I wake up feeling numb.

Not physically, because I can feel the pain in my forearm from ripping out my IV last night. No, the numbness I feel is emotionally. As I regain consciousness, I think of everything that happened. Everything that I did.

The rage, it still burns within me but it feels... smothered. Tapered down so that I can still feel it, but just barley.

Surveying my room, I'm surprised to see Liam asleep on the couch next to the window. Or, I would be surprised if I didn't feel so... blank.

This lack of emotion is not normal, and I instantly know that I was given something. Some kind of medication to keep me docile.

I hate it.

Ignoring Liam, I press the red nurse button three times and wait.

Quick footsteps approach before my door is opened and I'm greeted by Samira, with a smile.

"You're awake."

I ignore her smile. "What did you give me?"

Nurse Samira fully enters the room and begins to check my vitals. As she does all of this, I just watch her and wait for an answer.

"You were given a sedative. It will wear off soon, now that you're awake."

Dull irritation prickles at the back of my mind, but it's easy to ignore. Samira puts down my clipboard and looks at me seriously.

"Do you remember what happened, Ellie?"

The rage flickers, like a dying ember.

"I remember everything."

Her facial expression doesn't change at my answer.

"Who was that man, Ellie?"

I notice Liam stirring awake, so I say my answer loud and clear so that he can hear it as well. I want to see his reaction.

"My husband."

Samira's eyes widen, and Liam pops up on the couch, mirroring the nurse's shocked expression.

I talk before either of them have a chance to say anything. "He is not allowed to see me or my baby girl, okay?"

Samira looks as if she's a fish gasping for air, and I wonder just how bad the attack looked.

"Yes, security did escort him off of the premises, but Ellie, hon, if he is the biological father he does have rights..." My brain tunes out her voice, clawing against the numbness to react in the way that I feel. Frustrated is the thing that I feel in this moment. Frustrated that Samira is playing devil's advocate. Frustrated that I can't express my emotions like I truly want to.

I can't wait for this fucking medicine to wear off.

"How is she doing today?" I cut off whatever Samira is saying, not wanting to hear it any longer. I'd rather hear about my sweet baby. Samira's serious face turns into a genuine smile at my inquiry.

"About that, there is some good news. Because of your... exuberant activities the other night, we discovered that you and your baby (the one still inside your uterus) are totally fine. The stitches held through all of that rough movement, so you can go see your baby in the flesh."

On the inside, happiness blossoms like a pink explosion. On the outside, my lips don't even tilt up into a smile.

"I can't see her while I'm on this medicine. I feel like a damn robot. Can I see her when it wears off?"

"Of course, Ellie. But there's one more thing that you have to do before you see your baby."

I mentally roll my eyes. Of course it couldn't of been that easy.

"What is it?"

"You have to have a mandatory session with one of our psychiatrists. Now, it's only one, and I promise that it won't take long. We just want to make sure-"

"That I'm not a violent psychopath?" It's meant to be a joke, but I don't crack a smile.

Samira just shakes her head. "So when would you like to start the session?"

"Now please."

"Alrighty then, I'll be right back."

When she leaves, Liam leaps up from the couch and rushes over to me.

"El, are you serious? Was it... was it really Harry? All they told me is that you attacked some man!"

I look at Liam's face and gauge his reaction. I study him closely while he freaks out. "Yes, it was him. He's alive." I watch his reaction to this, then I carefully study him as I tell him what happened at the cafe.

When I'm done, I know that it wasn't Liam. Liam didn't know that Harry is alive and he wasn't the one who told him where I was.

But someone did.

Obviously, Niall is my number one suspect, but he could have told someone else who told Harry. How many people knew that he was alive? Tiny trickles of betrayal seep into my brain, but I shove it away. I need more information before I jump to conclusions.

"- If I see his sorry ass, I will fucking kill him. He'll wish that he really was dead. How could he-!"

"Liam."

His rant abruptly stops at the tone of my voice.

"Yes?"

"I need you to get me something." I then explain exactly what I want and where he could find it. I also give him instructions to fly everyone out to Canada. "Can you do that?"

"Yes, but, what do you want me to say exactly?"

I shrug. "Tell them that I went into early labor. Just make sure that everyone comes, including Ava and the twins. Okay?"

Liam smiles and seems to calm down. "I'm glad you're finally letting people support you, Ellie."

I give him a fake smile. If he only knew what I was really planning...

"Oh, did you want me to get Daria as well?"

"Yes, but don't bring her to see me until everyone else comes to see me."

After a few more instructions, Liam mock salutes and hurries out of the room.

When I'm alone, I sigh deeply and let a single tear drip down my cheek. Samira was right, the meds are wearing off fast.

Sitting up, I look over at the suitcase of clothes that Liam brought for me. I've been in this hospital gown for forever, so I'm going to change into regular clothes. I hope Samira doesn't get her panties in a twist.

