What am I doing?

Her fingers trembled as she clumsily buttoned her top, standing in his bedroom. Her back was facing him. She couldn't meet his eyes.

How did it go this far?

Her heart was thudded loudly under her fingers. She swallowed and her eyes wandered aimlessly in front of her, thinking hard how to not let him come near her. If he did, she will not be able to stop him.

With him, she will burn in this scorching fire of illicit lust.

"Nawal," he whispered, warily standing behind her and touching her arm. She flinched and hastily moved away.

He frowned, "Nawal, speak to me."

Still unable to look at him, she murmured, "This is wrong Daud."

He had become still beside her, waiting for her to go on. She turned to him and gradually lifted her head and then her eyelids rose, revealing a myriad of emotions, "We shouldn't be meeting at all. This is prohibited." His jaw clenched but she went on, "There is only a month left to the wedding. I don't want us to sin and taint our relationship in front of Allah."

His sharp blue eyes impaled through her soul, "Was kissing not sinning then? Then why stop now."

Flabbergasted, she staggered backwards, "That was wrong. It was a mistake. We shouldn't have."

He took a step closer, "So spending time with me was a mistake?"

Her heart fell, she had triggered his anger. She never wanted him to be furious with her. Slowly shaking her head, she cautiously took a step back, "Of course not but it's just we shouldn't cross the boundaries Allah has set."

Like a cat hunting its prey, he approached her. And like a frightened fowl she backed away until her back leaned against the wall. His hands splayed on the wall caging her.

"You are being hypocritical here."

She swallowed hard, praying desperately in her mind to gain courage, "I am a human and I can make mistakes. But I will not make a grave sin that cannot be irreversible." When he remained quiet, she continued, "He is the most forgiving. I will ask for forgiveness with clear intention of never repeating such a sin. I have faith He will forgive me. He is the most Merciful."

Stunned, he floundered from the wall.

He had released her, she had a chance to escape. "I have to go," she mumbled and hurriedly walked off. He stood rooted in his place hearing the front door being closed. But nothing mattered.

Her words had touched a dark place within his heart. A place that had been seeking a way for forgiveness of his past sins.

Sins that were irreversible.

Sins that will accost his future.

Sins he needed to seek forgiveness for...

****

She was shivering as she strode on wobbly legs towards the bus stop. His hurtful eyes didn't leave her mind. Did she make the right decision? Will he stay angry? She dreaded to face his rage. Closing her eyes she stood standing on this warm sunny evening, she had enough furious people in her life. He will be another one to add to that list. She bit her quivering lip, why can't people accept her for who she was?

Her Mom was adamant in changing her. Her brother Shahbaz always believed she was a spoiled brat. And now Daud, a tear trickled down her cheek. He called her a hypocrite. How could he? Her eyelids raised revealing watery eyes. Unconscious of the people at the bus stop, she glanced at the sign board giving notification of the minutes remaining for the bus to stop.

Why couldn't life be simple?

But life was full of tests, trials and hardship.

She didn't know, this was just the start...

****

The mellow sunrays glistened through the window in the large bedroom as Daud sat crossed legged after his Asr prayer (late afternoon prayer) on the prayer mat covered floor. He was lost in his thoughts. It had been many days since he had recited the Quran. He had been distracted in the last few weeks. But her words had prompted him the need for forgiveness. Lifting the Quran he opened the last page of the second chapter in the Holy Book and started his recitation.

He then read the words that Allah had revealed directly to the Prophet (Peace be upon Him) when he had gone on the miraculous journey to the heavens (Israa' wa Al Mi'raaj).

Tears flowed down his face and his arms were covered with goose bumps as realization dawned as to how sinful he was but Allah was Most Merciful. Covering his face with his hands, he wept. He wept for the years he never prayed. He sobbed for the times he sinned. Sins that were greater than a mountain but Allah was there to forgive him.

Indeed, He is Al-Ghaffur – the Most Forgiving.

****

That night before fajr prayer, Nawal stood in front of her Lord praying the extra voluntary prayer seeking for forgiveness. She had stepped out of the limits set by Allah. Her body trembled when she prostrated and tears leaked her closed lashes. She was on the verge of making a severe sin. She had been following the steps of the shaitaan (devil) for the last few weeks.

Praise be to Allah, He had changed her heart, reminding her the importance of being chaste before the wedding. She feared Allah's wrath if they had committed the sin and it's implication on their marital relationship. Starting the marital life in a sinful manner will lead to disaster. This matrimonial relationship should be on the basis of love, trust and understanding. But most of all both spouses strive for their journey towards the Straight Path. She was aware that Daud had weak faith (emaan) but she prayed that she would be able to influence and bring him towards the right path.

She supplicated let this union be for this World and Next.

But Allah had decreed a different union that Nawal had no knowledge of...

****

There was no phone call. No text message. Silence. Her eyes never left her phone. She was waiting and waiting all day. This was the day she was leaving for Karachi, miles and miles away from her love. Her heart sank, he was still furious. Now standing at the airport lounge, foregoing her pride, she dialled his number. There were endless rings but no one answered. Exasperated, she locked her phone and slipped it in her jeans pocket.

