that snaps me back to reality. god, he's gonna be so pissed.

"so, um," i start, "okay, don't get mad, but charlie and luke came over and i kept bugging charlie about god only knows what because i thought you, calum, luke, and charlie were keeping things from me and then i kinda started to shout and long story short, she told me that i was in a coma, michael. and that you're the only one who knows how to wake me up. is that true?"

"god damn it, charlie." he mumbles, covering his face with his hands, "yes, ashton, it's true, but-"

"then wake me up." i interrupt, crossing my arms.

"it's not that simple. i just- i can't."

"and why not?"

"to wake you up, you'd have to get rid of the part of your brain that doesn't want you to wake up; that wants you to die-- well, thinks that it's time for you to die. and, ashton, i just can't let you do that."

i go to argue, but then i realize; calum. calum is the part of my brain doesn't want me to wake up. god, why is life so difficult? i mean, i see where he's coming from, but it's still unfair. to me and to michael equally.

"what do you mean get rid of?" i ask, hoping it's not what i'm thinking.

he sighs, almost in tears when he says, "you'd have to kill calum, ashton."