《ARROGANCE | m.yg》t h i r t y t h r e e - r i n

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Tears come to my eyes as I look at the colleagues who have been by my side through thick and thin for so long. I hand Kyeonghwa my apron with a melancholy smile, not quite having words to express the situation. It's finally time for me to move past this place and to put my focus elsewhere. I'm not going to get to find that homey familiarity in shelving adult fiction; I'm free to forget the Dewey Decimal System; I don't get to drink the coffee from the break room anymore. But it's for the best; I've been away from the library for so long that even now the location seems foreign, like it's totally lost all the qualities that made it so important to me.

"I'll come visit when I can, okay?" I manage, looking to Kyeonghwa. Her expression mirrors mine, and she pulls me into a warm hug.

"Only if it doesn't get in the way, Rin-ah," she muses. "We want what's best for you just as much as you do." She grips me tightly and rubs my back as if this is the last time we're ever going to see each other. I intend to not make this the case, but that doesn't seem to register with the shift manager I love and respect so much.

When Kyeonghwa finally lets me go, I turn to my other partner in book-related crime: Dabin. He smirks and outstretches his arms, beckoning me into a hug that I have no issue with delivering. "We'll miss you, Rin," he says, his voice even. "But call me if you're free, okay? Or if you have a show or something. God knows, I'm actually starting to like rap."

"I'll believe that when I see it," I chuckle, letting my friend go.

"Seriously, though, Rin. If you're free ever, let me know. I'll make time."

"I know you will, Dabin. And like I said, I'll pop in when I can. I'd never be able to leave you guys alone for too long, after all."

Dabin just rolls his eyes and I reach into my purse, producing the object I'd long forgotten about. The book about the Maryland band and the mystery they attempted to solve left my range of attention very shortly after Jieun and Jintae had entered my life. I'd completely forgotten to check the thing back in, and I can only imagine what the overdue fines look like.

"Would you mind checking this in for me?" I manage, looking at Dabin and laughing lightly. "Since I don't work here anymore, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to use the equipment."

Kyeonghwa just pushes the book back into my hands, giving me a soft smile. "Keep it. We already took care of the fines and it was enough to just buy a new copy, so that's yours. It's the least we can do, really."

"You're sure?" I ask, still trying to give the book to one of my now ex-coworkers.

"Positive," Kyeonghwa replies. "Now, you should get going. We have a library to run and you have somewhere else you need to be, don't you? Something with Juyoung?"

"Oh— yeah, I do. Thanks for reminding me; I don't want to be late."

"Of course. Now— get out of here, you're loitering." Kyeonghwa laughs and gives me one final hug before I turn and begin my departure from the place where I've worked diligently for two years.

"Goodbye, Rin." I hear Dabin's words over my shoulder and I pivot on my heel so I'm walking backward, facing him.

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"That sound a little ominous, don't you think? I'll talk to you later, Dabin."

He laughs, waving me off with his trademark smile. "Fine, then. See you later, Rin."

And with that I exit through the library doors, not knowing when I'll walk through them again.

I jump into the company van and Bangtan's manager gives me a look of heartfelt caring.

"All done?" He asks as I buckle my seatbelt.

"Yep, the contract is terminated. Sorry it took so long, it got a little sentimental in there."

"I can only imagine," he replies. "So, we're getting Yoongi now, right?"

"Yep, and heading to the park after that." Just saying the words is enough to make a knot form in my stomach— meeting Juyoung is going to be terrifying.

"You're sure you want to spend your first day after promotions confronting this guy? You don't just want to take a breather for a day or two?"

"I can't," I respond, watching the streets of Seoul move past me as we drive back to the dorm. "The longer I wait, the worse he'll get. This needs to be done sooner rather than later."

"Okay, I understand. But all you've got to do is say the word and we'll be there, okay? If something happens."

"I know, and I'll be extra careful, too. Wouldn't want to make you guys work too hard, after all."

Manager-nim chuckles, raising my spirits a bit. "You know we won't hesitate to help you, Rin."

I smirk, but even so, unease manages to sneak its way into the back of my mind. "I know."

The remainder of the drive is quiet, the only noise between the two of us being the radio. Manager-nim keeps the car running as I call Yoongi, telling him we're ready to go. In a matter of two minutes, he's downstairs and ready for travel to my next destination: the park I'd agreed to meet Juyoung at.

