《Write Better: Tips and tricks》When to Tag
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Harry and David climbed into the back. Harry pulled off his mask while David shoved the cash under the passenger's seat. "What took you so long, Chuck?"
Either or both of them could have asked Chuck that question. You could create a new paragraph for the speech, separate the characters actions into two paragraphs, refer to only one by name so that the named one becomes the focal point/subject, or leave it intact, etc... but no matter what you'll need to clarify. It could be as simple as he said/the taller brother asked/etc or you could shuffle things around with a re-write like this:
Harry and David climbed into the back. Harry pulled off his mask while David shoved the cash under the passenger's seat and leaned forward against the driver's shoulder. "What took you so long, Chuck?"
Now, it's not 100% crystal clear, but we have David taking an action on the driver, which cues the reader in that he's likely the one addressing Chuck. There are multiple other ways to write this that are even more specific, and that's the beauty of it!
What matters here is that you clarify.
The last thing you want is for your story to look like it's just a bunch of talking heads.
Dialogue tags give you a pause in speech without having to say a pause occurred. They can also help make your dialogue sound natural, provide the chance to insert a bit of emotional impact, or tension.
"Thank you for the rose, Jimmy," Clara said, "but I already have a prom date."
"Well," Noah mumbled as he fought every instinct to stare, "I've never had a female doctor before."
"Oh, Tom," she said, her fingernails tiptoeing along his spine. "If that was dinner, I can't wait for dessert!"
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An Unwilling Monster
In the city of Kholakel, the highlight of the year for the upper classes is the annual monster pacification of the misty woods. Ostensibly it's a culling of the monster population to prevent them encroaching on urban areas, but it's an open secret that it's actually treated as more of a blood sport, the participants competing to score the most kills. After all, why else would the politicians and elites of the city bother to attend personally? Given the intense competition and high-tech weapons and gear in use, one might wonder how the forest has not yet been completely depopulated. As this year's culling approaches, a group of unfortunate children are about to discover the answer first-hand, but thanks to an unexpected twist of fate, one of them will score the chance to play the role of the hunter instead of the prey. This was an attempt at writing something darker than my usual fare. The story I actually ended up with isn't as mean to the MC as I'd originally planned out, to the point that I'm not sure the story deserves the horror/grimdark tags anymore, but this is still an unfair world with unambiguously evil antagonists. Chapters are short to start with, but get longer once the first act is over.
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The 41st Millennium, a time of darkness and war. The Imperium of Man stands alone against a tide of enemies, not all of them human.To combat these alien threats an organisation was formed, made of the best Space Marines known to humankind. This organisation is known as the Deathwatch. This is the story of one Space Marine in particular and the squad he led into battle.
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