I get up slowly and walk carefully to the suitcase. Proud of my mobility, I do a little dance before grabbing an outfit.

I strip out of the hospital gown and put on the lime green lace bra and matching underwear set. I feel a little bad for Liam since he had to get it, but he promised that he closed his eyes, grabbed random things, and just shoved it inside.

I stand there and frown as I look down at myself to see my boobs practically spilling out of the bra. This used to be a perfect fit!

Rolling my eyes, I bend over to pick up the dress I picked out.

Putting it on, I sigh as the warm velvet fabric slips over my skin. The dark green dress stops just at my knees and the long sleeves practically spill over my fingers. I put on black flats and brush my hair into a side ponytail. When I'm done, I sit on the bed and caress my stomach.

"I hope we get to see your sister today, angel." I get a soft kick in response, and the feeling of it makes me giggle slightly.

To pass the time, I take out my phone and begin to do research on names. Names that I already have as possibilities, and new names. I see a few that I really like, and I make sure to put it in my notes with the others. I think in order to decide on a name, I'll have to see their faces. See which name they look like.

When I finally get to see my baby today, I'll know what her name is.

Someone knocks on the door before opening it.

A man who looks a bit older than me walks in. He's holding a clipboard, a notepad, and a pen. He pushes up his round glasses and runs a hand through his short dark blue -yes blue- hair before glancing at me.

"Are you Ellisandra Waters?"

I clear my throat and try not to ogle at the hair. "Yes, that's me. Please call me Ellie."

The man smiles and holds his hand out. "Hello Ellie, I'm Dr. Nikolas Yaksova. You can call me Niko. Are you ready for your session?"

I shake his hand briefly and pull away. "Sure."

He makes himself comfortable in the chair next to my bed and tells me I can lay down if I want to. I ignore his suggestion and wait for the questions.

To my surprise and irritation, he doesn't ask me anything. He just sits there and calmly regards me.

In the silence, I take the time to really study him.

His blue hair is shaved on one side, and the other side is wildly curly. He has the most interesting pale blue eyes with flecks of shining silver in them. They're covered by his fashionably round glasses, but they still stand out due to his thick black lashes that surround them. His jaw line is sharp and both of his ears are pierced with silver studs. Surprisingly, I can see the faintest of lines of a tattoo starting at the base of his neck and disappearing under his shirt. The black ink stands out greatly against his pale skin.

This man is attractive.

I nearly give myself mental whiplash for thinking that. But... I'm allowed to find other men attractive, right?

I mean it's not like I'm actually doing anything... not like certain estranged husbands who shall remain nameless.

"Aren't you going to ask me anything?" I snap. Patience is not my thing right now considering how long I've been wanting to see my daughter.

Dr. Niko just raises his perfectly sculpted eyebrow, making me feel like a petulant child.

Which only annoys me further.

"Aren't you here to make sure that I'm not crazy? Honestly, I don't even know why this is required. I mean, I'm not going to hurt my own fucking child."

Niko studies me coolly, somewhat ignoring my outburst. "You're not crazy. You're angry."

I can't help but to roll my eyes. Like what gave it away? Me ripping out my IV needle to stab my husband? Or was it when I started laughing like a maniac afterwards?

"It's not anger."

Another eyebrow goes up.

"Oh?"

"It's something deeper than anger. It's rage."

Understanding dawns in his expression. "Ah. I was wondering what that barley contained emotion, was swimming behind your eyes."

I scoff at this, as he takes this moment to write down something in his notepad. Then he looks back at me.

"You said that you wouldn't hurt your child. Do you think I'm only here because I believe that?"

Attractive or not, this guy is annoying as hell.

"Obviously."

"If that were the case, Ms. Waters, CPS would be here as well as myself and a police officer." I frown, understanding that he's right.

"Then what exactly are you here for?"

He leans forward a bit, an intense look on his face. "I'm here for you. I'm here to help you. To make sure that when you do see your baby that your rage won't flare up at the sight of her. To make sure you won't hurt yourself or others."

"I'm not going to hurt anyone!"

His response is quick. "And what of yourself?" His eyes dart down, then back up to me. I look down to see what he was looking at, and spot the scar on my inner wrist. The scar I gained when I almost succeeded in suicide.

I wouldn't dare hurt myself now, I'm still pregnant. But.. the sad truth is, is that I did almost kill myself and I was pregnant then.

I ignore his question, and his silent question, because I can't rebuke his accusation due to my past shame. I just focus on the first thing he said.

"I wouldn't harm anyone in this hospital. Especially the doctors and nurses that are around the clock, trying to help my baby. The only person I want to hurt, got it last night. That's it." He doesn't need to know that I also want to hurt whoever knew about Harry being alive.

His expressive eyes don't leave my own.

"Do you still love him?"

I'm done.

I look at the stupid, handsome, douche and try to act like the question doesn't affect me.

