Today I am 14 weeks pregnant. My appointment is in two hours, but I'm dancing in my bathroom instead of getting ready.

I felt a little apprehension towards going back to the place where everything went south. Instead of feeling like that, I decided to just think of it as a place where I get to see my babies.

My 13 week appointment was supposed to be last week, but something happened with my doctor and they had to reschedule.

I was kinda upset about it, but I eventually got over it.

When Dancing In The Dark by Joji begins to play, I stop dancing and just sing along. Analyzing myself in the mirror, I notice that my skin is practically shimmering with pregnancy glow. This is the best my skin has ever behaved in my life and I'm here for it. My eyes then trail down to my breasts, which have gone a size up, and they (my eyes) stop on my stomach.

My belly has popped out, what seems like, overnight and it's now obvious that I'm pregnant. Only 3 months and two weeks in and it looks like I swallowed a cantaloupe. I can only imagine how huge I'll get as the months progress.

I work out every other day (because I like to be lazy), and I eat healthy most of the time (because l love food). My cravings have been spazzing out though. Last week, I woke up at 3am, bawling my eyes out, because I wanted a banana split with pop rocks and dijon mustard, and nobody was there to get it for me.

After I got myself together, I went out and got it myself, and it was the best thing I've ever tasted.

Crazy? Yeah, I know.

Today I decide to go makeup free and I tie my hair up into a high ponytail. I get dressed in a long flowy purple floral dress. I pair it with silver sandals and silver dangling earrings. I look down at my wedding ring, glinting in the light. I go to take it off, but something seizes in my heart when I try.

The only reason I even attempted to take it off was to see if I could. That would tell me that one day I'd be truly happy again and be able to move on.

I'm not ready yet.

I leave my ring on.

Before I leave, I take my prenatals and my heart medicine along with a mango smoothie and a croissant. Daria already left hours ago, and it's nice to know that she's safe in school.

As I'm driving, I keep one hand on my stomach, hoping that the twins will kick. I haven't felt them since that day at the carnival, and I miss it. I hope and pray that they're both okay. I've grown so attached to them and I already love them dearly. I talk to them all the time and I even sing to them sometimes. I know that they can't hear me yet, but I still like to do it.

I'm almost there when I start craving takis, sour cream, and jalapeños.

Groaning in annoyance, I make a u-turn and speed a little to get to the nearest Safeway. I've learned that if I don't indulge my cravings, I will literally cry like a little ass baby. I get on my own damn nerves. So I end up giving in most of the time.

When I get there, I speed walk inside and quickly grab my items. I check out and make my way back to the car.

Daria showed me a Tik Tok on how to make these, so I make them in the car, effortlessly. I then eat them as I drive, enjoying them thoroughly. I only made 4, so I'm a bit disappointed when I finish the last one.

I'm out of jalapeños, but I still have sour cream and takis, so I just dip the takis in the sour cream. By the time I get to my doctor's office, I've finished everything and feel satisfied.

Locking up my car, I start to walk into the building when someone calls my name.

"Ellie!"

I turn around with a big smile on my face when I see Anna and a little girl walking up to me.

In Canada, I don't have any friends and I stay in the house most of the time, so when I see a familiar face, I get excited. That explains why when they reach me, I pull Anna into a hug. Or at least I try to. Our round bellies bump into each other making us laugh at how strange it is. When we pull away, I turn my attention to her daughter.

"And who is this gorgeous princess?"

(

The little girl smiles shyly at me. "I'm Poppy and I'm this many old!" She holds up three fingers making my heart melt at her cuteness. She looks exactly like Anna, only Poppy has very curly black hair while Anna has straight brown/blonde hair.

"Well nice to meet you Poppy, I'm Ellie."

The little girl clings to her mother's leg, peeking at me with her emerald green eyes. "Hi Ellie, are you my mommy's fwiend?"

"Yes, I am. Can I be your friend too?"

Poppy blushes and nods her head yes. I have the sudden urge to pinch her chubby cheeks, but I suppress the grandma in me.

We walk into the building together and in the elevator, Anna and I catch up a little. When we finally reach the office, we both sign in and Poppy runs to play with the toys laid out. We then take a seat where we can keep an eye on her.

"So, how have you been Ellie?"

"I've been good lately. Though these cravings have been kicking my ass. How are you doing, Anna?"

"I hear you about the cravings, but I've been doing good too. But hey, the last time I saw you, you had a little pudge, but now your tummy has definitely popped."

I grin, excited to tell her. "A couple of weeks ago I found out that I'm having twins!"

Anna's face lights up in excitement and she begins to laugh. "Congratulations! I can't believe this is happening! Now I know for sure that we are destined to become friends and probably best friends."

"What do you mean, Anna?"

"I'm having twins too!"

I gasp, not believing my ears. "What?! Oh my God, Congratulations! This is so crazy! Do you know what you're having?"

