《Arrogance and Erin》Jake
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I'm not sure I had fully understood the depth of my custody, because now I'm standing here holding onto my crying kid, knowing that Hannah is never, ever coming back for her.
I'm not sure I can ever un-see the look that was in her eyes as she handed me Isabelle, it was an odd mixture of relief, joy, and fear... No hit of regret or reluctance. How am I supposed to explain that to our kid when she asks what happened to her mom? Lie? Everyone will know... I mean mostly because I tell them, and because I just randomly have a daughter that is solely dependent on me for some reason now.
I have a daughter that is solely dependent on me.
Isabelle was asleep in the play pen Hannah had given me and I just watched trying to figure out what I do. As I stood there pacing the room, she slowly started to wake up, which it then hit me, I don't have any food that kids would eat. Isabelle is almost three, what do three year-olds eat? Do I need to have her in some sort of school? What else do I need to do? Buy? Throw money at? I grabbed my wallet off the counter and picked her up. "Where Mommy?" she asked rubbing her eyes "Your mom had to go away for a while, but it's ok because Daddy's here" she seemed to just accept that answer, which worked out great as I made my way towards the coffee shop, needing some sort of caffeine before trying to figure out this mess.
I stood still as Erin came face to face with me right in front of the shop. "Hey," she didn't smile, she just nodded at me with her purse in the crook of her arm and her phone still ringing obnoxiously. "This must be your daughter," I nodded watching Erin crack a little smile as she waved to Isabelle who waved a little back "Isabelle this is Erin, she has a very annoying phone," Erin's head dropped a little as she smiled at the ground before looking back up at me shaking her head. "You know you are the only one who finds it annoying, no one else has ever complained." I shrugged "maybe I'm the only one who has ever had the guts to" "Jake would you just shut up so I can get my coffee?" I gestured towards the door "be my guest," I followed her in.
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"Black coffee, and whatever he's getting, plus a hot chocolate for the kid." I tapped Erin on the shoulder "You don't need to," she turned around to look at me and just shrugged "Your kid's cute don't flatter yourself." she stood off to the side as I ordered. "So you like kids?" she smiled at Isabelle "Of course, I have a million nieces and nephews to spoil... I always dreamed of having my own kids, putting all the love and labor into them only to have their resentment and accuse me of loving one more than the other... or my drinking too much when they asked for homework help... and then spoil my grandkids rotten letting them do everything I didn't let my own kids do." I couldn't help but smile at her as she picked up her coffee and Isabelle's hot chocolate. "there's an open table, we could sit at." she pointed across the room as he phone buzzed from inside her purse "You sure you don't need to get any of those? Your horoscope could be telling you to have an umbrella handy," she smirked "That's an almanac... my horoscope is probably telling me to stay away from you." she grabbed two of those little straws and walked over to the table taking a seat. That demon persona I thought might have come back, didn't seem to even be in the same state as she popped the top off of the hot chocolate and put the two little straws in before sliding it across the table to a smiling Isabelle "Thank you!" she cooed sipping from the cup "no problem sweetie," this was a completely different side of Erin, a gentle, caring, sober Erin that I was seconds away from asking to marry me. I have to stop putting myself in these situations.
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"How long do you have the sweetie?" She spoke softly handing Isabelle a pack of colored pencils she had in her purse as well as a napkin. "Forever," you could tell by her near chocking on the coffee and her wide eyes. "Oh, wow... so how are you... is she... are you back together or," I shook my head cutting her off from the awkward sentence she was trying to form. She was no longer the eloquent and sure of herself woman, but one with a slightly hurt but hopeful look on her face. "She's never coming near us again... and I have no idea what I'm doing." She nodded not making eye contact but watching as Isabelle drew on the napkin, occasionally sipping her hot chocolate, in complete bliss and unaware we were talking about her. Could I do that without Erin? Could I entertain her all by myself, give her the magical childhood every kid deserves. "I might be stepping completely out of bounds, but if you ever need someone to watch her... I would be happy too... I know you have your mom and sibling but if for some reason all fifteen of them can't help... let me be the sixteenth person you call, ya know?" I gave her a little smile "I'll keep that in mind," her phone buzzed again and she looked at it this time with a growing smile on her face "I have to go, remember I'm you're sixteenth person, and I have a feeling we may get dragged back out for camping, don't ask how I know." She bent down beside Isabell and smiled "it was very nice to meet you sweetie, keep drawing those pretty pictures for your Daddy," and with that little sentence she left flittering about for the rest of her day.
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