"Look. Am I allowed to see my daughter or not? Let me know now, so we can both get back to our regularly scheduled programs."

Niko chuckles, but I stare at him with a blank expression. I watch as he writes a couple more things down, before standing up and walking to the door.

I frown in defeat, tears springing to my eyes.

I really fucked up, didn't I? I should've been more cooperative with the fucker instead of letting my emotions take over. I should've-

"Are you coming?"

My head snaps up, and there Niko still stands at the door. I try to hide my watery brown eyes by blinking rapidly.

"W-what?"

The doctor, who is wayyyy too laid back to be a doctor, holds his hand out towards me.

"Aren't you coming with me to see your little girl?"

My entire being lights up in excitement. Jumping up, I push past him out the door. He laughs, a full blown laugh, behind me but catches up to me easily.

We walk quickly, and I can't stop the grin that adorns my face.

I'm going to see my little bean again.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Despite Niko hovering behind me, like a prison guard, the excitement won't leave me.

But it's also mixed with nervousness.

I sit on the plush chair, pulling my fingers, anxiously waiting.

The last time I physically saw my child, she was thought dead. Even though she's alive now, that was the most heart wrenching moment of my life.

The door opens and I stiffen as Samira wheels the incubator into the room.

I'm in a private room because I simply requested it and paid for it. I wanted to be alone with my child without the prying eyes of others. Of course I used Harry's money, because it's at least the fucker can do.

My eyes are glued to the tiny body laying inside the incubator, and I can't stop the onslaught of silent tears.

Samira gives me a bright smile as she stops the incubator right in front of me. "Someone's been waiting to see you again. She's been doing really well since we put her on the ventilator, and she's beginning to develop well. You should be proud, mama, she's a strong one."

I finally lay my eyes on her up close and I try to hold back a gasp. It's only been a week, but she looks so much bigger than before. I put my hand on my chest because my heart feels as if it's about to burst out of my body.

My baby's eyes are still taped closed, but little tufts of brown hair have begun to grow. I study her tiny nose, her little lips, and the entirety of her face.

"You can touch her, you know." I startle at Samira's words, having forgotten that I wasn't alone in the room. I eye my baby warily before looking up to Samira.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt her. She's so fragile..."

"Fragile she may be, but a caress from her mother won't hurt. Go ahead, she'll be fine."

I wipe my cheeks, put on special gloves, and then I carefully put my hands in through the holes provided.

I'm not sure where to touch, so I just settle for holding her little hand. Suddenly, her heart rate picks up and I panic and snatch my hand away. I look at Samira with wide, fearful eyes.

"What did I do wrong? Did I hurt her?" As I ask, I see my baby slightly lifting her arms. The sight just breaks my heart.

"You did nothing wrong Ellie. Your baby is just excited. She knows that it's you, her mommy."

I look back at her in awe and quickly put my hand back in. I hold her hand again and watch as her tiny tiny fingers try and curl around my index finger.

I laugh, and my tears turn to tears of joy. As I look upon my daughter, I know her name. Without taking my eyes from her, I speak to Samira.

"Can you please bring her birth certificate?" Samira's face lights up, she knows exactly what I mean, and she practically runs out of the room.

"Why do you need her birth certificate?" Again, I totally forgot Niko standing behind me. I pause, considering if I want to tell him or not.

"I haven't named her yet. I knew that when I saw her, I would know her name."

"And do you?"

I smile down at my daughter.

"Yes. Her name is ."

▪︎▪︎▪︎

After putting her first name (still haven't decided on the last) on the birth certificate, I spent more time with Adira. I talked to her, sang to her, and just held her hand. I was too afraid to do anything else.

When it was time to go, I cried viciously, and Niko had to practically carry me out of there. He hugged me and told me that I did great, and that he would be seeing me again.

He dropped me off back in my room, and left.

Alone with my thoughts, I begin to think of last night again. Of how I definitely lost it, but now how I feel I didn't do enough to hurt Harry like he hurt me.

Although hurting him felt satisfying, I could've seriously hurt myself or my baby. I can't let myself snap like that ever again.

That doesn't mean that the rage will magically go away. I still have unfinished business to take care of. I just have to be careful, physically.

To take my mind off of my plans, I go on my phone to play Animal Restaurant. As I'm playing, someone texts me, completely surprising me.

𝑭𝒓𝒐𝒎: 𝑼𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏

𝑻𝒐: 𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒓

𝑯𝒆𝒚 𝑬𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆. 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒇 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒕? 𝑰'𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑪𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒔 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍. 𝑱𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

I read the text at least twenty times, but I still can't believe what he said. Hell, I can't believe that he even texted me at all.

I feel a bit bad for forgetting about Charlie and Chuck, but then again I was blocking out everyone.

Wait.

How the hell did Ricci know that I'm in the hospital?

Did you forget that he's the fucking leader of a mafia? I wince at that thought because I really did forget. Just for a minute though.