"Yes, originally I was having a boy, but last week Dr. Watson found my girl hiding behind him!"

I didn't notice until now, but Anna's belly is three times the size as mine. What a coincidence this is!

"I am so happy for you, for the both of us! I can't wait to find out what I'm having, but I have a while to go. How did your husband take the news?"

She rolls her eyes and smirks. "He literally passed out when I showed him the sonogram. It took 20 minutes to get him up! But he assured me that he's happy, it was just shock. Twins run in my family, so I wasn't that surprised when I found out. How did your husband react? Did he pass out like my fool husband?"

I look down at my fingers, the smile easily slipping off of my face. Reality slams into me as I think about her question. I don't know how to answer her, so I just start talking.

"H-he doesn't know yet. Um, his job involves him not answering his phone for safety purposes, and he usually calls me once a month, so..." I trail off, not sure where the lie is going.

Anna gives me a sympathetic look and pats my shoulder. "I'm so sorry that I asked, Ellie. I didn't mean to make you upset."

I shake it off, not wanting today to be a sad day. "It's fine, I'm fine. It's just hard to talk about. I'm not completely alone though, because I have my little sister with me and she's excited enough for the both of us."

The conversation turns back on a happy note as we discuss Daria and Anna's own family. Anna's husband is in the military, hence why he was away when Anna was pregnant with Poppy. After Poppy was born, he took a desk position, within the military, to be closer to them.

Anna showed me a picture of her husband, Calvin, and I admit that he is very handsome. But he has nothing on my Harry.

"How many months are you, Anna?"

She smooths a hand over her belly, lovingly. "I'm a little over six months today. What about you?"

"Today I'm 3 months and two weeks pregnant."

"That's wonderful, Ellie." A nurse then opens the door and tells Anna that they're ready for her. Anna quickly rifles through her purse and pulls out a piece of paper. Handing it to me, she smiles, making a single dimple pop out on her cheek.

"I would love to hang out, outside of this waiting room, so call me okay?"

I nod feeling a whirlwind of happy emotions. She scoops up Poppy and goes with the nurse.

When I'm alone, I quickly put her number into my phone and text her so that she has my number. I then mindlessly scroll through my contacts until I land on a person who hasn't spoken to me in a long time.

Liam.

My finger hovers over his name in my contacts. I want to call him, so badly, or at least text him. He's acting like I did something wrong, when in reality Liam's the one who's punishing me for his own actions.

Before I change my mind, I decide to send him a quick text:

𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂:

𝒉𝒆𝒚, 𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕... 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆

Shaking my head, I quickly erase that and put something simpler:

𝑩𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝑴𝒂𝒎𝒂:

𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 🥳 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘

Before I can talk myself out of erasing the message, I press send. Anxiously, I stare at the screen, waiting for a response.

My eyes light up when I see:

𝑵𝒐𝑷𝒂𝒚𝒏𝒆𝑵𝒐𝑮𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...

𝑵𝒐𝑷𝒂𝒚𝒏𝒆𝑵𝒐𝑮𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...

𝑵𝒐𝑷𝒂𝒚𝒏𝒆𝑵𝒐𝑮𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈...

And then, nothing.

My hopeful face falls in disappointment and a sense of abandonment. Before I can close my eyes, a tear slides down my cheek. I angrily swipe it away and badger myself for crying over that asshole.

I mean, I get if you're mad at me (even if there's literally no reason), but to just completely dismiss the safety of my pregnancy? Liam was there when I found out about them, and for him to not even acknowledge the fact that they're alive and doing well, is... unforgivable.

I know that no matter what happens in the future, our friendship will forever be changed.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Swinging my dangling legs back and forth on the examination table, I patiently wait for Dr. Watson. The nurse had me put on a hospital gown, which was unusual, but she said that it's a part of their new policy.

I detest hospital gowns, but I have no other choice but to suck it up.

Two swift knocks on the door and then Dr. W walks in. Her long grey hair is swirled up into a bun and today she has thin black glasses on.

"How are you today, Ellie?"

"I'm great! Just ready to see them."

She smiles and wheels the machine next to me. "Well let's get started then, shall we?"

She cuts on the machine and squirts the cold gel onto my belly. She then moves the wand around and the sound of their heartbeats fill the room. I stare off into space in wonder at the strange sound. Both heartbeats are fast and they beat almost simultaneously.

"Ellie?"

I turn my eyes to Dr. Watson who is pointing at the screen. My eyes then follow her finger and I see my babies.

"Here is Baby A, and here is baby B. Aww, if you look closely, you can see that they're holding hands. Say 'hi' mom."

With tears in my eyes I manage to whisper out a "Hi."

I will never get used to seeing them. It is a feeling that normal words fail to explain. Hearing their heartbeats is a whole other thing. It shows me that they are alive, well, and thriving. That despite my heart condition, my stress, my sadness, and even my near suicide attempt, they continue on.

After that everything is a blur of sonogram pictures, questions, and prescription refills.

