Pov. Peter

I wake up in my room, peacefully in my bed, feeling like it was all a bad dream. There only one way to prove she is still alive.

She moved into the tower a week ago, I think, and she was always the first one awake, and was always there on the couch drinking an energy drink.

I open my door and run down the hall, and peek my head into the living room. But she isn't there.

I see wade, sitting silently next to aunt nat. When I walk into the room, wade stands up and walks over to me, aunt neat bearly even looks up at me.

"You're awake!" He says softly, trying to hold back tears. That's when it hits me all over again. I'm never going to see my sister again, never going to get the party celebrating her joining the family.

She'll never get her sweet 16. She'll never get to go to a pride parade and feel accepted. she'll never get to see the day she gets married, or have kids, she won't ever be able to grow up.

It hits like a tsunami, all at once. I try not to react, and I don't know I do untill wades expression changes to fear. He yells something but it's too muffled for me to make out what he's saying.

My legs give under my weight. Is this how I die? My hearing returns slightly, and I hear wade asking Friday what happened. "a severe an....." I can't hear the end of what she says, and my vision is starting to be fuzzy, and my arms hurt, more than they did when I cut.

Wade hold me in his arms and the world starts to come back, I feel safe. My vision focuses on him, and then I see dad and pops.

"Peter? Can you hear me?" Pops asks. Dad just holds pops arm and looks scared. I try to talk but no sound comes out, all I can do is give a thumbs up.

Before I know it, I'm in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I was still laying in bed when the doctor was talking to dad and pops.

"he experienced some kind of cardiac anomoly because of the attempt. He needs to stay in the hospital for a while." The doctor says.

I open my mouth to speak but nothing happens. I hear alarms going off and my heart is pounding in my ears. The alarms stop and a flatline is all I hear.

I sit up as dad and pops run over to me. They lean down to where I was laying down and start to scream my name. I turn around and there I am, lying on the bed, dead.

"Peter?" I hear a voice. I look up and see aria and mj. "no! You aren't supposed to be here, not yet." Aria says, walking over to me.

I stand up silently and throw my arms around her into a hug. "I miss you so much..." I say. "both of you.." I start to cry into her shoulder.

"Peter, it's ok." Mj says, putting a hand on my back. "we can't go back, we waited to long. But you can still go back." She says. "you have to come back, please." I say.

"Peter, believe me I would if I could, it's been awful not talking to you or wade or mom. You can still take this back." Aria says. "take what back?" I ask.

"look at the clip board on your bed." Mj says. I pick up the clip board from my bed and read it out loud. "327 mg of.... suicide attempt?!" I yell, shocked.

"no! I didn't do that! I didn't try to," I say. "Peter. You did." Mj says, putting her hand on my shoulder. Now I'm in my room, my real room.

I see myself sitting on the bed, crying. I grab a sheet of paper and write something that I can't make out. I stuff it into my night stand and take out my anti-depressants. I tilt my head back and take as many as I could.

I didn't do that! That wasn't me! I break down crying and I'm in the hospital again, sitting in the bed. "Peter, you can still take it back." Aria says.

"but, what if I don't want to?" I ask, remembering why I did it. I wanted to show flash what he had done, I wanted to stop being a burden to wade, I wanted to stop being in dad and pops way.

"Peter. Listen to me, you're wrong. Wade will cry, and never be the same. Your parents will give up being heros, thinking that they couldn't save their son. Flash will say that you were best friends, and people will believe him." Mj says.

"but-" "no more excuses Peter, you're going back." Aria says. "how" I ask. "just lay back down, and close your eyes." Mj says.

I do just that, I lay down and close my eyes, dads voice slowly fades in, and pops not long after. I open my eyes again.

"Peter?" Dad yells. "dad?" I say, weakly. "Peter!" Pops yells, pulling me up into a hug. "what happened?" I ask, knowing exactly what they are going to say.

"Peter, please don't ever do that again, we all love you so much." Dad says. Then I remeber that I fell into wades arms. "where's wade?" I ask, still weak.

I'm met with silence and assume the worst. "is he.." "he collapsed." Pops says. "I'm sorry but, we couldn't revive him" the doctor says.

I scream. I don't mean to, I just scream. I remeber everything that happened, all of the good times, all of the tears, all of the cheesy movies, everything.

I remember our first date. He took me to central park, and we got ice cream on the way. I remeber that I dropped my ice cream on my shirt and he ended up giving me his.

I remeber our first kiss. It was new years, and we were both half asleep. I remeber his he pulled me close and kissed me, how I had never felt safer, and never would again.

I remeber our first trip together. It was a school trip to Paris. He took me to the top of the Eiffel tower and gave me a promise ring, he promised that as soon as he could, he would marry me.

I remeber the first time I saw him cry, he had come to school with a black eye. I asked him what happened and didn't say anything, he just cried. I didn't ask him anything else.

I remeber the first time I had to be separated from him for so long, he went to Japan. It made me realize how much I loved him, and I didn't have anyone to cry to, so I turned back to my blades.

I remeber the way his smile could light up a room, I remember how he wasn't afraid to stand up to flash, I remeber how he used to lift me into the air like a groom lifting his newly wed into the air.

I would never get to have anything else, I would never get to have another birthday with him, I wouldn't get to have another anniversary. I would never get to marry him, like he promised. He promised me.

He'll never get to see another sun rise, or sneak out to get breakfast with me, or go out on patrol with me, or go to his favorite donut shop, or fall asleep watching a scary movie with me. He'll never get to grow up.

Why does everyone I love die? First it was mom and dad, then aunt may, then uncle ben, then aria and mj, now wade. I can't help but think this might be my fault.