Ghazala was eyeing her daughter quietly, she asked, "What is the matter?"

"Nothing" Nawal whispered gazing out the huge glass windows overlooking the different aeroplanes.

Ghazala's eyebrows knotted in worry but she refrained from expressing her feelings. Shrugging, she let it go. Nawal never expressed what was in her heart. And she never pushed her daughter about it. She didn't have time to distress over such trivial issues. Letting go, she had more profound concerns to ponder upon such as how to complete the exhaustive shopping in such limited time period.

"The boarding has started," muttered Ghazala, glancing at the long queue by the terminal gate.

Overwhelmed by multitude thoughts, Nawal switched off her phone and made her way towards the gates.

She may have infuriated him.

But she was following the path of Allah.

And He will change Daud's heart.

****

Exhausted, he sank on the living room leather sofa. He had a stressful day at work being able to come to terms with the suppliers' alliance he had been pushing towards for the last few months. He had finally made the deal he had aspired for.

He had no lunch break either. His stomach grumbled, all he had eaten since morning was a cereal bar and all day he was consuming cups of tea and smoking. Now he was hungry, in need of shower as he smelled like an ashtray and a deep slumber that will reenergize his aching body. Rubbing his eyes, he took out his silent phone from his pants pocket. He hadn't bothered to pay attention to his phone as he was busy with one meeting after another. Now he gazed at the screen and his eyebrows furrowed. There was a missed call from Nawal. He had thought to call her last night but his early morning work had led him to sleep early and today he had no spare time to call her.

He dialled her number but her phone was switched off. Confused, he slid the phone away from his ear and stood up to cook a quick meal. His thoughts were haywire. There were so many thoughts through his mind, when he suddenly stopped stirring the pasta sauce.

"Shit"

How could he have forgotten she was leaving today? She must have called before leaving and now she was on flight which is why her phone was switched off. Lowering the heat of the stove, he grabbed his phone and typed a text message wanting her to see his words first when she switches on her phone.

****

It was blazing hot. The month of May is one of the peak summer months in Karachi. The temperatures reaching easily in 40 degrees. Coming from Ireland, where the current temperature was 15 degrees, Nawal was sweating even when in the air conditioned room. They had landed couple of hours ago after 18 hours journey and now were resting at her Mom's far away relatives home.

Her phone battery had died during the journey and she hadn't troubled to charge it until now. When she switched on the phone. A surprising text message greeted her.

Her lips twitched in joy and she hugged the phone to her chest. Now she could relax and start her shopping spree.

It was time for wedding shopping...

****

Dolmen mall in Clifton, Karachi was known as the largest modern shopping centre in the city housing all the latest designers and brands stores. The shopping centre was the focal point of entertainment, shopping and much more. It comprised of latest happenings and was always crowded with people from all backgrounds eager to shop the newest trends products in demand. Ghazala and Nawal mutually decided the humongous shopping centre should be the starting point of their shopping. Together, they strolled through the different shops. If there was one thing common between the mother and daughter duo, it was the love of clothes and fashion. It was the only area, they never argued. In fact, Nawal always valued her mother's opinion regarding different dresses.

Inside a prominent designer wear store, the women were scanning through the designer bridal dresses. The sales girl had been displaying all the different blood red trousseaus but nothing had attracted Nawal's eye. For the last one hour, dresses were shuffling around and now she was giving up. Shoulders drooping, she turned to her mother about to express her frustrations but she froze as the salesgirl brought yet another dress.

It was magnificent. It was a classic design in bright red colour and dull gold zardosi flower embroidery. The dupatta had and long top were in bright colour while the lahenga (skirt) was in light pistachio green colour and the hem with light peach zardosi embroidered banaras cloth. It was a regal dress that caught both mother and daughter's eyes. Ghazala nodded and a wide smile broke on Nawal's stressful face.

Seeing the reaction of the women, the salesgirl happily offered, "Why don't you try this?"

When Nawal wore the heavy embroidered dress in the trial room, she stood shocked in front of the mirrors. She couldn't recognize herself. Her cheeks flushed and her eyes sparkled with delight and musings of what Daud would think seeing her in such a lovely dress. Hesitantly, Nawal unlocked the trial room's flimsy door, Ghazala was standing on the other side, her eyes widened and unable to look away from how beautiful her daughter looked. But as usual, she didn't comment much. "It needs a little alteration, let the salesgirls take your measurements and then I negotiate the bill."

Sighing heavily, Nawal nodded. If only her mother would give a small smile would have made her heart flutter in pleasure. But as always there was never any compliments from her mother.

****

The Gulf market was located at the heart of Clifton, by the Three Swords monument which depicted the three creeds of Muhammad Ali Jinnah the father of Nation of Pakistan – unity, faith and discipline. This shopping centre was a complete contrast of the modern Dolmen mall. The decade old cramped shopping centre was known for selling good quality fabric where women shoppers could easily haggle the shopkeepers. In each shop the colourful fabrics were displayed. There were also jewellery and accessory shops selling from low quality products to expensive gold jewellery.