When my appointment is over, I immediately leave and get in my car to start driving.

I drive aimlessly, looking for something but not knowing what it is until I see it.

Finally I notice a cute little baby store and I know that I've found it. Inside an older man greets me and points me in the direction of what I'm looking for.

A black polka dot sign hangs overhead. It reads: Baby Books. For such a small store, there is a lot of variety. In the end, I choose a big yellow baby book. On the cover is a space for a picture of the baby (or in this case, babies). I'm so excited that I don't even wait. I put in the sonogram I just received from Dr. Watson.

When I pay for the book, the older man congratulates me on my pregnancy. It surprises me until I realize that my belly pokes out in the thin material of the dress.

I awkwardly thank him and leave to go home.

On the way home, I can't help but to make a stop at Sonic. Usually I'm not a fan of their food, only the milkshakes, but today I'm craving it.

I order their new oreo espresso milkshake along with four corn dogs. I also find myself still craving jalapeños, but I ignore it.

Finally when I get home, I head straight to the kitchen table with my food and the baby book. I don't waste time to get to work.

I got a book for twins, so I leave their name slots blank. Instead, I fill out my own information and their father's information. Things like:

𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞:

𝐌𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐀𝐠𝐞/𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭/𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫/(𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭)

It asks the same for the father. Then, on the next page it has: Baby's First Sonogram. Thankfully, I don't have to scramble to find them. Every sonogram that I've received, I keep on the refrigerator. Even the copies. I used to give the copies to Liam, but...

Well, you know.

Thinking of Liam makes me think of my other family that I've left in New Jersey. I just spoke with Josie last week, but I haven't talked to the others in a while. They don't even know that I'm pregnant! Well, except for Niall.

I'm fourteen weeks in and that means that my babies are safe. That means that I can share the happy news with my family.

But.

Will they hate me? How will I tell them? Do I want to tell them?

Guilt strikes me in that last question because they have been with me through everything. Even when they didn't know me. But that question also makes me think. If I tell them, would it get back to the whole group of the Pythons? I'm not sure how gangs work, but on Wattpad I read that the heirs of the gang leader took over when they became of age.

It sounds stupid when I really think about it, but I can't help but believe that will happen when they grow up.

Do I want that life for my children?

The overthinking and the uncertainty gives me an instant headache and I groan into my hands that now cover my face.

My barrage of the inner turmoil of questions is interrupted by my doorbell going off.

Grumbling, I take the knife strapped to my thigh out, and make my way to the front door. Who the hell could this be?

Through the frosted glass that is my front door, all I can see is a shadowed figure. I silently curse myself for not investing in some kind of peephole.

Knowing that my dangerous fAtHeR is still out there, it's pretty dumb of me to answer the door. I mean, I'm alone, pregnant, and my only defense is a knife (and my fists).

Does that stop me? Not at all.

I swing open the door, shocked to see who's behind it.

"Niall?"

▪︎▪︎▪︎

After Ellie gets over the fact that yes I'm in Canada and yes I'm standing on her doorstep, she throws her arms around me.

If it were anyone else, I'd be surprised, but this is my best friend we're talking about. What I am surprised about is her round hard belly that pokes into my own midsection.

Of course I know that she is pregnant, but to actually see and feel it is an entirely different thing.

Before I've got my wits about me, she drags me into the cute house and slams the door. In doing so, she narrowly misses slicing off the tip of my nose with the dagger in her hand.

"Hey, what where you swing that thing!"

She laughs like she didn't almost just turn me into Michael Jackson. ( 😂💀)

Only when she successfully pulls me into the kitchen does she put the knife down. I notice some empty food wrappers and a big book that looks like a scrapbook.

"Oh, what were you working on?" I gesture to the kitchen island where everything is spread out. Instead of answering, Ellie wags her finger in my face.

"Oh no, you won't distract me! How in the world did you get here? And when, why, what, and where?

I grin impishly at her and take a seat at the table. "I can't just visit my dear friend? But no, when one is the leader of a gang, they aren't above searching... certain rooms."

"Searching rooms? Whose room did you search?"

I think about dragging out the answer, but see no point in it. "Well Liam's room, of course. Only for your address. Although, I couldn't help but notice a few bras scattered about here and there."

"What?"

By the sound of Ellie's voice, I immediately drop my joking tone. Her cheeks are dark red and her brown eyes are filled with anger. Because I know her so well, I can also see the slight hurt behind it.

"So let me get this straight. Liam kissed me against my will, and then basically ghosted me. Then I'm left agonizing over the fate of our friendship while he's having a romp in the hay with some thot?"

The way she said thot almost made my composure slip, but I kept it together. Instead I reply in what I think is mature tone.

"Are you jealous?"

Her brown eyes set ablaze and it almost makes me want to walk out that door and catch a flight back to New Jersey.

"Jealous? Of course I'm jealous!"

My jaw drops.