The day seems too nice for the exchange I'm about to have. The sky is bright blue with puffy white clouds dotting the sky but posing no threat to the sunlight that cascades down upon the waking world. Leaves on trees are at their greenest, and grasses and flowers are still flourishing under the watchful eye of the park's landscapers. It's warm enough for me to dress in my preferred style: rolled up blue jeans and a white t-shirt— one that exposes just a bit of midriff. If there's one thing I've learned from all of my work with Sangmi, it's that you should feel comfortable flaunting what you've got. I examine the world through the van's window as streets and people pass me by, leaving me to feel simultaneously at peace and nervous. My backup plan, consisting of both Yoongi and Manager-nim ready at a moment's notice to save my ass if something goes wrong, does definitely ease my mind. However, that doesn't make the thought of facing Juyoung again any less daunting. The last time I saw him left me very much shocked, to say the least. Now, with the concept of a potential repeat of that event looming just before me like an insurmountable cliff, well— it's certainly enough to put me on edge.

The van pulls over on the side of the street within sight of the place Juyoung and I agreed upon. Manager-nim leaves the vehicle running, as parking where we are is not exactly legal, and gives me some last-minute reassurance.

"You're going to fix this, Rin. I've got faith in you."

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"Thanks, Manager-nim," I respond, smiling nervously. "I'll certainly give it all I've got."

"I would hope so."

I turn around in the front seat to face Yoongi, who's been quiet this whole time. He honestly looks more nervous than I do, but I can't quite place why.

"Be careful, okay?" He says, picking up his phone and dialing a number. As he calls, my phone begins to ring, and I answer.

"We'll stay quiet, but if you put it on speaker and something goes wrong, we'll be able to hear."

"Good thinking," I say, putting my phone in my purse and positioning it so that the speaker's not muffled by anything.

"I just— just be safe. We already got promotion time shortened because of this guy, I don't want anything else happening."

"It's going to be okay, Yoongi," I manage, reaching back and taking his hand gently. "That's why we agreed to meet in public. I'll be fine."

He smiles knowingly and squeezes my hand tightly. "I know you will. I love you, Rin; we're right here if you need us."

I tug him forward and lean towards the backseat myself, giving him a short kiss. "I love you, too, Yoongi."

And with that I exit the vehicle to face Juyoung.

I step out into the warm summer air, taking a deep breath as I make my way across a cobblestone path to the bench Juyoung and I had agreed on. I take a seat and just watch the park, having nothing else to do given that my phone is currently in use. There's a pond before the bench, and though it's nowhere near massive it's teeming with life. The most notable fauna is a single swan slowly drifting across the surface of the murky water. To one side of the pond a large collection of algae has accumulated, and near it are other smaller birds, like ducks and geese, either swimming or grazing. A few lily pads dot the water's surface, too— some even sport pink flowers. More enthralling than the sights of the pond are the sounds, though. Frogs can be heard croaking, various birds are chattering away amongst themselves like old friends, and every so often that lone swan will let loose its trumpeting call, garnering the attention of all nearby, human or animal. As I breathe in the fresh summer air and relish the beauty of the scene before me, I nearly forget why I'm here. My reminder, though, comes quickly.

"Hi, Rin. Sorry I'm late," Juyoung announces. I look up quickly to see Juyoung standing next to the empty seat on the bench, and I can't help but pity him. He looks terrible. His hair is nowhere near its normal well-manicured style, and rather than the typical button-down and jeans, he's wearing athletic shorts and a wrinkled gray t-shirt. He looks physically exhausted, but at least he's not acting crazy. I gesture to the spot next to him, indicating that I'd like him to sit down.

"It's okay, Juyoung. I'm just glad you're here."

"I heard your promotions got cut short," he manages, nervousness and awkwardness lacing his voice.

"Yeah," I reply, sighing. "After Big Hit's CEO found out about all the stress I'd been under he cut the promotion period in half. It was already short enough, but only having two weeks was less than ideal."

"Stress?" Juyoung questions.

"Yeah. After that night we first won, well..." I trail off. Juyoung knows where this is going.

"It was me, wasn't it?" He asks, looking at me seriously. "I'm why your promotions got cut."

I nod, not willing to make eye contact. Instead, I study the grass below me, watching as an ant crawls onto my shoe. I brush the insect off and it decides to move elsewhere, leaving me and Juyoung to our exchange.

