I got a call from Ahmed early in the morning on Friday. Ahmed is my fiancé. And we have been engaged for the last 6 months.

"Hello darling" he said.

"Assalamualaikum, what's up?" I asked him. Getting engaged to Ahmed isn't my choice. But after all that happened, I gave in to my mum's demands. Since I couldn't find anyone I'd like to marry, let me marry someone based on rational and common sense. That's when Ahmed happened.

"You are never too happy to hear my voice in the morning. Aren't you?" well, that is true. I have come to wonder if I did the right thing by agreeing to marry Ahmed. I mean, socially and financially we are compatible but values, morals and priorities are further apart.

My mum patched up with me quite faster than I expected. But her health kept deteriorating and a reason why I decided to make her happy by agreeing to marry someone. Ahmed is a investment banker. What I make in a month, he makes in a day. I mean, he is that rich - a criteria my mum found extremely appealing.

"Lot of work today" I told him.

"I have a fund raiser dinner today at the Dreamers welfare association. Would you be able to make it?" he asked me. These are high end business where rich guys flock together to show their generosity. I don't have a choice but to go. I have been avoiding too many functions.

"Yea, sure. What time will you pick me up?" I asked him.

"Shall we say 7.30?" he said.

"Okay, bye" and I hang up. It didn't take me more than a week after our engagement to figure out the hell I got myself in to. Ahmed is a nice guy but I simply cant let him closer to me or touch me. I know it is not fair but try as I may, I cant let him at least hold my hand.

I would have checked myself for any physical conditions had I not had physical intimacy before. Steve.

Try as I may to forget him, I still remember him much often than I'd care to admit. When Jen first told me about what happened to the Harry's case after she met with Steve, I was beyond surprised. I never thought he would join the De Bourbon family again. Jen told me it is Mrs. Henry de Bourbon upon whose insistence Steve joined them again. And ever since, all socialite papers are full of Steve's pics and his achievements. I am truly glad he made it where he is today which is exactly what he deserves.

A part of me thought he would contact me, and another part thought he wouldn't. Either way, I didn't know how to handle the situation. But after one and a half years, I think I eventually gave up the idea of Steve, and that is when I decided to give a chance to another guy, and I know it is a mistake. I live it everyday.

Ahmed is kind and generous. He is also very caring despite my non response to his feelings. I think for him and his family, my reputation and occupation proceed more than the actual me. After all, I deal with celebrities and royalties on day to day basis.

Anyway, I still keep wondering, what it would have been to be with someone like Steve? Why didn't he come back for me despite promising he would if things changed? Does he even remember me?

Well, he has a life of his own. And I have chosen mine. If he really had feelings for me, he would have come for me. There is no if and but. Sadly I didn't matter to him, and he isn't important to me anymore.

*****************************************

"Nana, the welfare dinner is tonight" I reminded her.

"Whom are you going with?" she asked me.

"I thought you are coming with me. Aren't you?"

"No, I need to rest. I think you can take Sophia with you" she said casually.

I don't like what nana is trying to do with me and Sophia. Over the last couple of months she has been throwing us together and her plan is pretty obvious. Sophia is the daughter of the owner of ZenVich companies which is one of the most powerful and rich family owned business in Russia. They have influence all across the world. They are very close to De Bourbon family.

"You have to stop doing this nana. I am not interested in Sophia" I told her.

"Well, you may not be interested in her but you will be interested in what she can bring to the tables" she said.

"There is nothing she can bring to the table which I don't have already"

"That's where you are wrong. She can make you one of the most rich and influential people in the planet. You can be above everyone else" she told me.

"Nana, I am not greedy for money or power. I am content with what I have. I don't want Sophia to get any ideas about us"

"Just go to the dinner with her today. We will see about this latter. I have to go out now" and she left me wondering what the hell to do.

Sophia is a pain in my neck. She doesn't understand the term "not interested" and sometimes test my patience thoroughly. She is shallow and selfish. But extremely pretty. I know most of it is due to plastic surgery and botox, but then, everything around me is fake.

The only genuine people I had in my life were Martha and boys who are working for me as we speak and getting well paid, Talia who is still my baby girl who also has a baby , Sara. And Sarah.

I just hate being in this situation. Philips cut throat practice and some of the other family members resistance had made me a target for anything. Though nana Luisa is my protector, they are capable of doing anything to keep what they have or to increase their share. They will hurt Sarah and that is what keeping me away from her. They would not stop even at murdering if it fits them.

Sometimes I think nothing worth the sacrifices I have made. At times I feel like throwing everything away and to reach Sarah. But what I am now and what I have become, my slightest interest in her, will endanger her wellbeing. And that is what stopping me.

My phone rang and it was Sophia.

"Hello love. I heard that you want to take me for a dinner tonight. What time should I be ready?" she asked me.

" I didn't want to take you to dinner Sophia, it was nana's idea. I will pick you up at 7.30" and I hung up before she could say anything.

This is going to be a long and painful dinner tonight. Dreading what to expect and Sophia's extreme physical proximities and her tendency to touch me, though they are not welcome all times making my stomach turn inside out. I date women but I have a problem with proximity. The touch of women repel me. If I had not enjoyed or if my body doesn't react to only one woman I think of every day and night, I would have taken to medical opinion. Oh Sarah, you spoilt me for other women, now haven't you? I thought smiling.