Ghazala was feeling the Silk cloth texture in her hand as she exclaimed, "Bhai sahib, price this properly. You are charging too much."

"Baji jee, this is good price I am giving you." The shopkeeper with big moustache defended.

Ghazala frowned, "And it is not even good quality." Rubbing the cloth between her fingers.

"Baji, it is the best in the market. Go check other shops no one sells as Gul Nawaz does."

Nawal stifled her giggle at the Gul Nawaz's boasting. But Ghazala was still not impressed, dropping the cloth from her fingers she stood up from the tiny stool where she was sitting, "let's go Nawal. He is not ready to reduce the price."

Ghazala had taken the first step out of the shop when the Gul Nawaz flustered, "Acha acha Baji, take it then."

With a triumph smile, Ghazala turned towards the shopkeeper. Nawal watched in amazement as how easily her mother bargained the prices bringing it down to by 30 – 40% reduction.

And this was just the start...

There was more shopping to be done in Tariq road where Ghazala bought accessories, Saddar where at the family jeweller store the gold jewellery order was made and finally Zamzama where sandals where purchased.

****

The three weeks had passed by in a blink. It seemed they were out shopping from midday till wee hours of the night. In Karachi, the shops were opened until late and shopping was easily done during the cooler nights.

However, shopping in Ramadan was tough especially during the day when Ghazala and Nawal were fasting. The scorching heat parched their throat and the continuous sweating drained their energy. During iftar (the breaking of the fast meal at sunset) they would be drinking cool drinks rather than eating. The heat had put them off food and instead they filled their stomach with fluids re-energizing themselves.

Even though, there were hardships during the shopping, all preparations were completed in the three weeks. In fact, even 6 hours before the flight they were running around trying to get collections of the order of dresses.

Coming back to Ireland, both mother and daughter had sighed in relief.

"What happened to you?" snickered Arbaaz pointing at his sister.

Nawal arched her eyebrow, "What?" she tiredly asked collapsing on the large fabric sofa.

"You have sun tanned." Scrunching his nose, he sniggered, "You have become ugly."

Nawal's eyes widened, in all the shopping madness she wasn't able to take care of herself. Shahbaz chuckled, "Arabaaz stop messing with her." Then he added, "You should have said she has become uglier." His laughter grew louder.

"BHAI" Nawal whined.

Fiza's disapproved expression made Shahbaz stop laughing, "Stop it both of you. I think Nawal looks more beautiful now that only couple of weeks left for the wedding. I can see bridal glow on her face." Fiza scolded gently.

Shahbaz winked, "Sweetheart, you don't need to be nice."

Fiza rolled her eyes and murmured to Nawal, "Don't listen to them. I want to see all the shopping. When can we open your suitcases?" She was excited about all the bridal dresses. Like most women, Fiza was interested in clothes, jewellery and other accessories.

"C'mon mate, let's get out of here before our ears are polluted with fashion talk." Shahbaz beckoned Arbaaz to follow him.

With an amused smile, Fiza mused, "Your brother sure knows how to keep us entertained."

Gazing at Fiza, Nawal wondered would she have the same relationship with Daud where she would freely enjoy bantering with him.

She hoped so...

She wanted a friend in her husband.

****

"I want to meet you." Daud huskily said on the phone.

Laying down on her bed, Nawal smiled playfully and replied, "No sorry we can't."

"Why are you doing this? Do you know how much I missed you in the last three weeks?"

Her smile grew, "Then wait a little longer now. Only two weeks left to the wedding."

"Two weeks sound so far away."

"Now first tell me, have you been fasting?" Nawal enquired. It had taken great persuasion to encourage Daud to fast and reflect on the significance of fasting. It was sad no one had ever explained him that fasting was one of the pillars of Islam and should be followed stringently. This was the first year, he was fasting.

"Yes I have. And it hasn't been easy especially with no smoke." Daud sighed.

"Well, this is a good way to stop that horrendous habit anyways." Nawal pointed out.

"No way after 20 hours of fasting I think I am smoking non-stop for two hours."

"Daud why????" Nawal squealed.

"Meet me and I will try not to smoke." Daud flirted.

"Nice try Mister. I guess my first mission after our wedding is to get rid of all those cigarettes."

"I have other ideas what do after the wedding and it definitely doesn't contain cigarettes." Daud teased.

Nawal blushed, "It's Ramadan. Behave," she lightly reprimanded.

"It's night time. We are not fasting now."

She chuckled, "I thought the shaitaan (devil) is imprisoned during Ramadan."

"Now you are comparing me to the devil." Daud faked being hurt.

She giggled.

And so continued their late night calls.

****

In the backyard, Salman stood gazing up the heavens. He had just come back from Taraweeh prayer (the extra night prayer during Ramadan) from the mosque. The moon was decreasing in size as the days were coming near for the Islamic calendar month to end. The sparkling stars sprawled on the dark sky. His lips curled into a victorious smile.

A smile that was seen after months.

His eyes glittered with excitement.

He had found Daud's most concealed secret.