"Jesus, Rin— I'm sorry. I can't believe that happened because I was an idiot."

"You weren't—"

"No, I was. It just hurt me so much to watch someone I love so much slip away and end up with someone else. I was angry. I hated you for not falling for me, I hated Yoongi for being the man you fell for, and I hated myself for bringing you two together. You know how I can be— I get drunk when I'm upset, and I guess I was more upset than I've ever been. I scared you, I know. I'm sorry that I did. But I understand if you can't forgive me and if Yoongi can't, either. But I'm not letting myself get that bad ever again. I, uh—"

He pauses and I look up to him, watching as his face reddens with shame. "I'm easy to form dependencies. I think I'd suspected it before, but a friend told me to go see someone about it, so I did. And, uh— yeah. I had a bit of a problem. So I forced myself to stop drinking myself into oblivion and I started seeing a counselor, and it's been really helpful." He pauses again, seeming to reconsider what he's saying. "What am I talking about? This isn't about me, this is about you. Look, the point is that I've gotten through the worst of it. I'm never going to let myself go that far off the deep end again; I'm not going to hurt you like that again. And yes, it does hurt to see you with Yoongi, but I'll get over it in time. If I could go back and change things, God knows I would, but I can't. All I can do is offer you an apology."

I look at him with new eyes, my head spinning. This is the most sincere Juyoung has ever been to me, and I can't help but reflect on all the good times we've had since we met and really see him in a new light. He's been by my side whenever I've needed him for so long, and now he knows and admits he made a huge mistake. I scan his face and find his eyes glossy, soon to brim over with tears. He's been my best friend for so long, there's nothing else to say.

I sigh, then give him the words he's probably only hoping to hear. "I forgive you, Juyoung. It's just— it's going to be really different now. I just quit my job at the library to become a full-time model. And I'm about to be a public figure, too— Big Hit is going to release the statement declaring me and Yoongi official tomorrow. We're going to be the talk of the town, and people are going to hate me. It's going to be difficult for me to be out and about with friends and stuff like that."

"Really?" Juyoung queries, surprised. "This soon?"

"It's been a long time in the making."

"I guess. So things are going to be different because you're doing different things? Not different between us?"

"I would hope not," I begin. "I forgive you, Juyoung; I said that and I meant it. I don't want you to think I've forgotten about you when we don't get to talk all that much, I'm just going to be super busy. Yes, you scared me. Yes, you got my promotions shortened. But you're my friend, and I care about you. I owe you a lot— I mean, if you hadn't locked that stupid door way back when I would never be in the situation I'm in now. I'm finally getting to do all of these crazy new things, and it's because you helped Yoongi reconnect with me. That's something I owe you a ton for. It's just going to be hard for us to see each other as much until things die down."

"Okay, I understand. Thank you, Rin— it honestly does mean so much."

He pulls me into a brief hug and I return it, glad to have this conflict resolved. He pulls away and leaves his hands on my shoulders, speaking again.

"Can you tell Yoongi that I'm sorry? I don't expect him to be half as forgiving as you are, but if it's all the same to him, I do mean it."

I smile and steal a glance at my purse before I reply. "Yeah, I'll tell him."

"Thanks. Hey, I've got to go, but I'm really glad we got to talk this out. I'll see you when I see you, okay Rin?"

"Absolutely. Bye, Juyoung."

He stands and walks away, and I wait until he's gathered some distance before I depart myself. I jump back into the passenger's seat of the van, ending the phone call with Yoongi as I do so. Manager-nim pulls back into traffic and begins the drive to the dorm.

"Apology accepted, Juyoung," Yoongi says to a silent van. I smile coyly and look back at him. "I'm glad it worked out."

"I am, too," I reply, really meaning it.

"So now what?" Manager-nim asks, looking at me curiously. "Now that you've got that off your chest, I mean."

"Well," I say, smirking all the while. "I think Yoongi and I have a statement to type up."

☽☼☾

hey!

sorry about the lack of an update last week, but exams were in full swing and i really needed to study. now, though, with them 75% over and me actually feeling prepared for the ones i have left, i'm happily back on the normal schedule. and i hope you enjoyed this, because i've had fun writing it! if you feel so inclined, feedback in any form is greatly appreciated. whether it be a vote, a comment, or a nice piece of constructive criticism, it all makes me a better writer, so thank you in advance if you decide to provide.

thanks, and who's your bias?

sam

☽☼☾

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