Her knees are tucked into her chest as she held them close. It was as if she was holding herself because she was afraid to ask me to. I know she was lying about Trevor, and although it hurt to hear her entail it, I kind of deserved it. When I asked her, she automatically told me the truth. She even apologized for it. Yet, I still couldn't find the words to apologize for my actions. Even though I said I was sorry, I didn't tell her what I was sorry for.

When it came to Bo, I thought I was learning how to accept my past. My pride was so strong I couldn't admit what I did when I was wrong. I didn't tell her how much I loved her, even when the words were on the tip of my tongue. I never thanked her for taking care of me or just existing in general. All I did was blame her for reminding me of the things I couldn't do.

I don't know why telling her the things that were on my mind worried me. The anxiety was eating away at my chest. If I didn't tell her how I felt about her, how I truly felt about her, then someone else would. I never had trouble saying what was on my mind, but saying it to her made my heart stop.

We have been sitting here for hours after I told her we could talk things through. I don't know why she agreed or followed me back toward the couch, but she did, and that was enough for me. It was enough to tell me that even when I fucked up, she still came back. All she did was give me hope, and I was stupid to push that away.

All I knew as I sat there staring at her was I couldn't give her another reason to leave. The things I said were fucked up. The way I threw her past in her face ate away at me. I shouldn't have let her walk out the door. After gaining the courage to drive, I let her walk out on the edge of a panic attack.

When I let her leave, that could have been the last time I saw her. The tears were falling so quickly that I knew she wouldn't have been able to see. Her hands were shaking so much she could barely grab the pills from her purse or take the ring off of her finger. I don't know how she managed to back out of the driveway.

"I think I should get back to the hotel," she kicked her legs out, ready to stand up.

"You are staying at a hotel?"

"I didn't want to stay anywhere else."

"I thought you were staying with Trevor."

"No, he came to the hotel."

"He stayed the night?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"In the same bed?"

"Yes."

"But nothing happened."

"I could never do that to you."

"I love you," I choked. "I know I tell you all of the time, but I love you so much that it fucking physically hurts. There is nothing in this world that means more to me than you do. Frankly, it scares the shit out of me because my world has never revolved around somebody before. Now that it does, I feel like I keep fucking up -"

"I don't mean to fuck up so much. I also don't mean to push you away because of my own problems," tears were falling onto my t-shirt. "I adore you, and I am your number one fan, Bo. I just forget to tell you sometimes. I forget to thank you for doing everything for me and putting up with me when I fuck up. I forget to thank you and remind you how proud of you I am every time you wake up in the morning."

She looked up at me with her lips parted as if she was trying to say something, but I wasn't done. "I am sorry for blaming you for the way you chose to get help, and if the medicine is working, then you do what you have to do because I am the one who asked you to get help. I just need you to understand something -"

"We have problems, and we need to work on them," I admit. "There are things we haven't faced, and the things we have faced are of those we still have yet to get over. You are still trying to heal from what happened, and I want to help you get there quicker. I know I can't do that, and when I see you hurt, it pisses me off because I feel like I failed -"

"And I hurt you," I sucked in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but don't get that confused with how I really feel about you. I love you, and my last breath will be me saying how much I love you. Even if you aren't the one by my side when I die, it will be you I think about. You will always be the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I drift off. It has always been and will always be you."

"Why are you telling me all of this?"

"Because I lost you once, and even if I pushed you away, I can't let that happen again."

"You were so mean to me."

She whimpered again, and tears were swelling in her eyes. I saw her sitting across from me, and even if she was just across from me, she felt so fucking far away. All I wanted was to take her pain away, even though I was the one who caused it. I wanted to hold her until all of this hurt went away. I wanted to hold her until our pasts solved themselves and everything was right in the world, but none of it was going to happen. No matter how badly I wanted all of those things, it would never happen. That didn't mean I wasn't going to try.

"Come here."

Her head snapped up to look at me. "What?"

"Come here, please."

"Why?"

"I want to hold you."

"You want to hold me after everything that happened?"

"I want to hold you because of everything that happened."

She was hesitant to stand up, and it was as if she was trying to make sure I wasn't lying to her. To soothe her worrying mind, I reached out for her hands and pulled her to me. It surprised me when she spread her legs over my lap, sitting to face me instead of trying to sit as far away from me as possible.

"What?"

"Don't make this weird," her head fell onto my shoulder. "Do you know how hard it was to run away from you when you are the only person I have ever run to?"

My hands rubbed soothing circles into her back. "Sorry will never be enough for you. I wish I could give you more."

"Please, just don't let me go."

Tears started falling onto my shirt, and this time they weren't mine. I encased her in my arms, holding her tighter than I ever have before. All I wanted was to be close to her. This is my other half, and I just wanted to feel whole again.